A sorted-out 7 yo (I think!)

Ads graduated from bedtime stories quite a while ago and for the last year or more, his bedtime routine has consisted of either a quiz (we ask him questions on a mutually-agreeable topic) or else a "discussion". The latter again involves a specific topic on which we have a free-wheeling chat of sorts. Nothing very elaborate, 10 minutes tops is the usual duration because we have to start sleeping and therefore the same topic may be continued for as long as a week depending on how interesting it is.

For the last few days, we have been talking about religion. What it is, why the need for religion, the different religions practised in India, and so on. Naturally, we have also talked about evolution and God and faith (mine, his and the world's at large!). Last night, he floored me not once by twice by saying something that was not just extremely insightful but totally unexpected for someone his age.

#1 - During a discussion on the negation of the theory of evolution by conservative Christians, he said: Only fools think they know everything. It was almost telepathic, because just then I'd been about to say something on the lines of - Only fools think they have all the answers, the wise man is full of doubts.

#2 - We were talking of the commonality between all religions and I told him that all religions seek to answer just a couple of fundamental questions, and then I casually asked him whether he could think what this question was. Pat came the reply: Who am I?

His prompt and ready response shook me up. How did he know? We'd never discussed this with him before. How had he cracked this most fundamental question of all? Who am I? Why am I here? To what end?

I find it very hard to reconcile this kid with the kid who fights over the last piece of chocolate with his baby sister and who throws a fit because I gave her 3 kisses and gave him only 2! I feel like saying - Dude, you cracked the meaning of life! You cannot, simply cannot, be acting like this!

Oh well - that's what makes life with Ads so interesting :)

Movies, cheesecake and work

It's been a busy week or two. We had the happy entirely novel experience of having S working out of Gurgaon for the entire week, and of course we all made hay while the sun shone! The kids and I got to spend quality time with dad/husband. We watched movies, went on walks, played board games, ran errands jointly - it was so much fun to do the normal mundane things!

Talking of movies, Lincoln was a wonderful watch. Daniel Day-Lewis was brilliant - what an actor! I was left spellbound by the many shades he brought to the character of the great American President - his humor and wit, his gentleness, his oratory, his fits of depression, his political genius. I could not but help but notice the parallels between those stirring times and the present day American context - the rivalry and later, mutual respect and cooperation between Lincoln (the little-known lawyer from Illinois) and William H Seward, his Secretary of State and an illustrious NY Senator who was defeated by Lincoln to win the Republican nomination. The shenanigans and antics of the legislative process have been brought out beautifully - times have changed but politics has not!! No surprise that Day-Lewis has won the BAFTA Award for best actor and I have my money on him to bag his third Oscar as well.

Special Chhabis was another entertaining, crisp and edge-of-the-seat crime caper, witness to some fantastic acting especially by Anupam Kher and Manoj Bajpayee. Even Akshay Kumar (gasp!) put in quite a creditable and understated performance. We enjoyed the movie thoroughly while getting annoyed with the side love-track and couple of totally unnecessary songs.

There was a Valentine's Day party that my friends and I threw for ourselves :) We all dressed up in red and had a lovely potluck dinner, accompanied by tons of gossip and laughter. I'm so lucky that I managed to find such a good fun group of friends in Gurgaon. When we moved here 2 years ago, I did not know a soul. As you grow older it becomes more difficult to make friends, especially if one is, like me, not a natural extrovert. But with 2 young children, living in a cocoon is not an option and one is forced to socialise with other moms and force-fit oneself into some sort of loose network. Sometime you get lucky and meet people who you like and who like you back, and sometimes it's just a marriage of convenience. Fingers crossed for the new environment and new people in Bangalore - the bar has been raised!

My second time with making an Oreo cheesecake - a no-bake, no-egg affair this time - lip-smacking delicious! It was my contribution to the Valentine's Day potluck and the oreos on top are a feeble attempt to create a heart-shape :)

 

 

And oh yes, the most important update for the last! :) I quit my job! The small non-profit which I was a part of, has most of its work in Delhi and there was nothing I could have done out of Bangalore (except fundraise maybe, and I did not want to do that even if the option had been offered to me). The last year has been a lot of fun but there's also been a lot of stress. The overwhelming feeling now is one of relief. The sense of freedom is just wonderful. I have to wonder - what does that say about me and my approach to paid work? I would be less stressed if I was a SAHM, that's for sure. Would I be more fulfilled or less? Would I be happier? Having been on both sides of the fence now, its very disconcerting to discover that I still don't have the answer to those two critical questions. The most important learning I've had in the last year has been that flexible working hours aren't some kind of a holy grail. Sure, it's pretty cool to be at the door to receive your kids with a hug and a hot drink (and it makes you feel sooo saintly!!) but the craziness that precedes the rush back home and the physically-present, often-mentally-absent state that I am in even when I am with Ads and Y.........well....clearly, it's not ideal. Ok, there is no ideal, we all know that.

So, at this point, there are far more questions than answers. More than enough fodder for another long post! I'm spending the next month prepping for our move and hopefully all that clearing of junk from the house will go hand-in-hand with some clearing of mental cobwebs as well :)

Papad ki sabji and misc.

When the breaking dawn sees you in the kitchen, having already finished baking a pound cake, mixing the batter for chocolate cupcakes and the cooker whistling away in preparation for a batch of sweet pongal, then it's party time for my kids :) It has been raining cats and dogs here since yesterday and so I magnanimously decided to keep the kids home from school (had to extract a promise from them that they would play amicably together and allow me to work for a few hours, otherwise I was driving them to school myself, rain or no rain!). 

Sweet or chakkarai pongal is one of my favourite sweets, and no one makes it better than my mom. After years of practice, I guess she can make this dish in her sleep and it tastes absolutely delicious even though she does not add dollops of ghee to it. Warm and mushy or cold and firm (which is the way I like it), it is the perfect comfort food as far as I am concerned. It's been frustrating for me that I can never get my sweet pongal to taste as good as my mom's (it doesn't even come close). I always console myself by blaming the quality of the jaggery, rice and dal...everything, in short, except my culinary talent :) This year, 2013, I am going to crack this recipe!!!

Today, the kids had requested burgers for lunch so I was wondering what to whip up for myself. Something really quick and non-fuss. Aha! Papad ki sabzi! The first I heard of this strange dish was from my Marwari friends who claimed it was a lifesaver when you were short of time and/or there were no vegetables in the fridge. Having tasted it once, I was hooked. The recipe I used today was different from what my friends told me (they skipped the curd but added tomatoes) but the popular internet versions all seem to incorporate dahi. I finally used Sanjeev Kapoor's recipe here.

As expected it was absolutely yum and I definitely plan to make more of this dish. It may be a mundane dish for a lot of people but it's definitely a novel delicacy for me! Here's a pic of all the ingredients simmering away :)

PS: The only thing to remember is to go easy on the salt. I forgot that the papads themselves have salt so the dish was a tad saltier than I like...but my salt tolerance is very low so it might be quite ok for most people.
PPS: This is to be eaten hot with rotis. The besan can make it pretty smudgy after a bit, but I guess that can be rectified by adding water and boiling again. I saw several recipes that did not use besan so that's another option.
 

 

De-toy-clutter

Another practical, control-the-chaos-in-your-home-with-kids kind of post, which appeared on Mom's Diaries.

 

Surely kids have way too many toys nowadays? How does one keep the clutter under control? The task can seem pretty overwhelming at times. Yet, it all boils down to some commonsensical strategies.

Me, I follow the mantra of Reduce, Rotate, Recycle, Donate.

1. Reduce. Just buy less. We’ve all noticed the 80-20 rule. It’s just 20% of the toys in the toybox that get played with a lot or most of the time. The rest seemed to be played with only when other kids demonstrate an interest in them! My husband and I have almost completely stopped buying toys for our kids except on birthdays and maybe Xmas. There are no impulse purchases. The children get a lot of toys anyway as gifts and I have a hard enough time dealing with those, thank you very much. Plus most of the habitual gift-givers know that my children adore books so that’s what they get a lot of nowadays (so now we have book clutter instead of toy clutter….which does not seem so bad!).

Additionally, with toy libraries mushrooming nowadays, it is easier not to buy new toys and gizmos. I sometimes miss my mom's club in the US. One of the cool things they used to do is to have a toy swap every 6 months. Everyone (we had more than 50 active members) brings their unwanted (in good condition and cleaned/sterlized) toys to a common place. You get to pick other kids' toys for your own kids and vice versa. All the toys left at the end of the exercise would be donated to charity.

2. Rotate. Put away half of the 80% toys in a box somewhere. Pull them out after a few months and put the rest of the toys in storage. Keep rotating toys every few months and they’ll always stay fresh and exciting!

3. Recycle. The kids get to choose which birthday gifts they want to give away and which they’d like to keep. The ones they don’t care for are gifted to kids who would want and enjoy them. We try to gift thoughtfully and not palm off unwanted gifts to other kids.

4. Donate. Extra toys and games are always donated at the end of the year. They normally get passed on to the maid’s kids, a needy NGO, a Xmas drive or to younger neighbours and cousins – wherever the toys would be ensured of a loving welcome.

 

So how do you de-toy-clutter your home?

Delhi goodbyes#1 - Kamla Nagar and saree shopping

The countdown to the move has begun and one of my priorities is to complete my list of Delhi to-dos, be it shopping, eating or sightseeing. I'd been toying with the idea of buying a typical saree from these parts, you know like the ones seen in Bollywood movies :) The problem really is that coming from the South, one's taste seems to be more subtle and less inclined (or very wary of) bling. It has been pretty amusing to see my Marwari and Punjabi friends cock a snook at my beautiful Paithanis, Kanthas, Pochampallis and Kanjeevarams (these are priceless heritage weaves people!!!) while lusting after net, georgette and supernet sarees which seemed excessively showy, blingy and shiny to my eyes.

But now that I am leaving, I thought I must buy atleast one of these sarees. A souvenir from Delhi must be obtained! Something typical, yet subdued enough to appeal to my taste. So some friends and I took the metro to Kamla Nagar where the shopping (and chole bhatures and panipuri) is supposed to be out of this world!

Having been to the shopping hotspots in Delhi like Lajpat Nagar, Karol Bagh and Sarojini Nagar, I wasn't expecting too much but was pleasantly surprised by how large and well-stocked the market was. We bought a lot of stuff but the main agenda was saree-shopping. The ones that I liked, my friends were doubtful about.

Hame Marwari colour dikhao, bhaiyya, was their refrain; while I pressed for more sober shades, less kundan and silver work, more brocade work and embroidery - in short, as un-Marwari as I could get!

Needless to say they preferred a bright blue and parrot green saree for me while I finally went with a heavily embroidered dark green and beige combination :)

We rounded off the day with a spot of chole-bhature (awesome!) and some freshly squeezed sugarcane juice.

A day well-spent :) Leaving you with some snaps.

 

Checking out the wares

This was the line for the chole-bhature. We waited for more than 30 minutes to attain nirvana!

More sarees

 

And so it begins....

So I've been working with Ads on the Math and Cyber Olympiad worksheets (IMO and ICO) for the past 1 year. It has not been intensive, just a couple of worksheets every other weekend. Considering we have been travelling every other weekend as well, it does not amount to much (though I'm sure Ads will beg to differ!). Now the thing is that since we were particular to admit him in a low-pressure academic environment, there's not much that he's been taught in Math uptil now (Grade 2). Much being a relative term of course. He can read the time, and do simple addition and subtraction. They just started multiplication tables. Anything other than these is a bit of stretch frankly; which is perfectly fine until you run into a kid from PSBB (Chennai) or Singapore or Hong Kong - then watch my (temporary) palpitations!!!

So anyway, I quite like the IMO worksheets and the exam pattern because it's a bit of a stretch, but not too much. There are 50 questions to be done in 90 minutes - it's not a big deal but it's no walk in the park either. Some of the questions are a little tricky so you need to know the underlying concepts rather than just rely on speed and arithmetical ability. Ads' school enters only 3rd grade upwards for the Olympiads but they register their students for the National Science Talent Search Exam from Grade 1 upwards. I duly registered Ads. Half of the questions in the NSTSE are on Science so his level of interest was also higher than for IMO.

Now even before he went to write the test, I was sure his performance would be average. I know my son is exceptionally bright and curious. He can talk to you about the Industrial Revolution, WWII, mythology (Greek, Roman and Indian), the race to the moon, obscure dinosaurs, prehistoric creatures and the top 10 endangered species, to name a few of his current favourite topics. I'm not bragging, but his breadth of knowledge relative to his age is staggering. It's a different matter that he still spills more food on the ground than goes into his mouth, and the other day he did not eat his pasta lunch because Appa forgot to pack a fork and he was too silly to think of alternative solutions! When we pointed out the ten things he could have done, not to mention eaten the damn lunch with his fingers, his eyes filled with large tears :)

Anyways, I digress. S and I had a heated argument post the test, when I was correcting the answer sheet and telling Ads where he'd gone wrong. There were a lot of silly mistakes and nothing hets me up like carelessness. He got so many answers wrong in Science, which is supposed to be his strong suit. Being lazy and forgetting to cross-check your answers or worse, misreading the question and getting the answer wrong, is unacceptable to me. The husband said:

He's in Grade 2. Give him a break.

Don't turn into Tiger mom.

It's important to get concepts right. He can be tops in speed and calculation but are we testing what he knows or only interested in what he scores?

The only thing important right now is NOT to destroy his love of learning. By drilling him in Math, maybe you are doing just that.

It hurt a little bit. My point was only that while I agree with whatever S said (and hotly contest that I am turning into Tiger mom...does he even know what a tiger mom is???? They are the folks that come to baby ballet and lie down on the floor with their babies and do all the ballet steps while me and all the other babies look on, bemused), in the real world you need to have a good grasp of concepts and speed and intellectual curiosity/desire to learn. 

The one thing that Amy Chua pointed out in her book that really resonated with me is that if you allow kids to do whatever they want, all they'll do is watch video games and eat junk food all day. Is that ideal? Obviously not. I approached the competitive exams in much the same way. Ads will not like it, but he'll have to lump it.

I realize that, for parents, achieving that balance is crucial and akin to walking a fine line. S probably thinks I may jump to the wrong side of the line very soon! (He has no idea how very far I am from it). In all this tussle, the only certainty is that we will be revisiting this topic many many more times over the next few years until my kids graduate.

Random thoughts on random people

I decided sometime last year or the year before, that I was going to prune my life of superfluous, superficial, negative and toxic relationships. I did not wake up one day and resolve to do this - though I should have, and a long time ago! It is something that has happened quite organically over a period of time. I've stopped investing time and effort in maintaining friendships that were chugging along on the steam of nostalgia ("old times' sake!"), and where the entire onus of keeping the relationship alive and kicking had fallen on me alone. I've stopped being bothered by people who ignore me and patronize me or my family.

Keep it distant but keep it cordial (like my mom says, it doesn't cost you anything to be nice).

So far (touchwood), I haven't been in a position where someone has tested my limits; but on the other hand, my limits themselves have been expanding, which is a good thing.

I recently had a pretty surreal experiencing of spending 3 days travelling with someone who would not speak to me. I don't know what the problem is or what I am supposed to have done. We shared a hotel room over 3 days (and about 20 words in total!), and there were a lot of meals with both of us looking in opposite directions and eating in perfect silence! My two-years-younger self would have been deeply hurt. I'm happy to report that I am far more thick-skinned now and I played my part in the cold war as best as I knew how - Distant but cordial (!!). The husband asked me why I did not ask upfront what the problem was. But really - why should I? If you have a problem with me, then tell me what it is. Why should I agonize over an imaginary or trivial problem that you have? I don't have a problem with you, so I will be polite but I won't force my company or my conversation on you.

Like I tell Ads many a time - Stop sulking and crying. Go to the other room and calm down. Then tell me what your problem is. 

Sometimes it seems like some people never grow up!!

PS: 3 days without talk created a mini-Vipasana-like experience which I am happy to say I coasted through :)

A guest post - on change and adapting to it

The Girl Next Door very sweetly asked me to write a guest post on her blog. I had to rack my brains for a couple of weeks to come up with a suitable topic. What I started to think of writing and what finally came out were two very different things; but anyhow, I had fun penning down my thoughts! Here's the post - http://thegalnxtdoor.wordpress.com/2013/01/21/on-change-adapting-to-it-life-and-kids/.

Thanks, TGND, for reaching out not to mention that very nice intro :)

Saving all that artwork

Sharing my latest post on Mom's Diaries.

Many kids bring a lot of artistic creations home from school. And if your kids are like mine, they would generate a whole lot of art and craft work at home as well. Doodles and scribblings on paper, cardboard-box and thermocole cut-outs, and assorted keepsakes and birthday cards can require a sizeable amount of storage space! What do you do with all that stuff?? Over the years, I have devised a system that works quite well for us and saves space and sanity!

1. Differentiate between what’s precious and what’s junk. Even the fondest mother knows that a lot of what kids scribble is – ok, call me hard-hearted – just garbage. Many a time, my son has been trying out an idea and it takes him several reams of paper before he gets it right. Or my daughter has been scribbling the alphabet on a scrap of paper, over and over again. Do a quick scan at a designated time every day (I do mine last thing at night) and mercilessly throw out what’s not worth keeping.

2. Create a temporary storage space for artwork. Each of my kids gets a large transparent folder and a box to put their artwork in. Ensure all the artwork that you want to keep goes into one of these.

3. Every month, set aside a day to review what’s been stored. I usually approach this task with a calendar in my mind. Are there any birthdays approaching in the next month? Any festivals? Special occasions like Teacher’s day? I review the artwork with each of my kids and if we need to make cards or momentos, we reuse what’s already been created by them. So for Teacher’s day, they may just pick up some drawing, paste it on card stock, decorate with markers and glitter and voila!  We’ve even used artwork as personalised gift-wrapping paper instead of buying fresh paper; there are tons of such ideas for creative recycling!

4. Every couple of months (I do this every quarter) should be archival day. I do one of two things - either click pics of all the artwork or scan them. The digital files go into a special folder on my laptop and are immediately transferred into my external hard disk as well. If you are running out of temporary storage space, transfer all the artwork to a larger box and leave it in the loft/store-room.

5. Use artwork as room decor. My kid’s work is displayed in my living room, on the fridge, in our bedroom and of course up on the walls in their own room. One year, I pasted my son’s artwork all over the living room for his birthday party. It made for a lot of interesting conversation! I’ve known parents who laminated drawings to make lovely place-mats  create collages to frame and display on the wall, and even hung drawings on clotheslines string across their child’s room. The possibilities are endless!

 

It’s a real pleasure to look back years or even months later and smile over the products of those grubby little hands. I’d love to know how you save the fruits of your child’s creativity.  

Cosleeping - still!

We’ve been co-sleeping with our kids since they were born. Co-sleeping – I smile as I write this. In our home it has just meant all of us piling onto the same bed and stretching out any which way higgledy-piggledy :) It was never a conscious decision, just something that made immense sense especially since both the kids breastfed extensively and well into their ones and twos and also because Ads was an extremely colicky child and it was impossible to put him down in a separate crib even if we had wanted to. Plus – we liked it – it was and has been as simple as that.

For the past year or so, I’ve longed (on and off) to reclaim my own space atleast while sleeping during the night; but did not actively do anything about it until a short while ago when I finally succeeded in getting the kids to sleep in a separate room.

But as a parent I am nothing if not inconsistent (!) and thanks in no small measure to the husband messing up my well-laid plans, I am now back to “co-sleeping”! Not that I am complaining during the cold long winter nights when I have two soft warm bodies to cuddle upto!

S and I used to find it amusing when a cousin confessed that their sons – 10 years and 7 years old – still shared their bed. The time for amusement may be fast over – my kids don’t have too long to hit that age milestone and Ads is there already. Surely I won’t be sharing my bed with the kids when they are 10 and 7 respectively....

Surely....surely not???!!!!

 

Dilli ki sardi and an announcement

It's been almost 3 years that we moved to Delhi-NCR and finally, the lure of the Delhi winter is fading somewhat. Partly due to the fact that we've had the coldest winter in many decades this year (Gurgaon managed a cool zero degree minimum for 2 days running), partly because I'm getting older and not getting any exercise so when the cold wind blows, it hits me right...ooh....in the spine, radiating waves of pain up down and along the sides of my back. 

So I posted my usual once-a-year fb update on how cold it was (we'd just had the coldest day in 44 years) and got the usual responses from people all over the globe. Why are you complaining? It's minus 5 here. You don't have to shovel snow. Come to Canada, its minus 15 here now.

Really, people. I don't naysay the many hardships of living in a truly cold country. But come to Delhi just for one winter. Stay in an apartment with really poor insulation, no hot running water unless you keep the geyser on all day, no central heating and non-carpet cold floors, and then tell me whether or not you're better off living in a centrally-heated and well-insulatedhome, having hot water on tap, wall-to-wall carpeting, and heated indoor public spaces.

There are days when being inside our flat is more miserable than being outside in the fresh air!

I was huddling near the room heater, wearing several woolly layers and talking to my parents on skype. They are currently in the east coast of the United States. My dad was in his shirt-sleeves and cheerfully told me - "It's minus 1 here today!"

Damn! :)

But - the silver lining. We will be moving to Bangalore in a few months. I'm still very conflicted about the decision. I love Delhi - it's food (beyond compare), it's shopping (umatched), it's history and monuments, it's parks - the list will go on and on. But Bangalore holds a very special place in my heart too. Plus I have lots of friends there, many more than in Delhi-NCR. Best of all, we will be so much closer to Chennai and the kids will get to visit with their grandparents so much more frequently. If that's not a silver lining, what is?

 

Modern dentistry

I had to get a wisdom tooth extracted over the weekend. You know one always feel so nervous while heading to the dentist. I keep telling myself that I can do this...I've experienced and survived intense labour pangs and managed quite well (bar the yelling, as S reminds me, but that's a story for another day!!). Ads had to have a dental checkup too so I took him along.

Now this is one of those nice swanky places which charge you an arm and a leg. The upside is, courteous staff, coffee and tea on call, current magazines, piped music and those funky colourful chairs and equipment specially for kids. Ads was asked to lie down, given a pair of headphones and asked which channel he would like to watch while he was being examined. The LCD screen was stuck to a false ceiling a few feet above his head! He asked for Nat Geo. The doc said "Oh don't you want to watch cartoons?" Ads promptly replied "Cartoons don't give you any knowledge." Yeah that's his thing now. Knowledge. The lovely fiction books that I bought for him lie untouched since they are clearly for knowledge-unseeking folks!

I was forced asked to watch TV too. Unwisely, I gave in and agreed. The thing is, it all seems a little callous to me. It looks as though I couldn't care less about the state of my teeth if I'm watching Seinfeld while the dentist is busy drilling away. I mean, it's not like I'm getting a pedicure done! Half the time you can't see the screen anyway because the doc is bending over your mouth. You can't very well tell her "Hey doc, do you mind moving your hand, I'm missing all the punch lines here?" And then I dropped the remote every single time I moved forward to rinse and the doc had to bend and pick it up.

They did have some very advanced stuff to inject the local anaesthesia. Or maybe it's not advanced at all - it's been more than 7 years since I've been to a dentist for anything other than a routine check. I thought the injection would hurt, instead she used a vibrator on the gums while she injected and I felt nothing more than a teensy-weensy prick. The senior doc then came along and very casually wrested the tooth out. I felt a small tug and that was it.

Hail modern medicine! A 100% painless tooth extraction in the time it gets to watch an episode of Modern Family :)

My parenting scorecard in 2012 and the year gone by

My report card as a parent in 2012 is out! How has it been - well you can see my marks for yourself! I did not make very good grades. It was an interesting exercise, first to figure out what parameters were important to me as a measure of how well I do as a mom, and then grading myself honestly. Then I had to explain the criteria to Ads and get him to rate me. Not sure of how much he really understood; for example, "self-esteem" is not a concept he is familiar with and I had to elaborate. I think he got about 80% of it and the grades he gave me are more or less in line with what I expected him to think.

I'm glad 2012 is over. It has been an exhausting roller-coaster year just in terms of the sheer amount of activity we crammed into it.
The highs:

1. I didn't have to move house!! Yes that's a big plus for someone who moves almost every year :)

2. I started work, first part-time then rapidly transitioned to full-time. There has been lots of learning and a huge sense of purpose in doing work that has deep impact.

3. S got a huge break at work and is now doing something pretty exciting, and that makes me a very proud wife, more so because I feel that's where he belongs. We went to the same b-school but I've always felt he is leagues ahead in terms of intellectual ability. (There, I've said it! Can't take it back!)

4. The kids have progressed well in school especially Ads who has leapfrogged in many areas. Y has also become a lot more confident and vocal and her language skills (Hindi & English) have shown a definite upswing in the last 2 months.

5. We travelled like maniacs this year. 9 holidays, not counting our summer breaks in Chennai and Bangalore and work-related travel that took us to some very interesting places. S and I managed a first - a kid-free week in gorgeous Himachal and we hope to have a couple holiday like that every year.

The lows - well every high comes with it's lows doesn't it? :) I'm not complaining because the not-so-great bits have just been an obvious byproduct of some of the good things that happened. S's new job meant that he had to shuttle weekly between Bangalore and Delhi and so we only had him for the weekends. Being a single parent through the week and having to juggle a demanding full-time job and two kids has meant that I am constantly exhausted. The exercise routine has fallen by the wayside and there are days I am sleeping for the same number of hours as when the kids were infants. It has done nothing for my sanity, patience, health or looks, and I've complain often enough to the husband that I've aged more than a few years in the last 6-7 months.

Like I said, 2012 been a roller-coaster ride. While it's been mostly good and unfailingly exciting, I am ready to look forward to 2013, which will hopefully be a calmer twelve months with a lot more family time. Sometimes I feel that the year gone by just have us a sneak peak - a template of how life is going to be with growing children and increasing responsibility (parental, filial and financial).

There are only 2 resolutions for 2013.

1. Get more sleep.

2. Cut back on work. I honestly can't take this hard-charging routine for much longer. Ideally, figure out something with reduced work hours and/or work-from-home.

Should not be hard, should it? :)

Happy New Year, everybody!

Enjoying some solitude

When the kids are around, I'm always groaning about how I have absolutely no time. I have a loooong list of things I could do if only I didn't have the kids behind me all the time.

Then my wish finally comes true...woohoo!!

And now there is unlimited time. Gloriously large chunks of it, left over even after I've gone to work and come back home. I wake up really late by my standards (7.30 am) and by 8.30 am I am bathed, breakfasted and ready for work. Heck, I've even read the newspaper page by page. The last time that happened was 7 years ago!

Hmmm....so...like I said, I have a lot of time. Too much of it, come to think of it.

What do I do with all that time?

Gosh, I'm wasting so much time!!!

Quick quick where's that list of stuff I wamted to do?

Ok, ok, no need to panic. The list is right here.

#1 - Meet friends for coffee. Great. Sounds like fun. Except that most friends have taken off on holiday during the winter break. The ones that are in town aren't picking up the phone. Losers.

#2 - Watch TV and movies without interruptions. Alright. This should be good. Wait. There's nothing on TV. Not a single thing worth watching. Also, I'm out of DVDs. Damn.

#3 - Go on a heritage walk and explore Delhi. What? In this cold miserable foggy weather? Are you crazy?

#4 - Organize closets, throw out junk, attack the kid's clutter-filled room. Tomorrow...I'll get this done tomorrow...

#5 - Roam around in the grocery store in peace, no need to rush home, check out all the new products. Why is this on the list - I thought this list was about doing fun stuff!!!

#6 - Call old friends, have long chats. Realize I have no old friends and the ones I have are on holiday. Boo hoo.
# 7 - Go shopping. Delhi has fun stuff happening all the time. Nah - It's just no fun to do this alone. Even if half of the roads were not blocked and the metro shut down.

Lest you think my life was the absolute pits, let me say it wasn't all that bad :(

• I got a lot of time to catch up on my reading. I breezed through a good chunk of the Ramayana Series by Ashok Banker (review here), downloaded a few books on Kindle and generally did what I love doing best - read multiple books simultaneously :)
• I had a lot of blogposts pending and completed all of those.
• I met a friend at her place for some yummy dinner and we managed to have a nice long adult conversation with no interruptions.
• My maid was very happy since she had hardly any work around the house and a happy maid makes for a happy employer :)
• I was energetic enough to stay up till 11 pm (!) all days and could afford to laze around in bed until (gasp!) 8 am on the weekend. The pinnacle of luxury if you ask me.

It did take me some time to get used to the silence. I took me a couple of meals to slow down and not bolt down my food like I usually do. It also took a while to stop doing everything at express speed. It was a revelation that 24 hours in a day is quite a lot and when the kids are not around, it is more than ample for anything that you have to do! I also did not miss the constant refeering and breaking up of fights that are such an integral part of our home scene nowadays. 

It was a win-win situation for the kids as well. Chennai is always a magnet for them and being there with the whole extended family and cousins, at a time when the weather there is at it's nicest, was always going to make for a great vacation. As for S, he got to meet the whole clan at one shot and also bask in the glorified status of a single dad (Your wife is sooo lucky! You are such a great dad! Imagine managing the kids all by yourself!). Whatever - I'm willing to hand it to him as long as I get my free time every now and then :)

So the (expected) verdict is - a short break like this every now and then is really nice. Don't raise your expectations, don't expect to accomplish anything like a full month's work of pending items during a few days, just chill, watch movies, go for long walks, catch up with friends (but give them a heads-up in advance lets they all disappear like mine did!) and enjoy the silence :)) 

Y's unanswerables, and Ads'

I'm reading this book called Cinderella ate my daughter by Peggy Orenstein. I'll review the book once I'm done with it but the chapter I was reading put me in mind of some of Y's tough questions. The book says (I quote):

.....Regardless of how we dress them or decorate their rooms, when they are tiny, children do not know pink from blue. Then the whole concept of labeling kicks in - sometime between the ages of two and three, they realise that there is this thing called "boy" and this thing called "girl" and something important differentiates them. But whatever, they wonder, could that be?

......Until around age five kids don't fully realize that their own identities (and their own anatomies) are fixed. before that, as far as they are concerned, you could grow up to be either a mommy or a daddy. And they don't understand that other people's sex stays the same despite superficial changes until as late as age seven.

Moving on to some questions Y has stumped (and regaled) me with.

When I am big like you, will I still be a girl?

Is Thatha (grandfather) my husband?

When I grow up, my husband will be Anna (Ads).

My friend S has short hair. Is she a boy or a girl?

I want to pee standing up like Anna. Why can't I do it?

Why don't I have what Anna has (she is NOT talking about a toy here!)

When Anna wears a hairband, he looks so cute. Why can't he wear a frock? (Why indeed!)

 

Why did nobody tell me I'd have to answer such questions?!!

Of course, these are chicken-feed compared to the one I got from Ads. He scans the front-page of the newspaper every morning, I knew the question would come and I was surprised he took so long to ask me. However I was still unprepared when he asked me what "rape" was. 

Kids don't, simply don't, need to know what rape is at this age. Not boys, not girls. When I read of little girls being violated, I am filled with impotent rage. 

Note to self: It's a big bad cruel world out there. Figure out what to tell Ads if he asks you again. I've always answered his questions (even if it took me a couple of days to google and get the answer) and this issue needs to be treated with due sensitivity and caution, especially since we cannot escape the big headlines in the paper everyday. Any ideas, people?

Empty nest

The children left with their dad for a short holiday to Chennai. I was feeling low for the last couple of hours - of course, they were super-excited! I hugged them tightly, deeply inhaled the scent of them, kissed them soundly. I went downstairs to see them off in the cab. They waved goodbye cheerfully through the windows.
Back upstairs, their slippers had been carelessly cast away on the living room floor. What would have normally got me mutter under my breath (or yell!) in annoyance now elicited a deep pang. Slowly I walked around the house, picking up a toy car here, assorted books there, some scraps of paper, clips and hairbands, dirty dishes....mechanically depositing everything in it's appointed place.

I cleaned the dining table, pulled out a fresh tablecover and adjusted it over the table, knowing it would remain pristine and unwrinked for the next 5 days. There would be no spills or splotches, no books lying on top of it, no markers staining it in big unseemly blotches. I plumped up the cushions on the sofa, knowing that they would remain in the same position for the next few days and would not be thrown on the floor while the sofa became a rocket-launcher, tractor or skyscraper!

The kids' room was a big mess. I easily resisted the urge to clean it up. I let the toys and books and crayons stay littered all over the bed, floor and table.

The rest of the house is immaculate. Beds are made, clothes hang in the closet. There are no toothpaste stains in the wash-basin. There are no stray slippers. I don't trip over random objects on the floor.

And yet the most perfect warm and welcoming room is the room which my kids have made their own. The messiest room in the house awaits its rightful inhabitants. 

Budding author

Our geek has been writing books. The kind that were written in the old days - yes actually written -with old-fashioned pen and paper and not by banging keys on a laptop. I half-heartedly tried to get him to write on the computer. I'd passed on my old clunky HP laptop to him when I migrated to a sleeker version. He did not take to it for a variety of reasons and I let him be. Unlike most of his peers, he's not very much into tech tools and games. Plus that laptop is so lousy; half the keys are missing thanks to Y and it's battery is on it's last legs.

The books (multiple!) are all started and then discarded. The first thing Ads does is to create the following pages.

• Foreword
• Preface
• Acknowledgements
• Resources/Bibliography
• Contents (with page numbers)
• Glossary
• Index

By the time he's done with all of these, he's exhausted and bored and the book remains all bones with no flesh!

We've grown sick telling him, start writing the damn book! Then do the preface and acknowledgements and so on. What do I do with this boy? On the other hand, how many 7-year olds know what a foreword and a preface is? :)

Most of the books have the authors name: Ads. Consultant: Y :) Editor: S and Publisher: Yours truly :) I told him, since I was the one supplying him with a regular and everlasting supply of A4 sheets for his books, I should be the publisher :)

I'm also thinking of buying shares in ITC's paperboard business!

Leaving you with some sample pages and a letter to Santa Claus.

 

Intro page to his Enclyclopaedia

Sample contents page with page nos

Part of a foreword that I wrote for his book

Letter to Santa asking mainly, for what else, an encyclopaedia!

 

Online shopping

My post on how I enjoy online shopping - what do you think? Would love to hear other's opinions and experiences!

Pictures from the blue city

Pictures from our Jodhpur trip are here.

Things I learnt about my son in school

 1. His nickname in class is "Encyclopaedia". Go figure - it shouldn't be difficult :)

2. His pasta is of course very popular among classmates. There's another boy in class whose mom makes great cakes, so I have been asked to out-do her and send a cake for snack tomorrow. Apparently my chocolate chip muffins and banana bread aren't good enough :)

3. He's a lot more assertive and outgoing than I thought he would be. It was quite a surprise! I could hear his voice overriding some others while we were conducting the spelling bee, and once he started arguing with another girl and the teacher had to shush him.

4. Apparently he passes the time by cleaning the classroom floor with a ruler, and plays goofball by falling onto the floor and rolling around whenever they have no teacher supervising. YUCK!!  

The things one learns!

On another note, this is the complete list of all the birds we saw in Bharatpur :)