Lessons worth learning

My grandma passed away in the wee hours of the morning, this week. She was only 78, too young to die by today's standards of life expectancy. She was almost the same age as I am now, when she became a grandmother for the first time. A sub-40 grandmother! How strange that must have felt! Or maybe not.
It feels like the end of an era, even  though she had been in poor health for so many years. Because I was the first grandchild, I remember her in all the good times - when my grandfather was alive, when she was healthy and pretty and active. My other cousins probably only remember her as being sick and old and having to be cared for. I remember her prodigious cooking skills (which sadly I did not inherit!), her fetish for cleanliness, her affectionate and demonstrative nature. She was the only one who managed to teach me long division in my early years of being numerically-inept! In later years, after her major bypass surgery and her husband's untimely death, she would become embittered, plagued by poor health and increasingly difficult to live with. Most often it would fall to her devoted daughter, my mother, to placate, cajole and spoil her, a lot like what my grandpa used to do! Soothe diplomatic tensions, mediate squabbles and smooth the path of daily life. 

19 years ago, her life took a new turn. In a few short weeks, she had a heart-attack, underwent major heart surgery, and lost her husband. In those 19 years, I have been inspired by nothing as much as my mother's absolute devotion to making her mother's life as comfortable and happy as possible. In the last 10 days when paati was first in the Intensive Care Unit, and later in a hospital room, my mom was constantly at her side, praying for her recovery, shedding tears at every painful poke jab and procedure, and later, when we were told there was no hope, fervently praying for a pain-free release.

In all these years, there have been so many times when my mom has felt incredibly frustrated and helpless. But she has been invariably patient even when the situation was intolerable, calm when there was a crisis and stoic when everything seemed to be falling apart - a role model for everything I should aspire to be, but am not! It is and always will be a huge inspiration to me.

As always.... there are regrets. One assumes that one has the luxury has time. For all her poor health, paati was a fighter and I never believed she would not live for many more years. Less than a month ago, on our wedding anniversary, she played catch with Y, and we were all joking that we never knew that paati is a spinner! I wish I had been less absorbed in my kids, my husband, my home, my work- and that I had made more time. If only wishes were horses!
I have been thinking about the legacy we leave behind. Who will miss us and grieve over our loss? Who will be at our bedside in the last moments, keeping vigil as life ebbs away? As I bid a tearful goodbye to my granny the last time I visited her in the hospital, I grieved for all the opportunities for love and togetherness that were frittered away, by her and everyone else.
It has been a huge life-lesson to me, to make the best of everything life throws at you, good or bad. To live in the moment, rejoice in the company of loved ones, make the time to build relationships. This isn't a new awakening by any measure, and I'd like to think I do live my life by this mantra. But like every lesson worth learning, it's never a bad idea to get a refresher course every now and then.
Life is too short to bear grudges and live in discontent. Today, it feels almost like we should make it our duty to make it as beautiful as we can.