Observations on mommy's workplace

The kids have both come in to work with me, when I didn't have any childcare and had face to face meetings in the office. They have been angels, busily drawing, reading or playing with the ipad while I was locked away with colleagues. Ads made pen sketches of sharks and dolphins which are now pinned quite incongruously on our notice board! He amazed everybody with his encyclopaedic knowledge of the animal kingdom and had a few comparisons to make between my office and the whole corporate set-up that he has seen at the husband's workplace. These are the main points of differentiation.

Amma's office is very small. Appa's is very big.

There are mostly girls in amma's office. Appa's office has lots of boys and girls. The boys wear ties and jackets.

Amma's office is like a house. There is a kitchen and bathroom and three rooms. They have a lot of decoration. (He meant our studio which has all the handcrafted products - very colourful and pretty!). Appa's office is like a real office and has no decoration.

In Amma's office, they give me a lot of paper to draw and they let me watch youtube videos. I don't think I can do that in Appa's office.

I think the last point clinched it for him. Yay for Amma's office!! :)

 

 

Ragi cake - taking healthy to a whole new level!

Another baking experiment with a Ragi cake! I was a little apprehensive about how it would taste. Of course I've done whole wheat cakes with jaggery before and they tasted good but ragi was taking health to a whole new level :) I did not have plain ragi so I used the stuff I use to make kanji  or porridge for Ads. It's a ragi-based sattu maavu or health mix. We both love it (while father and daughter will not go near it!).
I followed the recipe to a T, only adding a little more curd than was recommended since I felt the batter was too dry.

The cake got me a lot of compliments. It has a nutty flavour (because of the almonds and cashews in the health mix) and it is something I'll definitely be baking again. A colleague at office who normally shuns super-healthy stuff helped herself to seconds and thirds and that really made my day :)

No pictures, unfortunately. But do try this recipe and let me know how it came out! Litebit.in has come lovely recipes and I can't wait to try out the ones for the kids lunchboxes. Look out for more cooking updates in this space :)

Waiting for winter

I hate this transition period between seasons. Almost 6 months of huffing and puffing and labouring under the intense heat has left us all drained. The last mile is the hardest isn’t it? October with its promise of cooler weather is just around the corner, yet the thought of another few weeks of moisture and perspiration seems too much to be borne. Monsoons mean houseflies, all manner of strange insects, mosquitoes, Odomos and the ever-present parental anxiety over dengue and malaria. It means stomach infections, missing maids, throwing out leftovers without a thought, and, this year, praying for the rain that comes but infrequently.

Forgive the rant. I stayed silent all through the torrid summer, after all! I managed to get bitten by some insect and the resulting allergy has left me in agony with skin rashes. A visit to the dermatologist is urgently needed, it seems – have been putting it off for days out of sheer laziness.

Updates on the glorious weather in Bangalore by the husband are not helping! Ah well..just a few more weeks....just a few more...the early roses are already in bloom. Can't wait for my favourite seasons - autumn and winter!

Paneer Barfi

Making barfi is something that has always sent shivers down my spine. I've seen my mom slaving in the hot kitchen, stirring constantly until the mixture separated from the sides of the pan...whew...!! It just seems like so much work with fairly dicey outcomes even in this day and age of microwave recipes. I know for a fact that it's after many years of practice that my mom is now able to dish out scrumpilious barfis.

However, a few weeks ago, a colleague who has a sweet tooth and entertains a lot, shared a Tarla Dalal recipe with me. She confided that her paneer barfi was her staple dessert to be whipped up when people came over. Today, I decided to try it especially as the milk has spoilt for 2 days running now and consequently I have a lot of fresh home-made paneer just sitting in the fridge.

I used the same recipe as above....except that I am really bad at following recipes to the T. So I substituted condensed milk for milk powder and sugar, used far less ghee (just 3 tbsp for 200 gm paneer) and dropped ground almonds and cashews into the mix since I know my kids would balk at whole nuts in the sweet. Of course, could not resist popping some of the hot mixture into my greedy mouth. Pure ambrosia!!! You can't go wrong with condensed milk and ghee, can you? :)

Shape the final cooled mixture into flat rounds or even spheres if that's easier. I lost interest once I tasted the final product (as I knew I would) and hurriedly formed the mix into lumpy flat rounds. Aesthetics and patience - not my strongest points!!!

Anyway, I feel thrilled that I finally got to make a proper barfi. Next trial - this!

Easy snack - buttered beans

Another easy snack and super-healthy to boot. Ads loves these buttered beans with almonds and has been requesting these for snack for the last couple of weeks. I wasn't able to get just the right beans - the one at our local sabji-wala looked so tired and wilted in the monsoon heat! Finally managed to get some good fresh beans yesterday and packed it for Ads' short break today. Y won't have it as-is, I know, so dressed hers up with some corn, paneer and yellow peppers and hopefully those will get consumed.

Cut the beans julienne. Immerse in boiling water for a few minutes. Grate or finely cut a few almonds. Drain the beans and saute in a pan along with a generous dollop of butter (I use Amul table butter). Add salt, pepper (if required) and oregano. Add the almonds, give everything a good shake to mix ém up and it's done! It's crunchy, buttery and yummy :) This also makes for a nice side dish while entertaining.

I remember the first time I ate this. It was on Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco. We were having sourdough bread and clam chowder and ordered beans just to see what it would be like. One of the best meals I've ever had, looking out over the beautiful bay :)

 

Carpe Diem?

Every now and then I read something someone has written, saying something I feel and want to say so much better and wittier than I could ever have said it. If I could have reached in among my confused jumble of thoughts and picked out exactly the right words to say, each word following the other in exactly the right sequence, this article or something very like it, may have been the end-result. Do read it.

Carpe diem, everyone! Or not! :)

(HuffPost has some of my favourite mommy bloggers, just for the record).

Teacher's Day

It's Teacher's Day. We've bought gifts/flowers for the kids' teachers and duly delivered those. The children are happy and I'm glad their terrific teachers have gotten some affection and material things in return for the very difficult job that they do!

It was only natural that today my thoughts went back many years, to all the teachers I have had. I studied in 12 schools in various parts of India. 3 years of undergrad while pursuing a cost-ccounting degree, the MBA, not to mention various music and art classes exposed to me a whole variety of teachers, teaching styles and personalities. Considering the very diverse and large sample size, it is surprising that there are but a handful of teachers who made a mark on me. There are but a few who impressed me with their sagacity and goodness, nourished my intellect, challenged me and yet supported me. Just a few whom I truly respected for their mastery over the subject and their desire to keep learning and teaching. The vast majority, sadly, were either nonentities (at best) or malevolent influences (at worst) whom I dreaded interacting with.

I fondly remember my English teacher in Grade 7 who encouraged me to write - essays, poetry, fiction, anything at all. She was the one who turned me from a mere bookworm into someone who enjoyed writing almost as much as reading. She had the most beautiful handwriting and we were in touch for a few years even after I left that school. In high school, I had one good science teacher and a very inspiring English teacher. Again these were people who taught me just for a couple of years before I moved on. College was a nightmare with a teacher who detested me and resented my participation in extra-curricular activities even though I never let those affect my grades. I used to hate going to college that first year for fear of the tongue-lashing that I was in danger of getting, ever so often.

My music and art teachers were overall, quite good. They did the best they could with me :) Come to think of it, the people I've learnt the most from have been my managers (sometimes they have taught me what not to do!) and my friends (some of them actually sat down and taught me Statistics and Economics!). Truly, Life is the best teacher.

As far as the current crop of school teachers goes, one finds the usual mix of truly talented, passionate and inspiring individuals rubbing shoulders with the mediocre and apathetic lot. However, the task of a teacher at any self-respecting middle-class school has become so much tougher. They are expected to not only teach the books, but also design and execute a whole bunch of extra-curricular and curricular activities and projects for their class and school. Parents are more demanding, more competitive, more involved - which is both good and bad. At every one of Ads' Parent -Teacher meetings, I am normally to be found tapping ny feet with impatience as parents before me take up far more than their allotted time discussing every minute detail of their child's day and performance with the teacher, analysing and probing beyond all reasonableness. He said this, she behaved this way, he doesn't eat this, she doesn't listen, why, what, when, how.....the list is endless. And really, none of it seems very serious as I sit there in class, unable to avoid overhearing. Come on, these are 7-8 year olds we are talking about . They are behaving as they are supposed to behave, which is, NOT perfectly! It takes me all of 5 minutes to check that all is well with Ads and that there are no red flags. I sign the sheet that's held out to me and I am done with the PTM for another couple of months!

I look at the detailed performance assessment of my kids with specific remarks on every subject and skill and I wonder - Does the teacher really write an individualised account for every kid or does she do some amount of Ctrl C-Ctrl V? I wouldn't blame her if it was the latter! There's English, Math, EVS, Hindi, Computers, Gym and Physical, Music, Dance, Art, in addition to a whole section on soft skills. For anywhere between 20 and 30 kids! I don't have the patience to read it myself, especially as I know that even negative feedback is couched in such sugar-coated terms as to be almost positive! Gone are the days when Remarks meant - Excellent, Good, Fair, Needs improvement, or Poor! Gosh, sometimes I almost feel nostalgic for those simpler days, though I'm glad that spanking and hitting are now a thing of the past at most of the good schools. Having been at the receiving end of a ruler more than once, I sure don't want my kids to deal with that.

This September 5, I wish that my children have the good fortune to encounter many many excellent teachers and guides. Most of all, I hope they will be good pupils and have the wisdom to know that they can learn from everyone and from every situation and circumstance, good or bad.

Happy Teacher's Day!!

Snack menu today

Working from home (which...sigh.....is not happening that much nowadays) means I have the time to do stuff, like...

Baking. Started with wanting to bake a rainbow cake but then realized I was out of food colour. I made do with orange and yellow-coloured whole wheat muffins.

And being able to plan ahead. Soak the dal and get my cook to grate the veggies for the evening snack - beetroot vadas. I love these because of the protein and vitamin kick. These don't look that fabulous (am blaming it on my camera and my photography non-skills!) but they tasted yum :)

Moms Diaries Posts

I've been writing for Mom&Me, the chain of baby stores started by Mahindra Retail, for a while now. They have a bunch of other moms blogging as well.

Here's my latest post about Sibling squabbles.

Thank you everyday

Y and I have developed a nightly bedtime routine. We snuggle in bed and I quiz her. Nothing "difficult" like questions about animals and numbers, but phonics and alphabets are a current favourite. Then we say Thank You to each other for all the good things that have happened that day. For example, I'll say, Thank you for being a good girl today.

Then it's her turn. She says, Thank you for the noodles that you packed for lunch.

Me: Thank you for putting away your toys.

Y: Thank you for letting me watch Chota Bheem.

Me: Thank you for being so cute.

Y: Thank you for saying that.

The last thank you cracked me up :) So now she says it everyday, right at the end when she doesn't know what else to be thankful for :)

The poor thing has been sick for the last week, going on for 10 days now. She has been diagnosed with typhoid. I do have to be grateful to her for being such a good patient kid who downs her medication without any complaint, who doesn't ask for any junk food, who stays quiet as a mouse when I am on a call and who rests whenever I ask her to.

Thank you, girl!

 

Seven!!

My baby boy is 7! SEVEN!

Ok ok.....why am I exclaiming over this?! I knew he would have to eventually get there, but somehow it seems a little unreal. Every birthday does.

Nothing much has changed between 6 and 7. My boy is still thin, lanky, bright, sensitive, emotional, responsible, hardworking, imaginative, affectionate (very!), compliant and obedient. He's also become a bit more street-smart, a little less trusting and doormat-ish. His best friend is a kid a whole year older than him, a brash boy who can be just a little too aggressive at times. He ends up in scuffles with many of the other kids in the complex. He tried to intimidate Ads too but over the last few months I see how well Ads is holding his own. While the other kid tends to dominate, he never gets his way all the time and Ads seems to be pushing back at all the right moments. My boy is learning all the lessons I wanted him to learn.

I've asked him to do one thing for me this year. Now that he's a big boy and all. I've asked him to please please please stop throwing tantrums because he's too old for them and really, this mommy can't deal with them any more. I have no patience, no energy, nothing to deal with the one-a-day-average. He's promised. We'll see how this resolution pans out!

The one significant change that has taken place is the interest/obsession with wildlife. We started with the big cats, moved onto marine creatures and are now deep into dinosaurs and other prehistoric animals. The fallout of this has been that he has stopped playing with his toys. No Lego, no cars or trucks, no board games, no beyblades and no ball games. He has tiny wild animal toys and I bought him a set of marine mammals for his birthday so he is generally to be found playing with those. Either that, or else reading and writing about them! (Ms Y apes her brother in most respects so she has stopped playing with her toys too!).

After last year's unconventional birthday celebration, we went the whole hog this year and invited about 10 kids to a simple birthday party at home. A lion-themed cake, pizza, cheesy garlic bread, juice, a few party games and lots of running around made for one fun evening. Y nearly got trampled several times as the boys rushed to the door whenever someone rang the bell and as they played hockey, badminton and footie inside the house! She asked me "Amma, why are they so loud?"

Happy birthday, my darling.

In his EVS class, the kids were asked to create a wishlist. Ads' top two wishes were Peace of Mind and Children! I was zapped at the first one. Didn't he have peace of mind now? Does he even know what peace of mind is? His response: Amma, our teacher said that was on the top of her wishlist so I just copied it!

And children? What if they are pesky naughty brats?

Its ok amma, I think they will be good like me!

Ending this post with some of his recent art and writing work.

Drawing of a Great White Shark and on the right, the teeth of a Megaladon

The first sheet of a booklet on dinosaurs

Inside sheet - fact file on dinos

A rough and incomplete sketch of a lion

A one-off sketch!

Killer whale skeleton

Latest interest - making tables of the largest/heaviest/fastest animals and birds, the ones with the biggest bite forces etc etc

 

A weekend in Lucknow

I generally dislike travelling in August, that muggiest of all months here in North India. The humidity levels would put even my hometown Chennai to shame! However, personal likes and dislikes aside, we've always ended up doing atleast one trip this month every year because of all the long weekends that arrive around this time.

We arrived in Lucknow one muggy afternoon. Mercifully there was some rain to bring down the temperature, even if only temporarily. After a quick lunch, we set out for our first stop, the Bara Imambara. The guides here are really pesky and intrusive and it required all of our rudeness to fob them off! The children enjoyed running around in the huge empty spaces while S and I walked around absorbing some Nawabi atmosphere. 

The entry to the Bada Imambara.

Burning off some excess energy

Lovely candelabras.

Look at that lovely candle sconce!



We then moved to shop till we dropped :) Salwar kurtas, shirts and kurtas for the boys, a saree, even a lovely bedsheet and pillowcases. Due to the unrest in the old areas of the city the previous day, we were warned against shopping in Aminabad and Chowk, which is where you get the bargains. But it worked out for the best because walking through narrow smelly streets in the rain would not have been anyone's cup of tea. As it happened, the kids worked up a perfect storm in the very nice shop that we patronised. I thanked our stars that we were the only customers at that time because for a full hour, they made perfect pests of themselves! The staff looked on with a very indulgent eye even as I was itching to spank my own kids! Methinks that they took the famous Lucknowi tehzeeb to another level altogether!

The rain still dropping in buckets, we had no option but to head back to our hotel for some much needed rest, since all of us had had a very early start that morning. The next day, we headed out in a leisurely fashion, around lunchtime, to first partake of some authentic Awadhi cuisine. Having stuffed ourselves to the gills with kababs and biryani, we drove to the Kukrail picnic spot where Ads wanted to see the Gharial Conservation Center. It was really HOT and humid and all I wanted to do was sink into the cool pond just like the crocodiles were doing. 

Having ogled our fill at the creepy-crawlies, all we would do was find a shady spot, get some icy-cold drinks and sink down into the grass for some time while the kids ran around. Where do they get the energy from??? I could barely stay upright!

Our next stop was the Residency, which funnily enough my family had never visited all the years we lived in the city. The Residency complex is set amidst green lush manicured lawns. Every building, from Dr. Fayrer's house to the Treasury to the banqueting hall, bear signs of extensive shelling and most of the buildings are left in their almost-fallen-down state. There is a small but interesting museum which details the events leading upto to the seige of Lucknow, and it's aftermath.

  

Being the lazy people that we are, even here we spent a lot of time on our backs in the lovely lawns, just gazing at the sky and the trees while Y plaintively kept asking "Why aren't we walking around?" We also sampled some chaat - brilliantly flavoured aloo tikkis, khasta chaat and golgappes. I have to say I don't care for the North-Indian golgappes all that much, much preferring their superior versions - panipuri in Mumbai and puchkas in Calcutta. But the aloo tikkis were yummmm...I can still taste them on my tongue several hours later :) I went back to see my old school. Unfortunately it was closed. I tried to peek inside and what I could see seemed just the way I remembered.

So these were the highlights of our weekend in Lucknow. We arrived back this morning bushed and drained from all that walking around in the humidity. Happy to sleep in my own bed tonight!

The past revisited - Lucknow

When S suggested a few weeks ago that we plan a trip to Lucknow, I balked. Who goes to Lucknow? (Ok...am not quoting any facts or anything here...I am sure lots of tourists go to Lucknow, but nobody I know has ever gone there on a holiday. Except all of my relatives I think, who visited when we lived there for a few years back in the 80s).

Anyway, I don't like to revisit places that I've been to already. Life is way too short for that. The only and most honourable exception would be New Zealand (and I have a 10 year visa - yaaay!!). S insisted. "But there must be many places to see in Lucknow." Sure, there are. There's the Bada and Chota Imambaras. There's the British Residency. Oh wait, there's also Kukrail Reserve forest which has the Kukrail Ghariyal Conservation Center, of particular interest now that Ads has dived deep into Crocodilians. There's shopping, especially for exquisite Chikanari work. There's pigging on aloo tikkis at Hazratganj market, though I wasn't sure my stomach could take it now.

Come to think of it, I had very distinct memories associated with Lucknow. We moved there when I was around 9, the age from which onwards my memories of places, people and events is reasonably sharp. I remember many of my teachers in the two schools I studied in those three years. I remember being in 7th grade and begging my parents for a bicycle to ride to school, which they bought without a fuss. I remember being horribly embarrased when my dad deputed his peon/attendant from the bank to accompany me every single day to school. Guddu would follow me on his cycle as I meandered through roads broad and narrow to reach my school. At the age of 11-12, it was mortifying to have a bodyguard! Looking back though, I am amazed at my parents' guts in sending me to school like that. I wouldn't do it with Ads or Y! Perhaps the world was a better safer place then?

It did not seem that way in 1984 when Indira Gandhi was assassinated and the anti-Sikh riots broke out. I remember being shut up at home, being acutely and miserably aware that it was rioting outside, and that people were being beaten and killed outside on the streets. I am sure my parents were extremely tense. Armed mobs were barging into every house, demanding to know whether the families inside were harbouring any Sikhs. Amma told me to open my diary and write Sri Ramajayam as many times as I could. It was a smart way to distract a frightened child - I wrote pages! I can't imagine how I would handle a similar situation without losing my head completely.

My happiest memory of Lucknow is án incident which I doubt my parents will even remember. Even if they did, they would not imagine that it figures as one of my happiest memories ever. Strange isn't it? I often wonder what my childrens' happiest and saddest moments so far would be. Is it what I think they are or is it something else entirely, which I had paid scant attenton to? My father had been travelling. I think he had been to Calcutta and perhaps he had been to the Calcutta Book Fair. It's hard to be sure. Anyway, he had picked up something for both me and my brother (I think it was a gift for my having stood 1st in the final exam - something like that anyway), and my parents decided that it would be a nice touch to give me a surprise. One of them shaded my eyes with their hands. That gesture in itself was a dramatic flourish quite uncharacteristic of them! I can even now hear my mother's voice saying "Look at her face." They uncovered my eyes and what do I see - a brand new omnibus of the entire short stories of Sherlock Holmes. I was thrilled, overwhelmed, over the moon! a) I loved reading. b) I had recently got hooked on Sherlock Holmes. c) One did not get fat and obviously expensive books every day. And both mom and dad were grinning away, their pleasure magnified by my gratifyingly surprised and ecstatic reaction.

That book (I still have it) has given me hours of reading pleasure to the extent that it is sadly dog-eared, frayed and almost falling apart now. I keep meaning to get it bound now but have not got around to it yet. There have been many books gifted to me after that, but this one gift will remain really special.

Lucknow sure has some strong associations in my mind! We are going there soon and I am sure it has changed beyond recognition. We'll go look at my old school. We will go to Kukrail where we had so many picnics. I'll shop for chikan. Maybe, just maybe, I'll see or smell something that will bring back more memories!

A day in my life

The life of a working mum:

5.15 am: Wake up to have a quiet cup of chai before the madness starts. Read the newspaper.

5.30 - 6.15 am: Start cooking and packing lunch dabbas for 3 people (me, Ads, Y - husband not being around is a bonus in this aspect - one less to do!). As things simmer on the gas, get going on the laundry, laying out uniforms etc etc.

6.15 - 6.40 am: Wake up Ads, supervise teeth-brushing. Eat my breakfast while he sips his milk.

6.45 - 7.15 am: Help Ads with geting ready, prepare and serve breakfast. Cuddle a morning-blues Y if she wakes up while making sure Ads doesn't feel left out :)

7.15 am: Accompany Ads to bus-stop if Y is awake. If she is still asleep, he goes solo.

7.30 - 9 am - Repeat morning routine with Y while getting ready for work myself; pray silently that my house-help will land up.

9-9.10 am: Leave the house with Y and all our luggage (laptop bag, Y's backpack, my lunch, her lunch), see her off to school and immediately leave for work

9.45 am: Reach work.

2.15 pm: My outer limit for leaving the office else I'm not going to reach home in time for school bus drop-off.

2.50 am: Reach home, drop my stuff in the flat and rush back to bus-stop to retrieve the 2 kids :)

3-4 pm: Washing up, milk-drinking and general catching up with kids.

4-4.30 pm: Attempt to take a 20 min power nap (husband's brilliant idea). Have failed consistently due to screaming matches between kids, potty breaks, doorbell ringing etc.

4.30 pm or earlier - 6 pm: Start preparing evening snack for kids. Cut fruits for Ads tennis class (they have a snack break). Wait for cook to arrive. Supervise Ads' homework if any.

6 - 7 pm - Hopefully dinner is prepared by this time. See off Ads at swim or tennis class, take Y to park. Catch up with mommy friends/neighbours.

7 pm: Buy milk and other staples for next day. Head home.

7-7.30 pm - Bath-time.

7.30-8 pm: Dinner time and cleaning up.

8 - 8.30 pm - Cuddling in bed, quiz time, "discussion"time (with Ads!) and finally bed-time.

8.30 - 10 pm - Catch up with work and emails.

It's exhausting. A lot of people don't realize that flex-working means, in the end, a lot more work. You have to be more efficient (no idle gossiping over the office water-cooler!) and you are never disconnected from work, even at home. I like my schedule even though it gets crazy at times. I've never believed in the quality time argument; for me, quality and quantity are must-haves. This way, I get more time to be with the kids. I like to be there waiting for them when they get off the school bus. I like to listen to their childish prattle as they relive their day in school. And as much as I may crib about it, even their squabbles are something I wouldn't want to miss!

The bottomline is I am grateful to be doing good work when so many others don't get such opportunities. I'm neck-deep in recruiting for my office now since we are doubling our staff strength and I am meeting so many women who are looking for flexible schedules, have been in fact hunting for that elusive opportunity for years and have not reached there yet. It beats a couple of my previous jobs anyway where I was far less physically spent than I am now, yet the prospect of getting out of bed every morning and facing another day in the office was sheer misery.
I don't know how long this run will continue - hopefully for a few more years. I would hate to have to be in an office 9 to 6, however fantastic the work is and however awesome the pay packet (For the record, my pay truly sucks!).

Childhoods are too fleeting. This time around, my fingers are well and truly crossed.

Rakhi 2012

I always get unreasonably excited about Rakhi. Especially now that the kids squabble so much. It seems like there is low-level skirmish going on all the time, which frequently bursts out in the form of explosive warfare. I'm not enjoying this phase in the sibling relationship. I am told by more experienced parents that this might well continue for several more years.

My brother said when I told him about this "I thought Ads-Y were very harmonious?" Well, yes, they are, by and large. They share really well, they love each other to bits and Ads is Y's hero, no doubt about that. Yet between his evolution into the pesky teasing elder brother and her tendency of not giving an inch, I'm going more than a little nuts.

So Rakhi signalled a temporary truce between the two warring factions! This year, the kids took out money from their little piggy-banks to buy books for each other. We made Rakhis at home well in advance, with paper, glue and old lace. Y prepared the Thali for the pooja with a lamp and sweets. She applied the tilak on her brother's forehead and they tied Rakhis on each other's wrists and fed sweets to each other.

Thus went our improvised version of this tradition. I explained to them the significance of the festival and they listened with rapt attention, but soon got back to regular programming :)

Oh well. Atleast I tried :)

It takes a village.......

It really does.

I fondly remember my excellent support system in the US, which swung into action when I was in my first trimester with Y. Ads was barely two and a quarter years old and I was suffering from the most debilitating exhaustion and the most intense nausea. It was impossible to stay upright for more than a few minutes. All I could eat were a few crackers in the morning (if I didn’t throw those up). Staying vertical for the few minutes it took to microwave some oatmeal for Ads’ breakfast or some mac-and-cheese for his lunch was absolute torture. The poor darling took it in his stride. Amma wasn’t well and that was it. Racked by guilt and unable to manage on the limited support S was able to extend at that point, I sent out a desperate plea for help to my mommy friends. These were Belgian, French, British, Irish, Korean, Lebanese and quite a few others apart from native Californians who were in the moms club that I was a part of.

Within a few hours, pat came a phone call and email with a neat schedule of hot meals and playdates for Ads. Every couple of days, a friend and her kid or kids would land up with a meal (that would tide us over the next 2 days). They would whisk Ads away for a few hours of frolic while I got some much-needed rest. This continued for a month or so until I entered my second trimester and felt able to join the world again. I was able to return the favour not just once but many many times to the same women, when they had babies, fell sick, had an emergency etc etc. In a country where hired help is expensive and hard to find and family often is unavailable to help, I learnt to reach out and ask for assistance even from people I didn’t know that well.

From that time on, I understood the real meaning of the phrase “It takes a village to raise a child”. I have never since hesitated to ask for help in rearing my kids. Whether it is from the husband, parents and in-laws or friends, I have reached out many a time when I needed some childcare. Other than a few rare instances, when I asked, I did receive. Case in point – the recent collapse of the Northern Grid. On the first day, I didn’t even  realize something was amiss until I reached the office and was told that colleagues had not had power since 2 am (we have back-up in the flat and the news didn’t make the morning papers). On the way back home, I got stuck in the Metro. Frantic calls were made to a friend who volunteered to pick up Ads from the bus-stop and hold him till I arrived. The next day, it was the same situation all over again. I was at a meeting with my phone on silent mode when the guy we were meeting told us the grid had collapsed again. Oh no!! I quickly checked my phone, to find several messages from friends – Where are you? Metro’s stopped again- do you know? When will you get back? Do you want me to pick up Ads/Y?

I was beyond touched. Just then a friend/neighbour called to give me the latest news as shown on TV. All ended well - the trains resumed service and I rushed back home immediately. But it was very reassuring to know that even if I had got stuck somewhere, there were enough hands on board to keep my children safe.

We all need a good support system. Some have it handed to us on a platter – read handily-available parents/in-laws/relatives. Some of us have to create one from scratch. Many of us try to be supermoms without realizing that our energies would be better spent in trying to be better networked, more helpful to others in need, and most importantly, learning to ask for help!

Ad-Lib#10, Geekiness and Khichdi

Ads had Science week in school. They were supposed to perform simple experiments in class, make a presentation on endangered animals and think of puzzles/riddles to quiz their classmates on. Altogether a lot of fun for our geek. He came back home everyday quite disillusioned with his classmates' overall lack of knowledge! "Amma, they don't even know that tigers and lions' habitats are totally different! Amma, they don't know that tigers and lions have existed since prehistoric times. Amma, so-and-so did such a silly experiment - everyone knows water is colourless and odourless! All the children in my class think polar bears hibernate!"

These were some of the comments he passed as soon as he entered the door. But my favourite, as always - "They don't know nothing! They only know cricket!"

Many a time, I've also been accused of the same ignorance! When I was travelling, he would bombard me with facts like "Do you know a walrus weighs 1.2 tons?" I'd say "Yeah?" at which he would explode - "Amma, why are you not surprised?? A walrus' weight is 1.2 TONS!!! You're not LISTENING!"

I've been telling him that we will watch the Olympic highlights together and make a list of all the Indian medalists, and we'll also watch the tennis and swimming events (since he's currently learning both). He isn't very keen and thinks sports are a waste of his time.

Time better spent in getting to be more geeky, eh?

Someone asked Y yesterday what did she like best and she said polar bears. She also wants to be a zoologist like her hero. Only condition - she will wear pink and not brown like the boring clothes that most zoologists wear. Ads teased her - "You are a khichdi. You need to wear brown for camouflage. The wild animals will see you and they'll eat you up."

Y wailed. Not because the wild animals would eat her (lesser problem!) but because her Anna called her a Khichdi. Don't ask me what it means. That's the most insulting thing they ever say to each other! Sometimes, when they get mad at me, I can hear them whispering to each other - Amma is a khichdi.

Daddy goes solo

Almost obscenely abundant greenery everywhere, emerald paddy fields, rubber plantations, clean roads, grey menacing clouds – where else but in Kerala? I was in Palakkad for a couple of days for a project that are pitching for. As always, I was blown away by the natural beauty all around me. S and I have done Kerala in bits and pieces over the years and managed to cover most of the state but Palakkad is one district we have never visited.

Anyway, back to basics. S has been in absentia, on a fair bit of travel for the last month. The last week, he was in Gurgaon on a flexible schedule and therefore I pushed for my work-related travel to happen during this time. There was a tiny bit of apprehension since this would be the first time that he would be alone with the kids and handling the routine craziness of a school day. I was confident that he could do it provided the domestic help landed up on time and did not take every other day off as they have been doing of late.  As it happens, my maid and cook have a soft corner for bhaiya; clearly they think he is some hapless male forced to take on child-rearing responsibilities while didi goes off on pleasure jaunts. S was very confident that they would report to work without fail and on time, something they somehow never manage with me! I’m happy to report that his confidence was not misplaced, though I’m also sure they are going to play truant now that I am back.

In fact, the only challenge they faced was how to tie Y’s hair, S never having learnt how to handle a hairband! We had a 15 minute negotiation before I left. Y sweetly suggested that Appa learn how to braid her hair to form 2 plaits. I countered that it wasn’t necessary and that she should be content with one ponytail for the 4 days that I would be away. She was most reluctant (she doesn’t like the single ponytail) but once we were able to convince her that she actually looked better with one pony instead of two, she gave in with bad grace. I’m glad that was the only roadblock we encountered!

S says he was able to manage just fine but that his work had to take a backseat, being crammed into the few hours when the kids were at school. He apparently had a long conf-call with the folks in the US and Y sat quietly at his side throughout, working with her crayons and glitter pens. This might be an important milestone for us in our journey towards (more or less) equally-shared parenting.

Clearly, they all managed just fine without me (maybe even better!). Have I made myself redundant? I certainly hope so!

A 'zoo' on the floor

On a weekend afternoon, as the rest of the family snoozes, this is what a bored boy gets upto. Start with creating a whole zoo on the floor, then move on to specific habitats.
Does your kid have the 5 best toys of all time? :)

Panoramic view of the zoo :)

Or rather, "American Zoo", as the white notice stuck to the cupboard proclaims. The white bear and Ludo counters are "the statues at the entrance, Amma." Note the emergency vehicles all ready and waiting.

The "safari"and at the back is the grassland habitat (a green plastic cover) with zebras.

Board game covers, pressure cooker gaskets, Pediasure 'dabbas' have all become zoo enclosures :)

The toy basket cover hides a tiger and it's cub snoozing away in the afternoon heat.

Holiday homework woes

So. Holiday homework. Projects. The bane of every parent. The nightmare of every mum and dad. Every time I see someone with a harried look on their face, walking around clutching plasic folders and A3/A4 sheets, chart paper and thermocole, getting into the car for a quick dash down to the stationery shop for buying some glue or feathers, my heart melts in sympathy.

Been there, done that, you know :)

I don't know how it is in other cities, but the Delhi newspapers have been full of articles like this. We ourselves have a "homework uncle" in our neighbourhood, who for a fee will execute your ward's school projects. Is it any wonder that when Ads submits his projects or assignments, he comes back carrying tales of how terrific everyone else's project looked, as opposed to our home-made, eco-friendly output? I've seen some of these works of art displayed in the school corridors during the Parent-Teacher meetings and I'm ready to bet my last dollar that no first or second-grader could have made them. Or else, there are a heck of a lot of super-talented moms out there. I refuse to believe the latter too, it would be too damaging to my ego :)

This year as well, Ads got homework in all subjects (English, Math, EVS, Hindi). Now I simply don't understand why kids need to have homework during the holidays. Its a holiday, in case nobody noticed. Kids should have nothing to do during vacation. In fact, today's generation needs idleness much more than we did simply because most of them don't seem to know how to handle boredom. And when can kids just be kids if not during the summer vacation? They definitely don't have the time during the school year. Why add the pressure of homework on top of the classes and summer camps that they are probably going to anyway?

Someone definitely had put in some serious thought into the homework assignment design, that much was apparent. I did appreciate that. The theme was to compare the era of Ads's grandparents (1950s to 1960s) to the current era. In English, they had to interview each grandparent and write down about the differences in communication technologies and why these changes occured. In Math, they had to look at the currencies in vogue then, and also calculate purchasing power of the rupee (by comparing prices of staples across the years). In EVS, they had to figure out the differences in fashion and textiles. In Hindi, they had to discuss modes of transporation then and now. Pretty interesting stuff, really. 

What they had forgotten or conveniently overlooked was how much parental input would be required to complete the assignments. None of them could be completed without my active assistance. My policy of limited screen time/no video games backfired on me since Ads couldn't use the laptop to download and print stuff. (I still stand firmly by my policy, btw :))

Between my mom, Ads and me, we managed to complete the whole thing. The whole thing was quite pointless, if you ask me. I also know that most other kids in our complex have either outsourced their projects outside or else their mommies have done the whole thing when the kids were at school! What's the point???

Children only retain what they want to and it's a fact that they do forget a lot of what they have learnt, during the summer vacation. I also know that not everyone's home environment facilitates or encourages reading, craft and learning. Instead of overloading hapless kids and parents with homework, I would support if they asked all children to keep a daily or weekly journal (in both English and the second language, if they like). I'm sure they would be astonished at the creative interpretations the kids would come up with. Ask them to bring to school all the artwork they did during the hols. Make them write a story on that family holiday, with pictures. Let them describe something new that they learnt during the summer. Any of these options (just one, not all at the same time!) would be so much more age-appropriate and more valuable that the impractical stuff they come up with now.

As for Math, any decently involved parent will make their children do worksheets every week. I did. When it comes to Maths and Science, I think we don't need to doubt the Tiger mom qualities of Indian parents :)

I'm going to give these suggestions to the school. I hope they do something about it. This year, when Ads cribebd about the homework, I gave him a way out. I said, I will support you in not doing your homework. Go to your class teacher and say your mom doesn't have the time and the homework is too hard to do without any help, so you haven't done it. Do that, and I'll back you up.

Needless to say, our conformist thought the whole idea was insane. Coward :)