2022

January 1st, 2022. An unseasonably warm day and I spent the first few minutes after waking up inhaling the cool fresh air, watching the soft raindrops soak the ground, and listening to the sweet sound of birdsong. What a positive, uplifting way to welcome the new year! I have been feeling very grateful for the gifts that 2021 has brought to us. The continued good health and good spirits of everyone in close family circles (no Covid cases!). The kids being able to attend school in-person, the freedom to go out to a restaurant and watch a movie without worrying (too much) about the after-effects. The freedom to travel, experience new places, and meet family and friends. Every one of these a precious blessing that I have cherished to the hilt. 

It feels to all of us that 2021 was such a disappointing year, and in many years it was- just without the novelty of 2020. Once again, the pandemic upended lives and families and created an unending saga of frustration and despair. Yet we all got vaccinated (boosted in some cases), accustomed to our different-looking lifestyles, and started limping back to a new normal. Omicron notwithstanding, I feel optimistic that 2022 will be better. 

We spent Thanksgiving in Seattle with my brother and his family, which was really nice. We had vague plans for heading to India for the winter break but that did not materialize and we instead headed to California/Nevada for a vacation in Vegas, Death Valley, and Los Angeles. The kids thoroughly enjoyed wandering through the casinos, playing golf, and visiting Universal Studios Hollywood. We came back home on Christmas Day, and have been spending the rest of the break doing various errands - opening bank accounts for the kids, getting Ads his Covid booster, and a couple of trips to the DMV for acquiring his learner's permit. In addition, I spent time connecting with various friends and cousins etc; something that is becoming an annual ritual and one that I very much enjoy. 

S & I had our annual physical a couple of months ago. All is well except my nemesis, low hemoglobin levels (something I have been struggling with for years), and slightly high triglycerides (a new development). Have been trying to reduce sugars and saturated fats from my diet with a small degree of success. 

I hope to be more frequent with my blogging in 2022. I am proud of how many books I read in 2021 (59 was what I recorded in early December but I finished 2 more by year-end) and hope to continue that streak in 2022 as well. 

New books

Of course I'm cribbing about having to do it....

But there's a certain pleasure in fingering the books for the new school year, and settling down with cellotape, scissors and pen to cover and label the textbooks and notebooks. 

The scent of new unsullied books, and the sense of a new beginning.

Plus we have been issued recyclable covers for all the books, which is nice but also weird because I thought brown paper was also recyclable? But it's a vast improvement over the plastic covers that we were given last year. 

Durbar

The review of "Durbar" by Tavleen Singh in some newspaper or the other prompted me to buy the book. I haven't read any of this veteran journalist's other books but assumed it would be an interesting read. And it was. The story starts with Tavleen as the newbie journalist, learning the ropes as Emergency is declared in India. She gets to know people close to the Gandhi family and is privy to intimate dinner parties and social occasions where she meets Rajiv (then still a pilot), Sonia and the other Gandhis. Her impressions, good and bad, of the Gandhi clan are interspersed with various assignments across the country - Operation Bluestar in Punjab, Kashmir and later the IPKF intervention in Sri Lanka.

The book is racy and gripping. I got to thinking about what a monentous decade and a half that was - the Emergency onwards to Rajiv's assassination in 1991. There are a lot of memories, too many in fact.

Chennai, 1991. I remember my grandmother rocking back and forth on the sofa near the TV in our flat that hot summer day when Rajiv Gandhi was killed in Sriperumbudur. Enna azhagu, enna azhagu (how handsome, how handsome) she kept saying, tears streaming down her face, distraught at the gruesome manner of his killing.

Meerut, 1982. I remember my mom sleeping for several nights with a kitchen knife under her pillow because there were communal riots in the city and in our locality, and my dad was away. I must have been as old as Ads is now, and my brother about the same age as Y. I'm not sure whether I was frightened then. I know that the mere recollection of it gives me palpitations now! One night, we had a violent mob baying at the gate. Were they Muslim - I assume they were - otherwise why would they come attack a Hindu home in a predominantly Hindu locality? Amma fled with 2 half-asleep children across the connecting door to our landlord's house. We rushed to the terrace and hid ourselves and some of the family members threw down stones and other handy items at the mob. I have no recall of what happened later and how we escaped lynching or worse; I keep thinking about how brave my mother was and how terrified she must have been.

Lucknow, 1984. I remember that morning on TV and hearing that the Prime Minister had been shot down by her Sikh security guards. There were angry crowds roaming the streets, attacking Sikh neighbourhoods and homes. They were barging into every house and demanding to know whether any Sardars lived there. All I could hear from the inside of our house was a loud angry hum. There was an atmosphere of deep tension in the house. Amma asked me to keep writing Sri Ramajayam in my diary and that monotonous exercise calmed me down. Incredibly scared, I focused all my energies on filling up the pages and with every letter I drew, I prayed really hard that the mobs should go away and peace return to our street and the city.

I was left with a lot of admiration for this gutsy lady journalist who went willingly into some very dangerous situations, spent years following political campaigns and travelling the length and breadth of the country, and hobnobbed with the high and mighty of the land.

Yes, those were stirring times. Durbar brought all those years back in bright technicolour. I think for that reason alone I liked the book, spicy backroom palace gossip and all. Sometimes all you need to enjoy a book is a large dose of reminiscences!

Y's unanswerables, and Ads'

I'm reading this book called Cinderella ate my daughter by Peggy Orenstein. I'll review the book once I'm done with it but the chapter I was reading put me in mind of some of Y's tough questions. The book says (I quote):

.....Regardless of how we dress them or decorate their rooms, when they are tiny, children do not know pink from blue. Then the whole concept of labeling kicks in - sometime between the ages of two and three, they realise that there is this thing called "boy" and this thing called "girl" and something important differentiates them. But whatever, they wonder, could that be?

......Until around age five kids don't fully realize that their own identities (and their own anatomies) are fixed. before that, as far as they are concerned, you could grow up to be either a mommy or a daddy. And they don't understand that other people's sex stays the same despite superficial changes until as late as age seven.

Moving on to some questions Y has stumped (and regaled) me with.

When I am big like you, will I still be a girl?

Is Thatha (grandfather) my husband?

When I grow up, my husband will be Anna (Ads).

My friend S has short hair. Is she a boy or a girl?

I want to pee standing up like Anna. Why can't I do it?

Why don't I have what Anna has (she is NOT talking about a toy here!)

When Anna wears a hairband, he looks so cute. Why can't he wear a frock? (Why indeed!)

 

Why did nobody tell me I'd have to answer such questions?!!

Of course, these are chicken-feed compared to the one I got from Ads. He scans the front-page of the newspaper every morning, I knew the question would come and I was surprised he took so long to ask me. However I was still unprepared when he asked me what "rape" was. 

Kids don't, simply don't, need to know what rape is at this age. Not boys, not girls. When I read of little girls being violated, I am filled with impotent rage. 

Note to self: It's a big bad cruel world out there. Figure out what to tell Ads if he asks you again. I've always answered his questions (even if it took me a couple of days to google and get the answer) and this issue needs to be treated with due sensitivity and caution, especially since we cannot escape the big headlines in the paper everyday. Any ideas, people?

Reviews of two Tulika books

I picked up a bunch of books from Tulika lately, based on what I thought Ads would like, and what he should be liking (yes, quite the Nazi mom here!!).

The first one was a book on Indian Dinosaurs (I didn't know we used to have any!) called Stone Eggs - The story of Indian Dinosaurs by Helen Rundgren. I was sure Ads would love this one, being nuts about all things animal these days. He has quite made up his mind to be a zoologist! Yesterday he was quite worried whether he could be a zoologist as well as a paleontologist :) The story, for story it is, is about a brother-sister duo who accidentally discover a bunch of sauropod eggs while vacationing in their grandma's village. They meet a palaeontologist who is excited with their find and through him, they learn about the different species of dinosaurs who existed in the Indian landmass millions of years ago. The book is lucid with and easy-to-read text for a 6 yo, and cute and colourful illustrations. A good starting point for beginner dino-lovers and yet engaging enough for more knowledgeable kids.

The second book I picked up was Barefoot Husain by Anjali Raghbeer. Now I do want my scientist to also have an artistic sensibility :) Tulika has a series of books on art and artists - Jamini Roy, Amrita Shergill, Ravi Verma are some of the others. Having taken Ads to the NGMA and some art shows, the names are not wholly alien to him and I started with Husain because he was particularly interested in his work when we visited the India Art Fair in January. Specifically he thought the horses looked very majestic and he thought Husain must not have been great at drawing expressions on faces and that's why his faces were blank :)
This book goes into flashback mode on Husain's early years, interspersed with his famous paintings. There's a fair back of flitting back and forth in time and the whole narrative happens in the imagination of a little boy who has been taken on a field trip to the Modern Art Museum. I think some of that was fairly confusing for Ads, but on future readings, perhaps I'll focus more on the art and less on the narrative. I'm looking forward to picking up more books on the series.

The third and final book is The Snow King's Daughter by Sowmya Rajendran. We haven't yet found the time to read it but it seems like a good opening to discuss a rather sensitive and weighty topic, so I am looking forward to Ads' take on the book. He gets somewhat hamstrung by his sister, who insists on sitting with us when we read and offering her valuable comments :) Case in point: We were reading Hanuman's Ramayan (another great book and the first one I read by Devdutt Patnaik) and discussing it when Y piped in: But tomato-kku enna aachu (What happened to the tomato?)
Me and Ads: Huh? Tomato-aa? What? Which tomato?
Y: Adhu-la tomato irundhudhey!
Ads (in disgust): There's no tomato in the story, Kondila! (The last word is what he calls her when he wants to annoy her, no one knows what it means but it makes her see red!)
Y: Waaaaaa....!!! (effectively ending the reading session, which I am sure was her intention all along!!)
I'm not sure how often I will post kiddie book reviews here, but I will try and post whenever we read something that is exceptional or different. Since we read a lot, hopefully that should not be too difficult!

Reading and more

It's taken Ads a while to start reading all by himself. Atleast, I thought he would be reading a lot earlier, and somehow I had the mistaken impression that kids in India start reading by 3.5 or 4 years. Clearly that's not the case and he seems to be on the same literacy levels as most of his peers. Indeed, I'd say he is doing somewhat better than most. I give a large share of the credit to his school and class teacher, who is also his English teacher. The school in general, and she in particular lays a lot of emphasis on reading and getting the 20-odd children in the class to read aloud in public every single day has had tangible results. Over the last year, S and I haven't had the time to read to our kids as much as we would have liked. It's a fact that we don't read to Y as much as we used to read to Ads. If she does not develop a love for books and reading, I will know whom to blame :(

What really kick-started Ads' current obsession with reading (yes, YAY! Obsession it is!) is his abiding passion for big cats. More than a year ago, I had picked up some books on the big cats. A few months later, his maami bought him a lovely set of 10 books. They are called 100 facts - each book deals with one topic such as inventions, big cats, gladiators, myths and legends, mummies, sharks and so on. All of them are beautifully illustrated, printed on high-quality paper, and written very engagingly. Though Ads loves all of them, the big cats and sharks have been particular favourites.

The former has been a big reason why he started reading by himself. For more than a month now, we have rarely seen him without a book in his hand. He has even been comparing 3 different books on the big cats and finding inconsistencies between them :) The fellow is turning into a veritable encyclopedia on the cat family. Our vacation planning for the year now needs to be rapidly modified to include sightings of some big game :) I am hoping we get to do one tiger or lion park this year - I have been hearing wonderful things about Bandhavgarh and Kanha.
This mother's heart swelled with deep contentment during our break in Alwar, when we asked the kids to pose for a photograph and they did this. 

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother - review

I've been wanting to lay hands on Amy Chua's book for the last several months. My library never had it and finally I got so impatient that I ordered a copy through Flipkart. I won't quote too many things out of the book or give you a synopsis because everyone knows what the books is supposedly all about. It is a memoir of Chua's journey as a parent, her insistence on Chinese parenting (rooted in her belief of Western parenting being permissive and negligent) and her ultimate humbling by her 13-year old daughter. 

First off, I found the book very engaging. Chua writes well, clearly and humorously. The book is funny and ironical in parts (which I think American reviewers completely did not get. Chua herself mentions that the irony was much better appreciated in the UK). I myself managed to finish the book in 2 straight sittings and in just about 2 hours.

Second, the book is not a how-to manual on parenting, but a parenting memoir. Chua constantly compares the Western and Chinese styles of parenting (and by Chinese, she means a school of parenting that is highly visible in many other ethnic groups such as Koreans and Indians). While you may or may not agree with her parenting style, many of us from India would readily identify with her constant expectation of excellence from her daughters, her inability to accept anything less than superlative performance, and her being a parent and not a friend to them. Haven't we all come from such families or at the very least known of friends who had such parents?

Third, the most intriguing question raised by the book is "How do you live life to the fullest?" Amy Chua believes the only way to do so is to explore your potential to it's absolute max. She believes that if you give a 5-year old a "choice" then he will just spend all his time playing video games, spending hours on Facebook and eating disgusting junk food. In that, she is absolutely correct. Children do need to be pushed to do better and best. Chua mentions as her mantra, several times, the Chinese "virtuous cycle" where hard work begets achievement begets praise begets hard work begets more achievement. At the same time, she leaves no room for the child's unique temperament and interests and like any other zealot, she took things too far in her quest for excellence.

I'm aware that at some point in time, I may perhaps have to bear down heavily on my children in order to make them overcome any self-imposed limitations. At the same time, making that one's mission in life to the exclusion of everything else, is simply crazy. There were many passages in the book where I was thinking "Dear God, I hope she's kidding. She's MAD!!" Strong opinions, anyone??? For example, this oft-repeated passage from the first few pages of the book.

Here are some things my daughters were never allowed to do:

• attend a sleepover
• have a playdate
• be in a school play
• complain about not being in a school play
• watch TV or play computer games
• choose their own extra-curricular activities
• get any grade less than an A
• not be the #1 student in any subject except gym and drama
• play any instrument other than the piano or violin
• not play the piano or violin

I liked the book for it's honesty (though sometimes I had my doubts whether the author was being deliberately provocative!). Chua comes across as bigoted in many many instances, but then all of us have seen mothers/people like that, who have strong vocal opinions on many issues and don't hesitate to put down others. I don't agree with her paranoid, alpha-aggressive treatment of her daughters ("for their own good"), some of which seemed downright cruel and insensitive. My main takeaway from the book has been a heightened awareness of how important it is to know where to draw the line - between fun and hard work, creating good childhood memories and building a solid learning foundation. The book says "Just because you love something doesn't mean you'll be good at it. Not unless you work really hard at it. And once you become really good, you'll love it even more."

My kowhai and my kauri

The friend with whom we stayed in Auckand gifted a book to Ads. It is called "The little Kowhai tree" and it's a very cute book about 2 trees (siblings, a brother-sister pair) who stand up for and protect each other. The children can't get enough of the book and I am reading it out to them several times a day. The same two lines repeat several times in the book and whenever they appear, the kids chorus (Y in high-pitched tones, very loud and clear and Ads with his altogether deeper, more bass voice) "I'm a little kowhai, short and stout. If you hurt my brother, you better watch out!". 

As the book comes to a close, Ads ends with "I'm a great big Kauri, tall and stout. If you hurt my sister, you better watch out!". 

Such Awwwww moments!

Mughal chronicles

Alex Rutherford is the pen-name of the husband-wife writer team of Michael and Diana Preston. Their Empire of the Moghul series of books is currently a trilogy. The first book, Raiders from the North, is about Babur's initial conquest of Hindustan. The second one, Brothers at war, is about Humayun's legacy, his long dreary years of battle and wandering in the Indian subcontinent - from Kabul to Agra and Delhi to Rajasthan to Lahore and back to Agra - as he fought off and subdued the machinations of his half-brothers to keep him from the throne which he considered rightfully his. The third book, Ruler of the World, takes off from Humayun's death, the ascension of 13-year old Akbar to the throne and his consolidation of the Mughal empire, and his troubled relationships with his sons especially Salim.

The trilogy is fascinating to anybody who likes historical fiction, as I do, particularly if the Mughal era and the preceding 2 centuries are of interest (again, check!). The amount of research that has gone into these books is evident from detailed descriptions of everything from styles of dress and decor, food, jewellery, weapons and  household implements, and new technologies of that period. The Baburnama, Humayun-nama and Akbarnama/Ain-i-Akbari have been extensively used as foundation research material but the focus is on drawing a picture of the first 3 Mughal kings as people, individuals who were husbands, friends, sons, fathers and brothers, not necessarily their portraiture as administrators/rulers; so to that extent, a significant portion does comprise creative licenses taken as to how the characters thought, felt, said and did. For example, it is known that Akbar married one (or two) Rajput princesses and in fact it is probable that he did marry one of the princesses from Amber (Amer) near Jaipur, but historians disagree over her existence and her identity. Almost nothing is known of this husband-wife relationship so the authors have interpreted it in their own way. As our guide in Fatehpur Sikri asked me, with a twinkle in his eye, as he guided us through the city "Are you thinking of Hrithik Roshan?" I replied with a straight face "No actually, I was thinking of Prithviraj Kapoor"! 
Military strategies and battles have been recounted in great detail, so the book can seem somewhat slow. Having been to a lot of the significant places described in the book brought it incredibly alive for me. Highly recommended if you are into Mughal/Indian history. The authors are planning to come out with 2 more books - looking forward to them!

I don't know how she does it

After a long time, I enjoyed, really enjoyed, a book. The type of enjoyment that comes when you are nodding along with the author at every page, when you have so many OMG moments (as in: OMG!!! She could be talking about ME!). "I don't know how she does it" by Allison Pearson did that for me. Note of caution: The only only reason I probably enjoyed the book so much is because I could identify, if not myself, then many of my friends, in so many of it's pages. So, nope, I am not setting the book up for universal popularity here :) I remember reading "Bridget Jones's diary" back when I was 24 and giggling over it and thinking what a wonderful read it was. I recently tried to read it again and all I could think of was "What crap is this. How did I ever enjoy this nonsense?" So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is a time and a place and a life-stage to enjoy any good book and I just happened to be right there for this one.

Okay, now that all disclaimers and caveats are out of the way....:)) 

I picked up the book because I saw a TV promo about an upcoming movie based on this book and it seemed interesting so I googled it and ordered a copy from the library. You can read about the book here at Amazon. In ways subtle and non-subtle, wise and crass, comic and tragic, poignant and flippant, the author sketches out the many many dilemmas of working mothers. The book is funny, sad, ironic, penetrating - often all in one page. It resonanted with me even as it brought back memories of my days as a working mother, and the struggles and frustrations of all the Kate Reddys I know.
I also ordered Samhita Arni's Mahabharata but before Ads and I could read more than a few pages, it had been requested and borrowed by a very eager 12-year old neighbour who is heavily into mythology and  history. Knowing a tween BOY who LOVES READING and loves HISTORY is such a pleasure that I promptly lent it to him. Now we wait for the book to come back before we can start on it.

The score so far - II

More books, and here's my verdict! I re-read a couple of old favourites again over the last few weeks (they don't figure in this list), so my library reading has been correspondingly lower.

Susanna's 7 husbands - Ruskin Bond. I don't care much for Ruskin Bond really, his writing never struck a chord with me, so the only reason I picked it up was because the storyline was intriguing. Also, I haven't seen the movie and have no plans to see it but assumed the book would be more interesting (the movie having got iffy reviews). All I can say is, the original short story was quite gripping. Short and hard-hitting and left the reader wondering what exactly had happened. They should have just left it at that instead of stretching it into a novella and then a screenplay! However, since the copy I picked up had the short story, novella and screenplay all in one, it was quite good to see how a story/book was transformed into a dramatic form. 

The palace of illusions - Chitra Divakaruni. A cousin fortuitously gifted it for my birthday and I loved loved loved it! I take back what I said about the author, I still don't like any of her other books but this one was effortless and mesmerising and did a good job of capturing the many moods and shades of that enigmatic queen, Draupadi.  

The glass palace - Amitav Ghosh. Good one. I thought it dragged in places but I like stories that take in a vast panorama of people, places and events and this one fit the bill. Additionally, never having read anything about Burma before, it turned out to be a treasure-trove of information on that unhappy land. The author writes confidently and deftly which is so difficult isn't it? I'll definitely be picking up more of his books. 

Shakespeare - Bill Bryson. Once again, Bryson doesn't disappoint. Though not choc-a-bloc with his trademark humour (after all it is a serious biography of the great man of English), it still seems well-researched. Astonishingly, as Bryson points out again and again, there is very little known about Shakespeare the man and a lot of it is just conjecture and intelligent guesswork. A good book on the Bard and an easy and entertaining read. Given how little is known about Shakespeare, it's amazing Bill Bryson even managed to get as much as a slim book out of it!

I'm currently struggling...yes, struggling...with the Emperor of all maladies. I'll persevere for a few more days and if I don't make any headway, I'm returning it to the library :(

The score so far - I

Books read in the last month (Thanks everyone for the recos!):

The Great Indian novel - Shashi Tharoor. I really liked this. The Mahabharata theme, and the parallels with modern Indian history were fascinating. Most of all, I liked his writing (this is my first Tharoor book). Very evocative.

The argumentative Indian - Amartya Sen. I was a little hesitant to pick this up even though it has been on my reading list for ages. I've done enough heavy reading over the last 2 years to want to stick to fiction for the time being. But among academics, Sen's writing is extraordinarily readable and clear and I have enjoyed (and learnt a lot from) most of the books he has written. In particular, I love the philosophical approach he brings to economics! I took the book slowly, and it was very interesting. To be re-read.

The remains of the day - Kazuo Ishiguro. Again, a long-pending book. It justified the wait.

The girl with the dragon tattoo - Stieg Larsson. Ok, I don't know about you, but I had got some rave reviews of the Millenium series. I plodded and ploughed through this but failed to understand why it is supposed to be unputdownable. Didn't manage to finish even half. Well - that's 2 books less to read!

Charlie and the chocolate factory - Roald Dahl. Any review needed of this?? I finished the book in 30 minutes flat but I am reading it to Ads, a few pages every day. And I am finding this task far more pleasurable than reading it for myself!

The vine of desire - Chitra Divakaruni. Hmm...so this was picked up even though I did not like her other book - The Mistress of Spices. This one is better but it reminded me of all the reasons why I am not impressed with her writing (ok, ok, personal opinion of course :)). There's too much imagery in it. It's too laboured, too much of a "creative-writing-course" feel about it, when all one needs is for a story to be told in a straightforward fashion. So, anyway, again not impressed though multiple people have recommended the same author's Palace of Illusions. 

More suggestions welcome. This is one to-do list that I like to be as long as possible.

Tagged! Why I read

I've been tagged by Aparna of Life as a Mom to write a post on Why I Read (Thanks, Aparna!). I've been reading for as long as I remember. My more vivid early memories are not of people or places but of Noddy and Amelia Jane, which I think sums up the role books play in my life. In the last few years, after the babies came along and other responsibilities took over, I haven't read as much or as voraciously as I used to; but even today, the feel of a book in my hands is one of my life's greatest pleasures.

Why I read is very simple. I don't read as a form of escapism. I read because very early on, I realized that there is magic in the written word. This magic permits me to do two things. One, enjoy various aspects of life vicariously, without moving an inch (one reason why I love books and blogs about travel). Two, it can move me the way nothing else can. People are moved by different things - maybe art, perhaps movies or music. Maybe something else. But nothing in the non-real world excites feelings of wonder, adventure, joy and sorrow for me as much as a good book. I've been known to be found reading, tears streaming down my face and sniffing sorrowfully; or walking around with a broad smile the whole day while reading a funny book!

Sometimes, when I am very fortunate, I find a book that may or may not have a superb plot line but is so well-written, so powerfully-expressed, words used so tellingly and so mindblowingly that I am just awestruck with the writer's artistry and just...the way he can take the right words and twist them around and put them together to create that perfect symphony of language. I think -- that's when I love reading the most. 

I tag Sangitha and Yuvika. Hope to hear from you, ladies!

Sick, home alone and raring to read

The better half is away holidaying...err...working.... in Johannesburg and dutiful and affectionate wife that I am, I have been sending some malevolent and envious thoughts in the direction of the Dark Continent. Descriptions of how he saw Mandela's house, how he had a multiple course English afternoon tea, complete with scones and 5 different types of jam, and how he is staying in the best hotel in Johannesburg, which hosts the likes of Will Smith and Shakira, is not making me feel good :(

As a result of my vibes, the poor guy has actually not managed to see much of the city and has been staying up till 2 am some nights to get his work done (evil laugh). Okay, I'm not normally this wicked. But two reasons. First - It is freaking HOT in here! Really, I can deal with the heat but the heat and humidity combination makes me collapse. The next person who tells me that I am from Chennai and therefore should be used to such weather is going to get a sharp kick from me. Chennai heat is nothing, read nothing, on Delhi's. It doesn't sap you and make you go all nuts in the head, for one. The silver lining (if that is what it is) is that it has been so hot that it can't possibly get any worse (am I jinxing myself?) and it does feel like the oppressive heat that precedes a good dose of rain. But we'll have to wait and see whether my prediction comes true.
Second reason - I have been down with the viral, again, just a day after S left. The first couple of days were bad, especially the morning hours when I had to get 2 lunches and 2 kids ready for school and out the door by 7.20. Can you blame me for being catty and mean?!! (Hint: DON'T! :)). I was planning to spend the week luxuriating in a few hours of nothing-to-do everyday; instead I spent a lot of it in bed, snoozing and fighting the infection. However, I did manage to sign up for an online library here, a temptation I have resisted for a whole year, in the interest of maintaining my focus on studying. But ...woo-hoo! I can finally start reading again, so please please do send me book recos. It should be easy because a) I read EVERYTHING except management and spiritual books b) I have been out of the reading loop by choice for almost 2 years so I have a lot of catching up to do. Gosh, I feel so happy just thinking about the possibilities! :)

Books! Books! Books!

I've been going a little nuts with buying books for Ads lately. Reason #1 - No library, for kids or for adults, nearby. So although I'm not that big on buying books (I prefer borrowing and only buying those which we really  like and want to read over and over again), I was left with no alternative. Reason #2 - English writing for children in India is now BIG. Where one once (I'm talking of way back in the 90s) had to be satisfied with ladybird books, other imported books or poor quality Indian works, the appearance of publishers like Tulika, Zubaan and Pratham, just to name a few that I learnt about, have completely transformed children's writing in English. Innovative content, fantastic illustrations, links with Indian traditional art forms, and reasonable pricing make them  a must-add to any children's library. So these are the books we picked up recently (all ordered online). These are in addition to the few Amar Chitra Katha comics and Karadi tales DVDs that I ordered for Ads' birthday. (Incidentally is Karadi tales awesome or what???? ACK completely messed up my order but they were also service-oriented enough to ship me a new set in lieu of the ones they lost. So I got the books and DVDs a fortnight late but I was impressed with their ability to admit their mistake and make amends for it)

I just found out about Amma's Tales which sounds like something Ads would really love. Time for more shopping!!!

Books and things

I started on the book “Perfect madness: motherhood in the age of anxiety” by Judith Warner recently and have been reading it in spurts and bursts. It’s an interesting read, talking as it does about anxiety-marked parenting expectations in the United States, and what could be the influencers behind American parenting culture. I could identify with a lot of the stuff spoken about in the book. Most American moms I know do have very high expectations, both from themselves and from their kids. Coming as I did from India and practicing what looked to the average American mom as an extremely laid-back (even careless) style of parenting, I found some eyebrows politely raised when it was discovered that my 2-year old son couldn’t feed himself, still shared a bed with us (and moreover, seemed to have no intention of moving out), and was not as well-behaved and disciplined as his other (white) friends. Thankfully our circle of friends doesn’t at the moment include any of the hyper-competitive, perfection-obsessed moms that Judith Warner talks about. But I do find from my limited understanding of the American culture that parenting is treated as an art and a science here; something that needs to be studied and absorbed. Parenting by instinct (isn’t that the only kind of parenting there is??) is not something that is understood or practised.

As an aside, services like family coaches/consultants are part of a $2.1 trillion industry that teaches you how to parent. They sometimes call it the "mommy market". How insecure do we have to be that we need a someone to teach and help us to do something as natural as raising a child? I simply can't buy the argument that the increased stresses caused by crazy work/family schedules and society's unrealistic expectations of what it is to be a good parent, are making such services necessary.

Another interesting book (though one that I thought could have been condensed into a few pages) was “The Mommy brain – how motherhood makes us smarter” by Katherine Ellison. She talks about how it has been scientifically proved that motherhood, contrary to popular opinion, actually enhances a woman’s perception, emotional intelligence, efficiency and resilience. Now I have a ready-made answer to all those people who ask me why I am ‘wasting” a B-school education to sit at home and look after my kids – I can tell them I had babies to just to enhance my “mommy brain”!!!