The birthday

My birthday was a couple of days ago. I'm not big on birthday celebrations anyway (What??? You didn't know that already??!! :)) but I will readily admit that the influx of phone calls, emails and texts made me feel really good! Especially all those friends and relatives who took the trouble to make a short phone call to wish me. I've loved my 30s so far. It's been much better for me than my 20s. One of my good friends was surprised to hear this and she said "But, we had so much fun in our 20s!". Which is only kinda true, really. A lot of the defining moments and stages of my life happened in my 20s - the undergrad, the b-school, the career, the finding-of-the-soulmate, the marriage, and the mommyhood (yes my 30th birthday was the one I don't like to remember, I was in so much post-partum pain that day!). Several of my best friends are from my 20s. Yes, I did have a lot of fun. But I was still finding myself. I was still parroting the opinions and values of others. I didn't yet have my own voice, which came to me only after I turned 30. I wouldn't say motherhood was a defining transition point but it did hasten the process of me understanding who I am and what I wanted to be. I've done things my way, learnt not to let other's opinions matter as much as they used to, learnt to brush off criticism and learnt to speak up for myself. Just a matter of ageing and growing up, you say? Sure! But the fact is, I couldn't do any of these things when I was a callow 20-something.

So, the 30s are special in that way. Also, I think I look better now than in my 20s and also have a strong sneaking feeling that it's all downhill from here on, so that's another reason to be happy :)

I celebrated by not exercising (hey, its my birthday, I shouldn't have to do stuff I dislike!). Ads made me a cute card. He's been making it behind closed doors for the last 2 days, in fits and spurts. I was commanded not to peek inside his room, ever. He spoilt the surprise somewhat by popping up every now and then to ask me the spellings of "birth", "Aparna" and "dear". My "gift" was the contents of his piggy bank - some 10 rupee notes and several coins of foreign currency which S had discarded :)
A day after my birthday, he came and gave me the card that Y had made, along with him. They'd both forgotten about it! Kids!!!

These Mughals sure knew their design

I'll let the pictures do the talking.

But one thing has been bothering me - I hope someone has the answer. How come such palaces do not exist in South India? Every minor Maharajah up North (Gujarat, rajasthan, delhi, uttar pradesh) seems to have built monumental edifices to their glory. Did the Cholas, Hoysalas, Pallavas, Chalukyas etc just erect temples? As far as I know (I've never visited some of these), Hampi, Belur-Halebid and Mahabalipuram etc are all temple complexes. What have I missed? I have heard of the Travancore palace and seen the Mysore palace, bot not sure if there are any others.

Getting back to Agra, one has to start with the Taj (head bowed in respect for the stunning beauty).

I chose this picture for a reason. This is actually the back view of the Taj as seen from a place called Mehtab Bagh. Totally symmetrical huh? What you see in the foreground is the site and foundation of the Black Taj Mahal, which was supposed to house the tomb of Shah Jahan. However it did not get built because ShahJahan was subsequently imprisoned by Aurangzeb. Our guide said there was no hard proof to substantiate this story/myth. Oh and btw that story about Shahjahan blinding/chopping off the hands of the stonemasons and architects of the Taj is totally untrue. Whew!

Oops....I said I'd let the pics do the talking :)

Moving on.....

Inside the Agra fort, very similar to the Red Fort in Delhi.

Balconies and balustrades inside the fort.

Entry into Fatehpur (the palace complex).

A pagoda-inspired structure where Akbar is supposed to have enjoyed moonlit nights :)

First view of Akbar's tomb - Sikandra.

The lush verdant lawns of Sikandra , with deers romping.

Itmad-ud-Daulah, the tomb of the "man of trust", Nur-Jehan's father, who used to be treasurer when Jahangir was emperor. Caught this as the sun was setting.

Itmad-ud-daulah marked a transition phase in Indo-Islamic architecture from red sandstone to white marble. It is beautiful, off the tourist track (relatively speaking since everything in Agra is on the tourist track!) and sits on a vantage point on the banks of the Yamuna. Very serene.

Look how well-maintained these floor tiles are. And how beautiful.

A section of the wall plus flooring.

I did say vantage point :) Not child-friendly though!

I noticed that all the monuments were beautifully maintained. Lots of trash cans, no spitting, rest-rooms everywhere (clean by Indian standards). The irony was that two of the world heritage monuments - the Taj and Fatehpur complex - were filthy outside. Horses, cows and dogs roaming around everywhere in the entry roads creating a general mess. Sikri is still a functioning village so that partly explains the filth. But I thought the Taj Mahal complex had no such excuse. 

To party or not?

I was going to blog about the trip, but then decided to first write about something else. Which is, public reactions to our joint decision (mine, S's and Ads') not to hold a birthday party for him this year. Why did we do this? There are several reasons. From my experience of several kids including mine over the years, what kids like most about birthday parties is a) the gifts and b) the cake. Everything else - the balloons, the games, the friends - in my humble opinion, is the .....err........icing on the cake. If I held a birthday party in the park, with no cake (Californian-style folks, only vegan snacks! It's happened!) and a no-gifts policy (again, we've been there), is the child going to love it? Nope! I believe, very very strongly, that birthday parties are nothing but ego-boosting exercises. The child gets to feel he is the center of the universe, however briefly. It's a feel-good thing. What is wrong with that, you say? Absolutely nothing! I like birthday parties, when they are someone else's and not my child's (or my own, for that matter!). I want my child to feel special on the day that is far more special for his parents than for him. I want to buy him gifts to demonstrate my gratitude to him for coming into our lives. But do I need to have a big bash to do this? Not at all. So, this year, Ads will have a cake to cut in the evening after dinner. We will all sing happy birthday. He has already been bought tons of gifts and may get a couple more this weekend. He has new clothes. He feels special. He is very very special and he knows it and I want him to understand that having a party will not make him more special. In fact, having a party will add nothing to his birthday experience except a few photographs, and, let's face it, a lot of gifts that he won't like anyway.

So, after all this rambling, what is the point I am making? The point is - I want Ads to understand a few things from a very early age, and I think this decision will allow him to think about some pretty fundamental stuff. At 6, I think he is old enough and mature enough to appreciate these arguments.

1. He does not need to follow the herd. Just because everyone else has a birthday party, does not mean you have to have one too. Yes the active encouragement to dispense with the party was mine but we have been talking about it with him for the last two months. In point of fact, I was mentally prepared for him to reject our proposal and had already made a guest list for the party. The turnaround and the choice was entirely his, and I am very very proud of him today.

2. Birthdays should be about gratitude and reflection. Not about acquisitiveness and show-iness. I've been told that Ads is too young to understand this now, but don't we always underestimate our kids and what they can and cannot understand? I have myself been guilty of this several times. Does Ads "get" it? Maybe, maybe not. Is he "beginning to get" it? Yes, he is. 6 years of having me as a mother has to have had some effect!

3. Make informed and considered choices. This is really a corollary to point#1 above. Any decision that he takes must be dictated by reason. Emotional reasons - hey, that's an oxymoron! More fundamentally, he needs to understand that most of the time, he will have a choice. It's up to him to exercise it.

So, I was talking about public reactions. Gasp! You are not having a party? He is too young for this! Paavom! All I can do is shrug my shoulders. This is an active parenting choice I make, like so many other less unpopular ones :( I want my child to grow up with certain values. Having parties every year goes against those values. Having said that, will I deny him a party if he really really wants one next year? No way. If that's how he wants to celebrate his birthday, I am all for it. I am grateful to him for giving me the chance to demonstrate my opinion this year. Next year, if he says "Amma, your principles are utter rubbish and I think I'm better off with a party", well then, atleast he has thought about it and I am happy to bow to his decision.

I didn't have parties as a kid. There was one for my 1st birthday. I requested one for my 10th birthday and another for my 18th. I had fun on both. I had fun on all the other years when I didn't have parties too. The same goes for S. 

I suspect that another reason that Ads capitulated this year was that with all the moves, he doesn't have a few really good friends that he wants to invite home for his big day. Last year in Noida, the party was at home. He had a couple of good friends and he did have fun playing with them. Now those kids aren't around and he is mature enough to realize that they made all the difference.

If you are going to comment, please I beg you, don't be a naysayer! I don't want to hear it :(( I'm getting enough grief from other quarters for this decision anyway! But if you think I did right, then do comment :)

Thanks UoL!

It's been a very busy 5 days. Chronologically, then.

1. 3-day trip to Agra, Mathura and Fatehpur Sikri. 

2. My b-school roommate, and one of my closest friends, visiting for a day. Yak yak yak.

3. My results. I passed!!!! With distinction!

4. Ads birthday tomorrow, the 25th. 6 years old. And my birthday present - no party! :) Yes I convinced Ads not to have a party this year. This I consider a bigger accomplishment than passing the exams.

So, these were the events of the week. I knew the results were out yesterday but I steadfastly refused to go online. My friend being around helped. I kept the kids home from school, we all went out to lunch, and then shopped around because my friend wanted to buy the kids some toys. By the time we were home it was 5 pm. I was a little bugged because the previous day S had said that he had a gut feel that I would pass 3 subjects and fail in 1. What encouragement!! I finally logged on around 5.30 pm and found (rather to my surprise) that the lowest I had scored was 67%. I called up parents and in-laws, mailed my bro and obviously crowed about it on facebook :)
Relief is the predominant emotion. If I'd known the last 2 years would take so much out of me, I would never have taken the plunge. Ignorance truly is bliss sometimes.

Pics of the trip coming up, hopefully tomorrow :)

Roundup- a third of a year in Gurgaon

A friend whom I met up for coffee the other day (a coffee shop in a mall, where else *rolls eyes*) asked me how I like Gurgaon, and have I become a Gurgaon-ite yet. Nope, I haven't, and I hope I never shall (in the context of the article and in terms of how the writer defines a Gurgaonite). I gave my friend a very honest answer. If you move around as much as we do, you tend not to be too fussy. Indeed, you simply cannot afford to be because then you'd just be miserable. Having said that, both S and I believe that when you move to a new place, you need to go in with a positive vibe and truly believing that it's a city/town/country that you will like, enjoy and explore. (Isn't that true of any new undertaking in life?). If you go in determined to be happy, chances are, you will be. Moving from the US to Noida wasn't easy for us and it wouldn't have been easy even if we had moved to UP from our last-but-one home, Bangalore. The gulf that separates a cosmopolitan city in South India from a city on the borderline of the Hindi heartland is very very large. On the surface, it all looks similar and familiar but people's attitudes and preferences are very different and one has to adjust accordingly. From that aspect, Gurgaon is a much more easier city to fit into. For example, English is much more widely spoken here than in Noida. The large number of MNCs have attracted a large pan-Indian crowd and in our complex, for instance, you hear snatches of every language -Marathi, Gujarati, Tamil, Telugu, Haryanvi, Hindi, Punjabi, not to mention some Cantonese and Korean!

Where we live is very central to all the shops/malls, office complexes and we have 2 metro stations at a half-kilometre walking distance. Every couple of days, I end up with a long list of errands and to-dos and I enjoy walking to our local market, just a 7-8 min walk away. Our grocery store, stationery store, drycleaner, vegetable vendor and tailor are all there and I can't tell you how much I enjoy going into each and every shop. I love shopping local, in small businesses (have I said earlier how much I detest malls? :)))) so this gives me a huge thrill! In the US, S and I would often argue about where to shop. I preferred buying supplies at the weekend farmer's markets but S would always like to shop at Safeway or Target (economies of scale=lower prices). At Noida too, because of where we lived, I had to get groceries delivered home or else drive to the supermarket which just didn't give me that local flavour.
I have recently discovered a walking group, a running group and a drum circle in the city. None of which I have the least intention of joining but what it proves is, one needs to just look a little below the surface and any city can and does yield up pleasant surprises. Yes, Gurgaon is hot and humid and freezing in turns, traffic is chaotic, people are crazy (!!!) and the infrastructure -- I could talk about it if it existed! But well, it's our home for the next few years and all the complaining I'm going to do about it will pertain to the weather only. I reserve that one inalienable right!

PS: Am I blogging too much? I have so much to say. If a lot of it is drivel, ah well...it'll be fun to read it all after a couple of years :)

The score so far - I

Books read in the last month (Thanks everyone for the recos!):

The Great Indian novel - Shashi Tharoor. I really liked this. The Mahabharata theme, and the parallels with modern Indian history were fascinating. Most of all, I liked his writing (this is my first Tharoor book). Very evocative.

The argumentative Indian - Amartya Sen. I was a little hesitant to pick this up even though it has been on my reading list for ages. I've done enough heavy reading over the last 2 years to want to stick to fiction for the time being. But among academics, Sen's writing is extraordinarily readable and clear and I have enjoyed (and learnt a lot from) most of the books he has written. In particular, I love the philosophical approach he brings to economics! I took the book slowly, and it was very interesting. To be re-read.

The remains of the day - Kazuo Ishiguro. Again, a long-pending book. It justified the wait.

The girl with the dragon tattoo - Stieg Larsson. Ok, I don't know about you, but I had got some rave reviews of the Millenium series. I plodded and ploughed through this but failed to understand why it is supposed to be unputdownable. Didn't manage to finish even half. Well - that's 2 books less to read!

Charlie and the chocolate factory - Roald Dahl. Any review needed of this?? I finished the book in 30 minutes flat but I am reading it to Ads, a few pages every day. And I am finding this task far more pleasurable than reading it for myself!

The vine of desire - Chitra Divakaruni. Hmm...so this was picked up even though I did not like her other book - The Mistress of Spices. This one is better but it reminded me of all the reasons why I am not impressed with her writing (ok, ok, personal opinion of course :)). There's too much imagery in it. It's too laboured, too much of a "creative-writing-course" feel about it, when all one needs is for a story to be told in a straightforward fashion. So, anyway, again not impressed though multiple people have recommended the same author's Palace of Illusions. 

More suggestions welcome. This is one to-do list that I like to be as long as possible.

"Be a guest in your own home"

I simply had to share this article, about rediscovering (or, as in most cases, simply "discovering") our own cities and towns. As the author states "Your city is exotic for someone else." So true! Do go ahead, and read. As for me, my master list of "to-dos" in NCR is growing longer by the day. We ain't ticking them off as fast as I'm adding them :))

3-day staycation

While the whole city and his mother seemed to be heading out for the long Independence day weekend, we were staying put in Gurgaon. I thought we'd take the opportunity to do a few things around Delhi that we hadn't managed to do/see yet. Those plans didn't work out but we still had a nice relaxed long weekend.

Saturday, we celebrated Raksha Bandhan. We had invited some friends over for lunch that day so I was busy cooking. I learnt the proper way to make kuzhi-paniyarams from my Chettiar friend! So, true to form, I patao-ed her into slaving over the gas-stove and making them for everybody!! I'm such a bad hostess :((
The same evening, we headed out to a nearby park for the kids to get in some playtime before dinner at Gurgaon's (only?) slow-food, organic restaurant. The food was YUM and knowing it was organic made it taste even better! I would have taken some snaps of the moong-dal chila stuffed with paneer if Ads hadn't been busy projectile-vomiting. Poor guy had a stomach bug and has been on a curd-rice diet all weekend.

On Sunday, we were meeting friends at Hauz-Khas for lunch. The kids love the Hauz-Khas deer park. It's clean, extremely green, has deer, peacock and rabbits, a duck-pond AND a children's play area. What's NOT to like???? The adults like it because it has some kick-ass restaurants, one right inside the park. I adore it most of all because of all the 13th century monuments. It's astonishing and enticing to be roaming down a shady avenue of trees, take a random turn and suddenly encounter this.

Or this,

Or this one.

Today, a rainy overcast day, will be spent indoors doing Hindi maatraas with Ads. He has a test tomorrow. Soooo boring! But a mommy's gotta do what a mommy's gotta do.

Raksha Bandhan 2011

Since last year, the kids have been celebrating Raksha Bandhan. I find it a very sweet festival, a celebration of the wonderful intimate bond between bro and sis. Plus, for lazy people like me, the work involved is so minimal - no dishes to be made, no puja to be done :)

So, on Friday, Y made a rakhi for Ads, with a lot of help from me :) The blue one on top is what she made at school (I'm guessing her teacher made most of it since it's so neat) and the white one with the red ribbon is what we made at home. 

This is the puja thali assembled by both of us :) Brown toblerone for Ads and white chocolate for Y (she won't eat brown!)

Yukta quite distracted while tying the rakhi because she had spotted the gifts!

Ads wanted to tie a rakhi for his sister so we did that too.

I bought small gifts for them to exchange with each other. Y got a pair of hair-clips and Ads got a set of plastic wild animals. Soon after the rakhi "ceremony" was over,  they were fighting like cat and dog over the plastic animals.....sigh...........was all that effort for nothing???

2007 revisited

First, allow me to indulge in some reminiscing. A recollection of the happiest year of my life. Funnily enough, it happened after I became a mom...who would've thought?? :P We moved to the US and I fully intended to look for a job there, after a couple of months of playing with my toddler boy and enjoying his company. What I did not know then was that, I would start having so much fun with him that all plans to work and gain some US experience would fly out of the window. S would say, with a slight hint of jealousy, that Ads and I were (in his words) "on your own trip". And we were. We would be soundly asleep while S left for work around 7 or 8 am. We would wake up, eat a leisurely breakfast and by 10 be outside in the sunshine and clean air, playing in the park. I joined a moms club and the week was filled with kid-friendly events and playdates. Our social life rocked! We'd come home, I'd do a spot of cooking, feed Ads, wait for him to wake up from his nap and in the evening we'd be off again! In 6 months, I knew more about the Bay Area than my hardworking corporate-slaving spouse :)

My defining emotion of that entire year is contentment. I read a lot, ate a lot (put on a lot of weight too!), and enjoyed every moment spent with my child. It was a welcome change from the last few years of work politics and trying to establish myself in a new career, a difficult pregnancy and the challenges associated with being a working mom. There was no past and no future, only the present. 

Now, I have that feeling again, now that the last 2 years of work, work, work, moving, moving, moving and  so many adjustments seem to be behind us all. I feel more settled, more able to focus on the important things and not multi-task as much as I have been doing. That same old feeling of contentment. At the same time, I'm also aware that this is a temporary phase of calm since I have already started (in a languid no-urgency sense of the word!) preparing myself for joining the workforce again. Updating the CV, reaching out to old colleagues, adding new connections on Linkedin and so on. I'm only looking for a part-time, work-from-home assignment and I will hold out for as long as it takes to find something of that nature, in my chosen field. It's too late in my career to second-guess my own choices, be anxious about my prospects and jump into something just because it's available now. 

I'm not nervous about whether I'll find a job. I'm sure it will happen, when it happens and I know I'll know the right one when it comes along :) In the meantime, it feels good to soak (sometimes literally!) in the languidness of Delhi's monsoon (which is still playing hide-and-seek with us Guragon-wasis), and indulge in some 2007-like enjoyments with my little kiddies.
Speaking of little kiddies, we found during our pediatrician's visit last weekend that it is Ads who is underweight and Y (about whose size-zeroisms I have lamented loud and often in this blog) is sitting pretty at the 50% percentile for weight! (Good improvement, huh?) Now when Ads is already a good eater, where do I improve his diet? We've been asked to up the butter/ghee quotient. Ads is helping me by ensuring I add an extra dollop of ghee to his rice/rotis and don't shortchange him :) Of late, since they are learning about food groups at school, he has been annoying me by loudly examining and critiquing the protein/carb/fat/vitamin content of every meal!

Weekend

The weekend was busy. We were out the door by 9 am on Saturday. We split up for efficiency's sake - S with the kids to the doctor's for annual checkups and vaccinations, and me to Y's school for her Parent-teacher meeting. As you can tell, I gave him the harder job :) I had time to kill after the PTM since S was still not done with the doctor, and I had fun browsing through the huge collection of children's books on sale in the school. I don't know if this happens in other cities, but it seems to be a regular feature in many NCR schools. Outfits like Scholastic hold a day-long display and sale of books during the PTMs. In Y's school for example, a large Delhi kiddie bookstore called Eureka was selling books. Psychologically sound tactic I say. If the teacher tells me my son needs more work on his reading abilities, what are the odds I am going to come out of the meeting and grab a large pile of phonics books and early readers???!!! I'm a little wary of such stealth marketing, but that didn't prevent me from buying a bunch of books for Ads (early readers......what....he really DOES need to work on his reading!!!!) I also picked up a bunch of Hindi worksheets. Now that they have started maatraas for him, his lack of knowledge of Hindi words is showing up and at this point we are learning a whole lot of new words everyday and writing/memorizing them.

By noon, S had picked me up and we went ate a stupor-inducing buffet lunch followed by a long nap at home. On Sunday, we visited the Garden of 5 senses in Delhi - a long-overdue outing. It's near the Qutub, just a 15 min drive for us. The garden itself is very nice, very calm and peaceful; full of little steps and cobbled pathways and mazes, in addition to a solar park, a sundial, a lily pond and a chime 'tree'. I stared at the latter tree, forcefully willing it to chime but the air was so still and humid that not a tinkle could be heard :( Clearly, this is not a season for the outdoors. We were all dripping with sweat, me most of all. I kept biting my lip to avoid cribbing which is what I would have done if the kids were not with us. They were not complaining about the heat and dampness - how could I? Some people had told us that the garden was nothing great - Its just a park - that's what we were told. I think so much of what we do as adults, our prejudices and snobbishness, rubs off on our kids. Yes, basically and fundamentally it's just a park, it was nothing fanta-fabulous but if we go around saying " What the hell is this place, why have we come here, look at the lousy weather" and so on, well then we just teach our kids to do the same and NOT see the beauty in everyday things. So, although, I really really wished for some Bangalore-type weather right then, I kept my trap shut and the kids had a blast, climbing over rocks, running through the maze, playing with pebbles and leaves, spotting centipedes and disturbing the scores of cozy couples desperately seeking some privacy from nosy children! Y was most thrilled to spot a tree with lots of pink flowers and insisted on being photographed under it since she was wearing a matching pink dress!

We have bookmarked this place for autumn/winter/spring picnics. We'll definitely be visiting again.

Leaving you with some pictures of the garden.

The chimes that wouldn't!

The lily pond

View of the Qutub minar from the top of a hillock

Can you tell I am fascinated with this monument? It's so majestic!

Veg pancakes

No, this is NOT turning into a food blog!!! I forget my own recipes so easily so I'm looking at this as one way of remembering what I made :) I'm not a great cook but I am passionate about getting my kids to eat right and call me crazy, but I never once mind getting up at 5 am to make the kids' lunch/tiffin. It's a labour of love, putting all that healthy stuff into the lunchboxes. Never mind that one set comes back almost untouched. Sigh. Yesterday Y came back with a sad face drawn on her hand. Apparently the teacher drew it when Y refused to eat her lunch!

So -- back to the food. Ads loves pancakes. I didn't know until a few years ago that pancakes could be made at home without the aid of Aunt Jemima and Betty Crocker :( Ads will sometimes ask me to make pancakes for breakfast (on weekends) or for afternoon snack. The health nut that he is, he will drizzle honey/agave on the pancakes, turning away the chocolate syrup and maple syrup. I love this guy!!!! Anyway pancakes are yummy and all but I thought for lunch I should send something more wholesome. A stuffed dosa or uthappam would be healthier of course, and also it would be nicer if it was eaten warm but we'll just work within these constraints. Ads asked for a pancake, and a pancake is what he got :)

This morning, I used finely shredded beetroot, spinach (palak) and yellow bell pepper. I cooked them in the microwave until well done. 

My pancake batter was comprised of maida, salt, pepper, 1 large egg, milk and baking powder. For additional seasoning I added a tsp of Chinese spices that I had on hand. Don't ask me in what proportions I added everything because I never know that - basically you just need to get the usual pancake batter consistency. I added the cooked veggies to that and mixed them all up, and poured the batter into a greased omelette pan, adding a generous topping of grated cheese. And this is what the pancake looked like.

I was out of hummus so I sent some ketchup as accompaniment. Unfortunately my kids don't eat any kind of chutneys and I am yet to hit upon some chutney which they will like.

Next time I am thinking of making a fruit pancake which would be sweeter and more interesting for the kids (maybe?).

Tagged! Why I read

I've been tagged by Aparna of Life as a Mom to write a post on Why I Read (Thanks, Aparna!). I've been reading for as long as I remember. My more vivid early memories are not of people or places but of Noddy and Amelia Jane, which I think sums up the role books play in my life. In the last few years, after the babies came along and other responsibilities took over, I haven't read as much or as voraciously as I used to; but even today, the feel of a book in my hands is one of my life's greatest pleasures.

Why I read is very simple. I don't read as a form of escapism. I read because very early on, I realized that there is magic in the written word. This magic permits me to do two things. One, enjoy various aspects of life vicariously, without moving an inch (one reason why I love books and blogs about travel). Two, it can move me the way nothing else can. People are moved by different things - maybe art, perhaps movies or music. Maybe something else. But nothing in the non-real world excites feelings of wonder, adventure, joy and sorrow for me as much as a good book. I've been known to be found reading, tears streaming down my face and sniffing sorrowfully; or walking around with a broad smile the whole day while reading a funny book!

Sometimes, when I am very fortunate, I find a book that may or may not have a superb plot line but is so well-written, so powerfully-expressed, words used so tellingly and so mindblowingly that I am just awestruck with the writer's artistry and just...the way he can take the right words and twist them around and put them together to create that perfect symphony of language. I think -- that's when I love reading the most. 

I tag Sangitha and Yuvika. Hope to hear from you, ladies!

Vegetable-paneer cutlets (or somethin' -- need a proper name for these!)

Ever since I got myself a non-stick kuzhi-paniyaram maker a year ago, dishing out afternoon snacks has been a breeze. I love this baby, definitely the single most useful cooking utensil I have ever possessed. For starters, my kids (ok ok one of them!) ADORE kuzhi-paniyarams. Most of the time, most of the idli batter I make at home never gets used to make even a single idli. It gets exhausted just in making KPs and dosas (probably a good thing now that my idlis are coming out like rocks nowadays. In my defence, I learnt how to make idlis using the idli rava instead of boiled rice and I have always got amazing fluffy idlis with it. This rice and urad dal combination mystifies me). Anyways, back to the point. Which is, that the KP-maker is a very versatile piece of work. I have hardly ever made any snacks which involve deep-frying. Both S and I have been health freaks for too long to indulge in more than the occasional pakoda/bajji/cutlet. When we had people over, the most I could bring myself to do was shallow-fry the starters. But with this thingy, I can now indulge in some guilt and oil-free treats and my son will NOT perk up with "Amma, why are you feeding us unhealthy stuff?"!!!

I've dipped paneer, potatoes and green gram dal in batter and cooked in the KP-maker and they've all been pretty good to eat. The recipe below is the one we had yesterday.

First, I made a thick batter of gram flour and rice flour with water, salt and red chilli powder. I cooked peas and sweet corn (in the microwave) and ground them coarsely in the mixer with 1 green chilli, salt and coriander leaves. I grated carrots and and added them to the above mixture and made small balls with my hand. These were dipped in the batter, then coated with home-made bread crumbs. I'd heated up a little oil in each of the compartments of the KP-maker and now I placed these vegetable balls in to cook, turning them over after a minute for even browning. For Ads, I added some paneer to the vegetable mixture separately since Y doesn't care for paneer.

Unfortunately I have no pictures but bar any vegetable cutting/grating, this recipe hardly takes any time. I've stopped buying bread crumbs now that I learnt how ridiculously easy it was to make them at home and we have bread every single day, so I always have a stash of bread slices to work with.

YET - it's still BOILING out here and I was running out to the dining room every minute or so to stand under the fan :) I hope my children remember and are suitably grateful for all the sweating and toiling I have done for them :(

Mini-pizzas

This is a variation of the pizzas that I usually make, except that calling it a pizza is a bit of a stretch of the imagination, being a pizza in looks only! BUT - big advantage - it's very quick and handy especially for the lunch-box meals, not to mention supremely healthy. You do however need to get hold of some whole-wheat pita bread for this, and some hummus (store-bought or home-made) would be great too.

So here's what you do. Take a bunch of veggies that don't need much cooking. I chose red and yellow bell-peppers, zucchini, spinach and carrots, all shredded finely. Mix them well along with salt, pepper and any Italian herbs you have. Cut each pita into 4 and carefully pull off the tops from each slice. On each slice, spread some hummus (or any butter/spread), layer the veggies and sprinkle some cheese/paneer on top. Bake for 2-3 minutes at 180 degrees and you're done. If the pitas have pockets, another idea would be to use the veggies plus cheese as stuffing and then bake.

This picture was clicked just before I put the pizzas into bake mode.

This is what they look like after baking.

This is one no-brainer recipe and next time I plan to use pesto sauce as a spread - that should be yummy! 

Slowed-down Sunday

Ads was sick today, running a high temperature in the afternoon. Towards the evening, I wasn't feeling too great myself and so we two sick-birds were thrown together while S took charge of Y, took her to the park, bathed and fed her etc. Since Ads could not go down to play, I kept him amused by reading a few books together and doing a couple of crosswords. We also retired to bed early and spent a lot of time in the darkness while lying in bed, talking about this and that. He was talking about his friends in school and all the class 'politics' (!) and I was reminiscing about my school days and how we would have to copy the day's notes from a classmate if we were sick and absent from school (how long ago those days seem, definitely in another life!). As Ads and I were chatting, it dawned on me, that because he was ill, today I had been more solicitous, more patient, more present and more caring with him. In short, I had been the kind of mom I strive to be every single day (a task at which I fail spectacularly on so many of those days), and I hadn't even tried all that hard!

Sigh. Now I can't wish that my child falls ill so that I can feel great about my mothering, can I? :(
I'm the kind of parent who tries so hard to do a good job that sometimes I don't enjoy what I'm doing.  I get so focussed on the nitty-gritties of day-to-day parenting that I lose sight of the nurturing and 'mothering' aspect. As they say, the journey is the destination. Today, Ads reminded me of all the reasons why I stay at home with my kids. The companionship, the conversations, the closeness, that should be a part of our everyday lives and ever so often, isn't. Because I am too busy washing dishes or folding clothes or making sure the maid has dusted properly.
When kids fall ill (yes, when mothers fall ill too!), life slows down. It's good when that happens :)
As you can tell, I am in a philosophical mood this evening. I caught the morning show of Zindagi na Milegi Dobara today, with a friend. While it's quite difficult to stop drooling and look past the 3 tall and very attractive lead actors of the movie (!!), what I liked about the movie was the non-preachy way in which it communicated a very simple but oft-ignored and forgotten mantras: Live life to the fullest. Enjoy every moment. Live in the present. Let it go.

Baby steps for Ads and some advice needed for Y

I'd posted just a fortnight ago about Ads being afraid of being left alone at the bus-stop. And yes, yet again, my children have surprised me by behaving out of character (maybe that is in character?!!) Because the mornings are so hectic, with Ads' bus arriving at 7.20 am and Y needing to board her van at 7.40 am, Ads has started walking alone to the stop (which is just outside the main gate of our complex so he doesn't have to cross the road). Most days, S or I follow him to his stop within 5-10 minutes, with Y in tow, and we are there to see him board the bus. This is because the bus sometimes arrives only around 7.30 or 7.35. But on the days it is on time (like today), we haven't been able to make it because we are still getting kid#2 ready for school. I feel a little bad about Ads going alone but he doesn't mind. He's proud that he goes to tennis class all by himself and gets back home after playing in the park, again by himself. These small steps towards independence mean a lot to him, as they do to me. In any case, I am usually around whenever he is down, just in a different place; for example in the children's play area with Y while he is in the lawn with his friends. It helps that the complex is quite secure, tons of guards everywhere, lots of kids/maids and the security staff in general is quite alert and seem to know all the kids. 

He has prohibited me from picking him up from the bus-stop at 2.45 pm, but this is something I said no to. Primarily because, once he fell asleep on the way home and the bus-driver and the bhaiyya did not realize that he had not got down. They were all ready to speed away but then saw me waiting and realized a kid was missing! Since that incident, I have lost a little of my confidence in them. So I go to the stop and wait anyways, risking Ads' annoyance on seeing me! I'd much rather not have to pick him up because I'm forced to leave a sleeping Y alone at home when I am downstairs, but at the moment I don't have any backup.

In the meantime, our old problem has resurfaced. The class teacher at Y's new school has been telling me of almost-daily episodes involving Y hitting other kids. Today, she has bitten some child. I've been feeling really upset because, believe me, I've been on the other side of the fence and I know how it feels when your child tells you that some rowdy element in class hit/bit him:( I've been talking to Y and this afternoon she was visibly angry with me (probably because I kept harping on the same theme). Any good ideas on how to explain to her that hitting/biting/shoving is NOT okay? Her teacher seems a little inexperienced and I get the sense that she's a little out of her depth in handling this. In Y's earlier Noida school, the teachers were very savvy and managed to resolve this issue in no time. I've asked S to talk to her too, and hopefully she will understand why it's hurtful to cause pain to others.

It's easy....just don't eat

I posted this on my facebook page some days ago. The caption was "And this is how we maintain a steady size zero" :))

Chores

At what age should kids start doing more chores around the house, and what should these be? I've been thinking about this because I think it is very very important that kids develop a sense of ownership, even pride, in their home and it's environs. I expect my kids to grow up making their own beds, clearing up after themselves (no flinging schoolbags and shoes randomly as soon as they get back from school!), keeping their rooms clean and in general helping mom and dad around the house. Because it's their house too, and they are not non-paying guests! Ads (and due to his influence, now Y) has always been very good about cleaning up his toys after playing, from a very early age. It was something I always insisted on and they both don't give me any grief over it. Now Ads is definitely old enough to shoulder some additional responsibility, other than keeping his room clean.

When he gets back home from school, he puts away his bag, keeps his lunch sack near the kitchen sink, puts away his shoes, undresses and throws the soiled uniform into the laundry basket and chooses his own clothes to wear after his bath (which he takes all by himself). He has also, most days, been folding his freshly-laundered clothes and putting them away. In the morning also, he takes a bath by himself and would dress himself except that we are in a tearing hurry at that point and can't wait for him to struggle with buttons and straps. At mealtimes, I expect him to put his plate/bowl away and get his own water. Note that technically, I don't even consider any of these as "chores" because he isn't doing anything out of the way but only managing himself and his possessions.

However, laying aside that semantic technicality, are there other easy chores that he can do? I can't ask him to lay the table because we hardly ever have a proper sit down dinner. S eats later than the three of us because by the time he gets home, the kids are usually at the end of their meal and I am just beginning mine. The mornings are too rushed for me to ask Ads to fix his own breakfast (though I could probably do this on weekends). He already makes me a cup of green tea on request :) 

Blast - that's the problem with India - so many of the domestic services like cleaning, dusting, dishwashing and ironing are now outsourced!!! So, does anyone have any suggestions for this slave-driver of a mother? :) Or is he doing well for an almost-6 year old? Have any of you paid your kids (in cash or kind) for special tasks or even general chores? 

Sick, home alone and raring to read

The better half is away holidaying...err...working.... in Johannesburg and dutiful and affectionate wife that I am, I have been sending some malevolent and envious thoughts in the direction of the Dark Continent. Descriptions of how he saw Mandela's house, how he had a multiple course English afternoon tea, complete with scones and 5 different types of jam, and how he is staying in the best hotel in Johannesburg, which hosts the likes of Will Smith and Shakira, is not making me feel good :(

As a result of my vibes, the poor guy has actually not managed to see much of the city and has been staying up till 2 am some nights to get his work done (evil laugh). Okay, I'm not normally this wicked. But two reasons. First - It is freaking HOT in here! Really, I can deal with the heat but the heat and humidity combination makes me collapse. The next person who tells me that I am from Chennai and therefore should be used to such weather is going to get a sharp kick from me. Chennai heat is nothing, read nothing, on Delhi's. It doesn't sap you and make you go all nuts in the head, for one. The silver lining (if that is what it is) is that it has been so hot that it can't possibly get any worse (am I jinxing myself?) and it does feel like the oppressive heat that precedes a good dose of rain. But we'll have to wait and see whether my prediction comes true.
Second reason - I have been down with the viral, again, just a day after S left. The first couple of days were bad, especially the morning hours when I had to get 2 lunches and 2 kids ready for school and out the door by 7.20. Can you blame me for being catty and mean?!! (Hint: DON'T! :)). I was planning to spend the week luxuriating in a few hours of nothing-to-do everyday; instead I spent a lot of it in bed, snoozing and fighting the infection. However, I did manage to sign up for an online library here, a temptation I have resisted for a whole year, in the interest of maintaining my focus on studying. But ...woo-hoo! I can finally start reading again, so please please do send me book recos. It should be easy because a) I read EVERYTHING except management and spiritual books b) I have been out of the reading loop by choice for almost 2 years so I have a lot of catching up to do. Gosh, I feel so happy just thinking about the possibilities! :)

Y's vision update and new school

All good! Her number has changed a little, which the doc assures me may happen often pretty often as she grows. So she has new lenses now and is getting used to them. The thing I was worried about was that we would have to patch the eye. The doc says - no need, for now atleast and she wants to review her after 2 months and see how its going. So Amma and Appa are pretty relieved, for now, and a lot less anxious!

Y has also started school again. It's one of the schools we had considered for Ads. We had really liked it and the reason we didn't admit him there was that kids from Grade 1 onwards were being shifted to a larger and nicer campus almost 10-12 km from our home, which would have been too long a commute for the little guy. But playschool until KG is in a small campus not too far from our place so that's where Y is going. We dropped her off on Friday which was her first day and she, characteristically, was quite nonchalant about separating from us. The teacher even called later to say that she was totally fine and that I don't need to pick her up in the afternoon and they would send her home in the school van! Day 2 is today and she went off without a backward glance, in the school van. The girl astonishes me with her coolness (something she has doubtless inherited from her father), especially because my whole mental framework is so oriented towards Ads personality/temperament. It is difficult for me to reorient myself a whole 180 degrees to deal with Y! Difficult or not, I'm so glad she is strong and phlegmatic. A few days ago, I was dropping Ads at the bus-stop and all of a sudden I realized I'd forgotten to pack his water bottle. There were a few minutes left for the bus to arrive, so I asked one of the other moms to keep and eye on him and ran back to our flat to get the water bottle. BIG mistake! I knew even then that on my return, I'd find Ads crying and guess what - I was right! My sins: #1: I sped off at a second's notice, and didn't give him a full 10-15 minutes to mull over the sudden change in plan #2: I left him ALL ALONE at the bus stop (evidently the 8 other children and their maids/moms did not count as people whom he knows) #3: It was MY mistake that I had not packed his water bottle. If I had packed it, I would not have had to put him through all this trauma!!!! 

See what I mean? :) 

Men, women and work

When I was studying social policy, we were asked to read about feminism and it's history. One of the sub-topics that really resonated with me was the whole subject of women, and work, and the unequal and subordinate status of women in society and work relationships. The central problem for feminist strategy, it is said, is the old debate of equality vs difference. The former, which is the egalitarian ideal, asks for equal treatment for fundamentally unequal people, and the latter, which is the new feminist ideal, asks for women to be treated as different but equal. The dilemma is that the two routes towards EQUAL citizenship that women have pursued are mutually incompatible within the confines of patriarchal society, and within that context, they are impossible to achieve. Women demand on one hand that they be treated on par with men in every respect; the implication being a gender-neutral world. On the other hand they also say that as women they have different talents, needs and concerns, therefore the expression of their citizenship, their rights and obligations, will be different from that of men. These two routes/demands are incompatible because it allows 2 alternatives only: either women become like men, and so full citizens; or they continue at women’s (traditional) work and roles, which is unpaid and seemingly of no value.

Clearly the fundamental issue from a fairly narrow perspective of equal rights, pay and opportunities at the workplace, is that a) women have primary responsibility for household work including children and other dependents, whether or not they work outside the home b) Men are INDEPENDENT to a large extent from such responsibilities. I've always believed that men's independence in this context is a far greater and problematic issue than women's dependence. Unless men are made to fulfil their household responsibilities (chores, raising kids, cooking, all that stuff), and unless such responsibilities become part and parcel of the very fabric of our society, there is little to be gained by cracking open the glass ceiling. The latter is very important, however the real constraints lie in the home, not in the workplace. 

If the patriarchal norms of society are harmful to women, they are also unjust to men. We don't hear of a "Daddy track", do we? I'm sure there are many men out there who'd love to get onto that track! And why should they not if they want to? The answer really needs to come from what would work better for both sexes. Can our communities organize themselves in a way that would allow both parents to give wholeheartedly to their families and children? 

I have a dream - that each country would implement welfare policies which would allow both men and women to pursue their careers (or not). It has been demonstrated that countries with generous maternity leaves actually worsen gender equality prospects as women stay home longer and men continue to.....well....they pretty much just continue as usual!!! Scandinavian countries which have a "use-it-or-lose-it" paternity leave policy actually do much much better in increasing gender equality. I'd love for India to have shared leave in baby's first year (as in Canada), high-quality childcare and lots and lots of flex-work opportunities. When do you think the developing countries will get there? Anytime in the next couple of generations?

The parent who soothes

That's a reference to my husband, not to me. His magic touch is very very evident when it comes to Y, who can be, well, a little strong-willed and picky, to say the least. When she gets that way, she brings out the worst in me because if she is stubborn, then I am stubborn-er! I jump into a childish war of wills to prove that I can prevail, which does no one any good and ends with Y crying her heart out and me feeling like a fool of a bad mother. We have been making the long weary trip to Noida the last couple of weeks to meet with Y's opthamologist, who is going to take a final call on whether or not to patch her left eye. I have my third trip there tomorrow when her power is going to be tested. In order for the test to happen tomorrow, I have been dilating Y's eyes with this ointment for the last couple of days, twice a day. The first three times, she yelled and sobbed and kicked me. I steeled myself, pried open her eyes and slopped some ointment in. Most of it came out immediately because she was crying so much. The fourth time, S was around. All he did was take her on his lap and keep talking to her. She obligingly lay down and opened her eyes wide open for the ointment. Not a squeak out of her!! This morning, she was helpful enough to even ask me whether she should open her eyes even wider!!! What the %$^&*&&^&!!!!!! 

S says all I need to do is STAY calm, NOT communicate my tension to her, and TALK to her. It all sounds very easy and I know how often I have tried to do exactly this in so many situations with both my children. It simply does NOT work for me. Being calm, steady, soothing - these qualities do come naturally to some people. They don't to others! I remember how when Y was young, S would be the only person who could put her down for her nap. He is still the one who can shampoo her hair without screams and bellows issuing from the bathroom :) 

It's good that S is the soothing influence in our family, though I am insanely jealous that he always gets to be the good cop to my bad cop! I'm a details-oriented person and so I am good at the nuts-and-bolts of parenting - the nutrition, the schedules and routines, the organization, the skills-development, the blogging :) S is a big-picture guy, the Guru! Oh well. Whatever works.

He is off travelling all of next week. I am NOT, repeat NOT looking forward to it. Stress-eating, here I come!!

Little things

My little helper, Ads (NOT Y! She's my little diva! Help me? Her?) has picked up a couple of very useful skills. Thanks to our vacation in Hyderabad and his constant observation of his friend YV (whose place we stayed in), he has now started to bathe himself. YV is just a couple of weeks younger than Ads and very independent. So now, Ads manages the entire bathing process on his own, only calling me inside for one last scrub over his back. He reluctantly also allows me to check whether he has bathed properly! The downside is that Y also wants to bathe herself, which I don't allow and so we have a little tussle twice a day - sigh. We have now negotiated that she can mess around with water and soap for 10 minutes and "bathe" herself before I come in and "wash" her. Terminology is so important!!!!

I have taught Ads how to fold and put away his freshly laundered clothes. This last week, he has been good as gold at doing it. I am waiting to see whether the initial enthusiasm continues well past the first few days. He also makes me a cup of green tea (in the microwave) every afternoon if I want it. I've been getting him to do some tasks that he finds difficult. For example, carrying a loaded plate of food from the kitchen to the table is something that is guaranteed to have half the food settling on the floor. We went to Haldirams last weekend for dinner and this restaurant has the seating on the first floor while ordering and self-service are on the ground floor. Ads came downstairs with me to pick up the food and he carried his plate upstairs, very carefully and gingerly. The chole was slopping about everywhere and the bhaturas seemed about to jump out at every step, that's how much he was wiggling the plate! My BP rose several notches because I was sure the whole thing was about to fall on the ground! But we reached our table without mishap. I was proud of him especially because Haldirams is such a crowded place with people jostling you and rushing up and down with plates of food. I realized that this is one aspect of parenting that I really enjoy. I'm not so much a read-books-and-teach-things person. I simply don't have the patience. But teaching life-skills - so important and so under-rated - is something I can jump in and tackle with tons of energy.

The other day, we have having a random conversation and we started talking about products versus services. I told Ads that a product is something that is manufactured, a tangible something that can be seen, felt and experienced; whereas a service is something that is delivered to us, something that we can or do not want to do ourselves. It is also intangible. I struggled with explaining intangibility because I didn't want to give him an example of a service but wanted him to come up with something on his own. However inspite of this expectation, I was a little astonished when he actually came up promptly with a correct example of a service. He said that our maid  was providing a service to us. With some further prodding, he realized that our iron-wallah, car-cleaner, electrician etc, were also providing services to us. Do y'all think it's too soon to explain to him the current trend towards the industrialization of services, the Indian IT model, and so on? :))

A funny incident: Y and Ads were having breakfast. Ads was as usual pontificating (did I ever mention that my m-i-l calls him Professor?!). He told Y "When you have cold-cough, you must drink hot milk." Y responds instantly "And if I have hot cough, can I drink cold milk?"

THE Bond

Is it a good thing or a bad thing that my children play so well together that they have not made any friends in our apartment complex? That they constitute such a complete self-sufficient unit, so happy and content in each other, that other kids are almost superflous to them? It is not all harmony all the time. They fight a lot, too (something I will blog about in a separate post). But overall, they play beautifully together. I often wonder if it's because Ads is a very gentle boy and Y is a somewhat boisterous girl. Did they manage to meet in the middle? :)

In the playground, there are other kids around. But due to a combination of Ads’ natural shyness (something I am working at overcoming) and Y’s ready and ever-willing presence, he is simply not willing to go out there and play with other kids. Ditto for Y. They have loads of fun inventing their own silly games, competing with each other to see who climbs the play structure first, and giggling nonstop. If Ads wants to make a “house” for the ants, Y runs up all ready with sticks and stones for digging the “foundation” for the house. If Y wants to clamber up the slide, big brother is there to give her a hoist up. At home, Ads seems unable to play by himself. He is always inviting Y to participate in his activities, and even resents her naptime because he doesn’t sleep and doesn’t want her to! :(

I realize that this too, may be a phase. A matter of time. In a few months, I may be blogging about their independent interests and new friends. But presently, it’s a daily wonder to me to see their beautiful relationship, their interdependence and their joy in each other. I wonder whether this relationship will last throughout their life. I hope it will. Then I check myself. It is enough, it is more than enough that they have this bond for now; and they have given me the privilege of experiencing it.

Of Kalamkari and Pochampalli acquisitions

In Bangalore, my friend took me to this wonderful shop for Kalamkari work, called Dwaraka. I suppose she knew I would start drooling at the mouth on entering the shop! I picked up a couple of lovely things, including a Kalamkari wallet (mine was way overdue for replacement), some cushion covers and this lovely Toran, which now hangs in my kitchen doorway. Isn't it beautiful?

Check out this Pochampalli Diwan set which I simply could not resist picking up in Hyderabad, at Shilparamam. Yes I am a sucker for all things Indian, hand-made and hand-crafted, especially if they brighten up my house and perk me up every time I lay eyes on them!

That's your eye candy quota for the day! Hope you like them!

Tag - 5 things motherhood taught me

Sangitha tagged me in her post about the 5 things that mommyhood taught me. It’s a tad difficult to pinpoint the (only?!) 5 things that mommyhood has taught me. Well this is what they are currently - I am sure and I hope the list will increase and lengthen as the years go by. There’s always tons of scope for improvement and a feeling of satisfaction when said improvement happens!!!

Here goes.

One - I’ve always been a sensitive, non-judgemental person and even before the babies happened, I was aware of the need to slide more towards the insensitive end of the scale! I have been walked over by many people many times, and my inherent politeness and political correctness left me at the unpleasant receiving end of many conversations and situations. I think what mommyhood did was make me more protective and more confident. As a working mom in 2005-2007, I neither had the time nor the desire to put up with all sorts of rubbish, be it from family, colleagues, or friends. During this period, a major transition in personality happened. How much of it is due to the fact that I was entering my 30s (and knew my mind better and was basically more sorted out) and how much due to mommyhood, we shall never know; but I think it was the latter that had the bigger role to play. So yes, mommyhood made me thicker-skinned, more outspoken, more quarrelsome, more argumentative! Thankfully I managed to hold on to the non-judgemental bit J  

Two - I started understanding the importance of relying on one’s instincts rather than proceed rationally and cautiously all the time. My instincts haven’t always been spot –on (when Ads was a baby, my mother used to wryly observe that in my home, the father’s instincts were stronger than the mother’s! When Ads cried or even turned over in his sleep, S would be up in a flash while I would be obliviously snoring away J). But trusting instincts more than I was used to, was a long haul. I’m not there yet.

Three - Multi-tasking. Need I elaborate? I thought I had it all figured out. An example from day 1 of living in the US. Ads was 18 months old and until that point, I’d never been around him 24-7. S was already at work. He called me at 11 am to see how I was doing and I wailed in absolute agony “I have so much work! We haven’t even had breakfast yet and it’s almost lunchtime!” Yup – we’ve come a long way since then J

Four - After I became a mom, I wanted to be good. Not merely nice, but a truly good person, who would be a wonderful example to her child(ren). I felt selfless unconditional love and so I wanted to be other things that lead to goodness – helpful, kind, brave, caring, generous. For the first time in my life, I really believed that it was entirely possible to be all of those things. Motherhood made me more harried, sure; it also made me a better listener, a more concerned employer, a more sincere worker, a more caring friend. It’s done more to improve my nature (yes, even the standing-up-for-myself and doing-my-own-thing counts as improvement!) than all the self-help books I read.

Five - Mommyhood is deeply humbling. It made me realize how much I didn’t know. You don’t get far enough with books and workshops. It’s like any other job. You learn while on it. And you don’t stop learning because this is a real person with real issues and problems that you have created and moulded. Having said that, as my son gets past his early childhood years, I also realize that I am NOT his only or primary influence and there are many many more factors and people developing his personality. My experiences with Ads haven’t really helped me that much with raising Y, hammering once again into my head that there is so little that I know!

I tag Aparna, Uma, Life_refactored (daddyhood teaches too!), Forever Mother and BangaloreMom. Looking forward to reading what they have to say!

Back!! Part 2 - the kids' summer

The kids had the kind of summer that I am sure I had when I was a child (my recollections are quite hazy). The kind where there is absolutely no structured activity, a lot of free play and lots of idle time, where time hangs heavy but the days just fly past, where one pigs on what one's mother generally doesn't allow (lots of chocolates, anyone?), where one can get away with a mite too much TV......get the picture? With me locked up in a room for hours and unable to moderate their activities, Ads and Y spent a large amount of very high-quality time with both sets of grandparents, visiting the beach and the park, various relatives, several temples etc. They'd spend a good hour wandering about my parent's apartment complex before breakfast everyday, armed with nothing much more than a couple of sticks and a few pebbles. Chaperoned by my father, they quickly established a routine where they would first "clean the entire complex" (my father joked), kneeling down on the ground and using their sticks as brooms. They'd then be spotted sitting on the roof of my brother's Zen, Y's high voice easily carrying upto the third floor where we live. They'd then go for a stroll around the park abutting the complex, chasing butterflies and peering at the odd leech and chameleon. The grand finale would be a ride on my dad's Scooty, with an impromptu stop at a nearby wayside temple.

At my parents-in law's home, they had the company of a few cousins (all much older and therefore better at babysitting!). Ads ran errands, went up to the terrace and plucked tons of raw green mangoes and was very proud to see them converted into pickles and patchadis. We took them to the crocodile farm in Chennai, a PC Sorcar magic show and to Kung Fu Panda 2, and really, that's all the organized stuff that we did. I look back and realize that I couldn't have given them a better summer if we had lived outside India, and if I had tried to structure "productive" activities for them. Probably I should use summer 2011 as a template for all summers to come!!

How true it is that all children need is people to talk to and interact with,  a couple of books, some sheets of paper, pencils and crayons, and only the toys nature can provide them. If I needed any convincing at all about  the uselessness of most of the toys and gadgets parents buy kids nowadays, the last few months would have done the trick. Even as I write this, the children are happily occupied. Ads is animatedly explaining to Y each element of a drawing he has just finished and they are having a real conversation. Ads will do some of his holiday homework, Y will potter around, they'll splash around in the pool in the evenings, ride their bikes, maybe take in Cars 2 (which I am very excited about!!) and before I know it school will resume. They'll still drive me nuts every now and then and when I try to buy some alone time, Ads will press the GUILT button by exclaiming 'But amma, your exams are over....you have to spend time with us!".

Back!! Part 1 - my summer

I'm back home after what seems like a looong holiday, back to Gurgaon from Chennai via Bangalore and Hyderabad. I've missed reading my favourite blogs, blogging and generally being online for anything other than a quick email check. But first things first. Exams are DONE! More importantly, I thought they went well, though I haven't exactly started burning my books yet :) The first paper was good, though I had to scramble (unsuccessfully) to finish it. Knowing too much is a good problem, isn't it?!!! The second paper was an adventure. I was 90 minutes into it (with another 90 minutes to go), when I started feeling really ill. Nauseous, headachy and extremely giddy. I mustered up every ounce of willpower to write fast but with half an hour to go, I was feeling too horrible to continue, so packed up and left and hope fervently that I wrote enough to scrape through. How I got back home to my parent's place, is a haze. I sat in the auto hoping I wouldn't throw up or pass out right then and there. The kids jumped on me as soon as I got home but my mom shooed them away and I collapsed on the bed. Such drama!!!!! I figured that was my body's way of telling me to chill; waking up at 4 am everyday for several months and getting all tense about exams was clearly counter-productive.

The last 2 papers were easy. By that time, I had stopped waking up at odd hours and felt much better, physically. But the last few days were very tough, mentally. Just knowing the finish line was so near, and yet so far - was incredibly frustrating. A friend of mine, who runs marathons, described how he ran the last few kilometres of his last marathon, with cramps in both legs; I felt like that. I'd open my notebook and feel like bursting into tears. I was literally counting down the hours to my freedom, like a prisoner strikes down the days to his release! And release it has been. A big burden has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm not recommending to anybody a course of intensive study with 2 young uns (well, as young as mine anyway!) in the house. Go to work, instead and maintain some semblance of sanity! The low point came one evening when Ads innocently asked me "Amma, when will you be able to spend time with us?"

I buzzed off to Bangalore a few days after the end of exams. I had some long-pending admin work there which I'd promised S I'd take care of. I stayed with some very close friends and had a blast. First of all, just being in my adopted city is a huge mood-lifter for me. I always feel cheerful and happy in Bangalore. It's got something to do with the weather and the friendly people obviously; more than that, it's just the awesome memories I have of the place in all the years that I lived there that create a sort of virtuous cycle of more good times and more good memories. Does that make any sense?!! Long conversations with friends and some relatives over leisurely lunches and dinners, just hanging out for hours and talking, chewing slowly and appreciating tasty food - it's been a long time since I've done any of that. It was a wonderfully energizing two days and I freely admit that I did not miss my kids at all, being this starved for some me-time.

I returned to Chennai, and just a few days later, the kids and I bid adieu to the grandparents and headed off for a 5-day holiday in Hyderabad. We stayed with a good friend who I got to know in the US because her son and Ads were classmates, and who has now relocated to India. Sightseeing with 4 kids, all under the age of 6 - was obviously a challenge. Unsurprisingly, we didn't do much. But what we did was enough and again, the fact that the boys were engaged and happy and my friend and I were able to chat and catch up, was the biggest plus point.

So now, we're back. Unpacked and with another 10 days of the summer hols still left! This has been a summer like no other. The summer I worked like a dog. I couldn't have done it without my parents and mom-in-law, who themselves worked very very hard to keep the kids out of my way, and keep them busy, well-nourished and happy. They say it takes a village to raise a child. It took a village (and then some!) to get me through this course. Oh well, fingers crossed and all that - I haven't passed yet and hope that I will!