It takes a village.......

It really does.

I fondly remember my excellent support system in the US, which swung into action when I was in my first trimester with Y. Ads was barely two and a quarter years old and I was suffering from the most debilitating exhaustion and the most intense nausea. It was impossible to stay upright for more than a few minutes. All I could eat were a few crackers in the morning (if I didn’t throw those up). Staying vertical for the few minutes it took to microwave some oatmeal for Ads’ breakfast or some mac-and-cheese for his lunch was absolute torture. The poor darling took it in his stride. Amma wasn’t well and that was it. Racked by guilt and unable to manage on the limited support S was able to extend at that point, I sent out a desperate plea for help to my mommy friends. These were Belgian, French, British, Irish, Korean, Lebanese and quite a few others apart from native Californians who were in the moms club that I was a part of.

Within a few hours, pat came a phone call and email with a neat schedule of hot meals and playdates for Ads. Every couple of days, a friend and her kid or kids would land up with a meal (that would tide us over the next 2 days). They would whisk Ads away for a few hours of frolic while I got some much-needed rest. This continued for a month or so until I entered my second trimester and felt able to join the world again. I was able to return the favour not just once but many many times to the same women, when they had babies, fell sick, had an emergency etc etc. In a country where hired help is expensive and hard to find and family often is unavailable to help, I learnt to reach out and ask for assistance even from people I didn’t know that well.

From that time on, I understood the real meaning of the phrase “It takes a village to raise a child”. I have never since hesitated to ask for help in rearing my kids. Whether it is from the husband, parents and in-laws or friends, I have reached out many a time when I needed some childcare. Other than a few rare instances, when I asked, I did receive. Case in point – the recent collapse of the Northern Grid. On the first day, I didn’t even  realize something was amiss until I reached the office and was told that colleagues had not had power since 2 am (we have back-up in the flat and the news didn’t make the morning papers). On the way back home, I got stuck in the Metro. Frantic calls were made to a friend who volunteered to pick up Ads from the bus-stop and hold him till I arrived. The next day, it was the same situation all over again. I was at a meeting with my phone on silent mode when the guy we were meeting told us the grid had collapsed again. Oh no!! I quickly checked my phone, to find several messages from friends – Where are you? Metro’s stopped again- do you know? When will you get back? Do you want me to pick up Ads/Y?

I was beyond touched. Just then a friend/neighbour called to give me the latest news as shown on TV. All ended well - the trains resumed service and I rushed back home immediately. But it was very reassuring to know that even if I had got stuck somewhere, there were enough hands on board to keep my children safe.

We all need a good support system. Some have it handed to us on a platter – read handily-available parents/in-laws/relatives. Some of us have to create one from scratch. Many of us try to be supermoms without realizing that our energies would be better spent in trying to be better networked, more helpful to others in need, and most importantly, learning to ask for help!