Cricketing accomplishments

The big news in this household is that Ads recently made it to the Virginia State cricket team (yes, there is one! One of the very few state teams in the US). I am beyond happy for a variety of reasons. 

• He continues to follow his passion, in a new country and new environment and has been pursuing cricket in one form or another for about 6 years now. This is the same kid who thought sports are a waste of time.
• Playing at this level of competition gives him a definite leg-up in college applications (yes, I am a desi mom that way!)
• Being a highly academically-oriented person, he needs an activity that will take him away from studies and books, and cricket has been that activity for years. 
• An introvert benefits hugely from team sports. It provides much-needed socialization, soft skills, builds resilience, and helps them learn with loss and defeat with equanimity.   
• High school in this country is stressful and children, starting from middle-school onwards, need exceptional time and energy management skills. If his workload this year is heavy, next year (junior year) will be even toughter with more AP courses, SAT prep, and college apps. Cricket will focus his mind, give him fresh air, exercise, and relieve some of the stress, which is what I am hoping. 

He came back from playing the Bilateral series on Sunday and I innocently asked him to take some rest. He looked at me with great scorn. "And who will do my work, Amma?" 

He worked that night until 11.30 :( 

Summer 2015 (Ads)

This is Ads' summer routine. 

6 am: Up from bed

6.40 am: In the car, munching at breakfast. Granddad has cricket coaching chaperoning duty!

10 am: Return home. Swallow some coconut water/juice. Go down to play. Cricket, what else. 

12 noon: Back home. If lucky, he hasn't been yelled at by me for coming back late/not wearing a cap etc etc.

1 pm: Bath and lunch over. Fight with sister also accomplished. Amma nags incessantly to take a nap. Fed up, he retreats to his room. Half an hour later, he's either fast asleep or tossing and turning. 

3 pm: Milk and almonds/fruit time. Now he starts nagging Amma. When can I go down to play? 

3.30 -4.30 pm: Phone calls incoming & outgoing, making plans with friends on where and when to meet.

4.30 pm: The boy disappears and we don't see him until 7 pm.

7-8 pm: Bath, dinner, fight with sister!

8 pm: IPL time!:

9 pm: Bed

Supremely physically active to the extent that we sometimes ask him to cut back on the cricket. I have suggested he go swimming with friends to break the monotony, but he says - what monotony???? So we have let him be. After much persuasion, he has picked up his first Harry Potter and seems to be enjoying it.

I think he's happy :) 

Keeping at it

Ads recently won the runner-up prize in a Junior League tournament conducted by his tennis academy. He was thrilled and so were we, more so because it has taken us 4 years of almost continuous tennis lessons to come to this point. While the prize in itself is not a major thing, it does signal his tremendous progress both physically and mentally. From a kid who has always lagged behind his peers in the gross motor skills area and who lacked the confidence to compete, to a kid who now plays tennis and cricket with equal aplomb. From someone who hated sport to someone who enjoys a couple of sports (yes we are a long way away from being sporty and we are very opinionated, it is enough that a couple of games are approved!). From being nonathletic to running, throwing, catching and swinging better.

I am glad we kept at it because heaven knows I have wanted to throw in the towel many many times. As his tennis improved, his cricket skills picked up and now the cricket helps his tennis. Between chess, tennis and now an upcoming intensive cricket summer camp, we will have no time or energy to focus on that important life-skill, swimming.

I am looking forward to the stamina improving over the summer. I also hope he gets better at handling his frustration and getting over the small losses and disappointments which bother him so much. Most importantly, he will learn that to play any sport even reasonably well requires enormous grit, patience and strength.

Baby steps. Have I said this before????!!!! 

Shifting expectations

A couple of years ago, I would have given anything for Ads to run out of the house every evening to play with his friends. Instead he would sit quietly at home, drawing endlessly or reading for hours. Now, I get annoyed with him for playing cricket (and talking about it endlessly) and wish he would start drawing again and reading.

Isn't it so unfair that every time he gets closer to the finish line, I promptly draw another one a little further away! Oh the unfairness of it all! I am ashamed of myself.

I told myself this when he came back from school the second day in a row with his snack untouched. His favourite whole-wheat chocolate cupcakes had been nibbled around the edges, fit only to be thrown into the bin. Amma they aren't nice any more, he claimed. I got my just desserts (pun intended).

When we came to India, I wished more than anything else for him to be sociable, sporty and brave. He has become all of these...and yet...I complain ever so often :(

The burden of expectations- I didn't think I was that kind of mom. Yet we all seem to do it. Or worse, sink under someone else's expectations.

Turning over a new leaf from today :)

Oddreeve and chess

Ads' latest obsession - yes it's cricket - but what do you do when you can't play cricket? For example when you are in a car, or the school bus, or when you are plain lazy? :)

Then you just play "Odd or Eve" (pronounced as Oddreeve). Aka Hand cricket!

It's a complicated game which I don't quite understand the rules of. Any request for clarifications is met by some eye-rolling and an exasperated "Amma, you anyway don't know anything about cricket!"

The good thing is Oddreeve involves some very rapid mental counting so Ads math skills have improved by leaps and bounds. I wonder why schools don't gamify math and science a lot more.

On another note, Ads recently took part in the chess tournament held as part of the Sports Fest in our community. I wanted to sign him up for tennis matches as well but he flatly refused. He played 3 chess games and came in second, losing gracefully to his best friend. No biases here, but I contend he was the better player of the two and just got distracted at the wrong moment. Lesson learnt? One hopes so!

Getting his trophy and certificate

De-toy-clutter

Another practical, control-the-chaos-in-your-home-with-kids kind of post, which appeared on Mom's Diaries.

 

Surely kids have way too many toys nowadays? How does one keep the clutter under control? The task can seem pretty overwhelming at times. Yet, it all boils down to some commonsensical strategies.

Me, I follow the mantra of Reduce, Rotate, Recycle, Donate.

1. Reduce. Just buy less. We’ve all noticed the 80-20 rule. It’s just 20% of the toys in the toybox that get played with a lot or most of the time. The rest seemed to be played with only when other kids demonstrate an interest in them! My husband and I have almost completely stopped buying toys for our kids except on birthdays and maybe Xmas. There are no impulse purchases. The children get a lot of toys anyway as gifts and I have a hard enough time dealing with those, thank you very much. Plus most of the habitual gift-givers know that my children adore books so that’s what they get a lot of nowadays (so now we have book clutter instead of toy clutter….which does not seem so bad!).

Additionally, with toy libraries mushrooming nowadays, it is easier not to buy new toys and gizmos. I sometimes miss my mom's club in the US. One of the cool things they used to do is to have a toy swap every 6 months. Everyone (we had more than 50 active members) brings their unwanted (in good condition and cleaned/sterlized) toys to a common place. You get to pick other kids' toys for your own kids and vice versa. All the toys left at the end of the exercise would be donated to charity.

2. Rotate. Put away half of the 80% toys in a box somewhere. Pull them out after a few months and put the rest of the toys in storage. Keep rotating toys every few months and they’ll always stay fresh and exciting!

3. Recycle. The kids get to choose which birthday gifts they want to give away and which they’d like to keep. The ones they don’t care for are gifted to kids who would want and enjoy them. We try to gift thoughtfully and not palm off unwanted gifts to other kids.

4. Donate. Extra toys and games are always donated at the end of the year. They normally get passed on to the maid’s kids, a needy NGO, a Xmas drive or to younger neighbours and cousins – wherever the toys would be ensured of a loving welcome.

 

So how do you de-toy-clutter your home?

Things I learnt about my son in school

 1. His nickname in class is "Encyclopaedia". Go figure - it shouldn't be difficult :)

2. His pasta is of course very popular among classmates. There's another boy in class whose mom makes great cakes, so I have been asked to out-do her and send a cake for snack tomorrow. Apparently my chocolate chip muffins and banana bread aren't good enough :)

3. He's a lot more assertive and outgoing than I thought he would be. It was quite a surprise! I could hear his voice overriding some others while we were conducting the spelling bee, and once he started arguing with another girl and the teacher had to shush him.

4. Apparently he passes the time by cleaning the classroom floor with a ruler, and plays goofball by falling onto the floor and rolling around whenever they have no teacher supervising. YUCK!!  

The things one learns!

On another note, this is the complete list of all the birds we saw in Bharatpur :)

 

Monitoring screen time

People are constantly amazed when they hear about the minsicule screen time my kids have. These discussions invariably happen in the company of friends and neighbours who are moaning about how much TV their kids watch, how they are addicted to video games/ipad/Wii/PSP and the computer. I am constantly being told about how video games and the like will take over my kids' life real soon. Just wait till Ads/Y are a little older and they will be addicted to XYZ, I hear.
Well, I really don't think so! IMHO, I have laid a pretty strong foundation of limited screen time (especially TV) and on top of that, I can be quite the harridan of a mother. Yes, a strong word, isn't it?! There's space for only one nag in the family and I get to wear that crown in ours. I'm confident that the kids will toe my line for atleast a few more years.
I admit I am surprised (not in a nice way) about the amount of TV even toddlers watch. I had it drilled into my head ever since my early mothering days that kids under 2 should not watch any TV and kids over 2 and under 6 can watch an hour or two hours at the most. Having rigorously followed this dictum, I now find myself in the middle of a virtuous circle where Ads and Y (now aged almost 4 and 7) rarely ask for TV, having never got into the habit of sitting in front of the idiot box. Our TV is quite literally the idiot box - it stands dumb and silent most days!
What they do watch is a couple of cartoons a week (maybe half an hour of Chota Bheem). Ads is now hooked onto Animal Planet and NatGeo Wild videos (both on YouTube and TV) and he does a couple of sessions during the week on days when he has no tennis class or homework. This amounts to 2-3 hours a week at the most. He shuns the ipad and reluctantly uses it for an hour or so over the weekend, working on a math app that I have downloaded. Y is much more of an ipad aficionado. I’ve found it very useful to teach her numbers, alphabets and now some basic spelling using some of the awesome apps available. 
In consequence of such limited screen time, I find that the children have a lot of time to do other things - get out into the fresh air, run around and play, go cycling or scootering, draw, paint and craft, go for tennis and music class; also fight, make-up, cry, scream and yell as kids will! When I am working (after they get back from school, I tend to have some calls and such) and unable to give them my time or attention, I'm content that they aren't in front of the TV but doing something a lot more productive involving working with their hands or engaging with a real person instead of an animation.
Not watching TV myself has been a boon in this regard. My kids may complain that Amma spends a lot of time working on her laptop, but they never complain that I plonk myself in front of the TV! S has been trying to get Ads to watch some sports with him but he isn't very keen, so we haven't pressed him.
Ads still can't switch on or operate the TV/remote on his own and I don't bother to teach him! The first time he saw a Wii was during the summer, in Chennai at a friend's place. I'm far from being tech-hater or technophobe; I have seen first hand the learning that can happen through tech tools. In any case, learning today is far more interactive than it was two decades ago and it would be foolish to deprive our kids some of the tools that are available today. The operative word being some. 
As in everything else about parenting, decisions about screen time and technology also need to be thoughtful and reasonable. Moderation seems to have yielded good results so far. I'm sure as they grow older, they will want to watch more TV. Ads seems to have a liking already for Masterchef Australia! :)

First Holi

The children celebrated their first Holi this year. We were in the NCR last year as well but we had picked the day before Holi to move from Noida to Gurgaon. The day after we landed (Holi), I fell really sick with a bad viral and was out of action for a few days. I don't remember much, but I do know that all the kids did in 2011 was to peek out of the balcony at the colourful fest downstairs as their father unpacked and kept them out of my sick-chamber.

I was more prepared this year. I bought a lot of organic colours and the obligatory water pistols. S exclaimed at the sheer number of packets of colours I'd purchased. "Do you really think all this is going to get used?!!" I wasn't sure, myself. Ads in general hates to get messy and Y hates getting wet, both of which seemed to bode ill for a fun Holi.

But children have a habit of surprising you and boy, did my kids get into the swing of things! After a big breakfast, Ads packed up some colour sachets, filled up his water pistol and headed downstairs. I followed about half-hour later with Y. They located their friends and within minutes, they were unrecognizable in the crowd of multi-hued, sopping wet children. Ads did not mind getting wet while Y preferred to stay dry and pour pink colour all over herself. They had a lovely time and next year I'm sure they'll be up there on the dance floor grooving to Rang Barse!

Some fun ways of spending hot summer days

Cleaning the verandah with lots of water; pillow fights; and playing dress up!

Ad-lib #4

Ads has developed a disease of smelling his fingers. And what's more, I hear a running commentary on what he is smelling. He also quite unnecessarily asks me whether he can do it, after he has done it! Some examples:

I washed my hands and smelt my hand. Can I do it?

I touched Y's face and smelt my hand. Can I do it?

I touched my feet and smelt my hand. Can I do it?

I digged (dug) my nose and smelt my hand. Can I do it?

...............and several more unsavoury instances of having touched other parts of his body and thereafter smelt his hands :(

Both Ads and Y have also developed the habit of hitting themselves. It's a big game with them. One starts by banging his/her head with his/her hand and shouting "Adi!!" (Hit). The other follows suit and each one hits himself or herself, the whole macabre game accompanied by much laughing, mostly at my annoyed expression I suppose.

Board games ahoy

One of the fondest and clearest memories of my childhood is the board games that my parents, my brother and I used to play, very frequently in the late evenings after dinner, starting from the time I was 8 or 9 to maybe around 14 years. Ludo was the universal favourite but we also played Snakes and Ladders and Parchisi. In later years, Pictionary and Scrabble ruled the roost, and I remember my brief flirtation with Chess and Carrom. Playing these games involved a lot of laughter, teasing and fun and the bonus was, that in my case atleast, it created enduring and precious memories. We had Family Game Night in my family before Hasbro decided to make it a National occasion.

So obviously I couldn't wait to introduce Ads to some of these board games. I picked up a nice Sesame-Street themed version of Chutes and Ladders very cheap at a second-hand kids' store that I frequent. My cousin bought him the Dr. Seuss ABC game and he got the I never forget a face memory game as a birthday gift. Then I researched the best board games for preschoolers and being the sort of person who goes overboard when it comes to shopping, just HAD to buy him Candyland and Hi-ho Cherry-O! So now we have 5 games, all of which he likes thankfully and I try to spend some time with him everyday playing these. The only drawback is that we can only play when S is at home to watch Y, because she grabs all the pieces, sits on the board and generally makes a perfect nuisance of herself.

I had a vague idea that board games are both fun and educational. But I didn't really appreciate how educative they could be, until I started playing with Ads. Mastery of colours, letter & number recognition, counting, grouping & pattern recognition, are some of the concepts they teach, not to mention the improvement in small motor skills that inevitably results. The social skills they teach are even more important - courtesy, waiting and taking turns, not intruding on someone else's space, and so on. An interesting observation I made was how difficult it was for Ads to lose a game. In the beginning, he would tell me that "I will be very upset if I lose". For a child, the joy of winning is as intense as the despondency of losing. Given their very limited ability to manage frustration and cope with loss, it is a tough balancing act to incorporate the teaching element into the game; i.e. it is okay to lose, there are ups and downs in life and we have to take the good with the bad. Since he (like all children) takes game-playing so seriously, it is very important to him that he win; he does not yet understand that these are games of chance and not skill. I have been told by other moms that it is okay at this age to "let" the child win most of the time since the concept of rules and fair play is not something that they easily understand.

I think Ads gets it now, somewhat. He seems to understand that he could win a game, and lose the next one. He could ascend a ladder to the top of the board, and the next moment his luck could change and he would be sliding down a chute to the bottom of the board. Learning moments aside, I am enjoying every bit of the few minutes we spend poring over a dice, some cards and a game board.

I was waiting for this

The Superhero obsession, that is.

It started with Spiderman, moved briefly to Superman and Batman, hovered enthusiastically over Mr. Incredible, and has now fixated on Buzz Lightyear (from "Toy Story"). I have to admit I am a little relieved to get some respite from the firefighting and policing squad. Yesterday Ads was most offended when I told him to please please stop talking non-stop about police and fires and fire trucks and all that otherwise my head was going to explode with the massive headache I was having. I wasn't exaggerating - two years of non-stop natter about the same topic has me craving for other subjects. It's time to move on, little fella.

New acquisition

After weeks of lurking on Craigslist and some false starts, I finally managed to buy Ads a bike. It's a 12 inch Huffy bike with training wheels and he rides it very well. It's second-hand of course (I was determined not to buy a new one -- they are exorbitantly priced for something that will only be used for a year at the most) but in near-perfect condition. And I paid only 20 $$ for it!! That's the part that thrills me the most :)

He already has knee and elbow pads that came with a pair of skates (which, incidentally, he refuses to use) but I still have to get him a helmet. He's very pleased with his new "toy" and has thus totally ignored the scooter that is also a recent acquisition. The fact that the scooter is much harder to maneuver may largely account for his indifference. Ads likes things easy.

Of sand and boys

What is it about sand that makes kids want to fling it around everywhere? Even my usually gentle son goes a little ga-ga when he goes to a sandy park. He rolls around in it, digs in it and flings handfuls of it all over himself and around in a wide circle.

A few days ago, we were at the park adjoining the Santa Clara gymnastics center, for some play after Ads' gym class. My mommy radar, zooming in and out, instantly picked out an older kid, about 5 or 6, looking for trouble. Ads was peacefully playing by himself and this other kid had his hands full of sand and I just knew that he was going to throw it in Ads' face. I silently glared at him (thankfully I was wearing my sunglasses otherwise I might've found it hard to explain why I was intimidating some random kid). He stared back at me. I kept glaring, just daring him to move a muscle in Ads' direction. In a few seconds, he dropped the sand he was holding and went off to play at the monkey bars.

Whew -- mini-crisis averted!