The year of learning

2017 has been a landmark year for the husband and me. The year that a lot of things that we had been pondering on or seeking solutions for, just began to come together in a sort of masterplan for life, seemingly disparate pieces all joining up, not making complete sense at the moment, but somehow giving one a bizarre and perhaps misplaced confidence that someday soon the complete picture may be revealed : ) I often feel this when I am baking. I tend to be a fairly haphazard baker, with the vaguest understanding of the chemical principles involved. I happily substitute milk and yogurt for eggs, and forego the yeast even when the recipe pleads for it, with the happy optimism that a mixture of flour, vanilla essence, sugar and egg/curd can rarely go wrong (at the very least you can eat the batter which is always yummy!). Baking also made me realise that I am the sort of person who enjoys the process of doing something more than the achievement of actually accomplishing the task. This realisation has been incredibly liberating over the last year as both the husband and I have embarked on our learning journeys, sometimes together (as in our quest for “hacking happiness - read here or in the pursuit of mindfulness), or separately (as in our pursuit of learning to play musical instruments, which has so far achieved dramatically different results!)

As the husband and I grow older and more importantly see parents ageing, we have had a natural curiosity insights around how to age “well” (specifically how to become a super-ager), and an interest in reading a lot of literature on the subject including how to remain healthy and mentally alert into old age. The research all says that in order to stay mentally healthy into old age, we need to rewire our brains and make it stronger and more agile through regular sessions of vigorous effort, whether physical or mental. Pleasantly puzzling activities like Sudoku or the crossword don’t help, nor does a leisurely daily amble through the park. The effort of the mental or physical activity must take one beyond the comfort zone and must be intense enough to be slightly, or more than slightly, unpleasant. In other words, “do it until it hurts”.

At the beginning of the year, I started going to a Zumba class in our community, for no reason other than the fact that I like my fitness routine to have a mix of many different things and Zumba seemed like an interesting addition to the walking/yoga/biking routine I already had. A year later, I have become stronger and fitter than I have ever been in my life. What really worked was being consistent (show up for the class every single day - no excuses other than early meetings or being sick) and being pushed out of my comfort zone (with weights, functional training, and far more cardio than I was used to). For example- my bugbear, the plank pose. We only do a plank for 30-60 seconds at a stretch, so nothing very extreme. Those are truly the longest 30 seconds of my life. I can hold poses that are harder than a plank, but for some reason the latter defeats me every single time. After 15 seconds, the mind takes over and says - You can't do this. Sink down! And I want to! But I have to keep going, because I know my body can. Every breath and sinew is focused on keeping the back straight, the arms steady, and the breathing even. Pushing past the discomfort of the moment is something I am still learning to do. There is also one functional training class in the week that causes simultaneous panic and exultation because it is so hard. 20 minutes in, I am looking at the clock, wondering when the class will end. But the high at the end of the every class is what keeps me coming back every week. This year of fitness has been an exercise (pun intended) in discipline, determination and mindfulness. 

I also started learning how to play the guitar during the school summer holidays. I can say with supreme confidence that it has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to learn. One of the things that no one ever tells you about playing a musical instrument is how physically taxing it can be. For the first few months, my entire left arm would be on fire with the unaccustomed posture. My fingers would hurt as I twisted them into unnatural shapes. My guitar teacher unhelpfully suggested that I might have early arthritis! I realised I have very low agility in my fingers. I bemoaned the fact that I had not learnt an instrument when my extremities were supple and nimble like my daughter’s.

It takes me forever to learn to play a song. Scratch that, it takes me forever to string together a few chords so that they actually sound like a melody, or fairly close. My brain is slow and my fingers are slower. I do not remember the last time I broke down a task into so many sub-tasks. I literally speak to my brain silently telling my fingers what to do. Ok- when this finger goes to the third string, put that finger THERE….ok? More than three fingers, I am hopelessly confused. Playing a song properly in this lifetime seems unimaginable. At this point, I am gunning for recognisable melodies in the distant future. Competence and expertise is not even on the horizon.

The husband, on the other hand, has taken to his flute like a fish to water. And that’s a far more difficult instrument to play! Can I blamed for feeling resentful towards his superior abilities when he had started learning a couple of months after me? But I have made my peace with it. Like I said earlier, the process is really what keeps it interesting for me and in a strange way, I thrive on the difficulty of it all. Frustration aside, I know I improve with every class and practice session. I still find it miraculous that simply by doing something over and over you get better at it. Of course that’s obvious, but I’d forgotten. Most of the complicated physical tasks I perform—rolling out chapathi dough, writing, or folding a saree —I’ve performed for so many years I forgot what it’s like to acquire a motor skill. It’s frustrating, but it’s a joy when you finally get it. Is this how a toddler feels when, after months of trying, she finally starts to walk?!!

It is incredible when from one practice session to the next, the chords sound smoother and smoother and my finger movements become less and less conscious. Playing is also one of the few times in the day when I am at my most mindful. The beneficial effect of doing something hard is that I am unable to think of nothing else other than just getting the fingers in place and the sound right. Feeling incompetent for a chunk of time every day is also good - it builds patience in other areas and a new-found appreciation of what motor skills I already have :)

I also learnt something else. The more you do, the more you can do. Being more mindful has allowed me to focus on things I really care about, and drop things that are superfluous. House-proud me has started ignoring the untidy chaos that often prevails at home, although my family believes I could be far more relaxed about a lot of things! Even while it seemed like I didn’t have the time to add more activities to my schedule, counter -intuitively I was able to pack in more. Paradoxically this was also the first time in years I felt that I was doing a good job as a parent. By that, I don’t mean the “hygiene“ stuff that I always managed well. I meant the other important stuff - like discussing books and movies, having honest deep conversations, often just cuddling and talking about their day. Maybe they’ve just grown up, or all this mindfulness jazz is actually working!   

It’s been a good year.

Bonding, Buddies, Budapest!

A long hiatus once more. But this precious experience has to be recorded for posterity! I read somewhere - "There are some people in life that make you laugh a little bit louder, smile a little bigger and live a little better." You have to be lucky to have plenty of such life-giving forces in your life. I certainly have been. To a friend that knows me from the primary years and pigtails stage, to a couple of high school friends, to some soul-mates from business school, I feel I have been incredibly blessed to have these women (and a couple of men!) in my life. 

Anyway, as one approaches and dives into the frothy forties and associated midlife crises (!), there's always an urge to reconnect and revitalize, whether with one's friends, spouses or even oneself. So this is how I got this brilliant idea to catch up on a short holiday with my mates from the far off days of b-school (17 years ago to be precise). The proposal was received with unstinted enthusiasm and because two of us were gong to be travelling from USA and the other two from India, Europe was the natural midpoint and selected destination. 

Much discussion followed as we wanted to select a place that none of us had been to, and this criterion effectively excluded most of the well-tramped destinations in Europe. Finally we agreed on Budapest. Tickets were booked (again a lot of back and forth). To avoid any value-added comments and what in IIMB we used to call CP (class participation), I took upon myself to figure out a place to stay. Airbnb came to the rescue and we booked a lovely spacious two-bedroom apartment in the heart of Budapest (more on that later).

As the day of departure approached, excitement levels peaked, though tempered by one of us dropping out of the trip due to work pressures. I flew to Mumbai to join my friend S and together we flew to Budapest, arriving almost at the same time as L from Chicago. Our airbnb host Laszlo came to pick us up from the airport and was doubtless chastened by the loud conversation and laughs and inability to listen to any of his tidbits regarding interesting landmarks of the city. The apartment was sparking clean, prettily decorated and super comfortable. Budapest was rainy and chilly the first two days and we spent the first evening doing boring things - buying groceries at TESCO and hunting frantically for a travel adapter to charge our phones (Note: Check on the pins/electricity sockets at your destination before you travel, do not assume you have the right adapter). One weird experience we had on Day 1 was two incidents when our selfies were photo bombed by random Hungarian men! The first time, we thought it was just Hungarian friendliness, but the second time, it was getting spooky and L was all set to poke her umbrella into the next guy who tried to act fresh.  

The next few days were spent exploring, walking (miles and miles), chatting and EATING. Hungarian food is delicious even for a vegetarian like me, and their wines are lip-smacking. Even a teetotaller like me started sampling small portions at every meal. Budapest is beautiful and historic and extremely tourist-friendly. Almost all the main sights were within walking distance of our apartment so we didn't really get to use the public transport much except to note that it seemed comprehensive and efficient. 

What stayed with me at the end of our trip were conversations and the implicit warmth of the people. Conversations with my friends of course, many and many of them over meals, coffees, wine and amazing views :) But also conversations with complete strangers. Like the affable elderly man (Laszlo again, seems like the most common Hungarian name) on Eurail, who spoke 7 European languages and spoke to us for a couple of hours in halting English. About farming, his family in Wales, our beautiful smiles and much much more. The pretty Hungarian shopkeeper who met us wearing a Hijab and told us she had converted to Islam to marry her Ghanaian boyfriend. We met her a couple of days later in a wholly different modern avatar and almost failed to recognise her when she came over to chat, having spotted L in a dress bought from her shop! The handsome young father who patiently helped us select a bottle of honey at the supermarket and then politely asked us if we needed his help to complete our shopping. The bus driver who refused to charge us the bus fare on seeing how lost and clueless we were, was just one in a line of people who debunked the myth of the dour East European. Wherever we went, we were met with friendliness charm and warmth. Perhaps, it was our irresistible charm that did the trick! Or maybe Hungarians are really that nice :)

S and I were also bowled over by the highly evolved design sensibility in Hungary. There is a lot of hand made work on offer, not just traditional but also very edgy and contemporary design. Be it jewellery, ceramics, leather or home accessories, the aesthetic element was very prominent. 

The killer reason to travel with friends? You can truly be in the moment. There are no kids (or husband) clamouring for your attention. There's no stress about mealtimes and bathroom breaks. You can explore the nightlife (Budapest is a party city!). You don't have to mediate WWIII. You can have a bad headache and it's really not that big a deal (because no one depends on you). Finally you can say anything cos you know what? You know they won't judge (Try this with good friends only!)

On the last day, S and I sat on the Gellert bridge with our shoes off and dangled our feet over the bridge. A mild breeze blew in from the Duna (Danube). There were cruise ships below, the majestic Buda castle to our left and the historic buildings of Pest to our right. We didn't talk much. We had a long journey back home ahead of us but for the moment, we were content to just be and gratefully revel in the silent magic of the day.

A view of the Gellert Bridge with Castle Hill/Buda on the left and Pest on the right

Heroes Square

Eger from on top of the Castle

Our first meal- Langosh and Goulash

Before biting into breakfast - Retes (pronounced "Ray-tesh") or Hungarial strudels

View of the Pest side of the city from on top of Buda Castle

The inside of St Stephens Basilica

All variety of Retes and breads

A square in Eger

Our living room

Living and kitchen

Bedroom

Kitchen and dining

Kapu

We spent a long weekend in Kaup Beach near Udupi. A relatively unknown beach along the Konkan coast, it has been on my list of possible vacation spots for a couple of years now. I struggled to find any decent stay options until I stumbled upon Blue Matsya. A pretty beach house on a public beach, but far enough from the main tourist areas, it was perfect for our family. We did nothing for 3 days other than walk on the beach, frolic in the waves, play board games, and get a lot of sleep!

The highlight for the kids was a motor boat ride which took us to a completed deserted island early in the morning. There, in a protected bay, they were able to just jump into the sea with their life jackets on, and have a blast in the water, which even in January was warm and just perfect for swimming. Living in cool Bangalore where swimming pools are unheated, the kids really miss playing in the water. Of course, the thrill of doing so in the sea is something else altogether! I went in for a bit but found my serenity on the beach just lying on some rocks and soaking in the weak sunshine. Later, we scrambled up the rocks to the top of the island for a panoramic view. 

Powdery white sand, warm seas, swaying palms, clean beaches, and perfect weather...a combination to rival the best beach spots in the world, right at our doorstep!

Mad mornings

One of the things both kids have been REALLY good about ever since they were babies, is getting up in the morning without a fuss. S and I were very fuss-free children (so we have been told!), so maybe some good habits hardwired there, but I feel grateful for it every single day especially on school days when things are super-crazy around home. I am up before 5 am, and by 5.30 the washing machine is whirring, the cooker is whistling, the microwave pings ever so often, and anyone who wants to sleep in has basically given up on that bright idea :)

My cook arrives at 5.45, and the maid shortly after. Ads is up at 6, and by 6.20 we are a madhouse. The easiest part of the morning is waking up Ads. A light touch, a tight hug and a kiss is all that's required and he is off on his own. All I have to do is set his morning milk in front of him. After that, not a sound from him until he appears, fully ready at 6.40. There are some light skirmishes and tension on days when the school tie doesn't get knotted properly, or some printout is suddenly remembered at the last minute :) Some yelling and tears may happen then to infuse the day with the required amount of drama - after all, what's life without small doses of excitement eh? :)

With Y, it's a little harder as she finds it hard to wake up that early, so the right combination of cajoling, affection and threats need to be used :) The idea is not to piss her off too early, because she has to be in a frame of mind to bear the daily scolding over slow consumption of breakfast, wastage of food, and combing of hair :)

Sometimes I wonder what my kids will look back and think about this crazy morning routine (and crazy mom!). I remember, on cold winter days, my dad waking us up by the simple expedient of removing the razai under which we were huddled. It used to be the most irritating thing in the world but it did the trick! Sometimes I try the same trick with Y but I think you need to live in colder climes for it to be successful!

In other news...

Y did well at her school sports last weekend, winning the girls 50 m race and coming 2nd in skating. Not having been much of an athlete in my school days, I get disproportionately kicked about my kids' sporting achievements, small though they might be :). Y was all smiles after winning the 50 m race and visibly disappointed when she came in second in skating inspite of being the crowd favourite :). She has entered herself for the Math and English Olympiads this year, and a Spelling bee, and seems to be stressed about whether or not she will collect any medals or certificates in these!

We have been very happy with her new school, and so has she. The philosophy, and Montessori-inspired teaching, has done wonders for Y. A couple of days ago, they made the first and second graders set up food and craft stalls while the preschool kids had their Sports Day. The kids worked in teams to attract customers, sell the products, handle cash, and calculate profit/loss made on their stalls. Y came back super-charged after the event, not the least because she had used the money I had given her to walk around all the other stalls and do some solo shopping on her own! I was happy to see she had bought not food, but lots of craft/handmade items, proving she is her mother's daughter after all :)

The winter holidays are almost here, and in a few short months, it will be summer break again. How the year has flown!

Ad-Lib #12

Resurrecting the AdLib series, because my 10 yo says the best funniest things. Some of these I posted on my facebook page but I want to put them down here as well.

Y singing: "Love is an open door...."
As snapping: "No it isn't!!"
The literal-minded don't get poetry. 

Ads to me: How much do you love me?
Me: As much as the entire universe.
Ads: Do you mean the observable universe?
Me: Huh?? (standard reaction!)

Ads: You know Amma, Adolf Hitler is a great example of a person who persevered against all odds to realize his dream. He started his political party in 1918 but did not become Chancellor until 1933. He waited 15 years to get to where he wanted.
Me: That's actually a really good example.
Ads (wisely): Yes, but no one will like to use it and say Hitler was really good at something.

Curiouser and curiouser

Very often, Ads will bombard me with random pieces of information. Sample from this afternoon, all in a space of less than 5 minutes.

Did you know Japan has 353,000 robots? The USA has 153,000.

If you tickle yourself, you won't laugh because the cerebellum send signals to the brain to ignore the tickling.

A US survey lists clergyman, firefighter, physical therapist and teacher as the most satisfying professions 

More than half of household dust actually consists of discarded human skin shavings, which are worn out skin cells (yuck!)

All of which makes me think of how different my kids are, even when it comes to being curious. Ads' curiosity is of the intellectual kind. He is interested in the large questions - the human race, the nature of God and the Universe, science and so on (though he has lately developed an annoying habit of reading all my whatsapp messages!). He learns through reading and accepts unquestioningly anything he reads. Long ago I suppose, he came to terms with the very limited intelligence of his parents and others around him and therefore relies on books for knowledge :)

Y's curiosity, on the other hand is more earthy. She is very interested in gossip, what everyone's saying, why that person said this and thought that....more like tell me the here and now...science and the Universe are unfathomable and will always be :) She learns, not through books, but by unceasing questioning. What's that word mean? Why did Thatha say that? What do you mean by that? Why did this happen? She learns by doing and is far more intuitive than her brother- the main reason why she will always have better life skills than him!

Sometimes, I want to make a list like we used to do in school. List 10 differences between Ads & Y. I feel like drawing a line in the middle and listing them all down :) This is the case with many siblings but I am always amazed by how chalk and cheese my kids are. Nature intended parents to always be on their toes and never develop a sense of complacence while raising their second or third child.

Only in France

Paris, late October. I was picked up by a shuttle bus to catch my flight to Seattle. We had to stop for a couple more passengers before heading to the airport. In a narrow lane (all lanes in central Paris seemed narrow!), a truck stopped just ahead of us to deliver provisions to a hotel. The truck was right in the middle of the street/lane. He couldn't have parked anyplace else because both sides of the street were crammed with parked cars. Slowly, the driver got down, pulled down the tailgate, fished out a cart to ferry the provisions and proceeded to load the cart with food, drink, paper towels and what have you. 

I watched this performance, mildly incredulous at first and later, with rising panic. My driver sat next to me, unruffled and unhurried. Clearly he was prepared to wait as long as it took the truck to disgorge its hotel delivery. Slowly, behind us, a line of cars and other vehicles developed. No one honked. Everyone waited patiently.  

I couldn't stand it any more. Isn't there another way out of this street, I asked? My driver said no. Not that we could have moved in any direction anyway, as we were completely hemmed in. After a good 20-25 minutes, the truck finally drove off and traffic resumed as usual. And I didn't miss my flight as feared!

Of course, I had to think about all the shouting, cursing, honking and creative solutions deployed had this happened in India :)

Everytime I get annoyed and antsy, I think of the zen attitude of my driver and everyone around...and attempt to channel my inner French-ness :)

Independence

It has been a really long time since I blogged. Truth be told, life got in the way. But I hope, I am able to remedy that now onwards and start posting more frequently. 

A lot of water has passed under the bridge since my last post. Ads turned 10, an exciting milestone! Fifth grade, and the school workload increased quite a bit, catching us a wee bit unprepared in the initial months (daily homework - really????). Y moved to a new school and to Grade One, again a big transition for her. I turned forty, a milestone that I managed to exploit to the hilt :)

S was travelling to Greece for his company's annual conference so we decided that we would celebrate my 40th by holidaying in Greece and Paris. The timing of of our trip also tied up nicely with my organization's annual conference, which I was scheduled to fly to the US for, so we decided we would spend a couple of weeks in Europe, and then I would fly to the US and S would return to India.

We decided not to take the kids because, apart from the expense, right now, we have the huge luxury of having my parents babysit them, something I am grateful for every day. I had a fairly tough time planning the itinerary and organizing our travel in the midst of work, but of course it was all very new and exciting doing it!

I recently reread one of my favourite parenting books - French Children don't throw food - and was struck again by how much of a French mom I am :) I've always been pretty strict with my kids and very conscious that they and I are separate beings, and we don't need to be joined at the hip all the time. Even when we did not have the support system that we have now, I used to take time off to spend an evening with friends, or go out on my own while S took charge of the kids. When Y was as young as a year and a half, I have left her and Ads with S at his parents home while I spent a couple of days with my parents and other family. And I have never been hesitant to ask for help. The first time that S and I took off on our own was 3 years ago when we took a few days off to go to Himachal to celebrate our anniversary. This year, we spent a weekend in Mudigere for our anniversary and our Europe trip was the third time we were out without the kids.

I think it's important for moms (dads too) to make time for themselves and for each other. I've felt strongly for some years that the husband and wife need to be a strong cohesive unit. The kids will leave home at 18 and never look back but if you haven't invested in your relationship with your spouse, then what do you have but an empty nest to look forward to? I know from experience that every relationship, especially and ironically, the closest ones, tend to become very transactional and matter-of-fact with the passage of time. To NOT take each other for granted is hard!

So while I may not again (for some time atleast), take off on a two week holiday with S, I know we will both make the effort to take a week off every year with the help and kindness of our parents. Having an uninterrupted conversation over coffee, not having to referee unceasing arguments and fights, forgetting to be responsible and grown-up and discovering our goofy and silly selves again, was a priceless experience. I think I dropped a couple of years off my age right there :)

Summer 2015 (Ads)

This is Ads' summer routine. 

6 am: Up from bed

6.40 am: In the car, munching at breakfast. Granddad has cricket coaching chaperoning duty!

10 am: Return home. Swallow some coconut water/juice. Go down to play. Cricket, what else. 

12 noon: Back home. If lucky, he hasn't been yelled at by me for coming back late/not wearing a cap etc etc.

1 pm: Bath and lunch over. Fight with sister also accomplished. Amma nags incessantly to take a nap. Fed up, he retreats to his room. Half an hour later, he's either fast asleep or tossing and turning. 

3 pm: Milk and almonds/fruit time. Now he starts nagging Amma. When can I go down to play? 

3.30 -4.30 pm: Phone calls incoming & outgoing, making plans with friends on where and when to meet.

4.30 pm: The boy disappears and we don't see him until 7 pm.

7-8 pm: Bath, dinner, fight with sister!

8 pm: IPL time!:

9 pm: Bed

Supremely physically active to the extent that we sometimes ask him to cut back on the cricket. I have suggested he go swimming with friends to break the monotony, but he says - what monotony???? So we have let him be. After much persuasion, he has picked up his first Harry Potter and seems to be enjoying it.

I think he's happy :) 

Arabian nights (& days) - Part 2

Dubai's Miracle Garden was a lot of fun, and it really is a miracle! Flowers blooming in profusion everywhere were lovely to behold.

Hearts!

Shades of Holland?

Which gal wouldn't love a castle like this?

An offbeat and excellent suggestion by a friend, to attend a traditional Arab breakfast in the old quarter of Dubai, turned out to be the highlight of the trip for me. Hosted in an early 20th Century "wind tower" house in the historic district of Al-Bastakiya, it was a heady medley of coffee, conversation and culture! A young Emirati girl hosted us and answered questions on Arab (specifically Emirati) culture, food and dress habits, and Islam. The food was yummy too and the three of us (S, Y & I) stuffed our faces.

Wind tower House

We also did the mandatory dune-bashing and desert safari the same evening. The dune-bashing was a different experience but the Thar desert safari was as nice as the Arabian one...so nothing new there. Y thoroughly enjoyed the belly dancing and was almost up there on the stage with the dancer :)

We spent one morning at the Atlantis hotel/Palm Jumeirah to tick off another Dubai must-do. We never got down to much shopping (you get everything in India!) except for a few keepsakes and gifts. S and I salivated to see the huge variety of excellent-quality dry fruits on offer and stocked up.......yes we go bonkers over raisins and apricots, not over gold :)

The Grand Mosque in Abu Dhabi was a pit stop on our way to the airport. It manages to be both immense and beautiful. How many monuments can say that?

So, inspite of all my reservations, we did enjoy Dubai - a LOT. Staying with extremely hospitable friends who went out of their way to show us a different side to the city made all the difference. The kids stayed happy with plenty of company and having all the home comforts let us relax even at the end of a long day. One of our best holidays. The only regret - we didn't get to do a day trip to Oman which we were very eager to do. I am now hooked on Arab culture and cuisine and cannot wait to explore more authentic locales!

Arabian nights (& days) - Part 1

Dubai was hardly anywhere near the top of my must-travel-to places. I assumed we would visit it (briefly) sometime, enroute to somewhere else. Come on, Dubai is all glitz and glamour and artificiality - all the stuff that I run miles from!! I remember visiting it when I was about 8-9 years old to see my grandparents who were living there then and I had a fantastic time. I remember the milk being really thick and creamy (yum!), and living in air-conditioned surroundings all through the day was a luxury and novelty :)

This summer, not having much leave and forced to look at destinations that were a quick flight away, S suggested Dubai as an option as he had air miles that he could redeem. Free tickets are always good so I quickly got in touch with a couple of B-school batchmates who lived there and who kindly invited us to stay. Free flights and free stay! Wow. Dubai immediately began to look more enticing :)

Inexhaustible planner that I am, I started shooting mails to our friends discussing our itinerary. Being very spontaneous and last-minute sort of people, they were most amused and I had to endure some good-natured ribbing on my advance planning :) We flew to Abu Dhabi one morning and immediately ran into the most disorganized chaotic airport and immigration process we have ever experienced. Hungry, tired and more than a little sleepy, we kept the kids amused while waiting interminably in a long line. Finally we cleared immigration and met our friend who was waiting to receive us and drive us to his home in Dubai. It turned out that we had landed in the middle of a sandstorm. Our friend gamely pointed out all the sights as we drove by, though we couldn't see a thing ahead or on each side of us!! I was personally quite thrilled to see a genuine Arabian sandstorm while safely inside the car :)

That evening, we walked through the Gold Souk - full of every design and ornament, beautiful and ghastly, that the hands of man can craft from the yellow metal. Fortunately I don't care for gold at all else our purses would have been significantly lighter. This ring and the gold ATM took my breath away!

A ferry ride on the Dubai creek and a fantastic Lebanese meal later, we were back home & happy to hit the sack at the end of a long long day.

The high points of the next couple of days were the Global Village, which is a kind of Dilli Haat but only 50 times larger and having craft and food stalls of what looked like almost all the countries of the world. We only managed to peek over the goodies in Iran, Pakistan and Lebanon before it was time to leave. The Dubai Mall is the world's largest mall, not that you can really tell because I wasn't going to go walk through every square feet of it! It looked much like any other mall, only a lot cleaner and shinier than most Indian malls, and of course with a massive variety of brands and products on offer. We went to the top of the Burj Khalifa to get a birds'-eye view of the city. From that high up, the scale of this country's achievement- creating a fairyland out of wasteland and arid desert - becomes palpably obvious. All thanks to the black gold lying in abundance under all that sand and sea.

A couple of things that rankled me throughout our stay in Dubai was the excessive use and wastage of power and every other resource. Three rows of street lamps spaced no more than 500 metres apart on every road and highway, each lamp-post topped with several lamps aglow, are completely unnecessary. Recycling- whazzat? Lights and air conditioning are on everywhere all the time. Even 9-year old Ads was aghast at the over-consumption and waste of natural resources.  

More adventures and observations coming up in Part 2!

Mother's Day

A day prior to Mother’s Day, there was a lot of shushing and secret goings-on in the kids’ room. Only since no one in this family has a clue as to where anything is, they had to come ask me for supplies. Paper. Glue. Scissors because one would not share hers with her sibling. Then sketch pens because again, they wouldn’t share. As if that wasn't enough to put two and two together, they came up and asked me for two copies of my passport and “Amma, your photo should be on it, okay?”

In between, a huge fight erupted. We heard screaming and tears. I was prevented from intervening by the husband. You aren't supposed to see what they’re doing – he hissed.

Finally, what I received on Mother’s Day was a couple of very cute cards (with my Xerox passport photo pasted on them!), a painted Nutella bottle with I love Mom written on it and containing 2 finger rings made with loom bands, and a “pen stand” pasted over with coloured printed paper. Apparently the pen stand was the bone of contention, because Ads had appropriated Y’s and given her a pen (that didn’t write) in return!

More importantly, I got lots and lots of hugs and kisses on this special day. As much as I scoff at Mothers, Fathers, Grandparents’ and all the other days as yet another marketing stunt, I won’t deny that all those extra cuddles did make me feel very special. Even moms need validation every now and then!

Keeping at it

Ads recently won the runner-up prize in a Junior League tournament conducted by his tennis academy. He was thrilled and so were we, more so because it has taken us 4 years of almost continuous tennis lessons to come to this point. While the prize in itself is not a major thing, it does signal his tremendous progress both physically and mentally. From a kid who has always lagged behind his peers in the gross motor skills area and who lacked the confidence to compete, to a kid who now plays tennis and cricket with equal aplomb. From someone who hated sport to someone who enjoys a couple of sports (yes we are a long way away from being sporty and we are very opinionated, it is enough that a couple of games are approved!). From being nonathletic to running, throwing, catching and swinging better.

I am glad we kept at it because heaven knows I have wanted to throw in the towel many many times. As his tennis improved, his cricket skills picked up and now the cricket helps his tennis. Between chess, tennis and now an upcoming intensive cricket summer camp, we will have no time or energy to focus on that important life-skill, swimming.

I am looking forward to the stamina improving over the summer. I also hope he gets better at handling his frustration and getting over the small losses and disappointments which bother him so much. Most importantly, he will learn that to play any sport even reasonably well requires enormous grit, patience and strength.

Baby steps. Have I said this before????!!!! 

Tryst with dance

A few months ago, a friend called to ask if I would agree to be the MC for her daughter's arangetram. I know the Bharatanatyam Guru as well, who is a friend and who used to teach Y briefly. Of course, I was flattered, though I immediately pointed out that what I new about the dance form could be written on one side of a very tiny envelope! No problem, said my friend. We will work on the script together and do a couple of rehearsals. You will be fine.

And that's just what we did. We wrote and rewrote the script. I kept editing till the last minute to get it perfect. I had to keep checking on the pronunciations of quite a few unfamiliar words. Finally the day arrived. I wore one of my lovely kanjeevarams and donned a very traditional Tam look. It was so much fun! The stage was beautifully decorated and lighted. The women were dazzling. The parents had left no stone unturned to ensure that their daughter's talent was showcased to the hilt. She danced with grace and poise. The accompanists were really good. I got a lot of compliments for my MC-giri, not to mention a beautiful brass Ganesha as a gift.

It was a lovely experience. I am so glad I did it. It was not only fun but and I learnt something new.

Y - Patchy Progress (Not!)

Some milestones for Y -

• Learning to skate/rollerblade for the last month and a half and doing pretty well so far. I used to think skating would not provide much exercise but it appears I was wrong; atleast in the initial stages it seems to be hard on the legs and thighs! From initially just lifting her feet high and walking to now smoothly coasting for short stretches, Y seems to be enjoying her weekly class so far.
• Transitioning to Anna's scooter, a much larger and taller one since she outgrew her own scooter. It took Y no time to learn how to manage on just 2 wheels instead of 3.
• Reading! She has been a slightly slow starter just like her brother inspite of having books and bibliophiles in her DNA and home ever since she was an infant. Fortunately I never fussed about them picking up reading. Just like Ads, she has leapfrogged into it and is now comfortable with the equivalent of the Ladybird 2 and 3 series and is asking to read the Geronimo Stilton books now!

The biggest transition has been to start wearing an eye patch for 4 consecutive hours everyday, for the last 2 months. She was diagnosed with lazy eye in November and has been so good with wearing the patch. I am super-proud of her! The patches prescribed by the ophthalmologist had adhesive on them and irritated her eyes no end. A couple of times, when we peeled it away it left bruises which later drew blood. I had to order a 100% cotton eye patch that could be fitted onto the spectacles, from the UK. They were simply not available online in India. Of course these cloth patches don't work as effectively as the adhesive ones, but we will find out when we meet the ophthalmologist again at the end of this month. We hope the lazy eye problem is corrected and she does not have to patch any more. The issue, as always, has been social. Random people exclaiming and asking OMG what happened? does not really help us. We know that when we step out inside the community, there will be atleast two people who ask us about the patch. I used to get livid with people's curiosity. I would never ask a child I do not know, why he is limping/wearing a patch/wearing braces etc etc but this is India and people are always curious :( But wiser people have advised me that explaining to others calmly makes a big difference to the way Y views herself, and it helps her articulate to others when they ask as well. So I am trying to subdue my natural reaction of annoyance and do what is best for my baby!

If she has to continue with the patch for some more time, I anticipate there is a lot of counseling and some delicate social navigation in store for us. But - as always - teaching moments aplenty, both for mommy and baby!!!

Karnataka Heritage Trail -Part 1

A long weekend came and went and how could we not have headed out of town? :) This time, because S had been going ga-ga over some pictures of Pattadakkal that some friend had posted, we decided to do Hampi-Badami-Pattadakkal-Aihole. First, a night train to Hampi, which turned out to be a dirty town which became much nicer as we headed out of the city center and towards the Jungle Lodges Sloth Bear Resort.  Airy spacious cottages well-spaced from each other, spotlessly clean, and with very friendly courteous staff. How I wish more Govt.-run establishments were like this! Though of course JLR charges an arm and a leg so that level of service is to be expected. 

Hampi was beautiful. A little underwhelming at first though; having been to Khajuraho and Orccha in Madhya Pradesh, not to mention Belur/Halebid closer to Bangalore, I did not find the architecture and carvings that spectacular. Soon, however, the sheer scale of the site, the history and the impressive natural setting (boulders and all) had me mesmerised. Hampi was crawling with foreign tourists and was hot even in January. I can imagine the scorching heat during the summertime. After doing a little sightseeing, we headed back to the resort for lunch, a short nap and then a safari into the Daroji Sloth Bear Sanctuary. 
This safari was unlike any safari I have ever been on. We trundled along in the bus for what seemed like miles until we reached a rocky hill up which we all huffed and puffed. On top of the hill, was a viewing platform on which all of us were asked to perch for the next 2 hours until the sloth bears made an appearance! The rest of the 'safari' was fairly typical. There were the serious wildlife-watchers with professional-looking cameras and binoculars who were highly irritated on spotting us tourists accompanied by small noisy kids. There were the small noisy kids who occupied themselves in running up and down some rickety stairs :) There were some bored adults as well who were merrily taking calls and speaking loudly into their fancy phones. 

It was windy, cool, and beautiful. I settled down and relaxed until such time as the bears made an appearance. They did not make us wait too long. It was quite fascinating to see the black furry shapes clamber down the rocks even if from a distance.

Chariot at the Vittala Temple Complex

Miniature Hampi - the prototype of every building was this

Elephant Stables

The bears...in zoom

View from the top- at the Daroji Sloth Bear Sanctuary

Finally, it was time to go back to our cottages for some well-earned dinner and an interesting BBC documentary on the wildlife around Hampi. Day 2/Part 2 of the heritage trail to be posted soon!

Only about Y#2

This had been lying in my drafts for almost a year. Just discovered and posting.
On our drive home back from a road trip, Y is looking out of the window. Suddenly she exclaims - "Wow! This looks just like India!"

We tell her, this is India only baby.

She's shocked. "What! How did we get here so fast??"

I have nooooo idea what this girl is thinking about half the time! :)

"Amma, Bharath (of the Ramayana) was such a good boy. He did not want to be king. Only the chappal was the king."

Pause.

"Good thing the chappal was clean. Otherwise the throne would have become dirty."

And she was offended when I laughed and laughed :)

Personalities

Ads has recently started writing a diary. What has he gotten himself into? Did he not know (and why did I not anticipate) that being who he is, he would get stressed about not writing an entry every single night? Last night, he was so tired he could barely drag himself from the dining table to his bed. Yet his last words before sleeping were - "Amma, wake me up early tomorrow. I need to write in my diary."

Which of course, I did, because this kind of discipline and diligence is SO me. Some people call it borderline OCD behaviour :) 

When you see flashes of yourself in your kids, sometimes you want to steer them away from doing what you did...Sometimes, you just smile in understanding and let them go ahead, even though you know nothing good is ever going to come out of it.

I am told that both my kids need to be more outgoing, and able to make friends easily. Now I can never buy this "extroverts are better" argument. Nature dictated that my kids are both a little reserved and shy. After all, their parents are not extroverts! However, over the years, education travel and workplace opportunities have transformed S and myself into socially adroit and confident creatures. No doubt the same will happen to Ads & Y as well. I have no burning desire to have them be social butterflies or the life and soul of the party, at this age. I do coax them every now and then to go up and talk to kids they don't know, and help them strike up conversations with casual acquaintances. But I don't make a habit of pushing them. Often when I speak to someone in the elevator or in the park, Y has asked - "Why did you speak to that Uncle/Aunty? You don't know him/her." I know something clicks when I respond; there is my small learning moment! I know how long is has taken for Ads (many many years of nagging!) to voluntarily offer a greeting to someone he knows or a visitor to our home. Every time he does it, Y learns from him. Baby steps!

It's ok to have a couple of good friends, and a couple only. I never had a huge gang of friends growing up and even now the number of good friends is really small. Isn't that how it is for most of us? It was hard for me to be open and gregarious. Over the years, I conditioned myself differently and now it's become second nature. Perhaps my only role is to facilitate my children's journey. Point, coax but never ever force them to be something they aren't. 

I will have to gently break the news to Ads that his diary entries have been dated wrongly. He thinks we are still in January but it's already the 4th of February! He has to fill in 3 days worth of entries in the middle :) What fun we are going to have today!

Devotion

Lately, I have been finding these kind of love notes everywhere in the house. Inside her school bag, my closet, on her table, and in my workspace.

Last weekend, I moved around systematically from room to room, gathering up these bits of paper to store them safely in one place. Later, I complained to S - "Gosh, there are sooo many notes Y has written for me...I had to find a folder to cram them into!"

My husband gave me a strange look. Part annoyance, part jealousy. He said - "Do you know I have only ONE such note. Even that has Amma crossed and replaced with Appa!"

So I am #1. This is exhilarating. Cheap, I know...but exhilarating :) Sanjay calls her "Jalra". Sour grapes, I say.

Though I will be the first to admit that I can take no credit. That's just the way my little girl is. Devoted and affectionate. Every single day, I fail in my own eyes as a mom. Everyday I go to sleep thinking I need to do better. But in her eyes, it seems I am already perfect. Thank you for keeping me up on that pedestal, Y! I won't grow all proud and haughty because your brother will always ensure I come down to earth with a big crash!

But sometimes, even I feel she can take it too far. One day, she asked me what the word "react" meant. I explained - "Suppose I annoy you and you get angry with me. That means your reaction was anger. " She looked horrified. "But amma, I can NEVER get angry with you!!"

A lovely forest interlude

Some friends and I have been on calls and fb messenger for several months, figuring out options for a short holiday prior to our B-school reunion. One friend and her two daughters were travelling from Mumbai. Her criteria was someplace in the woods, with lots of birds! This narrowed down the field considerably and finally we fixed on Masinagudi with a brief one night stopover in Mysore.

The thing about travelling with old friends is that you can just be and do your own thing without worrying about offending anybody; though obviously since they are old friends, you want to hang around with them and don't want to do your own thing! Our reservation at Mysore was messed up and we got moved to the Lalitha Mahal Palace at the last minute, which turned out to be a good thing because it's a lovely property.

Exterior of Lalitha Mahal Palace Mysore

Next day, we drove to Masinagudi and Inn the Wild, which is a gem hidden in the lush forests around Bandipur/Mudumalai. The way to get there is by undergoing a bone-rattling 20 minute jeep ride over a kutcha, extremely rocky path which was quite thrilling due to the possibility of cracking your skull any minute!

The cottages

What did we do? We walked, we ate, we fished (for the first time- too exciting!), went on night safaris. Some of us did a lot of bird-watching. There was a lot of wildlife spotting- elephants, peacocks, langurs, spotted deer, gaur and wild dogs to name a few. It was quiet and immensely peaceful. Mobile connectivity was patchy (what a blessing).

One afternoon stands out. We had been taken to a small rocky stream after our Bandipur safari, and we spent lots of time splashing and playing with the kids there. We headed back for lunch soaked to the skin and extremely happy and exhausted. After lunch and a bath, while S and the kids napped, I elected to stay outside the cottage. It was the perfect temperature with the afternoon sun playing hide and seek behind some clouds. Every now and then, I had to move the chair to get the optimum combination of heat light and shadow :) I was reading a particularly appropriate book- Under the Tuscan sun, and alternately reading and dozing but what I remember vividly was the extraordinary feeling of contentment that I was experiencing. Happiness, well-being, peace all rolled into one made for a mix which I subliminally recognized as an all-too rare experience. 

Masinagudi wasn't the prettiest place I have visited, or the most interesting. But it was one of my best vacations. Raising a toast of a few more such in 2015!

2014 Round Up

2014 has breezed past with stunning rapidity. It seems only yesterday that we were recovering from our Bali holiday of December 2013, but so much that is personally significant has happened since then. What an action-packed year it has been!

I have completed a year of working in my current organization. It has been an exhilarating ride with a lot of learning and great interactions and I have received a lot of appreciation for my work. Sometimes I feel this is my sweet spot but ever so occasionally the exhaustion and unending responsibility of managing 2 jobs feels impossibly hard. Normally this coincides with Y's emotional blackmail - "Amma, quit your job! Work from home! Pick me up from school!" and I have to run to S to shove me back on the right track again :)

My parents are well-settled in Bangalore now and enjoy the community we live in. In the beginning, there were reservations on how they would cope and whether uprooting them from all that was familiar was a sensible idea. Fortunately, our anxiety was misplaced even though they had a very rough time in the second half coping with the illnesses and demise of both my grandmas. Their passing has left a vaccum in all of us but especially so for my parents for whom their care and comfort had been the top priority for the last decade. The silver lining is that we hope they will be able to finally enjoy life like most of their empty-nester peers have been doing for years. Simple things like going away for a short trip, stepping out for an impromptu movie or meal, which had been so hard to schedule in the past, are now possible. 

My fil had a pneumonia scare earlier in the year and S rushed to Chennai to help. Our parents' mortality, and our own, is increasingly looming large in the horizon and not a distant concept any more. One of the productive and long-pending things we did this year is to get all of us insured, including parents and kids- health, accident, death, disability, the whole works. It is a whopping sum to be set aside every year but it has bought us some peace of mind for the future.

The kids have done well. Ads cricket mania continues to amuse and enthrall us. He recently finished reading Sachin Tendulkar's autobiography and spent as much time poring over career stats as he did on the book itself :) He goes for chess and tennis lessons and has been pestering us to let him sign up for cricket coaching, which we will probably do in the summer break. Y has made huge strides in her reading, writing, and social skills. She was recently diagnosed with a lazy eye and has been patching her eye for a few hours every day. She has been a tremendous sport over it, like she always is even though it has interfered in her classes and play-time, and we hope we don't have to do it for much longer.

S has been insanely busy at work, and largely satisfied though there were some tense months in between and a lot of travel too. He got involved in a lot of other stuff too, like being on the advisory board of a b-school and helping set up a non-profit, apart from his ongoing involvement with IIMB. 

The year ended on a high note with 3 weeks of entertaining family and friends. My brother visited briefly. His wife and daughter followed and we had the pleasure of cuddling and spoiling a very cute 2-year old :) S's brother and family visited for a few days, followed by friends on both sides of our IIMB reunion on campus. It was extremely hectic and we all ate far too much and slept too little, but it was the best sort of fun, the kind only close friends and family can provide :) Our year-end holiday was a short vacation in Masinagudi, which was very very beautiful and serene. Hopefully I will post on that soon.

We are ringing in the New Year quietly at home, though I might pop in to our community NY bash for some time.

Here's wishing you all a truly wonderful and healthy 2015. Happy blogging and reading in the new year!!