Wednesday 27 July 2011

Baby steps for Ads and some advice needed for Y

I'd posted just a fortnight ago about Ads being afraid of being left alone at the bus-stop. And yes, yet again, my children have surprised me by behaving out of character (maybe that is in character?!!) Because the mornings are so hectic, with Ads' bus arriving at 7.20 am and Y needing to board her van at 7.40 am, Ads has started walking alone to the stop (which is just outside the main gate of our complex so he doesn't have to cross the road). Most days, S or I follow him to his stop within 5-10 minutes, with Y in tow, and we are there to see him board the bus. This is because the bus sometimes arrives only around 7.30 or 7.35. But on the days it is on time (like today), we haven't been able to make it because we are still getting kid#2 ready for school. I feel a little bad about Ads going alone but he doesn't mind. He's proud that he goes to tennis class all by himself and gets back home after playing in the park, again by himself. These small steps towards independence mean a lot to him, as they do to me. In any case, I am usually around whenever he is down, just in a different place; for example in the children's play area with Y while he is in the lawn with his friends. It helps that the complex is quite secure, tons of guards everywhere, lots of kids/maids and the security staff in general is quite alert and seem to know all the kids. 
He has prohibited me from picking him up from the bus-stop at 2.45 pm, but this is something I said no to. Primarily because, once he fell asleep on the way home and the bus-driver and the bhaiyya did not realize that he had not got down. They were all ready to speed away but then saw me waiting and realized a kid was missing! Since that incident, I have lost a little of my confidence in them. So I go to the stop and wait anyways, risking Ads' annoyance on seeing me! I'd much rather not have to pick him up because I'm forced to leave a sleeping Y alone at home when I am downstairs, but at the moment I don't have any backup.
In the meantime, our old problem has resurfaced. The class teacher at Y's new school has been telling me of almost-daily episodes involving Y hitting other kids. Today, she has bitten some child. I've been feeling really upset because, believe me, I've been on the other side of the fence and I know how it feels when your child tells you that some rowdy element in class hit/bit him:( I've been talking to Y and this afternoon she was visibly angry with me (probably because I kept harping on the same theme). Any good ideas on how to explain to her that hitting/biting/shoving is NOT okay? Her teacher seems a little inexperienced and I get the sense that she's a little out of her depth in handling this. In Y's earlier Noida school, the teachers were very savvy and managed to resolve this issue in no time. I've asked S to talk to her too, and hopefully she will understand why it's hurtful to cause pain to others.


  1. wow.. we still haven't the confidence to let our 5 year and 2 day old girl to venture out of the house by herself.. great going.
    Biting or hitting is not fun on either side of the camp :(. Maybe she retorts to doing this when she is unable to respond to a situation. I used to hit my sister all the time when she would taunt me verbally and i used to get easily upset and did not(still do not) have the necessary verbal skills to give it back to her.
    On the other hand, my son is ready to hit someone else if they cross his boundary..(read: Touch his toys) :)

  2. Wow..Ads is doing well for himself..way to go!!
    Hopefully hitting is just a phase like many others and will disappear on its own. Agree with Life_Refactored when he says its not pleasant on either side of the camp. R is generally mild when it comes to retaliating with other kids so that worries me sometimes...

  3. Yay Ads !! That's really such a difference to what you had posted earlier - wonderful how kids rise to the occasion and make your life easier isn't it !!

    Y's behaviour will hopefully settle down soon - I hope your talking and explaining will make her understand or you are soon able to figure out if there's something in school bothering her.

  4. This one's just to say you've been tagged!

  5. There are some lovely books to help kids with this, Aparna. The Bruno Bear/Bubbles the Monkey series is good (though not sure if it's too baby for her).

    I got the entire Bruno and Bubbles series when the kids were a bit younger and now get these old books from US libraries that talk of handling your emotions. I tried looking for those online but can't seem to find them.. shall search a bit more. Something similar to this.

    Also, it's good to teach a kid to count backwards from 5 or 10 depending on how angry they are (so the focus is figuring out if they should count from 5 or 10!), breathing deep and closing eyes. And encouraging them to tell in words what's bothering them to the other side.

    Have been there on both sides. And it's tough. It has taught me to be a bit more tolerant/not make a big issue for when my child is hit. Either ways, empowering the child is the only way...either to report an offender or to communicate the hurt/anger/sadness that comes when someone crosses our kids' boundaries.

    You hang in there. Firm shoulder squeeze from Bangalore. They have to just grow out of some things.

  6. @life_refactored: I think the only reason ads can venture out on his own is because its a gated complex and we *feel* that it's safe. Having said that, one can't just let them run loose anywhere. I also do feel like u said that since Y does not have the necessary verbal skills to deal with a situation, she resorts to hitting.

  7. @Uma: I'm sure R will grow up to fend for himself -- don't worry :)
    @Aparna: yes, thanks, she has been good for 2 days and hopefully the message is sinking in.

  8. @sangitha: Thanks for the book tips and shoulder squeeze :) A friend did pass on the entire bruno/bubbles series to us and we read them regularly since y likes them quite a bit.


I would love to hear your thoughts :)