Almost two and a half

If I haven't said anything about Y on these pages lately, it has been because I often wonder - "What should I say?" She's just your average 2-year old. Maybe a lot more loquacious than some, but essentially the same. Not that I don't, like every other mum, think in the deepest recesses of my heart that she is a prodigy-in-the-making and far more advanced than any of her peers :) But I think what is different about me is that I recognize that the things I used to ooh and aah over with Ads, are things that every child does, and so they don't seem that special any more that Y does them.

I have to admit how Y is different, though. She scares all of us! We are all a wee bit afraid of her and Ads has even taken to calling her Baby-ji - a term of respect due to her diva-like behaviour. So her other nickname is Diva. Well, everyone knows what a diva does and how she behaves and ours is just the same, twisting other lesser souls around her little fingers and having the hapless males of the house dancing to her tunes!

Girls. They're just so...........much..........FUN!!

On a more sober note, if she's like this when she's 2, how will she be when she's 3? We're in for a bumpy ride, I can tell.

In the zone

I've been neglecting my children. Big-time. You know that feeling when you get into the "zone"? When work, or the flow of words, or an art project, or in my case, studying, is going really well? When I understand everything I'm reading (which doesn't happen all that often, I can tell ya!), when I read a sample exam question and know right off how to structure the answer; better still, when I actually write for an hour and know that the answer is a kick-ass one? :) I'm there now. I have 3 weeks before the first examination. My mom (and until yesterday, my dad) responded to SOS calls and parked themselves in blistering hot Gurgaon so that I could maximise my study time. The consequence, a mother near-invisible in body and spirit. I don't feel too guilty about it because the kids are well-entertained and taken care of. Every now and then, I make myself available for a few absent-minded cuddles and kisses. I occasionally feed Y, take them to the park, or read to them, but the key word is occasionally.

It's not easy. I'm frequently annoyed when one of the kids comes running up to me when I am wrestling with a particularly difficult point and demands to be lifted up and made a fuss of. I feel enraged when they start fighting among themselves and I have to referee. It's painful when they don't eat dinner quickly because thanks to the moving men who broke my work-computer table, I only have the one table where I can spread out my laptop, books and notes. I'm exhausted and drained by 6 pm and feel guilty when I cannot muster up the energy to play with my kids before their bedtime. Yesterday, I kept Ads home from school because he had a bad cough. Guess what, surprise surprise, the cough disappeared as soon as the school bus left! They spent most of the rest of the hottest Monday in the last 4 years fighting amongst themselves, probably egged on by the heat and dust and the ennui that it invariably creates. Anything for a little excitement, what? Then Y insisted that I put her to bed, an undertaking I've been trying to avoid because put me in a darkened room at 8 pm and the odds are high that my body will hit the snooze button too and there will go my 2 hours of uninterrupted study! She was clinging to me, and I was trying to move away without offending her, because I love her and everything, and I would have loved one last cuddle before bedtime, but it was so HOT!

Aah..........even when I am ready to be fully present for my child, the weather conspires to defeat me!

Just noticed it's my 250th post! I thought I'd run out of writing material long before now :)

It's all right...

......as I knew it would be. Thanks for all the kind/encouraging words, everybody!!! Ads is doing reasonably well in adjusting to school. We've had a few bouts of crying and feeling rotten over the last few days but now he takes the bus to and from school and has fallen into a routine. What's really helped is that a lot of kids whom he sees three times a week at tennis lessons, also go to the same school, and some of them are even in the same class (although different sections). He has a few kids inside the complex whom he plays with on and off though I am yet to make any dent in the "mommy" network!

A few amusing incidents have taken place over the last fortnight. He goes to tennis coaching 3 days a week, Tuesday through Thursday, after school. There is this girl (from the same school and also in Class I) who was very friendly and super-helpful to him from Day one (when he was crying inside and outside the court). She's sort of become his anchor at tennis lessons and I often see them giggling together and talking (instead of hitting some shots.....waste of all that money, Ads!!!!) One evening, I dropped him off at the court, went back home because Y was still groggy from her afternoon nap and then came down again after an hour to pick him up. I was a few minutes early so I just hung around until he was ready. The kids were all spread out in a line and ready to play some game before the class broke up. The coach was shouting instructions. Ads suddenly hugs and kisses his friend (the girl I mentioned). He spots me, turns pink, and freezes for a couple of seconds. Then, very deliberately and with feigned casualness, he walks far away from her to the other end of the line! How did he learn to feel guilty about his act, and why did he feel the need to cover it up? I'm surprised because I know nothing S and I ever did or said could have contributed to his reaction on seeing my reaction.   Later, at home, he was mortified when I related the incident to my mom and I was laughing. Oops. S was told about it in strict confidence and I threatened him with dire consequences if he mentioned it to Ads. Typical reaction from S when I related this incident - "Tennis starts at Love all".

In the park, I ask him to actively get out there and make friends. I had suggested that he could go up to a kid who looked like his own age and maybe ask him their name, how old they were, and then take the conversation on from there. I don't think he heard the second part of my suggestion because now all he does is go up to a kid and ask him, in a very mechanised, robot-like fashion "What's your name? What's your age?", and then comes scurrying back to me! Pray, what does that achieve? I've asked him to go one step further and ask them if they want to play some game with him. I won't intervene any further with tips because he has to make friends in his own way and there is only so much I can help him. It would help if there were some moms around in the park who would also encourage their kids to play with other kids, but unfortunately I am almost always the only mom around. There are scores of maids sitting around, listening to their ipods, gossiping or talking on the phone. It's very annoying when I see so many of the maids who don't even bother keeping an eye on their wards, whether they are playing nicely, playing safely and not hurting themselves or others.

Forget the maids - do you know that I am now a proud grandmom?? Last weekend, we found Y lying down on the bed and Ads sawing at her stomach with a hacksaw, no less. He performed a quick blood-less C-section on my daughter and out came 2 stuffed toys (a tiger and a teddy bear). Y has named them after her 2 favourite second cousins. She spent a lot of time yesterday everyday feeding them, bathing them and taking care of them; but I think this whole motherhood thing got to her after a while (tell me about it, baby!) and she hasn't spared them a second glance since :)

KIDS. Who needs entertainment when they are around.

Bye-bye and have a nice day. This is Y's standard comment to all and sundry, whatever the time of day and even if nobody is going bye-bye!

Head vs heart

I spent most of my school life being the outsider. The new kid who joined school, often in the middle of the session, when the 'gangs' had already been formed. The kid who hardly ever stayed for more than a year. I had friends, some of whom I am in touch with even now, but until I reached high school, I formed no special attachments, either to school or to people. So I can't relate to people who have friends they've known from kindergarten - it seems utterly strange to me that such a thing could happen! Post- marriage and kids, the scenario hasn't changed all that much and I'm still the perennial outsider - the mom who isn't part of any of the mommy cliques, who has to stand around awkwardly at the bus stop before mustering up the courage to go up to other parents and introduce herself.

So if there is one aspect of life where I can totally empathize with Ads, it is this. I get it - completely. I know exactly how he feels on the first day (or week, or month!) of school - the choking sensation in the throat, the uncomfortable feeling in the chest, the need to go to the bathroom multiple times! I get the misery of not knowing anybody, the urge to have friends but the lack of means to make them, the dire need of burying one's face in amma's stomach and not letting go. I'm actually illogically angry at myself for putting him in the situation where he has to adjust to a new environment every year. 5 years old, and this is his 4th school already. I'm resolved that for the next 3 years (what's the magic in that number? I donno. It seems right though) atleast, we will stay put in Gurgaon and not move him around.

S and I have talked about this and S feels that for a kid as scared of change as Ads is, this experience of constant change, is important. My clear logical brain tells me that he is right. But who is to explain to my heart, that boils over with pain and guilt, every time my darling cries? I know from my own experience that all that shuttling around in the early years didn't do me any harm, however much I may have disliked it at that point in time. In point of fact, it did nothing but a lot of good. 

How much of parenting is just second-guessing and hindsight, sprinkled over with insane amounts of ill-deserved guilt?!!

I did it! (err...she did it?)

You know those moms who tell you that their child got potty-trained in 3 days...or gasp....1 day flat and that was it? I've had many of those mom friends. I've envied them and I've also, oftentimes, thought they were just bluffing. I simply could not believe it, because it was such a Godawful freakishly hard experience to potty-train Ads that accepting that it could be done easily was somehow a testament to my incompetence and nincompoop-ness! I started training Ads when he was 18 months old (proof enough that starting earlier equals finishing later!) and it took more than one and a half years for him to get potty-trained. It was frustrating and exhausting, to say the least. 

I hoped against hope that Y would be easier. So many people had said that girls are easier to potty-train than boys. I am super-duper happy to report that my trooper has potty-trained herself, with little or no input from me,  in just a couple of days!!! Wow....those stories are really true...:) She's still in diapers when we go out and when she sleeps but I notice she's always dry so she looks like she's ready for a diaper-free existence as soon as I can locate that plastic sheet I'd kept aside for just this purpose :)

Why do I feel like I've achieved something when in fact all I've done is clap and cheer a few times?!!!

Another summer begins...

I managed to squeeze in a heavy-duty viral infection within the first week of moving to the new apartment. After being mostly prone for 2 days, I was back on my feet and racking the brains about how to keep the kids occupied and busy during the two weeks of summer break (Ads starts school next week). Inspiration and motivation came in the form of some amazing ideas from Gorgeous Karma, who is one amazing crafty mom. The first project we tried out was the Leaves and Crayon collage. Ads took a few minutes to get the hang of it, but then got pretty excited as he captured the veins, big and small, of each leaf. The end result, as you can see, is pretty :)

We did a lot of vegetable painting, with cauliflowers, carrots and green peppers, even onions. I made them do this on thin scrapbook paper, with the idea of using it as home-made wrapping paper. A nice touch to any gift!

They did some finger painting and painting with brushes and poster colours too.

The big challenge I have is to devise activities that would engage them for atleast an hour. I haven't hit that magic figure yet :( No art project which involves both the kids ever stretches beyond 30 minutes, and that's the absolute outer limit. If I leave Ads to his own devices then he can amuse himself with books, legos, drawing, puzzles or other toys for a substantial period of time. But then Y keeps popping in to see what he is doing, scribbling on his work, rearranging the puzzle, pushing the blocks etc etc - leading to enraged howls and shrieks! It's practically impossible for me to sit down with Ads for any activity that requires any concentration, because of Y's constant interruptions. Making him read, making him write, playing board games, or reading any non-fiction book to him are big no-nos because I can never focus on him alone. I feel like I'm shortchanging him and at the same time, involving Y in only the 'big-brother' activities seems unfair too! What I really seem to need is 2 heads and 4 arms so that I can attend to both their needs :)

Lest anyone get the idea that we were always productively and happily employed, let me state for the record how I just left them to their own devices when I needed a break from the two monsters angels. They managed to be at each other's throats most of the time. Every now and then, they would give me a pleasant surprise by concocting their own silly games and rushing around shouting and laughing :)

The graduate

We'd been practicing the kindergarten speech for so long without being totally certain that Ads was even going to attend his graduation that I once asked him directly if he would mind if he missed it. He didn't seem to care one way or the other. In hindsight, considering how awesome it turned out to be, I'm glad we didn't move to Gurgaon a week earlier, I'm glad that S attended it (even though I missed it), and I'm so very glad Ads got to be there, robe and all, and pick up his graduation scroll from the Principal :)

Now - a disclaimer. All this while, I've thought the whole fuss about KG graduation, elementary and middle-school graduation, which is part and parcel of school life in the US (perhaps in other western countries too, but I'm not sure) was all so much hogwash. Absurd, even. It seemed to be an excuse for promoting mediocrity. I mean - you're supposed to study hard and pass on from one grade to the next. That's your job as a student. Why make a big song and dance about it? And it also seemed to me to take away from the final high school graduation, which of course is a big deal; especially in countries where a lot of people don't go on to college. However I suppose I'm hypocrite enough to support songs-and-dances as long as my kid is involved ;-) Perhaps for little boys and girls, it's a nice way to transition them to 'big' school. And as S wryly observes, for all the money that we are shelling out for tuition and other extras, the school better put on a show for our benefit!
Ads spoke his rehearsed few lines very well, and thankfully, my camera-ignorant husband managed to get a good video of it. Father and son had a sumptuous lunch at school and clicked a few pictures including one with Ads very wonderful class teacher. Father in particular really lucked out that day because he left home just as the packers arrived and returned after they had left. The mayhem in between was unimaginable. 6 guys - all in different rooms - throwing our stuff randomly into cartons, no labelling being done on any of the boxes, mattresses being dragged all over the common areas in the dust and dirt without any packing, and Y whining incessantly. I was close to tears. I'd planned ahead and asked one of my maids to come in around 9 and take Y to the park so that I could focus on the packing. Guess what happened. The maid walked in two hours late. I couldn't even yell at S because I had insisted on him going to school. The last straw was when one of the guys managed to pack the pulao that I had cooked at 5 am that day, along with the raita that accompanied it!!!!!!! The imbecile apparently didn't notice the two fat ladles sticking out of the pans. This was the same fellow who also managed to tear the legs off from my computer table so he was both clumsy and not very bright.
Go ahead and call it plain stupidity on my part to have volunteered to do this by myself with Y around to provide backing vocals :) Sometimes I just think I'm so smart and capable and bite off more than I can chew. Finally, the moving guys left, we handed over the flat keys, stopped by for a quick goodbye to the folks at Y's school, and headed down the highway for Gurgaon. It was only when we were halfway there that I remembered to ask Ads how the graduation went. By which time he was fast asleep!
So that was our moving day. Pure nightmare from start to finish (for me). I'm not posting about how we worked round the clock to get the new house up and running in 2 days flat. What was the tearing hurry, you may ask? None whatsoever. We just wanted to be done with it. And to prove we could :) The A-type personality lurking within us comes to the fore every now and then ;-)

The butterfly

Founder's day at Y's school and Y's role as a butterfly in her first ever public performance at the ripe young age of 2 years and 3 months = a red-letter day for us. Her costume was a yellow and blue affair - a halter-neck blouse and a frilly skirt. She paired it with a pair of black tights and sparkly yellow shoes and I sent her off on the school van on the day of the function. S, Ads and I followed an hour later, agog to see our princess on stage. Have I mentioned before what a lovely serene place Y's school (I should say ex-school now) is? Low buildings surrounding a large lawn flanked with lots and lots of trees and saplings. A duck and geese-pond as soon as you enter. A couple of gazebos where rabbits frolic. A good chance that you will spy their resident peacock. A walk-in aviary. A hen-house and a birdhouse. Stone sculptures of animals dotted all over the place, which children can climb and play on. It's paradise, no two ways about it and my enduring regret will be that Y could not spend atleast another year in that special place. However, we got to experience it for a few months and I am thankful for that.

Y's performance was the second one and consisted of about 10 2-year olds dancing to the well-known Hindi song, which I remember parroting at school when I was a baby myself - Kisne banaya phoolon ko.....ishwar sab mein hai. The song talks about God who made the leaves, butterflies, birds, flowers, mummy, daddy, you and me; so each kid was dressed up as one of these creations of God. Oh my God (pun intended), they were all so unbearably cute!!!!! It was heartbreaking. Y was right in the front, along with 2 other butterflies. They had stuck a large pair of polka-dotted wings on her back and some antennae on her head. The antennae kept falling forward onto her glasses and she had to keep pushing them back :) She did a decent job of miming. Every now and then she would forget what she had to do and just stop and stare into the audience. Then she would look at the girl who was next to her (and who, incidentally was awesome - a born performer) and start copying her. All the other kids were in the same age group that is, the babies of the school - between 18 to 30 months old. Some were crying for their mom/dad and had to be either whisked off the stage (if inconsolable), or else cajoled into staying put by the concerned parent kneeling clumsily in front of the stage and shouting bright words of encouragement! Later on, Y's teacher told me what a big achievement it is for kids of that age to simply get out there and do something - anything - rather than cry to be let off. She's right of course. I can't imagine being all of 2 years old, dressed in something uncomfortable and asked to dance in front of a few scores of people under dazzling lights.
I don't have pictures of Y from that day. The school asked that the parents not click their own photos since the small kids would get distracted and distressed if they spotted their parents in the crowd. They were supposed to give us the photos clicked by the school photographer. I'm a little bummed because I can't wait to share the photos with friends and family but apparently we have to wait until April for the pics. C'mon....nobody told them that the world has gone digital?????
She looked so vulnerable and small on stage. A little lost, a little confused, but bravely plodding on, doing what she was supposed to. She didn't smile or have the easy confidence of her neighbour. She was just a 2 year old baby searching for her family in the audience, in between executing a few dance steps. All I wanted to do was to rush up there and fold her into my arms; however that impulse was successfully resisted and I watched her with pride, joy, awe and just plain love. What emotions these kids can excite in us silly parents!!!!

The Best part of Parenting - NYT article

It's been crazy-busy over here. But we are all moved, and set, and I have been sick as a dog. Until I update with all the happenings in Mommyland, here's an article I read today, and loved. I particularly liked a few things that the author said:

You could read human progress through the tears. The tears of a baby are often a reflex, for a toddler almost always the fruit of frustration or fatigue. The tears of a child begin to be the tears of knowledge. The older heart is more breakable.

So true!

And this:

I regret being pinkslipped from my 24/7 Mom job, although there were times over the years when I thought the inexorability of it would kill me. But it’s hard to imagine anything better than right now: the family dinner with the five of us, all talking about politics, books, work, friends, and one another. It’s hard to imagine anything better than three smart and insightful people who live in the same city we do, who make me remember that there was a point to the whole exercise, and the point was this.

So, there IS a point....that gives me hope! I was beginning to wonder *wink*.

Important lesson learnt

I did something really silly today. It was 9 am and there were 4 of us at home - Y, S, the maid and yours truly. Y had school today only from 3-6 pm so she was not heading out for the school van as she usually is at that time. Instead she was all dressed, breakfasted and playing with her toys. S and the maid left at almost the same time. A few minutes later, the bell rang. Our milk had arrived. While opening the door, I noticed that the maid had not thrown out the trash bags. I was slightly annoyed with her for her oversight and without really thinking, I stepped out to deposit the trash bags in their  designated place near the staircase (where the housekeeping guys pick it up later in the morning).

Now the thing with our front door is that it's one of those doors with the Godrej automatic locks that you find in most apartments nowadays. However, it's a much abused door; a few months ago, we had to break the lock on it as the key was getting jammed all the time; it also doesn't have a stopper (Y broke it!). The point is, that unlike most of these automatic doors, it doesn't close on its own. In fact every time we step out, we have to exert a fair amount of strength to prise it shut and turn the key in the lock. I knew all this and at the back of my mind, it also registered (dimly) that I didn't have my key and my cellphone with me when I stepped out, but I knew that the door wouldn't shut on its own and what the heck, I was outside the flat for precisely 5 seconds.

I know you know where this story is going :(

Imagine my shock when I turned back to the house, and I swear I wasn't away for more than 5 seconds, and I found that the door was firmly locked! Y was just inside the door because she had followed me when the doorbell rang. Sheer panic. Immediately I ran to the neighbour's place and asked to use their phone. There was so much static on the mobile line that I couldn't even figure out if S's phone was ringing or not. I used their landline to call S and asked him to come back home immediately since he has the only other spare key. Thankfully, on this day of all days, our car had a flat tyre and he hadn't even left the complex. 

I kept talking to Y who was bemused at all the commotion. She didn't realize what had happened.

I shudder to think what might have been. Generally, by 9 am, my cooking for the day is in full swing and I could have had the gas on. S could have left for Gurgaon and taken forever to reach home. We would have had to break down the door. 

I'm still beating myself over my carelessness. I know we all do stupid things, but that doesn't stop mommy guilt from rearing it's ugly head :( 

Baby lisping

Aren't Tantra t-shirts the cutest??? I'm so glad they have children's sizes!!! This is a new one I picked up for Y recently.

Last evening, after dinner, the kids and I were talking. Each one perched on one of my thighs (very painful!). Anyway, as we were chatting, Y said the word sweater in some context. The only thing is, she pronounced it, as she always does, as fetter. I asked her to say some other words starting with the sound sw.

Sweat. She said fet.

Swot. fot.

Swim. fim.

Swindon. findon.

Swat. fat.

Ads and I couldn't stop laughing and Y was very happy to have been the cause of so much merriment. Ads' peals of laughter were cut off abruptly when I asked him to say Rallies. He said - Yallies. I said - Oh you mean Yallies? He was enraged - No amma, I said YALLIES!!! I said - Never mind Ads I love the way you say yallies instead of rallies. He was almost in tears (time for me to shut up and stop laughing, I thought!) - Amma I didn't say yallies, I said yallies!

:)))

Now I'm posting recipes!

We're pretty healthy eaters in our household. I keep trying out a lot of new stuff in the kitchen and my mantra has always been quick-fix, healthy meals. I'm not a great cook (just average) and I can't stand around slaving in the kitchen for hours so what I really love are the "one-pot" meals where you throw everything into a pot, switch on the gas/electric cooker and 20 minutes later, it's all done! Pongal, pulao, veg noodles, veg casserole - anyone? So - I've been thinking for a while that I should post some of the new recipes I try out, on this blog. Just so that I remember them myself, if nothing else :)

Yesterday we had my tried-and-trusted staple - the veg paratha with a simple moong dal on the side. I think I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I've made a traditional paratha - y'know - the aloo, the gobi, the mooli ones? Most of the time, my parathas are a medley of several things and not just one vegetable. Yesterday, I wanted to use up a lot of cilantro (coriander) that has been lying in the fridge. There was also some leftover arhar (tuar) dal. I also threw some pumpkin (cubed) into the pressure cooker. I don't know why but it was an inspired choice, as it turned out. In the mixer, I ground jeera, shredded ginger, 2 green chillies, the arhar dal, lots of coriander leaves, along with some salt and milk (the things that went into that paratha!). After the pumpkin was done, I ground that too along with all the other stuff. Poured the whole thing into wheat flour and mixed it really well. The parathas came out so soft that it was a pleasure to eat them, even plain. I suspect the pumpkin made all the difference to the texture. 

My other favourite is the beetroot paratha. The beetroot has to be grated beforehand. Saute it with jeera, red chilli powder or green chillies, salt, coriander (if you like) and ginger. Stuff into the dough and roll it out and cook. It's yummy! Unless you like the slightly sweet taste of this paratha, you might want to add a little extra salt and spice to compensate. Or one could balance it with a spicy side-dish or chutney. The sweetness of it works just fine for us because the kids can't take spicy food anyway. This paratha also looks very appealing - brown with red and green spots due to the beetroot and coriander :) I'll try and post some pictures next time I make this.

Moving and movies

I've been feeling a little low lately. Partly, it's the impending move. Gurgaon is going to be the 6th city we've lived in, after our wedding in 2000; and we are moving to our 7th apartment. The whole process of packing, moving, setting up in a new place has lost some of it's allure! Partly, it's the first time I am really feeling a wrench at moving. One year ago, if someone had told me I'd feel depressed about leaving Noida, I'd have laughed in their face! But I really like it here. We have a few friends in the complex, I know where everything is, both the kids are in fabulous schools and it just seems like we're giving up a good thing to go 40 kms away and start all over again. Of course, there's no option because the 4-hour round commute every single day is killing S, but the very novel emotion of missing a city/place is contributing to my low mood. 

In addition, the looming exams are stress-inducing and the move at this time is taking up a huge chunk of my time and energy. It's been a long time since I took an exam and I think I've just lost confidence in my ability to  crack a test. The doomsday scenario - of having to repeat a year - is giving me sleepless nights. 

Ok folks, I'm just venting here - I am not the type to worry too much about anything but some days, I get all wound up and crazy! I reacted to the stress by watching three movies over the last week - The King's Speech, Vicky Christina Barcelona and The kids are all right. The last one was okay but I'm still wondering why it was in the running for an Oscar. Vicky Christina is actually the first Woody Allen movie I've seen and I loved it. And The King's Speech - brilliant. Watching films is not exactly the best way to pass exams as I'm sure you'll agree :) But now I'm feeling better for having gotten some R&R and all set to hit the books amidst the cartons and bubble wrap!

What has Ads been upto?

Over the last few weeks, Ads has been taking tiny steps to independence. He's been walking to tennis lessons (inside our complex) all by himself. It's a different matter that if he doesn't see me waiting outside the court 5 minutes before the end of the lesson, he bursts into tears! A couple of times, I have been really rushed in the morning and have asked him to start walking to the bus stop and I will catch up with him in a few minutes, and he's done that quite cheerfully. Anybody who knows Ads knows that these little steps mean a whole lot to him. It's taken him almost a year of staying in this complex and getting familiar with it, to even start attempting such feats. He also had his first sleepover last weekend, at his best friend's place, which is also in the same compound.

I have been sitting with him for half an hour everyday, getting him to read. It's been a little bit of a challenge because I am not a good or patient teacher. And English is an illogical infuriating language! I always remember Dharmendra's dialogue in Chupke Chupke - "If B-U-T is but then why is P-U-T put?" It's so easy for the child to forget a new word he learnt only yesterday and it takes constant reinforcement to get him to remember it and pronounce it correctly. We started with the Bubbles and Bruno books which a friend very kindly lent us, some stuff on the Internet but now I have graduated him to more advanced books. They have a lot more words that he doesn't know but I figured he can just read what he knows and the rest I will read for him. Maybe he'll get a jumpstart on the bigger words that way.

He doesn't enjoy reading as much as he enjoys doing little sums - addition and subtraction. The Tam-bram engineering/mathematical genes are on full display! Over the summer, I plan to get him to read more. His teacher told me to start him on multiplication tables which they will be doing in Grade I. My mom has already identified an art class for him in Chennai. Not to mention the field visits that eager grandparents have lined up for him. The fella is going to have a jam-packed summer!

NGMA, Anish Kapoor and a new experience for Ads

We spent a few hours at the National Gallery of Modern Art yesterday. I've heard good things about it and been wanting to go for a few weeks, and then we realized that the Anish Kapoor exhibition was about to end this weekend. We couldn't miss an exhibition of an artist of his stature, so off we went - the four of us and Sanjay's cousin who was spending the day with us. I want to expose Ads to a lot of art and make him understand a few things. One, there is no "one" or "right" kind of art. Any expression of an individuals' thoughts or emotions is a legitimate work of artistry. Two, the exercise of just soaking in the beautiful expression of someone's creativity and making our own interpretation of it's meaning is pleasurable in itself. Three, we need to be alive to the beauty that is all around us, be it in the stunning flowers at the Mughal Gardens (where we went last weekend) or in the asymmetrical shapes and disorienting forms of modern sculpture.

I'm beginning to be cognizant of the fact that a major part of a parent's nurturing role is to nourish the mind and spirit just as much as to nourish the body. Maybe even more. Exposing a child to new experiences and perspectives that broaden and challenge his thinking - isn't that a critical part of what we should be doing? Ads was gratifyingly compliant with our attempts to make sense of Anish Kapoor. He would go up to each model or sculpture and ask me "What do you think this is, amma?". I would flip the question back at him and he would say something - very prosaic but that's not the point. The point is that I think he dimly understood that space and form had been manipulated to create new definitions of space and form, and he may or may not like it but its there and it's intriguing, ambiguous and somewhat surreal.

After this introduction to modern art, we slipped over to the cafeteria for a quick pick-me-up (juice) for the kids and then proceeded to the main wing of the NGMA. Which was HUGE. S and I really need to go back again to do justice to the lovely works they had up on the wall. Ads liked Jamini Roy, mostly because he had a few Krishna paintings up there :) There was a stunning one of Arjuna and Krishna by Nandalal Bose. The main wing was 4 levels and a lot of walking and we got the executive summary only! Y was walking around like an art pro, holding (and occasionally reading), the NGMA brochure which she was holding in her hand :)

It was a lovely afternoon. I'm enjoying more than anything else, this attempt to open up Ads' mind to new fresh things. It may or may not have any impact; he's too young and there are going to be other major influences in his life. But I'm doing my job and this is one aspect of parenting I'm really enjoying.

Next stop - an intro to all the major religions. That's going to be a big project!

Cowboy Joe

So - sports day at Ads' school. Or as they called it - Gusto - Field Day. Back when I was a small kid, which really, was not all that long ago (!), sports days were simple affairs. You had to take part in some races (egg-and-spoon, sack, plain and simple running, one-legged). You sometimes had to wear the white PT uniform complete with while canvas shoes and take part in a drill and marchpast. 1-2-3-4! The only "costume" you needed was maybe a few ribbons or a sash denoting the colour of the house you belonged to. You stood or ran in the sun for hours, drank some water, ate the packed tiffin from home, and tumbled into the bus for the ride back home. 

Now, they are elaborate orchestrated affairs, complete with specific themes, detailed costumes (for which I coughed up a few hundreds), umpteen rehearsals, and one helluva effort put in by the teachers. I doff my hat to them for all the initiative and creativity on display (and the fact that they didn't ask me to roam all over town to scout for costumes but instead made a bulk purchase!). Ads has been talking about sports day for the last month. He was selected to take part in a cowboy dance. Cotton eye Joe by Rednex - anybody remember that super-catchy song? He came home bearing his costume - battledress pants, cream full-sleeved shirt with a brown fringe waistcoat, a red satin cravat and a cowboy hat!
Saturday came around - a lovely, sunny day - and Y, S and I trooped to the school. Ads had left home an hour earlier. We sat on the front row and watched the marchpast, the musical drills and races, marvelling at the cute kids and their colourful costumes, entertained all the while by the running commentary by 2 teachers. They actually had 10 girls who were cheerleaders!!! After every routine, they would jump and dance on the field with their pom-poms. They did a wonderful job, but I have a major mental block when it comes to cheerleading, even when it is just a bunch of cute 5-year olds. The references (by the teacher-emcees) to the IPL cheerleaders seemed to me to be in poor taste. I'm sure I will have very mixed feelings if Y ever told me she wanted to cheerlead!
Ads cowboy dance was almost the last routine, and it was very very good. The steps and the synchronization were amazing. The funny thing was that just before the dance, S and I were trying to locate Ads. It was extraordinarily difficult to pick him out from a gaggle of some 60-odd boys, all dressed identically!! We finally found him and waved frantically until he responded and waved back, with equal gusto. 5 minutes later, he moved closer to us...whoa....he was some other kid!!! The joke was that S had actually zoomed in through the camera and confidently confirmed to me that it was indeed Ads :) So much for identifying our own child!
So what happened was that the dance had started as we tried to find out where Ads was, and we didn't manage to locate him until  the very end. By the time I ran towards him with the camera, the boys had done a smart about-turn and started marching away. Later, at home, I found that I had inadvertently clicked a snap of his without knowing that he was in the frame ;-)
It seems like he had fun, which is the important thing. Today I met his class teacher and she told me how, of all the kids in her class, she and the choreographer had to work the hardest on Ads because the dance and the steps did not come naturally to him. Apparently he danced well.......what do you know........we never saw it :(

The parent's revenge

I was watching them, secretly (as always); and Ads shouted at Y in sheer frustration: "Will you please stop talking for ONE SECOND?!!!"

I almost fell off the sofa, I was laughing so hard and Ads was so mad at me. It wasn't the first time this had happened, and every time it does, I react in the same way. With delight. That Ads is being paid back in spades for all the incessant talking that he plagued us with for four years.

In fact, he's now a lot quieter than Y who talks non-stop. To me, S, Ads, the maids, and to the walls and imaginary conversations on the phone when no one is listening (which is most of the time!). But most of the time, she talks to her brother, and expects a response and that drives him nuts especially when he is concentrating on his drawing. I know how it feels when someone talks so much that you can't hear yourself think. Ads is going through that now.

I'd spare some sympathy for him, if I wasn't so busy gloating.....

Sweet revenge. It feels good.

Ta-daa!

Unveiling Y's new look......

I quite like it. It's kinda retro-hip. Sort of like Preity Zinta's look in Kal Ho Na Ho, also Rani's in NOKJ? She's been good (so far, though it's early days yet) about wearing the glasses.

The verdict is a power of +4. The doc was very optimistic about the prospects for both squint and number correction. We go back in 6 weeks for a re-evaluation to check how well the glasses have been working and also whether one eye squints more than the other (in which case the stronger eye will need to be patched up under the glasses). We will also get a better handle on the time-frame for squint correction. As far as the power goes, the doc said it should come down to zero between the ages of 5 and 10, and this happens in a vast majority of cases involving kids. It appears that the situation could have been a lot less rosy if the number had been negative.

So that's the update on those beautiful eyes. Some interesting reactions/comments have already been coming my way regarding her glass-wearing - will save them up to share in a separate blog post! :)

Statistics

Finally, finally - Y has started sleeping through the night. I hardly realized it until a couple of days ago, when I recalled that I had been sleeping uninterrupted for a few days. No night-time wakings, bawlings, diaper-changings, water-fetchings....Unlike other, wiser and smarter mothers, I never sleep-trained my kids, and the result has been a massive sleep deficit for me. I complied some stats in my head. Since August 2005, I have spent:

6 months dealing with colic;

45 months (~4 years) being sleep-deprived and getting less than 8 hours of beauty sleep (witness the dark shadows and circles under the eyes);

39 months (~3.3 years) breastfeeding;

36 months (1.5 years) being a working mom;

46 months (~4 years) on the other side of the fence, as a SAHM;

24 months (2 years) studying, trying to study, panicking because I haven't studied, frustrated because they didn't allow me to study - in general trying becoming a nervous wreck.

If someone had shown me these numbers 6 years ago, who knows what might have happened, but I sure as hell wouldn't be writing this blog because there would be no kids to write about!

Let me end with the standard enconium of kids being the delight of my heart, joy of my life and all that :)

Two headaches less

Two major to-dos have been ticked off the relocation list. First, the apartment - check. A nice complex, a stone's throw from a metro station, and just off the main 'mall' road of Gurgaon. I haven't counted, but I think there are atleast 10 malls, all jostling for space next to each other, down that road. Definitely a mall-rat's Mecca, but for a mall-o-phobic like me, a plain disgusting sight. Oh well, atleast Haldiram's is a stone's throw away and visitors to our place can always go shopping if they're too bored. The complex has a tennis court, swimming pool, a (really nice) children's play area, a (tiny) gym, and is on a quiet residential street.

Second, the school - check. We interviewed at only one school, which is a new (international) school, only about 5-6 years old. People who have their kids there are happy and the online reviews that I read were also largely very positive. We took a school tour and it seemed very similar to the one Ads goes to currently, so we were hoping we would get in. And we did. We also toured another international school, which is an IGCSE school based on the Montessori method. While I really liked it, S had his own reservations regarding whether Montessori kids can cope with the mainstream system later in life. I couldn't convince him. Truth be told, I didn't try too hard since it was quite a bit more expensive than the first school, and we weren't willing to pay that much.

So. Coming back to the first school. Ads starts in the 1st week of April, in Grade I. The whole admission process was interesting. After the school tour, we met the 'Public Relations Officer' who gave us some gyan on the school. She asked both of us, individually, to fill out a long questionnaire, in order to understand our 'value systems' and 'parenting philosophy'. I don't remember all of the questions, but they ran something along these lines.

What is your life's motto?

What is your vision for yourself, and for your child?

What do you look for in a school for your child?

How do you enforce discipline in your home?

What are the 2 most important values you want to instill in your child?

How can schools and parents work together to create the best environment and opportunities for the child?

How do you define 'quality'? How do you create 'quality' in your child?

There was a father's questionnaire, and a mother's questionnaire. S and I kept comparing notes to see that we weren't writing in complete opposition to each other! I also told S that I was memorizing my answers so that I would remember what rubbish I wrote, in case the Principal asked me :)

A week later, we had an 'interaction' with the Principal. It was just a nice informal chat. She asked us some questions on our background and tried to see what kind of expectations we have from this school and the education system in general. I also think she was gauging whether we are the kind of parents she wants to have in her school, though she wouldn't admit it if we dragged her over hot coals. I'm pretty certain a lot of these new schools cater to, and actively solicit, a certain kind of student profile. In short, they want parents like us. Well-educated, articulate, in good jobs in the corporate sector. It may be unfair but it's true. It's also true that this is why parents like us prefer going to such schools, because we know we have a very good shot at getting in, unlike the better-known ones like DPS, Amity and Shriram, which have more applicants than they know what to do with. Every day, I see an article in the newspapers about parent's woes in getting admission for their kids in Delhi. Fortunately, Noida and Gurgaon have more supply than demand and the situation here isn't as crazy as in the city. 

I liked the low-pressure admission process in this school, and in other similar schools. At no point did we feel like supplicants begging for a seat. I know that as these schools become better-known, they also become more snooty in their attitude. A few years down the line, it might not be as easy getting a seat in this school. But for now, that's one headache off my list. Cheers.