An accident

Shortly after we came back from our spring break vacation, Y had a bad car accident. Fortunately for her, it happened just outside her school during the morning school rush. She was driving alone in the car, and was hit by another kid driving 60 mph in a 35 mph school zone. Technically, she was at fault ("failure to yield on a left turn"), but the other kid was speeding so much she never saw him, even after she exercised due caution while turning. 

Our car flipped a whole 90 degrees and came to rest on its side. Thank God for airbags and seatbelts, which saved her life. She was very shaken but thankfully unhurt except for a few minor scrapes and bruises. More importantly, there was no drama or hysterics, and she stayed very calm throughout the whole ordeal. The car was totaled, though, and we had to get a new one at short notice.

Our family seems to specialize in near-death experiences :( 

Thank God we all inherited a sense of humor. For several weeks afterward, Yukta claimed that she had a "new perspective" on life. In the midst of a gossip session, she would deadpan, "I don't judge people anymore" or "I'm a judgement-free zone".

The girl can make me laugh even after going through a traumatizing experience! Cheers to that!

Another School Year (2025)

My Facebook and Insta feed is inundated with first day of school photos. Wide toothy smiles, proud mama and papa bears, the excitement and promise radiating even through the screen. S comes back from his walk and reports how our bus stop was full of enthusiastic kids and relieved parents, some kids going to kindergarten and public school, for the very first time. I immediately wish I had been there. Not that I feel nostalgic for those days. With my children being in a different city and school every year or every second year, these occasions were never happy but instead filled with dread and anxiety. I mostly recall feeling nauseous for the whole day until the kids came back and were able to report being reasonably comfortable in their new environment.

Still...time heals these scars :) I shoot off multiple good-luck texts to friends and neighbors who I know have kids entering elementary, middle and high schools. I know they will be anxious and emotional, whatever the milestone.

In my own home, things are quiet. Y has applied and got a parking spot in her school premises, and for weeks we have been arguing on the advisability of driving to school every day. We the parents insist she can take the bus; she is appalled at having to ride with "the babies"! The babies are all in high school, by the way! For now, she has lent her parking spot to a friend who will be driving to school everyday; in return, this friend will give Y a ride every morning. 

Today, she informs me she doesn't need breakfast. She and her friend will stop at Starbucks on the way and grab something. She requests her favorite paneer sandwich for lunch though. Before I know it, she is out of the house and I haven't clicked a photo like I usually do. 

She is back at 5, and I can already see a halo of stress around her. She reminds me that he is now an "upperclassman". She has begun to predict which of her teachers will be harsh graders. She wants to start a club at her school. Homework has already been assigned on the first day. Junior year, that bogeyman of high school, is on its way :) 

Y's summer so far

Y's summer has been busy. She recently completed her "Behind The Wheel" course and has her official driver's license!! She has been lobbying to take the car to school next year (junior year, 11th grade), and I have been holding the line at 'no.' She started her internship with our school district some time ago, and so far it has been going really great. This is the first time the district has inducted high school interns, and they have been giving them some good projects to work on. I think she will learn a lot.

Y recently won the 1st prize at a local poetry contest. She had submitted on a whim, after I informed her the first prize was $100 :) She hasn't been writing consistently, which is a pity, so it takes a contest or an assignment for her to get over her writer's block. She wrote a poem about social media, which I guess resonated with the judging panel. Here is the poem: 

Post Me Into Memory

I share a thought,

a broken shard of something larger,

held just right to catch the light.

A caption that has been trimmed and rehearsed,

but meant to look effortless.

A photo of my breakfast,

but what I meant was: I am still here.

A sunset flick,

but what I meant was: I wish this peace would last forever.

We chase the dopamine in digital echoes,

Likes captured like fireflies in a jar,

briefly bright,

yet always fading.

But there’s something raw

in this endless reaching-

some deep, human emotions,

woven into pixels and code.

See me. Remember I was here.

It somehow seems like the oldest thing of all-

carving stories into the cave walls,

etching names into the bark,

longing to be forever.

This is 16

Long cascading hair

You’ve learned new terminology

-heatless curls 

-lymphatic drainage 

-contouring 

New brands 

-Edikted (not “addicted”!)

-Brandy

-Uggs (ugh-ly!)

This is 16

It’s so GenX to use punctuation

Her teachers are so annoying

Sometimes she just hates everybody

and sometimes everybody hates her

Size 7 feet

Hands that can wield a makeup brush like a master

Rolling-eye and sarcasm expert 

Tries to make jokes, that fall flat; 

they crack her up anyway

This is 16

Learning to drive

Doesn't know how to parallel park

Doesn't hear you. Hears every word when you’re talking to your best friend on the phone,

or to your husband (about her) 

Loves to talk about her day

Stops in the middle of a sentence 

when she realizes it's TMI

This is 16

Dramatic. Independent. Opinionated. 

Loves to loll in her bed

in her messy room

clothes and makeup everywhere 

She needs you

except when she doesn’t

and she is “over stimulated” and can’t bear you being close

This is 16

Sometimes she is a social butterfly

and sometimes she has social anxiety

She needs things to be aesthetic 

She can tell at a glance that you made an ugly PowerPoint 

She always smells amazing

Sometimes you shower in her bathroom because she has better products than you do

This is 16

Graceful. Radiantly beautiful. 

She scrolls through her phone on the couch 

For a second you see a glimpse of the little girl she used to be, glasses and all. 

You insist on showing her old baby pictures

and she smiles tolerantly 

This is 16

More dazzling and complicated than you ever imagined it would be 

Those playground squabbles and make-believe games? 

You smile at how simple it seemed then

What you thought they were testing your patience and your resolve, 

that was just some limbering up

for what’s coming 

In 2 years she will spread her wings

You push that thought away

For now

it is enough that she wants to cuddle up with you before you go to sleep

(you always go to bed before her)

That she usually wants to watch a rom-com with you on the weekend 

that you can both groove to Hamilton and Mamma Mia

and you can both cite every dialogue from Notting Hill 

For now, it is enough 

That she likes to shop with you 

and sit alongside on the floor at Barnes and Noble

nose deep in a book 

That you change her sheets every week even though you scold her for not doing it 

That you can still make her favorite vodka pasta 

That she still sends you a text that just says 

mummmmmaaaaa

This is 16

This is magnificent

2023 Recap

What a whirlwind year 2023 has been! 

THE most eventful year of our married life. 

January - we started seeing our new house coming up. What had been mud and stones in late 2022 started taking shape slowly.

I went to NYC for a few days of Board meetings (where I was inducted as Board Chair), followed by a very adventurous road trip in Arizona with my dear friend J.

The minute we landed in Phoenix, S told me the good news that Ads had been admitted to UW-Madison.

February - I joined my lovely Zumba class. 

The four of us went to DC to see Jerry Seinfeld in the flesh. 

March - Spring! Lots and lots of lovely flowers and sunnier days. We went to DC and Maryland to see the cherry blossoms.

April - To the coast (Hampton) for spring break, a nice week staying in a quiet airbnb. 

I participated in the World Bank Spring meetings in DC and moderated a panel on Climate and Health, which I was super nervous about. There was a lot of prep involved and we didn't have a great turnout but it was a good experience. 

We closed on the new house and my cousin and her husband came over and did a small pooja for us.

We got a lot of vendors into the house for putting up blinds, closets, etc etc.

May - Yukta had her homecoming dance. 

I went to Bangalore on work. Also spent a few days with my folks in Chennai and with friends in Bangalore. Bonus: Attending a close friend's son's poonal and a niece's engagement in Chennai.

However, my trip meant that I was not there for S's birthday this year. He and the kids went to New Jersey to attend a family wedding when I was away. 

June - The craziest month of the year! It started with Ads' high school graduation just a day after I landed back in the US.

My colleagues from Bangalore visited for a few days of meetings in DC. 

As soon as the school year ended, we moved into the new house. It was a real pang leaving our Chantilly home of 5 years. 

We worked like mad getting the house in order and within a week left for a few day's break in Chicago and then on to Madison for Ads' orientation. Blown away by the beautiful campus and the clockwork manner in which the parent's and student's orientations were organized.

Met my old college buddy Sow after 20 years!

July - Watched the Independence Day fireworks with Y, live for the first time.

S's parents arrived. 

We went on a road trip to Philly and New Jersey, where we also had a mini IIMB reunion. S then took his parents to NYC while I came back home with Y

August - S took his parents to Niagara Falls.

My mil's bday and Ads turned 18!

We went to Ocean City for a few days to celebrate the last days of summer. We also visited Chincoteague and Assateague. It was a lovely trip with warm sunny weather. 

Y started her freshman year in the new school. 

We dropped Ads at his new home for the next 4 years - Madison. 

September - My birthday! I went to Houston for my uncle's 60th birthday pooja.

Then to NYC for UN week. It was my first time at UNGA and NYC was even crazier than usual. Great experience speaking at a panel on reproductive justice and meeting lots of folks. Bonus: spending time with my friend J.

S started a new job at Stout, ending a solid 11 years at Grant Thornton.

October - Trip to Shenandoah NP.

Golu at the new house, our biggest one yet and the first time I have a proper stand. Invited a ton of people and for 3 days the house was buzzing. 

The fall colors in 2023 were spectacular and S and I took many many walks documenting the vivid foliage. 

We went to Hershey's Chocolate World for my fil's birthday and he was like a kid in THE candy store!

November - Y's 15th birthday.

I went to upstate New York for a conference.

My in-laws returned to India.

Diwali. My neighbors and I organized a get-together with food and fireworks for the community which was a lot of fun. 

Ads came back home for Thanksgiving and we had a nice lunch at my cousin's place. I learned how to make mashed potatoes and gravy!

Our new dentist found a worrying cyst in Y's mouth and she had to have a biopsy. It turned out to be a benign water cyst which needed a second surgery to remove.

December - Yukta's surgery to remove the cyst and subsequent few days of recovery. 

We went to the Dominican Republic for a few days and it was a gorgeous and relaxed finale to a super eventful year.

Whew!!

We hosted a lot of people last year- lots of lunches, dinners, and high teas (the last with our new neighbors in a bid to get to know everyone better), plus family who came to stay. My culinary skills definitely improved. I learned how to make Indian bakery-style vegetable puffs from scratch, and other things with puff pastry. 

Grateful for all the relationships we were able to nourish, all the transitions we navigated with relative ease, our new house with its beautiful mountain views, and neighbors all of whom are really nice and friendly. 

Lots of things to look forward to in 2024. But that's another post!

3 years of school - recap

3 years completed in the public school system in the US, and the kids have grown and blossomed. Well beyond my wildest expectations. When I think of the anxiety I experienced in July/August 2018, it feels almost absurd that I should have been so scared. But worrying is a parent's prerogative and burden; thank you to Ads & Y for showing me what resilience is all about and for taking the good bad and ugly in your very smooth stride. 

Reflecting on the past 3 years, some strange and some interesting happenings:

1- Y and I standing in line to pick up Advaith's laptop in middle school, the teacher mistaking Y for the incoming student (8th grade) and profusely welcoming her until I corrected her and said that Y's brother is actually joining. Y was happy that she looked taller and older!

2- A horrible afternoon on the first day of school. Ads' bus from middle school was late, and he wasn't on board! Made the driver call the school. They said he had missed the bus. Rushed to his school. Couldn't find him anywhere. In full panic mode now. Realized I was getting late for picking up Y so rushed to her bus stop. Fortunately, she was on board. Quickly dropped her home. By now, am almost in tears and at wit's end. Suddenly a phone call, Ads using some random stranger's phone. He had taken the wrong bus and also got down at some stop that he didn't recognize! Fortunately, it was not far away. Told him to stay put and jumped into the car (again!) to pick him up. All this in 100-degree heat and 90% humidity.

That same evening, marched Ads to Verizon and bought him a phone! Later on, the same kind stranger from whom Ads had borrowed the phone called to ask if everything was okay :) 

Where was S in all this? Travelling as usual!

3- Colonial Day in Y's school where I volunteered for several hours, and watching Y dance colonial dances, play the violin etc. 

4- Watching 4th grade perform a musical based on the Wright brothers 

5- Last week of 4th grade and a lovely pancake breakfast in the classroom. I volunteered and got to meet other moms and make pancakes. The homeroom teacher got sudden back pain/muscle spasms and started crying. Dramatic ending to a fun morning!

6- Y contracting the flu just a day before a much-anticipated field trip to Yorktown and Jamestown. She was so upset. 

7- Proud parents watching Ads make the honor roll in 8th grade, and getting a prize for best student in English 

8- Open houses in 8th and 9th grade, and wandering bemusedly through school corridors, wondering how my kid would ever navigate the confusing layout and crammed daily schedule! He could, and he did :) 

9- Working on the 8th-grade science fair project, and helping make Ads' charts 

10- This year, proud of Y for getting a President's Education Award Certificate for outstanding academic excellence, one of the few in 6th grade in her school. It is given to graduating elementary school students who maintain a certain high level of academic performance (in Y's case, in 5th and 6th grade) and get atleast one "Pass Advanced" in the state exams. It was totally unexpected and a lovely surprise. 

11- Being able to participate in the many wonderful events and activities planned by the school staff, teachers and the PTA, for graduating 6th graders. Car parade, a virtual promotion, a field day, a memory walk etc - truly they made it a very very special send-off. I was very skeptical of all the tamasha initially. What's the big deal, I thought? Much ado about nothing. But it is a cute rite of passage as these kids transition from carefree elementary school to becoming responsible teens. Middle school is a different ball game. No one is going to handhold you or spoonfeed you. You are accountable and responsible for your grades, cocurricular activities, and your schedule. Parents and teachers are no longer going to support you as they did in elementary. In fact, parents will rarely even know what's going on. I am glad that we got to experience this with Y. 

Here's to summer, and new experiences in middle school!

Yard signs for all 6th graders

Memory walk 

Random acts of kindness

I took Y to get her first Pfizer dose today and the lady who administered the vaccine was so kind. She patiently explained everything about the vaccine and its side effects to Y, including me in the conversation (unlike most docs and nurses in this country who insist on talking only to the child!). She answered my questions about scheduling the second dose. She also cleverly asked Y a question about what she (Y) was going to do once she went back home, and while Y was thinking about it, deftly jabbed her arm!

She must have seen so many people today. I know she was just doing her job; but nowadays, I am moved by any small display of consideration and kindness. Someone holding a door open for us, or smiling under a mask, or moving aside on the trail to make way for me as I race past huffing and puffing; the tiny courtesies that are so much a part of pre-pandemic life feel novel and unfamiliar. Like a precious gift, forgotten in a dusty corner that I have serendipitously discovered now. 

We just got an email from Y's school principal that an ex-teacher had passed away. Turns out she is the mom of Y's classmate and succumbed to breast cancer. She leaves behind two young kids. Another random act of kindness - this classmate's dad had met Y one afternoon, several months ago, when she had gone out for a run and got lost. He met Y on the road and she asked him for directions and he walked her home. As they walked, he asked her where she studied and informed her that his son was in the same class as Y.  I was very grateful to him that day. That tenuous connection makes me feel doubly sad for him, his 2 kids, and his family now.  How do people deal with losses of such magnitude? Those kids' entire lives will now be coloured by the loss of their mom at a tender age. 

2021 and a memory

2021 is here! It started with some crazy scary scenes at the Capitol (in our backyard) on Jan 6th, a high with the Presidential inauguration on the 20th (which I would have totally attended if there was no COVID/security concern), and a fair amount of snow for us here in Virginia! We are in February already. The kids are done choosing their core courses and electives for the next academic year. Ads goes to junior year (11th grade) and Y starts middle school (7th grade). There is a heck of a lot of fuss being made about the elementary-to-middle school transition and I have been feeling most amused by all that. Parent orientation night, school orientation for rising 7th graders, curriculum night, and whatnot.  

Meanwhile, Facebook shared this memory- a note written exactly 10 years ago when Y first started wearing glasses. She was about 2 and a quarter years old at the time. I remember random aunties accosting me in the elevator, park, etc, and dispensing free advice. I used to be consumed with impotent rage but rarely had a good comeback to their hurtful comments. What used to drive a spear through my heart though, was the silent look Y would always give me during these times. She was a tiny thing, always clutching my hand, and while not very verbal, could understand that the aunties were talking about her and her glasses. I was SO glad when she grew older and there were lots of kids her age sporting glasses! 

Some really weird reactions and comments to Yukta wearing glasses:
1. You didn't feed her enough carrots and pumpkins. (It's always-always-the-mother's-fault theory)
2. She looks so underweight, I knew some problem like this would crop up (Aah - benefits of hindsight)
3. Chuck the glasses, docs don't know anything, her eyes will correct themselves. (big thumbs-down for medical advances down the centuries)
4. (This is the best one) No need to wear glasses, just pour a tsp of castor oil+honey into her eyes every morning. (Yea for home remedies)
And it's only been 2 days!!! Why are people so judgemental and self-satisfiedly all-knowing????