A weekend in Lucknow

I generally dislike travelling in August, that muggiest of all months here in North India. The humidity levels would put even my hometown Chennai to shame! However, personal likes and dislikes aside, we've always ended up doing atleast one trip this month every year because of all the long weekends that arrive around this time.

We arrived in Lucknow one muggy afternoon. Mercifully there was some rain to bring down the temperature, even if only temporarily. After a quick lunch, we set out for our first stop, the Bara Imambara. The guides here are really pesky and intrusive and it required all of our rudeness to fob them off! The children enjoyed running around in the huge empty spaces while S and I walked around absorbing some Nawabi atmosphere. 

The entry to the Bada Imambara.

Burning off some excess energy

Lovely candelabras.

Look at that lovely candle sconce!



We then moved to shop till we dropped :) Salwar kurtas, shirts and kurtas for the boys, a saree, even a lovely bedsheet and pillowcases. Due to the unrest in the old areas of the city the previous day, we were warned against shopping in Aminabad and Chowk, which is where you get the bargains. But it worked out for the best because walking through narrow smelly streets in the rain would not have been anyone's cup of tea. As it happened, the kids worked up a perfect storm in the very nice shop that we patronised. I thanked our stars that we were the only customers at that time because for a full hour, they made perfect pests of themselves! The staff looked on with a very indulgent eye even as I was itching to spank my own kids! Methinks that they took the famous Lucknowi tehzeeb to another level altogether!

The rain still dropping in buckets, we had no option but to head back to our hotel for some much needed rest, since all of us had had a very early start that morning. The next day, we headed out in a leisurely fashion, around lunchtime, to first partake of some authentic Awadhi cuisine. Having stuffed ourselves to the gills with kababs and biryani, we drove to the Kukrail picnic spot where Ads wanted to see the Gharial Conservation Center. It was really HOT and humid and all I wanted to do was sink into the cool pond just like the crocodiles were doing. 

Having ogled our fill at the creepy-crawlies, all we would do was find a shady spot, get some icy-cold drinks and sink down into the grass for some time while the kids ran around. Where do they get the energy from??? I could barely stay upright!

Our next stop was the Residency, which funnily enough my family had never visited all the years we lived in the city. The Residency complex is set amidst green lush manicured lawns. Every building, from Dr. Fayrer's house to the Treasury to the banqueting hall, bear signs of extensive shelling and most of the buildings are left in their almost-fallen-down state. There is a small but interesting museum which details the events leading upto to the seige of Lucknow, and it's aftermath.

  

Being the lazy people that we are, even here we spent a lot of time on our backs in the lovely lawns, just gazing at the sky and the trees while Y plaintively kept asking "Why aren't we walking around?" We also sampled some chaat - brilliantly flavoured aloo tikkis, khasta chaat and golgappes. I have to say I don't care for the North-Indian golgappes all that much, much preferring their superior versions - panipuri in Mumbai and puchkas in Calcutta. But the aloo tikkis were yummmm...I can still taste them on my tongue several hours later :) I went back to see my old school. Unfortunately it was closed. I tried to peek inside and what I could see seemed just the way I remembered.

So these were the highlights of our weekend in Lucknow. We arrived back this morning bushed and drained from all that walking around in the humidity. Happy to sleep in my own bed tonight!

The past revisited - Lucknow

When S suggested a few weeks ago that we plan a trip to Lucknow, I balked. Who goes to Lucknow? (Ok...am not quoting any facts or anything here...I am sure lots of tourists go to Lucknow, but nobody I know has ever gone there on a holiday. Except all of my relatives I think, who visited when we lived there for a few years back in the 80s).

Anyway, I don't like to revisit places that I've been to already. Life is way too short for that. The only and most honourable exception would be New Zealand (and I have a 10 year visa - yaaay!!). S insisted. "But there must be many places to see in Lucknow." Sure, there are. There's the Bada and Chota Imambaras. There's the British Residency. Oh wait, there's also Kukrail Reserve forest which has the Kukrail Ghariyal Conservation Center, of particular interest now that Ads has dived deep into Crocodilians. There's shopping, especially for exquisite Chikanari work. There's pigging on aloo tikkis at Hazratganj market, though I wasn't sure my stomach could take it now.

Come to think of it, I had very distinct memories associated with Lucknow. We moved there when I was around 9, the age from which onwards my memories of places, people and events is reasonably sharp. I remember many of my teachers in the two schools I studied in those three years. I remember being in 7th grade and begging my parents for a bicycle to ride to school, which they bought without a fuss. I remember being horribly embarrased when my dad deputed his peon/attendant from the bank to accompany me every single day to school. Guddu would follow me on his cycle as I meandered through roads broad and narrow to reach my school. At the age of 11-12, it was mortifying to have a bodyguard! Looking back though, I am amazed at my parents' guts in sending me to school like that. I wouldn't do it with Ads or Y! Perhaps the world was a better safer place then?

It did not seem that way in 1984 when Indira Gandhi was assassinated and the anti-Sikh riots broke out. I remember being shut up at home, being acutely and miserably aware that it was rioting outside, and that people were being beaten and killed outside on the streets. I am sure my parents were extremely tense. Armed mobs were barging into every house, demanding to know whether the families inside were harbouring any Sikhs. Amma told me to open my diary and write Sri Ramajayam as many times as I could. It was a smart way to distract a frightened child - I wrote pages! I can't imagine how I would handle a similar situation without losing my head completely.

My happiest memory of Lucknow is án incident which I doubt my parents will even remember. Even if they did, they would not imagine that it figures as one of my happiest memories ever. Strange isn't it? I often wonder what my childrens' happiest and saddest moments so far would be. Is it what I think they are or is it something else entirely, which I had paid scant attenton to? My father had been travelling. I think he had been to Calcutta and perhaps he had been to the Calcutta Book Fair. It's hard to be sure. Anyway, he had picked up something for both me and my brother (I think it was a gift for my having stood 1st in the final exam - something like that anyway), and my parents decided that it would be a nice touch to give me a surprise. One of them shaded my eyes with their hands. That gesture in itself was a dramatic flourish quite uncharacteristic of them! I can even now hear my mother's voice saying "Look at her face." They uncovered my eyes and what do I see - a brand new omnibus of the entire short stories of Sherlock Holmes. I was thrilled, overwhelmed, over the moon! a) I loved reading. b) I had recently got hooked on Sherlock Holmes. c) One did not get fat and obviously expensive books every day. And both mom and dad were grinning away, their pleasure magnified by my gratifyingly surprised and ecstatic reaction.

That book (I still have it) has given me hours of reading pleasure to the extent that it is sadly dog-eared, frayed and almost falling apart now. I keep meaning to get it bound now but have not got around to it yet. There have been many books gifted to me after that, but this one gift will remain really special.

Lucknow sure has some strong associations in my mind! We are going there soon and I am sure it has changed beyond recognition. We'll go look at my old school. We will go to Kukrail where we had so many picnics. I'll shop for chikan. Maybe, just maybe, I'll see or smell something that will bring back more memories!

A day in my life

The life of a working mum:

5.15 am: Wake up to have a quiet cup of chai before the madness starts. Read the newspaper.

5.30 - 6.15 am: Start cooking and packing lunch dabbas for 3 people (me, Ads, Y - husband not being around is a bonus in this aspect - one less to do!). As things simmer on the gas, get going on the laundry, laying out uniforms etc etc.

6.15 - 6.40 am: Wake up Ads, supervise teeth-brushing. Eat my breakfast while he sips his milk.

6.45 - 7.15 am: Help Ads with geting ready, prepare and serve breakfast. Cuddle a morning-blues Y if she wakes up while making sure Ads doesn't feel left out :)

7.15 am: Accompany Ads to bus-stop if Y is awake. If she is still asleep, he goes solo.

7.30 - 9 am - Repeat morning routine with Y while getting ready for work myself; pray silently that my house-help will land up.

9-9.10 am: Leave the house with Y and all our luggage (laptop bag, Y's backpack, my lunch, her lunch), see her off to school and immediately leave for work

9.45 am: Reach work.

2.15 pm: My outer limit for leaving the office else I'm not going to reach home in time for school bus drop-off.

2.50 am: Reach home, drop my stuff in the flat and rush back to bus-stop to retrieve the 2 kids :)

3-4 pm: Washing up, milk-drinking and general catching up with kids.

4-4.30 pm: Attempt to take a 20 min power nap (husband's brilliant idea). Have failed consistently due to screaming matches between kids, potty breaks, doorbell ringing etc.

4.30 pm or earlier - 6 pm: Start preparing evening snack for kids. Cut fruits for Ads tennis class (they have a snack break). Wait for cook to arrive. Supervise Ads' homework if any.

6 - 7 pm - Hopefully dinner is prepared by this time. See off Ads at swim or tennis class, take Y to park. Catch up with mommy friends/neighbours.

7 pm: Buy milk and other staples for next day. Head home.

7-7.30 pm - Bath-time.

7.30-8 pm: Dinner time and cleaning up.

8 - 8.30 pm - Cuddling in bed, quiz time, "discussion"time (with Ads!) and finally bed-time.

8.30 - 10 pm - Catch up with work and emails.

It's exhausting. A lot of people don't realize that flex-working means, in the end, a lot more work. You have to be more efficient (no idle gossiping over the office water-cooler!) and you are never disconnected from work, even at home. I like my schedule even though it gets crazy at times. I've never believed in the quality time argument; for me, quality and quantity are must-haves. This way, I get more time to be with the kids. I like to be there waiting for them when they get off the school bus. I like to listen to their childish prattle as they relive their day in school. And as much as I may crib about it, even their squabbles are something I wouldn't want to miss!

The bottomline is I am grateful to be doing good work when so many others don't get such opportunities. I'm neck-deep in recruiting for my office now since we are doubling our staff strength and I am meeting so many women who are looking for flexible schedules, have been in fact hunting for that elusive opportunity for years and have not reached there yet. It beats a couple of my previous jobs anyway where I was far less physically spent than I am now, yet the prospect of getting out of bed every morning and facing another day in the office was sheer misery.
I don't know how long this run will continue - hopefully for a few more years. I would hate to have to be in an office 9 to 6, however fantastic the work is and however awesome the pay packet (For the record, my pay truly sucks!).

Childhoods are too fleeting. This time around, my fingers are well and truly crossed.

Rakhi 2012

I always get unreasonably excited about Rakhi. Especially now that the kids squabble so much. It seems like there is low-level skirmish going on all the time, which frequently bursts out in the form of explosive warfare. I'm not enjoying this phase in the sibling relationship. I am told by more experienced parents that this might well continue for several more years.

My brother said when I told him about this "I thought Ads-Y were very harmonious?" Well, yes, they are, by and large. They share really well, they love each other to bits and Ads is Y's hero, no doubt about that. Yet between his evolution into the pesky teasing elder brother and her tendency of not giving an inch, I'm going more than a little nuts.

So Rakhi signalled a temporary truce between the two warring factions! This year, the kids took out money from their little piggy-banks to buy books for each other. We made Rakhis at home well in advance, with paper, glue and old lace. Y prepared the Thali for the pooja with a lamp and sweets. She applied the tilak on her brother's forehead and they tied Rakhis on each other's wrists and fed sweets to each other.

Thus went our improvised version of this tradition. I explained to them the significance of the festival and they listened with rapt attention, but soon got back to regular programming :)

Oh well. Atleast I tried :)

It takes a village.......

It really does.

I fondly remember my excellent support system in the US, which swung into action when I was in my first trimester with Y. Ads was barely two and a quarter years old and I was suffering from the most debilitating exhaustion and the most intense nausea. It was impossible to stay upright for more than a few minutes. All I could eat were a few crackers in the morning (if I didn’t throw those up). Staying vertical for the few minutes it took to microwave some oatmeal for Ads’ breakfast or some mac-and-cheese for his lunch was absolute torture. The poor darling took it in his stride. Amma wasn’t well and that was it. Racked by guilt and unable to manage on the limited support S was able to extend at that point, I sent out a desperate plea for help to my mommy friends. These were Belgian, French, British, Irish, Korean, Lebanese and quite a few others apart from native Californians who were in the moms club that I was a part of.

Within a few hours, pat came a phone call and email with a neat schedule of hot meals and playdates for Ads. Every couple of days, a friend and her kid or kids would land up with a meal (that would tide us over the next 2 days). They would whisk Ads away for a few hours of frolic while I got some much-needed rest. This continued for a month or so until I entered my second trimester and felt able to join the world again. I was able to return the favour not just once but many many times to the same women, when they had babies, fell sick, had an emergency etc etc. In a country where hired help is expensive and hard to find and family often is unavailable to help, I learnt to reach out and ask for assistance even from people I didn’t know that well.

From that time on, I understood the real meaning of the phrase “It takes a village to raise a child”. I have never since hesitated to ask for help in rearing my kids. Whether it is from the husband, parents and in-laws or friends, I have reached out many a time when I needed some childcare. Other than a few rare instances, when I asked, I did receive. Case in point – the recent collapse of the Northern Grid. On the first day, I didn’t even  realize something was amiss until I reached the office and was told that colleagues had not had power since 2 am (we have back-up in the flat and the news didn’t make the morning papers). On the way back home, I got stuck in the Metro. Frantic calls were made to a friend who volunteered to pick up Ads from the bus-stop and hold him till I arrived. The next day, it was the same situation all over again. I was at a meeting with my phone on silent mode when the guy we were meeting told us the grid had collapsed again. Oh no!! I quickly checked my phone, to find several messages from friends – Where are you? Metro’s stopped again- do you know? When will you get back? Do you want me to pick up Ads/Y?

I was beyond touched. Just then a friend/neighbour called to give me the latest news as shown on TV. All ended well - the trains resumed service and I rushed back home immediately. But it was very reassuring to know that even if I had got stuck somewhere, there were enough hands on board to keep my children safe.

We all need a good support system. Some have it handed to us on a platter – read handily-available parents/in-laws/relatives. Some of us have to create one from scratch. Many of us try to be supermoms without realizing that our energies would be better spent in trying to be better networked, more helpful to others in need, and most importantly, learning to ask for help!

Ad-Lib#10, Geekiness and Khichdi

Ads had Science week in school. They were supposed to perform simple experiments in class, make a presentation on endangered animals and think of puzzles/riddles to quiz their classmates on. Altogether a lot of fun for our geek. He came back home everyday quite disillusioned with his classmates' overall lack of knowledge! "Amma, they don't even know that tigers and lions' habitats are totally different! Amma, they don't know that tigers and lions have existed since prehistoric times. Amma, so-and-so did such a silly experiment - everyone knows water is colourless and odourless! All the children in my class think polar bears hibernate!"

These were some of the comments he passed as soon as he entered the door. But my favourite, as always - "They don't know nothing! They only know cricket!"

Many a time, I've also been accused of the same ignorance! When I was travelling, he would bombard me with facts like "Do you know a walrus weighs 1.2 tons?" I'd say "Yeah?" at which he would explode - "Amma, why are you not surprised?? A walrus' weight is 1.2 TONS!!! You're not LISTENING!"

I've been telling him that we will watch the Olympic highlights together and make a list of all the Indian medalists, and we'll also watch the tennis and swimming events (since he's currently learning both). He isn't very keen and thinks sports are a waste of his time.

Time better spent in getting to be more geeky, eh?

Someone asked Y yesterday what did she like best and she said polar bears. She also wants to be a zoologist like her hero. Only condition - she will wear pink and not brown like the boring clothes that most zoologists wear. Ads teased her - "You are a khichdi. You need to wear brown for camouflage. The wild animals will see you and they'll eat you up."

Y wailed. Not because the wild animals would eat her (lesser problem!) but because her Anna called her a Khichdi. Don't ask me what it means. That's the most insulting thing they ever say to each other! Sometimes, when they get mad at me, I can hear them whispering to each other - Amma is a khichdi.

Daddy goes solo

Almost obscenely abundant greenery everywhere, emerald paddy fields, rubber plantations, clean roads, grey menacing clouds – where else but in Kerala? I was in Palakkad for a couple of days for a project that are pitching for. As always, I was blown away by the natural beauty all around me. S and I have done Kerala in bits and pieces over the years and managed to cover most of the state but Palakkad is one district we have never visited.

Anyway, back to basics. S has been in absentia, on a fair bit of travel for the last month. The last week, he was in Gurgaon on a flexible schedule and therefore I pushed for my work-related travel to happen during this time. There was a tiny bit of apprehension since this would be the first time that he would be alone with the kids and handling the routine craziness of a school day. I was confident that he could do it provided the domestic help landed up on time and did not take every other day off as they have been doing of late.  As it happens, my maid and cook have a soft corner for bhaiya; clearly they think he is some hapless male forced to take on child-rearing responsibilities while didi goes off on pleasure jaunts. S was very confident that they would report to work without fail and on time, something they somehow never manage with me! I’m happy to report that his confidence was not misplaced, though I’m also sure they are going to play truant now that I am back.

In fact, the only challenge they faced was how to tie Y’s hair, S never having learnt how to handle a hairband! We had a 15 minute negotiation before I left. Y sweetly suggested that Appa learn how to braid her hair to form 2 plaits. I countered that it wasn’t necessary and that she should be content with one ponytail for the 4 days that I would be away. She was most reluctant (she doesn’t like the single ponytail) but once we were able to convince her that she actually looked better with one pony instead of two, she gave in with bad grace. I’m glad that was the only roadblock we encountered!

S says he was able to manage just fine but that his work had to take a backseat, being crammed into the few hours when the kids were at school. He apparently had a long conf-call with the folks in the US and Y sat quietly at his side throughout, working with her crayons and glitter pens. This might be an important milestone for us in our journey towards (more or less) equally-shared parenting.

Clearly, they all managed just fine without me (maybe even better!). Have I made myself redundant? I certainly hope so!

A 'zoo' on the floor

On a weekend afternoon, as the rest of the family snoozes, this is what a bored boy gets upto. Start with creating a whole zoo on the floor, then move on to specific habitats.
Does your kid have the 5 best toys of all time? :)

Panoramic view of the zoo :)

Or rather, "American Zoo", as the white notice stuck to the cupboard proclaims. The white bear and Ludo counters are "the statues at the entrance, Amma." Note the emergency vehicles all ready and waiting.

The "safari"and at the back is the grassland habitat (a green plastic cover) with zebras.

Board game covers, pressure cooker gaskets, Pediasure 'dabbas' have all become zoo enclosures :)

The toy basket cover hides a tiger and it's cub snoozing away in the afternoon heat.

Holiday homework woes

So. Holiday homework. Projects. The bane of every parent. The nightmare of every mum and dad. Every time I see someone with a harried look on their face, walking around clutching plasic folders and A3/A4 sheets, chart paper and thermocole, getting into the car for a quick dash down to the stationery shop for buying some glue or feathers, my heart melts in sympathy.

Been there, done that, you know :)

I don't know how it is in other cities, but the Delhi newspapers have been full of articles like this. We ourselves have a "homework uncle" in our neighbourhood, who for a fee will execute your ward's school projects. Is it any wonder that when Ads submits his projects or assignments, he comes back carrying tales of how terrific everyone else's project looked, as opposed to our home-made, eco-friendly output? I've seen some of these works of art displayed in the school corridors during the Parent-Teacher meetings and I'm ready to bet my last dollar that no first or second-grader could have made them. Or else, there are a heck of a lot of super-talented moms out there. I refuse to believe the latter too, it would be too damaging to my ego :)

This year as well, Ads got homework in all subjects (English, Math, EVS, Hindi). Now I simply don't understand why kids need to have homework during the holidays. Its a holiday, in case nobody noticed. Kids should have nothing to do during vacation. In fact, today's generation needs idleness much more than we did simply because most of them don't seem to know how to handle boredom. And when can kids just be kids if not during the summer vacation? They definitely don't have the time during the school year. Why add the pressure of homework on top of the classes and summer camps that they are probably going to anyway?

Someone definitely had put in some serious thought into the homework assignment design, that much was apparent. I did appreciate that. The theme was to compare the era of Ads's grandparents (1950s to 1960s) to the current era. In English, they had to interview each grandparent and write down about the differences in communication technologies and why these changes occured. In Math, they had to look at the currencies in vogue then, and also calculate purchasing power of the rupee (by comparing prices of staples across the years). In EVS, they had to figure out the differences in fashion and textiles. In Hindi, they had to discuss modes of transporation then and now. Pretty interesting stuff, really. 

What they had forgotten or conveniently overlooked was how much parental input would be required to complete the assignments. None of them could be completed without my active assistance. My policy of limited screen time/no video games backfired on me since Ads couldn't use the laptop to download and print stuff. (I still stand firmly by my policy, btw :))

Between my mom, Ads and me, we managed to complete the whole thing. The whole thing was quite pointless, if you ask me. I also know that most other kids in our complex have either outsourced their projects outside or else their mommies have done the whole thing when the kids were at school! What's the point???

Children only retain what they want to and it's a fact that they do forget a lot of what they have learnt, during the summer vacation. I also know that not everyone's home environment facilitates or encourages reading, craft and learning. Instead of overloading hapless kids and parents with homework, I would support if they asked all children to keep a daily or weekly journal (in both English and the second language, if they like). I'm sure they would be astonished at the creative interpretations the kids would come up with. Ask them to bring to school all the artwork they did during the hols. Make them write a story on that family holiday, with pictures. Let them describe something new that they learnt during the summer. Any of these options (just one, not all at the same time!) would be so much more age-appropriate and more valuable that the impractical stuff they come up with now.

As for Math, any decently involved parent will make their children do worksheets every week. I did. When it comes to Maths and Science, I think we don't need to doubt the Tiger mom qualities of Indian parents :)

I'm going to give these suggestions to the school. I hope they do something about it. This year, when Ads cribebd about the homework, I gave him a way out. I said, I will support you in not doing your homework. Go to your class teacher and say your mom doesn't have the time and the homework is too hard to do without any help, so you haven't done it. Do that, and I'll back you up.

Needless to say, our conformist thought the whole idea was insane. Coward :)

My other blog

Just a heads up that I've kind of cleaned up my other blog. It's still a work-in-progress (I'm not happy with the layout or with the name!) but I hope to be more regular at updating it from now on, and not letting it languish as I have been wont to do.

Have a look and let me know what you think :)

Mumbai Rhapsody

 

Green mangroves.

Shiny rain-spattered streets.

Chaotic  traffic (so what’s new?).

The Arabian sea lashing against breakers.

The queen’s necklace twinkling away.

Sodium vapour lamps.

The beautiful crumbling buildings in Town.

Marvelling that Regal theatre is still standing.

An avenue of trees in Ballard Estate.

Worli Sea Link looming in the distance.

Walking in the midnight rain at Marine Drive.

Mumbai is most lovely in the rains.

So says someone who doesn’t have to live in Mumbai :)

I am soaking up all the rain and cold (literally and figuratively) in anticipation of my return to 46 degree scorchers in Gurgaon. While on the subject, I'm here to attend and conduct a business skills workshop for wannabe women entrepreneurs from lower-income groups. Three days of intensive teaching and learning with 45 cheerful and enthusiastic girls is proving to be a lot of fun. The only reason I was even able to travel this time was because my parents as always stepped upto the challenge of parenting and grandparenting while I was away. Yet some more people I have to thank for making life that wee bit easier :)

Dad S vs Mom Me

This is not a delayed Father's Day post or anything like that :) I thought of this post after coming back home from our Kumaon break, when we had those episodes of the kids throwing up one after the other while driving through mountain roads. Ads has just finished his session (!) and I knew Y would be up next, so I elected to sit in the front seat with her on my lap. I generally never allow the kids on the front seat but it makes a big difference when you are nauseous if you are up front. 

In this case, Y did not seem to feel any better. I kept asking her "How do you feel - are you going to throw up?" and she would always reply in the negative. S was right at the back and he kept telling me "Don't go by what she says - stop the car and get her down." Of course, I did not listen :) 

And obviously, the next minute, she had coughed and thrown up all over me :(

I was cleaning up and S came around and said "I told you so. She's not Ads. You need to focus on the non-verbal clues."

So I did not really appreciate being fed a parenting lesson when I was covered in puke. However, the episode did underline my husband's vastly superior parenting skills, relative to my own. I used to feel a little insecure about it when Ads was first born. Why, both S and I had begun from the same start line, yet from Day 1 he instinctively knew how to carry and soothe Ads, how to change his diaper without making a mess, how to take sprays of bodily fluids with equanimity, how to know when he was falling sick, when he was hungry and when I needed a hard kick up my butt to wake up and breastfeed him :)

Even today, based on their moods and behaviour, he can tell when the kids are about to fall sick. He can predict a hunger tantrum a clear 15 minutes before I do. He knows what they mean even when they aren't saying it. Not that I can't do any of these things, it's just that he does it so much better and faster and accurately than I do. As my mother put it so many years ago - His father's instinct is so much better than your mother's instinct!

I have girlfriends who call S their best friend, because they know they can drop their kids off with S and he'll happily handle 4 kids for several hours while we girls go shopping :) When we go out to a birthday party, S is far more likely to hang out with the kids and play their games instead of chatting with the other adults. I have to tell people - "You see, he enjoys the company of children more than the company of adults." He's happy to spend a whole day hanging out with Ads and Y and then some more. I simply can't take a whole 2 days of my children's company, undiluted :) He'll read to them, play hockey with them, take them swimming and talk untiringly about wild animals. Yesterday I was calling Y for her bath and he said he'll do it. I said no, it's ok, I have time. He retorted "You don't MIND giving them a bath. But I LOVE doing it. So let me do it."

When I'm feeling crabby, I tend to tell him that he only loves doing all this stuff because he doesn't have to, every single day. He has the luxury of doing the bath routine and all the other routines on the weekends only (he arrives too late to do it on weekdays). But even I know that I'm being unfair as I say this. Often as I am giving the kids a bath and they giggle and whisper and throw soap suds at me, I wistfully wish that S were there to witness the cuteness.

Several years ago, I thought I was getting an awesome husband. I didn't realize that I was getting an awesome Dad as well!

So who's giving us a running for our money?

Guess who's floating in the pool with complete abandon and enjoyment and giving the (utterly false) impression of being a swimming expert?

No, no - it's not me. I haven't progressed much beyond where I was in the autumn. It's not Ads, who has finally started being coached by a really nice, young, patient and friendly coach. They have some communication issues - coach not knowing much English and Ads seeming to have forgotten all his Hindi during the summer break. It's not even S, who has now stopped maniacally studying YouTube videos and almost living in the pool during weekends. He is, for the record, doing pretty well with the swimming and able to get through almost the whole length of the pool in freestyle.

It's Y who has been stealing our thunder, with her enthusiasm. She jettisoned her lovely one-piece swimsuits (she has several hand-me-downs and they are just so cute!) in favour of the much more practical wetsuit-type thingy which has a built-in float. It was originally bought for Ads, back when he was two years old, but he was never much of a water baby. Y has been using it now for more than a month and it's really helped boost her confidence in the water. She floats on her back, manages to kick her way from one end of the pool to another, and generally lowers my confidence no end!

Last evening, the four of us were down at the pool and while I was sorting though our stuff and S was helping Ads into his cap and goggles preparatory to his lesson, we caught sight of Y casually sliding into the water. Before we could react and run to the edge of the pool, she was already in the middle and waving merrily at us! What a fright she gave us!

She claims she can swim and float and when the coach asked her if she would come for class alongwith her brother, she turned to me and muttered "Enakku already swimming theriyum" (I already know swimming).

Getting ready for a back float - she has since perfected it.



A bit of Kipling country

A second trip to the mountains followed quickly on the heels of the first one. This year has been pretty good to us on the travel front, rivalling 2007, our best travel year, when we managed 7 holidays in 6 months! I think we went a little crazy that year, though :)

Anyhow, I digress. Ignorant me had always assumed that Kumaon and Garhwal were one and the same place. No reason why I should have assumed this, I never bothered to find out and I just did. Kumaon (or Kumaon mandal - it's an administrative division), occupies roughly the eastern half of Uttarakhand and comprises six of the thirteen districts in the state. The other seven are part of the Garhwal mandal. We went to the Nainital district of Kumaon, very accessible both by road and train from New Delhi. Apparently the temperature was a salubrious (relatively speaking, since Gurgaon is staying put at 43 degrees!) and sunny 33 degrees or so just the day before we landed. We were lucky to get a couple of cloudy days and some intermittent rain which led to some gorgeous weather. I cannot explain the joy of the cool breeze caressing one's face when all one has been used to for a few months is the hot loo!!

We stayed in Bhimtal, where our hotel was, in complete opposition to its website and tripadvisor reviews - quite a sad piece of work. My research skills has not been up to the mark this time and I was a little down and out about it  :) The only redeeming feature of the so-called resort was the terrific views it commanded of the lake, especially from our room. Bhimtal is supposed to be a place where Bhima visited and stayed during the period of the Pandavas 13-year exile. It's a quiet peaceful little town with a lovely lake at it's center.

All we did on the day we landed was saunter down to the lake (a  good 2 km walk), go on a boat-ride and horse ride, have some hot yummy simple grub and return to our hotel. The next day, we headed to Mukteshwar, which at around 7000 ft has one of the highest elevations in the region. On the way, we passed through lush tea estates, delectable fruit orchards (apricots, plums, peaches, apples, jamuns) and mountainsides laden with oak, pine and cedar. It was an amazing sight for our jaded city eyes to see trees bending over with the weight of fresh fruit and ripe fruits fallen to the ground, to be had for the asking. At Mukesthwar, the views of the Himalayas were impressive and apparently one could view the Nanda Devi from there on a clear day.

We visited a really interesting temple enroute to Mukteshwar, called the Golu Devta temple, at GhoraKal. Golu Devta is a local god, an incarnation of Shiva. The temple is very small, clean and distinguished by the thousands of bells strung everywhere. Bells tied by devotees, attached to little chits of papers with supplications and prayers scribbled all over them, little bells, large bells, humoungous bells....it was incredibly pretty!

Our enthusiasm for the day's travels was tempered by a bad bout of road-sickness which affected both the kids. They have been on so many road trips, several of them on winding mountain roads and never seemed to be bothered by road sickness. I'd relaxed into the comfort of thinking they had not picked up this particular gene from me. Alas, it seems I celebrated too soon!

Our last day brought us the best views and the Oooh! Wow! moments - Sattal and Naukuchiatal are two other freshwater lakes in the region which are really really pretty. Sattal is the lowest-lying of the lakes (it's actually 7 lakes, hence the name) and this is our first view of it as we were scooting downhill. Divine, isn't it? :)

Lunch was had on the banks serene banks of Naukuchiatal. Some pre-lunch pebble-throwing and tree-climbing activities were of course a mandatory part of the excursion, for the kids and dad!

The verdict? The part of Uttarakhand we saw was very very pretty. The Himalayas, even the lower ranges, are nothing if not arrestingly picturesque. Emerald calm waters and a soothing breeze blowing off the lakes cooled us down on an otherwise sultry day. I suppose the weather gods were upping the mercury a bit to remind us of what lay waiting for us back home :) A short but relaxing holiday in a scenic setting - that was our Kumaon rhapsody.

Old Delhi again and the Jama Masjid

Exploring one's city as a tourist is always exciting and one of the important places that we had not yet visited in our Delhi explorations has been the Jama Masjid. Anything in Old Delhi is bound to be a challenge because Ads hates it and cannot understand why we would bother travelling on the Metro for an hour and back to traipse around in the crowds and filth. I agree - why do we???
However, the fascination that the history and architecture of the old city hold for us is not something they can be hoped to understand. So, now that the children are away, we thought we would do them a favour by visiting Jama Masjid in their absence!

With great enthusiasm, we were up at 5.30 am, on the train at 6.15 am and at our destination Metro station by 7.15. Those who have done it will agree that walking the streets of Old Delhi is quite an unforgettable experience. Narrow streets, telephone and electricity wires sagging carelessly and dangerously, houses with mysterious dark doorways and staircases, dingy hotels and lodges, dogs and pigeons, food hawkers, men selling "cool refrigerated water", and people people people everywhere. We saw two separate guys with SLRs placing their subjects in designated positions and composing their shots. One was photographing a pair of street sweepers (the human kind, not the mechanical kind) and the other one was trying to click candid shots of a street hawker.

And the, quite suddenly, we caught our first glimpse of the dome of the Jama Masjid. Built by Shahjahan between 1650 and 1656, it was yet another crowning architectural achievement for the emperor who also built the Taj Mahal, Red Fort, Agra's Moti Masjid and many other lesser known monuments.

The main facade.

The central courtyard holds upto 25000 people for prayers and one can imagine it doing so since it is simply massive!

The Red Fort as seen from Jama Masjid.

Pigeons everywhere, having a blast with the feed which is scattered all over the courtyard.

The mosque also has some relics of the Prophet Muhammad which we were unable to look at because we went too early and most of the staff hadn't yet arrived. One can go walk up the tower to the minaret and apparently the views of Delhi from there are simply fantastic. But since S could not climb those many stairs and they don't allow women to go up there alone, we could not do it. Yup -- that's the rule :( I doubt we could have been able to see much even if we had trudged up. At 8 am, the morning sun was intense and blinding!
We were back home by 9.30 am after the mandatory fried parathas and rabri ki lassi at Paranthewali Gali. So that's another one ticked off the Delhi to-do list - happy!

So how did it all go?

Our experiment this summer - having the kids spend part of their summer vacation at Chennai and be looked after by both sets of grandparents for about 2 weeks - was unquestionably a win-win situation for all. Husband and wife got some much-needed couple time and were able to have a lovely holiday to celebrate their wedding anniversary. The children and grandparents bonded far more than they usually do (there's no mom and dad hovering around, after all). While there was definitely an increased workload on all four seniors, the mitigating factor was that all of them are pretty sprightly people with active lifestyles. They seem to have handled the challenge of parenting two small children with aplomb. 

In addition, I can see that the two siblings have become closer than ever before. Thrown together, with no friends to distract them, shuttling between two homes in Chennai, they have adapted beautifully and each has become the other's support system. I would never have expected Y to get through the holiday without her Anna lovingly leading her by the hand every step of the way.

So, yes, I'm really happy we took the plunge this year. It made a huge difference for S and me. It opened up these simply vast pockets of time when we simply did not know what to do. Freed from feeding, bathing, potty-cleaning, book-reading, playing, cleaning-up, homework and assorted other duties that go with the parental territory, we were initially a little foxed by how to spend all the free time. In that, atleast in Gurgaon and within our set of friends, we are a little unusual because we have no full-time help. Other couples with kids can and do step out for dinners and movies and such ever so often, in the late evenings or after the kids are in bed. They can attend pub lunches and bond over bowling sessions with friends. S and I have sometimes been left out when only one of us can attend batch-mate socials or a gathering over drinks at someone's house (no kids, please).

Yesterday, we walked over to Haldiram's for a quick dinner and we saw a PVR multiplex there. We are hearing good things about Ferrari ki Sawaari so we discussed whether we should catch the film after dinner. Suddenly S smiled and said "So, you mean, we can REALLY do that? Watch a film, just like that?" I know it may sound silly to some, but it was a source of wonder to us that we could actually, without any planning whatsoever, just walk in and see a movie, or do something else we liked. The nicest part of the last fortnight has been in reliving our carefree pre-kid, no-responsibility years, being able to talk and talk (and not run out of conversation!), read as much as we liked, not have to worry whether lunch and dinner and snacks will be on the table on time, and....oh well, you get the picture.

The hardest part? The hardest part has been missing the kids, especially for the last week. It was a good thing that I have been up against some project deadlines that had me wedded to the laptop for the last few days, otherwise I would have felt really depressed. I didn't like talking to them on skype because I felt that they would miss me more when they saw and heard me (I was right). When I saw Ads bravely wiping away some stray tears, or when Y said "Amma, I miss you", I felt as though my heart would break. While on the whole I am assured by my parents and parents-in-law that they were perfectly happy and content, I think that probably, just for the first year, we should have stopped with a week and not stretched it to two.

It's such a cliche that distance makes the heart grow fonder. Like most cliches, it is also very true and I cannot wait to have the little monsters back in my arms very very soon. I'm glad that all of us had a good summer (although school re-opens only after another fortnight). It's high time our family got back together again.

Big cats and more big cats

I wrote about Ads' obsession with the big cats a few months ago. Since then, the interest has been very much alive and intensifying almost by the day. He now wants to legally change his name to Tiger. A couple of months ago, I woke up in the middle of the night to find him missing from the bed. I ran to the 'toy room' to find him moving around on all floors in the darkness. I thought he must have been sleepwalking (or sleep-crawling) but he was wide awake. He said "Amma, I am a tiger. Tigers hunt at night sometimes."

Leopards, lions, panthers, pumas, jaguars, caracals, mountain lions, cougars, lynxes, cheetahs, smilodons and many more obscure varieties of the big cat - S and I have learnt about these a lot more than we wanted to! I didn't realize how much I had absorbed until Ads was quizzing me one day, at a friend's place in Chennai.

Q: Name one member of the cat family which doesn't look like a cat.

A: Hyenas. Most people think they are cousins of dogs, but they actually belong to the cat family.

Q: Which is more powerful - the lion or the tiger?

A: Lions are faster and longer, but tigers are heavier, more muscular and used to solitary living and hunting. In a fight between lion and tiger, the tiger is more likely to win. In any case, Siberian tigers are the largest variety of tigers and can easily fell a fully-grown lion.

(This is actually a trick question since lions and tigers live in totally different habitats and are unlikely to be involved in a face-off. So the question is hypothetical and can be argued both ways)

Q: How long are the lion's claws?

A: Asiatic lion has 3" claws. Some African lions have claws that are upto 4" long. Bengal tigers have 4" retractable claws.

And so on and so forth.

My friend was like....Whoa...Aps...how do you know all this stuff?

Sigh. If she had to read about tigers morning, noon and night, from 10 different books, watched every show possible on NatGeo Wild and Animal Planet not to mention Animal Faceoff on Youtube, she would know all this stuff by heart too! 

It's not just Ads. I've met a couple of kids (both boys) who are experts on dinosaurs and polar bears. It does seem to be a boy thing to get obsessive and nerdy about some subjects, from a very early age - Be it cars or trucks, aeroplanes, spacecraft, tools or wild animals. Ads went through the truck and tools phase around the time he was 3 and 4 years old and now big cats.

This is the fact-sheet he has created on tigers. He's made one for the other big cats as well - lions, leopards, cheetahs and so on - but they are all in Chennai and I only have a photo of this one.

Not to be outdone, we had visited someone's place the other day in Chennai and the aunty there asked Y what her name was. Pat came the answer "Tigress!".

Back from the mountains

I'm back! In Gurgaon and 45 degree blistering sun, after almost 3 weeks away - first in Chennai and then out in the Himalayas for our very first couples vacation in almost 7 years.

This particular getaway was very hastily planned by our standards. Consider this. By May I have my vacations and long weekenders planned all the way until November - my hotel bookings are done, itineraries are planned and alas, Indian railways only allows train tickets to be booked 120 days in advance :) For an organized freak like me, leaving town on holiday at the spur of the moment is almost never done. In fact, it has never been done! So when the possibility of a work trip to Jammu came up and the husband casually suggested that he take a few days off and we go to Srinagar to celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary, I said - Are you crazy? How am I supposed to plan for a holiday...like...just a month in advance??? :)

As it turned out, I learnt after making a few calls that Kashmir was out of the question since hotel rooms were not to be had for love or money, not to mention that airfares even from Delhi were prohibitive. My work trip also fell through, so I dumped the whole project back on S (Grrrr....if you had given me even an inkling that you were willing to take a holiday in June, we could have planned this so much better!). 

Help came in the form of our travel advisor, who suggested a retreat near Shimla. At first, I resisted. I have a horror of our popular Indian hill-stations - Ooty, Kodai, Yercaud, Mussoorie, Darjeeling, and yes, Shimla - without exception they are all dirty, polluted, smoggy and hopelessly crowded. However, some googling assured me that although we would be staying 10 km out of Shimla, there would be no reason for us to go anywhere near the city. There seemed to be enough for us to do both inside and outside the hotel (which is a swank Oberoi property located in a tiny hamlet called Charabra in Himachal). So we took the plunge, booked our Shatabdi tickets to Chandigarh and left for HP just a day after I landed back in Gurgaon.

First things first. I'm sorry (and a little ashamed) to admit that I had no, absolutely NO, idea that Himachal was so stunningly beautiful. Shimla as expected was horrible (we had to pass through it a couple of times and got caught in traffic jams!) but that aside, the eastern bit of the state (which is all we could cover) is just mind-bogglingly pretty. I remarked to S that if the touristy bit is so lovely, how much better would the less-frequented parts be?

We travelled to Kufri, Fagu and Chail. The Maharaja of Patiala's Palace at Chail (now a heritage hotel owned and operated by HP Tourism) has the most beautiful lawns I have ever seen, surrounded by hundreds of trees - deodar, fir, pine, oak and maple. We went to Chaba for our first time white-water rafting on the Sutlej (which flows down straight from the Mansarovar lake and is freaking cold!). I realized that our guide was making me paddle furiously when we hit even a slightly choppy patch - a fairly effective distraction strategy. Maybe my constant mutters of Oh Damn Oh Damn Oh Damn were making him nervous! I was very edgy - the raft looked pretty unstable and the water was not just cold, it was menacingly frisky!

We were caught in a freak hailstorm one afternoon which was pretty exciting :) We also managed to pack in a 7-km hike which was charmingly called the "Oaks and Orchards Trail". We went deep into the forest using a map provided to us, caught some great views of the valley below, managed to get covered extensively by spider webs, and saw the President of India's summer haven (a colonial bungalow aptly called "The Retreat"). 

For the most part though, we enjoyed each other's company. We realized that we could indeed talk for hours and not just about the kids. We enjoyed uninterruped meals and conversations, long walks, birdsong and silence. It was bliss. I missed the kids, but I did not feel guilty. They were well-cared for and happy with their grandparents and S and I really needed this time together to bond, free from caretaking duties. I don't suppose we could have given each other a better anniversary present.

So, it's back to regular programming from now on :) I can't wait to go back to Himachal again and explore more of that lovely lovely state. Leaving you with a few photographs - enjoy!

Our hotel...

The view from our room.

 

The driveway upto the hotel, fringed by deodars.

View from the outdoor dining area..

And that's me plugging away at breakfast...

The river Sutlej in the background, and our "picnic" lunch all laid out...if only all picnics were like this :)

The summer so far...

The kids couldn't wait for the summer holidays to begin so that they could proceed to their favourite city - Chennai. We landed here a couple of weeks ago and of course it was insanely hot (not that we were in a position to complain since what we had left behind was no better!) A few days later, I travelled to Bangalore - a 3 day work trip which I combined with a weekend so that I got a full 5 days of freedom from child-rearing duties.

Apparently, Bangalore has had a very warm summer this year. Obviously, I did not find it in my heart to express any sympathy from friends who complained about the Bangalore heat - my standard response was that they were spoilt silly! Having said that, it was unseasonably warm when I compared it to the weather when I lived there, as recently as 5 years ago. I stayed with some dear friends, shopped at the Kala Maadhyam mela, visited relatives, 'guilt-shopped' for my two monsters (!) and caught up with two fellow bloggers for the very first time, in person. The latter was particularly gratifying. Knowing someone in the virtual world and thereafter meeting them physically can be two entirely different things. As it happened, the three of us had lots to talk about and the two hours that we had planned for lunch seemed to elapse with extreme rapidity, leaving us with some great memories and hopes of meeting again soon.

Unfortunately, I was unable to manage a pit-stop at my favourite Bangalore haunt, Corner House, owing to a bad stomach bug which I managed to catch on one of my work days. A suspect vada-pav seems to have caused the bacterial infection and I had a fairly hard time the next day as I was travelling to some villages near Kolar.
I've often observed to S how he gets a rousing reception when he returns from a work trip or even every evening when he returns home from the office. I'm home when the kids return from school and since I never travel anywhere without them, I've never been fortunate enough to be accorded such a warm welcome. My wish was granted when I returned from Chennai; the kids fell upon me and for a few minutes they could not get enough of hugging and kissing mommy! Y kept devouring me with her huge eyes and as I saw the wealth of love behind her gaze, I felt both humbled and grateful. 
As I complained about the humidity in Chennai to the other half, he retorted that he was walking around our Gurgaon flat, sprinkling water in all the rooms to increase the humidity levels!

Such is our summer. Waiting to escape to cool Himalayas next week!

Countdown to the summer break

The countdown to the annual summer jaunt, Chennai-side, has begun. The children are terribly excited - 4 weeks of being spoilt silly, and no mother to monitor sweet/chocolate consumption, TV-watching, hand-washing, nose-picking and dental hygiene! I am going to be around in Chennai as well, but I will be working, and whatever free time I get I'd rather hang out with the few friends I still have in that city :)

This year, we are experimenting with leaving the kids behind in Chennai for just over a week (with my parents), while I fly back to Delhi just in time for my wedding anniversary. I don't know how they will fare without me (rather well, I suspect!) and how I will manage without them (I assume I will run the gamut of emotions from happy/footloose, to bored, to terribly unhappy without my little monsters!).

The first thing Ads asks me every morning is "How many more days to go to Chennai?"

I say "14" or whatever the number is.

Ads will then ask "And how many school days?" :)

We got lucky with the weather in April - it stayed cool for the most part and we had a lot of thunderstorms. May has been more like summer - baking and HOT HOT HOT. I know summer is finally here when I have to skulk in the shade while waiting to pick up the kids from the bus-stop, when the heat presses down on me from down and above and sideways until I go light-headed with the pressure.

Here we come - from the fire into the frying pan (Delhi is way hotter than Chennai!)

Reviews of two Tulika books

I picked up a bunch of books from Tulika lately, based on what I thought Ads would like, and what he should be liking (yes, quite the Nazi mom here!!).

The first one was a book on Indian Dinosaurs (I didn't know we used to have any!) called Stone Eggs - The story of Indian Dinosaurs by Helen Rundgren. I was sure Ads would love this one, being nuts about all things animal these days. He has quite made up his mind to be a zoologist! Yesterday he was quite worried whether he could be a zoologist as well as a paleontologist :) The story, for story it is, is about a brother-sister duo who accidentally discover a bunch of sauropod eggs while vacationing in their grandma's village. They meet a palaeontologist who is excited with their find and through him, they learn about the different species of dinosaurs who existed in the Indian landmass millions of years ago. The book is lucid with and easy-to-read text for a 6 yo, and cute and colourful illustrations. A good starting point for beginner dino-lovers and yet engaging enough for more knowledgeable kids.

The second book I picked up was Barefoot Husain by Anjali Raghbeer. Now I do want my scientist to also have an artistic sensibility :) Tulika has a series of books on art and artists - Jamini Roy, Amrita Shergill, Ravi Verma are some of the others. Having taken Ads to the NGMA and some art shows, the names are not wholly alien to him and I started with Husain because he was particularly interested in his work when we visited the India Art Fair in January. Specifically he thought the horses looked very majestic and he thought Husain must not have been great at drawing expressions on faces and that's why his faces were blank :)
This book goes into flashback mode on Husain's early years, interspersed with his famous paintings. There's a fair back of flitting back and forth in time and the whole narrative happens in the imagination of a little boy who has been taken on a field trip to the Modern Art Museum. I think some of that was fairly confusing for Ads, but on future readings, perhaps I'll focus more on the art and less on the narrative. I'm looking forward to picking up more books on the series.

The third and final book is The Snow King's Daughter by Sowmya Rajendran. We haven't yet found the time to read it but it seems like a good opening to discuss a rather sensitive and weighty topic, so I am looking forward to Ads' take on the book. He gets somewhat hamstrung by his sister, who insists on sitting with us when we read and offering her valuable comments :) Case in point: We were reading Hanuman's Ramayan (another great book and the first one I read by Devdutt Patnaik) and discussing it when Y piped in: But tomato-kku enna aachu (What happened to the tomato?)
Me and Ads: Huh? Tomato-aa? What? Which tomato?
Y: Adhu-la tomato irundhudhey!
Ads (in disgust): There's no tomato in the story, Kondila! (The last word is what he calls her when he wants to annoy her, no one knows what it means but it makes her see red!)
Y: Waaaaaa....!!! (effectively ending the reading session, which I am sure was her intention all along!!)
I'm not sure how often I will post kiddie book reviews here, but I will try and post whenever we read something that is exceptional or different. Since we read a lot, hopefully that should not be too difficult!