tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20816931168762019592024-03-27T14:43:19.782+05:30Adventures in Mommyland"Always kiss your children goodnight - even if they're already asleep."Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.comBlogger598125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-31619362968247694952024-02-16T20:13:00.003+05:302024-02-16T20:13:37.524+05:30Sweet beginnings <p style="text-align: justify;">My parents celebrated their golden anniversary in January and I organized a week-long vacation in Sri Lanka for the three of us. I left for Chennai in mid-January and spent two and a half weeks in Chennai, Bangalore, and Sri Lanka. With my penchant for cramming my schedule, my few days in India were hectic, but I'm glad I did cram my calendar because I got to meet so many friends and family and spend quality time with all of them. Such opportunities for connection, especially when you live abroad, are few and far between, and I cherish them all the more for that. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Our road trip in Sri Lanka covered Dambulla, Trincomalee, Kandy, Colombo, and Galle (in that order). I relished spending 1:1 time with my folks. Time is the most valuable currency; once lost, never to be regained. I think we'll all look back on our week in Sri Lanka with a lot of fondness and I am really glad that I was able to execute this plan successfully. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I met a friend in Bangalore who loves Sri Lanka too. She pressed on me a book called "This Divided Island" by Samanth Subramanian which I was engrossed in during the long flight back home. It's a nonfiction account of the civil war in Sri Lanka told through the tragic stories of the innumerable victims. It really opened my eyes to all the trauma that is still being carried around by Sinhalese and Tamils alike, under the veneer of normalcy and hospitality which is all that we experienced during our time there. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I spent a couple of days in Bangalore at the office and some changes are in the offing on the work front as well. Since I have been back home, I have been deliberating on my next (professional) steps and discussing them with S. In the meantime, I restarted my weekly Zumba class and also began volunteering as an ESOL teacher again (once a week for 2 hours). Summer plans are being made ...lots of travel this year as well. 2024 is shaping up to be another eventful year.</p>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-53414750552023077062024-01-01T22:03:00.009+05:302024-01-02T16:43:20.399+05:302023 Recap <p style="text-align: justify;">What a whirlwind year 2023 has been! </p><p style="text-align: justify;">THE most eventful year of our married life. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">January - we started seeing our new house coming up. What had been mud and stones in late 2022 started taking shape slowly.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I went to NYC for a few days of Board meetings (where I was inducted as Board Chair), followed by a very adventurous road trip in Arizona with my dear friend J.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">The minute we landed in Phoenix, S told me the good news that Ads had been admitted to UW-Madison.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">February - I joined my lovely Zumba class. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">The four of us went to DC to see Jerry Seinfeld in the flesh. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">March - Spring! Lots and lots of lovely flowers and sunnier days. We went to DC and Maryland to see the cherry blossoms.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">April - To the coast (Hampton) for spring break, a nice week staying in a quiet airbnb. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I participated in the World Bank Spring meetings in DC and moderated a panel on Climate and Health, which I was super nervous about. There was a lot of prep involved and we didn't have a great turnout but it was a good experience. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">We closed on the new house and my cousin and her husband came over and did a small pooja for us.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">We got a lot of vendors into the house for putting up blinds, closets, etc etc.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">May - Yukta had her homecoming dance. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I went to Bangalore on work. Also spent a few days with my folks in Chennai and with friends in Bangalore. Bonus: Attending a close friend's son's <i>poonal </i>and a niece's engagement in Chennai.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">However, my trip meant that I was not there for S's birthday this year. He and the kids went to New Jersey to attend a family wedding when I was away. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">June - The craziest month of the year! It started with Ads' high school graduation just a day after I landed back in the US.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">My colleagues from Bangalore visited for a few days of meetings in DC. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">As soon as the school year ended, we moved into the new house. It was a real pang leaving our Chantilly home of 5 years. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">We worked like mad getting the house in order and within a week left for a few day's break in Chicago and then on to Madison for Ads' orientation. Blown away by the beautiful campus and the clockwork manner in which the parent's and student's orientations were organized.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Met my old college buddy Sow after 20 years!</p><p style="text-align: justify;">July - Watched the Independence Day fireworks with Y, live for the first time.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">S's parents arrived. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">We went on a road trip to Philly and New Jersey, where we also had a mini IIMB reunion. S then took his parents to NYC while I came back home with Y</p><p style="text-align: justify;">August - S took his parents to Niagara Falls.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">My mil's bday and Ads turned 18!</p><p style="text-align: justify;">We went to Ocean City for a few days to celebrate the last days of summer. We also visited Chincoteague and Assateague. It was a lovely trip with warm sunny weather. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Y started her freshman year in the new school. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">We dropped Ads at his new home for the next 4 years - Madison. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">September - My birthday! I went to Houston for my uncle's 60th birthday pooja.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Then to NYC for UN week. It was my first time at UNGA and NYC was even crazier than usual. Great experience speaking at a panel on reproductive justice and meeting lots of folks. Bonus: spending time with my friend J.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">S started a new job at Stout, ending a solid 11 years at Grant Thornton.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">October - Trip to Shenandoah NP.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Golu at the new house, our biggest one yet and the first time I have a proper stand. Invited a ton of people and for 3 days the house was buzzing. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">The fall colors in 2023 were spectacular and S and I took many many walks documenting the vivid foliage. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">We went to Hershey's Chocolate World for my fil's birthday and he was like a kid in THE candy store!</p><p style="text-align: justify;">November - Y's 15th birthday.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I went to upstate New York for a conference.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">My in-laws returned to India.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Diwali. My neighbors and I organized a get-together with food and fireworks for the community which was a lot of fun. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Ads came back home for Thanksgiving and we had a nice lunch at my cousin's place. I learned how to make mashed potatoes and gravy!</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Our new dentist found a worrying cyst in Y's mouth and she had to have a biopsy. It turned out to be a benign water cyst which needed a second surgery to remove.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">December - Yukta's surgery to remove the cyst and subsequent few days of recovery. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">We went to the Dominican Republic for a few days and it was a gorgeous and relaxed finale to a super eventful year.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Whew!!</p><p style="text-align: justify;">We hosted a lot of people last year- lots of lunches, dinners, and high teas (the last with our new neighbors in a bid to get to know everyone better), plus family who came to stay. My culinary skills definitely improved. I learned how to make Indian bakery-style vegetable puffs from scratch, and other things with puff pastry. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Grateful for all the relationships we were able to nourish, all the transitions we navigated with relative ease, our new house with its beautiful mountain views, and neighbors all of whom are really nice and friendly. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Lots of things to look forward to in 2024. But that's another post!</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-30126621251456276722023-11-30T03:51:00.006+05:302023-11-30T03:55:43.489+05:30The Gratitude Project - Update 2023<p style="text-align: justify;">A few years ago, we embarked on an ambitious “Gratitude project”. I was reading my old post where I wrote:</p><p class="graf graf--p graf--startsWithDoubleQuote" name="6390" style="text-align: justify;">“<em class="markup--em markup--p-em">Our family is definitely more grateful for all that we have! We are closer, more connected, more mindful. I personally feel more centered and conscious when I am not fully present for the people that matter. I am more proactive about being in the moment and can reset quickly when I am not. For someone who tends to have a million different things running through her mind all the time, this has been a big achievement.</em></p><p class="graf graf--p" name="be7b" style="text-align: justify;"><em class="markup--em markup--p-em">The children are more centered too. They have learned to articulate and contemplate their feelings and emotions better than before. Are they more empathetic? I don’t know, but they know they need to be! Are they more resilient? Only time will tell, though I strongly feel that their can-do attitude and calm courage while negotiating a big cross-continent transition this year, is due in big part to the Gratitude Project!”</em></p><p class="graf graf--p" name="d1cd" style="text-align: justify;">Fast forward four years, where are we? It has been hard to keep the practice going, no doubt about that. The initial enthusiasm with which we began and pursued it in the first few years was bound to plateau as the kids became teenagers (hence less amenable to listening to us), and as the family dealt with the logistical challenges of different schedules. With daily gratitude circles, monthly meetings, and annual goal-setting sessions, the 2 MBAs in the house I fear managed to make it all feel like being in an office with KRAs and OKRs to get behind :)</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="f95d" style="text-align: justify;">I have also been reflecting on the myriad ways in which we talk about privilege, a word that is bandied about quite loosely nowadays but not something that was consciously thought about as my generation was growing up. Perhaps we didn’t have the vocabulary for it then; though in fact, I was a child of privilege as much as my parents were (as successive generations kept climbing up the privilege ladder). So to accuse my kids, not directly but subtextually of being privileged seems not just disingenuous but also ironical. I am trying not to do it. I understand that my generation was fortunate to reap extraordinary gains during a period of history when the rising tide lifted our boats higher than those of many others. We could attribute our material success to our incredible efforts and hard work and that makes a great story to tell our kids (as if they care!) but fact is we are as much the lucky winners of the birth lottery as they are. So ever so often if it seems that our kids are unconscious of their astounding luck and “entitled”, yes of course they are, wouldn’t you be in their place? They have no real understanding of what it took to get here; and telling them that grandfather walked barefoot 10 kilometers in the blazing son to go to school is like one of those Amar Chitra Katha stories- fascinating but nothing to do with their life :) </p><p class="graf graf--p" name="05d4" style="text-align: justify;">So I bite my tongue when Y complains about how her English teacher hates her, even though I’d like to remind her, to put her problems in perspective, about the children suffering in Gaza. It’s taken me time to understand that gratitude and compassion can be cultivated without forcibly injecting privilege into the conversation. I have to hope that within the narrow confines of their current worlds, our kids have enough interactions with a wide enough range of people to understand their place in the world (being in public school helps). When Y tells me about her friends who cannot wear what they want, or who aren’t allowed to go out and socialize with their friends, or who have troubled family lives, she understands how privileged she is, and I expect she is grateful for it. </p><p class="graf graf--p" name="86fc" style="text-align: justify;">Building the gratitude muscle in the kids has been a journey of letting my parenting evolve as well. So much of good parenting is “Show, not Tell”. So we make it obvious how we live life with an attitude of gratitude and hope that being a good(ish) role model will do the trick. Until then, we turn into irritating nags who insist that the family gathers for monthly meetings (and the kids are so good at deflecting these requests so that the meetings never happen). Last week, Y was annoyed that she and her brother were trapped in an impromptu “monthly meeting” in the car while we were waiting for our table to be ready at a restaurant. Conditions were perfect as it was brutally cold outside and we knew they wouldn’t just walk off :)</p>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-33922223801980981282023-09-11T02:14:00.001+05:302023-09-11T02:16:10.506+05:30College move-in <p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When Ads was a toddler, he was a stickler for routine (he still is). Predictability was key to avoid meltdowns so if there was going to be any disruption or even a minor change to his routine, we would proactively manage it and let him know what to expect. </span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I am realizing now that he used the same tactics to prepare us for his departure. Slowly but surely, he has been disengaging himself from us for the last year or two. This summer, between his gym routine, summer job, cricket practice and matches, we barely saw him. He slank in and out of the house quietly and sometimes the only inkling I had of his arrival or (more likely) departure, was the sound of the garage door closing! </span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It has now been 10 days since we dropped him off at college. We flew into Madison the previous evening, picked up all the stuff that I had shipped to my friend's place, unpacked and loaded into the car. We also had a nice Indian dinner with our friend. The next morning, we were up bright and early to make our 9 am move-in slot at the campus. The move-in was extremely smooth. We went into the dorm, discovered his roommate was already in the room, and got to work. Lofted the bed, unpacked the bags and in an hour almost everything was in place. Ads is lucky because his residence hall has no ACs in any of the rooms, <i>except </i>for his room! The fan I had ordered from Costco never arrived, so it was a good thing we had AC...I would have collapsed in the heat otherwise. Madison was baking in uncharacteristic 90 degree weather.</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We had lunch in the dining hall, and made a quick trip to Target to stock up on essentials, and another trip to get him a credit card. Then back to the dorm, said goodbye and left him to his own devices. He had a house meeting that evening and seemed to want to be left alone. S and I headed to Memorial Union terrace to have some icecream and soon after, whom do we see, but Ads heading our way with some kids! Apparently, we were all going to the same place - a gathering of <i>desi </i>kids and parents on the terrace overlooking Lake Mendota. We parted ways again after that, but of course S always meets and knows people everywhere and there was a catchup of his BITS batchmates (5 of them have freshmen in Madison this year!). By the time we finished dinner and got back to the hotel, it was past 11 pm. It had been a very long day.</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;">The next day, we did a tour of Epic Systems, a Madison institution (started by a Badger). Fantastic and quirky corporate campus. Lunch on campus, another quick catchup with Ads and it was time for a final goodbye before we drove to the airport. No tears, no drama, much to Ads' relief. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">And 10 days later, he seems to be doing well and so are we! Proud he has settled in so well and hope he does well at school, makes a lot of new friends and feels good about his choice. His dorm has been great about organizing events almost everyday so that has helped break the ice (not all dorms do it). He is playing tennis everyday, and hanging out with people. With more than 8000 freshmen, there are a lot of people to meet! </p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5PCUI4eZnrfIn-rrIMqgFftSDwMQBYIoD-iJmUXavfHqyVD0FzO8_gA8AsENIfaRhpS-RBr9KoljmiTOQewMsx9uswXg7deSnp5t2828DYokhyAHn26_Oe-89ba9ZXZZRD8MBi0ijd5w1NjNx1-V_JFcSBSsUoLfr3Gzl3gSNZiLz3cJGybhAG2dSiWY/s3840/CA631A3A-76D8-4583-A3B6-6483914B6353.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2160" data-original-width="3840" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5PCUI4eZnrfIn-rrIMqgFftSDwMQBYIoD-iJmUXavfHqyVD0FzO8_gA8AsENIfaRhpS-RBr9KoljmiTOQewMsx9uswXg7deSnp5t2828DYokhyAHn26_Oe-89ba9ZXZZRD8MBi0ijd5w1NjNx1-V_JFcSBSsUoLfr3Gzl3gSNZiLz3cJGybhAG2dSiWY/s320/CA631A3A-76D8-4583-A3B6-6483914B6353.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; 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text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYpR7DUTEWsMHqBL5VQjYBZdylTJ3e6W6Llme620dnl0XnmpalP2kTQ6sANbODDX-f-f8bTtT-SzqqPmp-Z1E9JBkUQEcgNFJNUJ0i8km29zeNFHyjPLLpwni28HH_i6wUoLUE1sWqceGgU3hJBM9p7owj_wtsYXqeP6E1sAJZnsvP9_f-hFuM9Z6zXqk/s4032/IMG_2211.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYpR7DUTEWsMHqBL5VQjYBZdylTJ3e6W6Llme620dnl0XnmpalP2kTQ6sANbODDX-f-f8bTtT-SzqqPmp-Z1E9JBkUQEcgNFJNUJ0i8km29zeNFHyjPLLpwni28HH_i6wUoLUE1sWqceGgU3hJBM9p7owj_wtsYXqeP6E1sAJZnsvP9_f-hFuM9Z6zXqk/s320/IMG_2211.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3gNQMZESzCm7IOlpsOrEkQ4s3EMPD-m8ztQsOmVn130hkqOlmE-UH4P4xACC6opbAFD7S9ppnC5XMvCvqefiQfz6Lthn2pbovaDztRDpkUP-9w_QoVIBRYRmOgw9OO5EhQu3Q9D6lqXplyfiYRV8-V8qaNpOCzDpEwUxaEO0S4B2HJG9xQGGyJsUFJYs/s4032/IMG_2212.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3gNQMZESzCm7IOlpsOrEkQ4s3EMPD-m8ztQsOmVn130hkqOlmE-UH4P4xACC6opbAFD7S9ppnC5XMvCvqefiQfz6Lthn2pbovaDztRDpkUP-9w_QoVIBRYRmOgw9OO5EhQu3Q9D6lqXplyfiYRV8-V8qaNpOCzDpEwUxaEO0S4B2HJG9xQGGyJsUFJYs/s320/IMG_2212.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-25281557386455449502023-08-22T22:12:00.001+05:302023-08-22T22:14:14.096+05:30Match-ing matching <p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">6570 days. Of loving safeguarding observing teaching listening and letting go.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Learning to be vigilantly nonchalant, lovingly tough, fearfully confident; never graduating to beyond the advanced beginner level. Parenting is full of oxymoronic situations!</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">As Advaith turns 18, I’ve been reflecting on how I (we) did. Did we equip him with everything he needs as he travels to college and beyond? Did we teach him to be independent but not be afraid to ask for help; to be confident but humble; to be kind and helpful but establish the right boundaries; to advocate for himself but spare a thought for others?<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Suddenly, a lightbulb moment-<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>how could I have missed this!</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">"Ads," - I yell - "do you know how to strike a match?"</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">My son looks at me with a resigned expression, which reads - <i>What random question is this woman throwing at me now?</i></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">"Of course I know, Ma", he dismisses me.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">"Ok, how?"</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">"I know it ok? You do the thing with the thingy."</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">"Can you come here and show me how you do the thing with the thingy please?" I insist.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">"When am I ever going to use a match Ma?" He whines.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">"I don't know, but please learn how to, right now."</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Anyway, it’s clear he’s never used one before but after a couple of tries, he lights a match, throws it down in disgust, and walks off.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Mission accomplished!</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Feeling ok with being looked down upon by one’s progeny - literally and figuratively - is also a key parenting skill!</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">As I keep reminding my kids - your brains aren't fully developed until you are 25. And I have a 30 years head start on you guys!</span></p>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-19641560909188732542023-08-20T03:21:00.004+05:302023-08-20T03:21:53.019+05:30Getting closer to move -in day <p style="text-align: justify;">Ads turns 18 in a few days. I started blogging exactly 15 years ago, just as he was starting preschool in the Bay Area. It feels surreal to know that in less than a fortnight, he will be in college and in his dorm and we will be hundreds of miles away. It feels like he has done a very good job of becoming increasingly independent over the last couple of years, and in some ways, it feels like he has pushed us away ever-so-gently, which will hopefully make the separation process a little easier. As a parent whose primary aim has always been to make herself redundant, this is especially gratifying and gives me the feeling of having been successful. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Over the past few months, I have been reflecting on my mothering journey with Ads and feeling thankful as I always do for how easy he made it for us. He has always been low-maintenance, a no-fuss, no-drama kid. Very accommodating and adaptable, and in his own way affectionate and caring. All of us grow with our kids and Ads gave me a window into how to be your own person. He is someone who is barely affected by peer pressure and doesn't much care about what others think of him. He doesn't use social media, or play video games. He reads a lot, plays, watches, and reads a lot of cricket, and is a sci-fi buff. We've drummed into him the importance especially now as he heads to college, to be better at social interactions, to network more, to become more interested in other people. I am sure the next 4 years will be transformative for him and I can't wait to see the new version (Ads 2.0, if you will) of this young man!</p>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-75430559056395999412023-03-09T04:28:00.008+05:302023-03-09T04:46:17.509+05:30Musing on suffering <p style="text-align: justify;">Over the last year and months, many of my closest friends have been suffering - either the prolonged illness and death of a parent, or scary illnesses and surgeries of close family members, and in several cases a perfect storm of multiple such issues descending upon the family. So much heartbreak, and suffering. Part of it is just all of us hitting middle age and sandwiched between aging parents with health issues, and teenage kids with their own problems, at a time when our own bones are creaking and our bodies in most cases are slowing down. As so many of my friends exclaim - "All we seem to do is talk about health issues and doctors!"</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Then just today, I was invited to attend the memorial service of the son of someone I know. This more-than-an-acquaintance, less-than-a-friend, is in his 60s and his 30-something son took his own life a year ago, after struggling for several years with a mental illness. The (Zoom) service began with a slideshow of the son's life. Looking at the happy smiling family pictures, I almost tore up. Even though I never knew the son and don't know the dad all that well, I could connect with the unimaginable pain and the rush of emotions he must be experiencing at the moment. And of course, as a parent, you can identify with the loss at a cellular level. As I was watching the slideshow, my phone pinged, and seeing it was an email from Ads' school, I immediately opened it. The principal was notifying the school community about the death of one of the students today. Even Ads had not heard about it and this was yet another heartbreaking news to top off the day.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I almost didn't attend the service but I am glad I didn't skip it. My friend's eulogy for his son was very moving. Being in solidarity with him and listening to his heartfelt words, even if only virtually, gave me a fresh reminder of how often we just sleepwalk through life, overvaluing a lot of things that don't mean much on your deathbed, even while undervaluing all the little joys and triumphs of daily life. What are the values we want to live by? Is this an issue I want to go to battle over? What will make the other person happy, while making me not-unhappy?</p><p style="text-align: justify;">When people around you are dealing with life-threatening illnesses or the loss of a loved one, it's impossible not to feel grateful for all the good things happening in your life. Our life becomes much more meaningful once we practice gratitude so regularly it becomes like muscle memory. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">At the same time, I feel I am also getting impatient with problems that seem self-inflicted, superficial or just plain silly. And that's not a nice empathetic state of being. Edith Eger, in her thought-provoking book "The Choice", has this to say:</p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>I also want to say that there is no hierarchy of suffering. There’s nothing that makes my pain worse or better than yours, no graph on which we can plot the relative importance of one sorrow versus another. People say to me, “Things in my life are pretty hard right now, but I have no right to complain—it’s not Auschwitz.” This kind of comparison can lead us to minimize or diminish our own suffering.</i></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br /></i></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>One morning I saw two patients back to back, both mothers in their forties. The first woman had a daughter who was dying of hemophilia. She spent most of her visit crying, asking how God could take her child’s life. I hurt so much for this woman—she was absolutely devoted to her daughter’s care, and devastated by her impending loss. She was angry, she was grieving, and she wasn’t at all sure that she could survive the hurt.</i></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>My next patient had just come from the country club, not the hospital. She, too, spent much of the hour crying. She was upset because her new Cadillac had just been delivered, and it was the wrong shade of yellow.</i></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br /></i></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>On the surface, her problem seemed petty, especially compared to my previous patient’s anguish over her dying child.....</i></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>I realized that day how much my two patients, who appeared so different, had in common—with each other and with all people everywhere. Both women were responding to a situation they couldn’t control in which their expectations had been upended. Both were struggling and hurting because something was not what they wanted or expected it to be; they were trying to reconcile what was with what ought to have been.</i></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br /></i></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Wise words. I'm afraid I am not there yet! And sometimes I feel I don't want to be. Some people, I just want to knock them on their heads and say "Get a grip. Don't whine. Just think of actions and solutions, you'll be fine."</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">Of course, I would never actually say that. But I can't promise not to think it!</p>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-21743399018502564192023-01-02T21:04:00.000+05:302023-01-02T21:04:02.687+05:30Dois Irmaos <p style="text-align: justify;">I had read about the <i>Dois Irmaos</i> (Two brothers) hike in Rio on many blogs and I pinged our travel agent to ask if he would arrange for us to do a sunrise hike to the mountain. To my surprise, he flatly refused. "Not a sunrise hike, Aparna. We can do a daytime one, though." To get up in time for the sunrise, which in Rio is at 5 am, we would have to leave our hotel by 3 am. The trailhead to the hike is accessed through a <i>Favela </i>(slum) and Adam, our agent, was adamant that it was too risky to go wandering around in that area in the wee hours. He launched into a big tirade about guns/drugs/the mafia/shootouts and how he could not take responsibility. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">So we started off around 9 am with Sergio (our guide for the day). Sergio is probably 15 years or more older than me, but much fitter, as would become obvious later! We took an Uber to the <i>favela. </i>A bunch of guys in yellow reflective jackets each sitting on a motorbike started hounding us for our custom as soon as we got out of the Uber. We picked a mototaxi each and the bikes took off. Up the steep hill, zipping through traffic with abandon and taking corners at great speed, it was quite an adventure! </p><p style="text-align: justify;">The <i>favelas </i>in Brazil don't look like Indian slums. If anything, they look like lower middle-class housing in India. So the sense of abject poverty that you get in Indian slums, is definitely missing. Many of them, at least in Southern Rio, lie on the sides of the mountains so they have spectacular views of the beaches, ocean, and mountains. We passed through a community football ground where a heated game was in progress. The trailhead lay inside the Tijuca National Forest, the largest urban forest in the world, bang in the center of the city. The Government has taken up a lot of reforestation initiatives, introducing native plants and trees to the habitat.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">The trail itself is short (1.5 km only) but belies the distance by being extremely steep. It took us about 45 minutes to get up the hill, Sergio agilely leading the way and me bringing up the rear, huffing and puffing. At periodic intervals, Sergio would look back at me encouragingly. "Almost there!" he would exclaim. I stopped listening to him after the fourth time. Along the trail, there were 2 enterprising lads from the <i>favela </i>who had lugged up ice-cold drinks for thirsty hikers, at captive pricing of course! </p><p style="text-align: justify;">The view from the top? I'll let the pictures do the talking. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCwovMBjpanFgVa-aAAo0gSYRDpUfXh99EBnEKvnbsv2evwCZj8IaW0NLFSQE4DAupKbAmo4y_bAu3Yl1iCDm6o33sMen06XnDcb1BJQB6CeUbgyVwBbcqPbiveXmZg97Rxvpg6n5fWF-Gbb9S35uS16AkEbQNtqR2nym1q29vshy4MgWGwTSq8W-z/s4032/IMG_1143.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCwovMBjpanFgVa-aAAo0gSYRDpUfXh99EBnEKvnbsv2evwCZj8IaW0NLFSQE4DAupKbAmo4y_bAu3Yl1iCDm6o33sMen06XnDcb1BJQB6CeUbgyVwBbcqPbiveXmZg97Rxvpg6n5fWF-Gbb9S35uS16AkEbQNtqR2nym1q29vshy4MgWGwTSq8W-z/s320/IMG_1143.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFI0hwbXaRZvWuXIBoCc8VybuL7KVz5i0jTNWPG1rA2BkL51chBDwhOyQaJutpIOL2NpnA-1n1dy-nSFQ3pyPq8gXef5c8hpzlHUFkcG7GNOqbOSwe_VrUUvxthnXKvDd-5uHDCxZNaYl1UFxG8FKK8jXZ3EHd33tes0u6mqCQRdSs4kjxCYMmNcTM/s4032/IMG_9827.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFI0hwbXaRZvWuXIBoCc8VybuL7KVz5i0jTNWPG1rA2BkL51chBDwhOyQaJutpIOL2NpnA-1n1dy-nSFQ3pyPq8gXef5c8hpzlHUFkcG7GNOqbOSwe_VrUUvxthnXKvDd-5uHDCxZNaYl1UFxG8FKK8jXZ3EHd33tes0u6mqCQRdSs4kjxCYMmNcTM/s320/IMG_9827.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjorEELgWLifoNgYRaEpU6scc2oRI7OgTVn_MKF0ujLCFxXFOLGyUH1WlXVfLwt3vlKDxMY2gczmlrWbTYPv0TppF6hbStI1V0mJja8eM7q20OUvu0DQRHGvVBhlJQDps8oOnA7aaodL8shKB03DC6IEgaDDN_frJM_QD8WugavxwkxqkaFbRHohtpq/s4032/IMG_9828.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjorEELgWLifoNgYRaEpU6scc2oRI7OgTVn_MKF0ujLCFxXFOLGyUH1WlXVfLwt3vlKDxMY2gczmlrWbTYPv0TppF6hbStI1V0mJja8eM7q20OUvu0DQRHGvVBhlJQDps8oOnA7aaodL8shKB03DC6IEgaDDN_frJM_QD8WugavxwkxqkaFbRHohtpq/s320/IMG_9828.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3AJb5UlGz0XHRzBLfmIXqXvbKbr0Oj3JWXeVpSf5jWLK3F59InbMYRIMdK-OE-BxU-8ha0sJzEmgVRlsXyzFrBc3eMhx4K_mWFfGA5fjsKhqTzFgrUqVcnW8pzJOi8GaRZVes6w_uEyViHA6WXQIQumUmZtr3aQXVuqE1p_6HRVvO23nmc9EwGQWX/s14238/IMG_9845.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3628" data-original-width="14238" height="82" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3AJb5UlGz0XHRzBLfmIXqXvbKbr0Oj3JWXeVpSf5jWLK3F59InbMYRIMdK-OE-BxU-8ha0sJzEmgVRlsXyzFrBc3eMhx4K_mWFfGA5fjsKhqTzFgrUqVcnW8pzJOi8GaRZVes6w_uEyViHA6WXQIQumUmZtr3aQXVuqE1p_6HRVvO23nmc9EwGQWX/s320/IMG_9845.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8Lc27VgiTIENz4ltS2LznqcQkL8SID0sl0cZyWC47OuZiN__e4MrysEkYB5wx-uC5AAEhOkKIVO_ydRyS0Ro6OV_jxoK06wEoAemY3LoaUoQsqg1ls3B6_Jgtza-FQnbelF4o6eeA2t5Pc0dV2h1-15Tpo8JTGmyV9IaHMKZWhJkrrTNPEYN2RhFQ/s4032/IMG_9850.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8Lc27VgiTIENz4ltS2LznqcQkL8SID0sl0cZyWC47OuZiN__e4MrysEkYB5wx-uC5AAEhOkKIVO_ydRyS0Ro6OV_jxoK06wEoAemY3LoaUoQsqg1ls3B6_Jgtza-FQnbelF4o6eeA2t5Pc0dV2h1-15Tpo8JTGmyV9IaHMKZWhJkrrTNPEYN2RhFQ/s320/IMG_9850.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilo_iSdc4_i743geOds1v0oRVYBeLn1sanbsBqMtfuZsfzIaaPCXTvr7zwfBUQ5dZRwRMaI-4v4d6n9wpos6-kN1koACH6kx4_BdRXwaqJR5R7HacB5nxJCwq69bDhwUlztBbwKpPpZam90qt7AoCDG-b5p734-7xBv3rqVZJhK1bbAerbzjT-CWha/s4032/IMG_9860.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilo_iSdc4_i743geOds1v0oRVYBeLn1sanbsBqMtfuZsfzIaaPCXTvr7zwfBUQ5dZRwRMaI-4v4d6n9wpos6-kN1koACH6kx4_BdRXwaqJR5R7HacB5nxJCwq69bDhwUlztBbwKpPpZam90qt7AoCDG-b5p734-7xBv3rqVZJhK1bbAerbzjT-CWha/s320/IMG_9860.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p style="text-align: justify;">We headed back down the trail, exchanging smiles and <i>Feliz Natal</i>s with the cold drink vendors, back through the football ground, another hair-raising mototaxi ride down the hill, to a shop selling what looked like <i>bhaturas </i>(turned out to deep fried cheese <i>puris</i>) and..... bliss....fresh sugarcane juice! I needed that sugar fix and for 5 Reais (US$1), we could get unlimited refills. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Definitely an unmissable part of the Rio experience!</p>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-26900071645491835132023-01-02T20:31:00.002+05:302023-01-02T20:33:36.548+05:30Brazil #1<p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">"God is Brazilian" - the people of this country like to say. One can almost believe it; that it could be no alchemy of geography and climate, but only a divine hand that could have endowed this land with such an indecently large share of natural treasures. To counteract which, as one of our guides wryly observed "We have our politicians!" </span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The tiny part of the country that we managed to see in a week or so is swoon-worthy alright. Rio's setting is spectacular, a picture-perfect composition between the South Atlantic Ocean, <span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-size: 16px;">Guanabara Bay, and the Atlantic rainforest.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-size: 16px;">What really stood out for me though were the people. Our family usually blends in quite well in Latin America, but in Brazil, there is such a wide range of skin tones that no one could tell we were NOT Brazilian (until they started jabbering to us in Portuguese, at which point it was clear we weren't even from the same continent!). It's not that there is no racism in Brazil but there has been such a long history of </span><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" style="color: #202124;">miscegenation and "racial democracy" is such an ingrained part of their national identity, that race is simply not a part of the national conversation as it is in the US and other countries. </span></span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #202124; font-family: inherit;">And the body positivity!!!! I was very impressed with how Brazilians of every size shape color and age own and rock their itsy-bitsy bikinis (I rarely saw anyone in a modest one-piece swimsuit; if I did, likely they were foreigners). Not just women but men too. From 80+ year old grandmothers and grandfathers to tiny kids, from the morbidly obese to the size zeros, whether suffering from postpartum stretch marks or the unfortunate effects of gravity;I guess this is what comes of a lifetime of wearing the minimum of clothing and knowing no one cares or judges what you look like. </span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #202124; font-family: inherit;">Keep calm, sip a caipirinha and watch the sun go down in Copacabana :) </span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #202124; font-family: inherit;">Also, even purist Tamilians will find it hard to complain about the coffee :) </span></p>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-68560999940123227102023-01-02T20:28:00.007+05:302023-01-02T21:58:53.152+05:30Arpoador<p style="text-align: justify;"><i>Arpoador</i>. In Portuguese, it means "Harpoon thrower". In the 16th and 17th centuries, this rock was where the indigenous people of Brazil and the Portuguese settlers would harpoon whales. Today it is THE spot to view the famous South Atlantic Sunsets in Rio. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">We arrived well in time for the 6.45 pm sunset, found a good spot, and perched uncomfortably on the hard rock. The husband went to the very edge of the rock to guarantee unobstructed views. Y plugged in her Airpods and immersed herself in a musical world. Ads, irritated that we were a full 30 minutes early for the big event, pulled out his phone as well. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I elected to people-watch. Next to us, a young couple was cootchie-cooing inside a warm blanket. A little ahead, another couple was fiddling with some complicated pieces of equipment to get the best shots of themselves with the falling sun. A woman about my age tied her flip-flops around her arm and gingerly made her way down the rock, away from the rapidly swelling crowd, to sit in solitary splendor at a 90-degree angle to the sunset. I would have loved to click a picture of her, so regal she looked illuminated in a glowing haze of yellow. In the water, surfers were riding the waves with varying degrees of competence. In front of me, Morro Dois Irmaos (the two brothers' mountain) leaped up from the waters, their jagged peaks in sharp relief against the orange sky. "Agua, Agua Coco!" yelled a young man walking in between the crowds, paying scant heed to the view. He had probably seen hundreds like this one and was intent on selling his water and coconut water before the crowds dispersed. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">The kids woke up from their phones. "It's really pretty", Y remarked and started clicking photos. As the sun slowly sank into the ocean, clapping burst out all around us. Ads looked at me in wonder "Why are they clapping?"</p><p style="text-align: justify;">"It's a tradition here. I read about it", I told him. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">That evening, there were probably 200 or more people on the Arpoador, waiting for the sunset. Yes, many were on their phones, and many were posting about the experience even as it happened. #stunningsunset </p><p style="text-align: justify;">There were foreigners like us, and <i>Cariocas</i> too. There were rich people from Leblon and Ipanema and poor people from the <i>favelas. </i>There were families, people in love, kids, and people having deep conversations with others and themselves. There were also people making a living selling coconut water. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">But for 45 minutes, all we did was sit on a rock and wait patiently for that most common yet most timeless of daily events, a sunset. For a brief moment, even the avid surfers just bobbed along with their boards, their bodies and eyes turned towards the horizon. And when it finally happened, all of us clapped, in delight and wonder, and okay....because everyone else was doing it :) </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I could tease some "universal human experience" <i>gyaan </i>out of this but what I really learned from it was that one must always always clap for a sunset :) Oh and sunrise too, why not?! </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRSoeszKIZ4nwc60GFgwEirm7jUQIPKitDCnOH8gG3CMrR_uRJ-j6K-Qs6gPmJiLP4iuj8mvG-9HfZM5CVXMkqBTYzWUD3_Uzr9cBkTrbMykvCQVafsOYgjipP9Tc_Ovx_P7kYYUuIU3_tKvwfD8cw4kBSt51yGbZdsywMjhE9PhtTAJBOWdXn5IJ5/s4032/IMG_1204.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRSoeszKIZ4nwc60GFgwEirm7jUQIPKitDCnOH8gG3CMrR_uRJ-j6K-Qs6gPmJiLP4iuj8mvG-9HfZM5CVXMkqBTYzWUD3_Uzr9cBkTrbMykvCQVafsOYgjipP9Tc_Ovx_P7kYYUuIU3_tKvwfD8cw4kBSt51yGbZdsywMjhE9PhtTAJBOWdXn5IJ5/s320/IMG_1204.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; 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margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaitcr9t7gqR6F7L9i5Cdbq0aoflYx5szKNexLXKue4yNA4-X3UZE5ea7IIFcND-LsB0Ijwc0uEwfrcjaeBrYejdg8OvGmIOintgzn3c9rXuEjiMXho0NzhCtyhJg98b88ATqdXLuxZh5XKYgbNCjLndnTRiYomNaBs4qUwLaV71B8yOGll_724N-X/s320/IMG_1286.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-73202744493795134482022-12-14T23:06:00.003+05:302022-12-14T23:09:05.791+05:302022 Recap <p style="text-align: justify;">2022 has been an intense and eventful year, possibly the most eventful ever. It started with a lovely winter trip to New York City during the President's Day weekend in February. Later that month, my parents arrived for their long-anticipated visit. We did some sightseeing in DC (including the famous Cherry blossoms) and in April set off for a road trip through the Carolinas. Oak island, NC, Charleston, SC, and the RTP (Research Triangle Park) region all in one week. In May Ads & S went off to Atlanta to play a tournament and Y and I were alone at home. Appa & Amma came back from Seattle and we spent our anniversary weekend in June in Lost River, WV, followed by a wonderful 5 days in NYC. The weather was warm and the city looked beautiful and it was a great pleasure ferrying my parents around the iconic sights. Everyone had a blast at Madame Tussauds!</p><p style="text-align: justify;">In the meantime, Ads was driving well and had started his job at Old Navy. Unfortunately, in late June, my mil had a bad fall and S rushed to Chennai to help. Y and I followed suit after S came back. We spent 3 uneventful weeks in Chennai and I started my new job there on Aug 1. By the time we returned, Ads had made tremendous progress with his college essays and in late August we got started with the college process in earnest even as the kids went back to their school routines. September and October were a blur. Y started fencing lessons. I traveled to Portland for a board meeting and detoured to the Bay Area for the weekend to meet my close friend Chitra. We got our green cards (for the second time!), Ads got his driver's license and we sent off his ED/EA applications well in advance of the Nov 1 deadline. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Fall 2022 in our neck of the woods was truly spectacular. This is the fifth fall we are experiencing and the colors were mindblowing this time. We spent 3 days in New River Gorge NP, WV. New River Gorge is one of the newest national parks and is absolutely gorgeous. Back in VA, it was time for another round of applications for regular decisions. My Diwali gift was one of my poems published in the 2022 edition of NOVA Bards (an anthology).</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Y's 14th birthday in early Nov, and then Thanksgiving break later that month, in Puerto Rico. My first time using Costco travel and I am now officially a fan. The resort we were booked in was probably (most likely) the BEST we have ever stayed in. And we've stayed in lots of nice places. Multiple pools and jacuzzis overlooking the Atlantic ocean, a water park inside, an abundance of swaying palm trees, and a lovely ocean-view room made for a vacation that broke the bank (as always!) but left us with a ton of amazing memories. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">A scant 2 weeks later, we are prepping for a vacation in Brazil. Ads has received early admission confirmations from Pitt and Penn State which has been a relief. Sometime during the year, we all got our Covid bivalent booster shots (the 4th shot!), Ads became a National merit semifinalist and managed to score 1530 on the SAT. If there is someone who has worked REALLY hard this year, it's him.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">What an action-packed 2022 we've had. Immensely grateful for all the time spent with family and friends, and all the progress made toward our individual milestones. It doesn't get any better than this. </p>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-65364275719266374722022-11-14T05:01:00.003+05:302022-11-14T05:01:30.326+05:30Finding your passion<p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">My firstborn has always been highly economical with words. Monosyllables do the trick most of the time, occasionally complemented by grunts. Small talk -what's that? Jokes elicit a gentle smile (derisive if it’s a PJ!).</span></p><span style="font-family: inherit;">But every now and then, a different creature emerges. Someone I don’t often meet. Someone who talks loudly and boisterously, and laughs openly and often.</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">This creature is only seen in his natural habitat - the cricket field or in the company of his cricket buddies.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">A few weeks ago, we saw this avatar, at the annual banquet of the Washington Cricket Academy. The season is over and next season will be the last one he plays for this club. In the last 4 years, he has made enormous strides - in confidence, athleticism, discipline, and focus. Come April, I inwardly groan at the thought of each weekend for the next 6 months being sacrificed to cricket. The commitment in time (12-hour days), energy, and headspace has been draining for us but clearly energizing for him. </span><br /><br /><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">There's so much talk nowadays about "following your passion". But few of us even know what our passion is, much less how to follow it. It feels good to know that, however serendipitously, my kid has found his. </span></div>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-20823623271291755102022-08-14T07:57:00.000+05:302022-08-14T07:57:36.671+05:30Family history in Triplicane <p>Reposted from <a href="https://medium.com/@aparnasanjay2000/family-history-in-triplicane-a832d626118f" target="_blank">Medium</a></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.003em; text-align: justify;">Imagine a typical Chennai (Madras) morning. 7 am and the temperatures are already in the early 30s. I don’t have to clarify that the sun is shining (it usually is!). Walking along Beach Road, the feeling of being in an oven is tempered somewhat by the brisk sea breeze. I have asked my dad to give me a family history tour in this part of my hometown. In the last 2 years, he has been taking the extended family on a walk down nostalgia lane with his detailed WhatsApp posts on memories from the 1940s-1960s in Triplicane and Adayar.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.003em; text-align: justify;">My paternal grandfather hailed from a village called Chandrasekarapuram near Kumbakonam, Tamil Nadu. He was born in 1910, a journalist and a staunch Gandhian. A Congress member, I have heard he only wore Khadi until his death in 1975. He was a keen political observer and well-known to the political bigwigs of the day while never holding a formal position in the party. He died some months before I was born but I have always been fascinated with our origin story. Who are we, where did we come from, and what happened in those early years that influenced the course of everyone in our rather large family?</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.003em; text-align: justify;">Our first stop on this history tour is “Thilagar Thidal” or Tilak Ghat, an area of Marina Beach which bore witness to many impassioned speeches calling for independence. This spot is right opposite the deep red imposing structures of Presidency College, where my father got his Bachelors's and Master's degrees. We walk through a small part of what is evidently a large campus. The buildings are beautiful but the grounds are so poorly-maintained. This is a 180-year institution with a huge list of notable alumni. TWO Nobel laureates (S Chandrasekaran and CV Raman) and C Rajagopalachari, to name just three. Sarvapalli Radhakrishnan used to teach there. The place is a monument to 2 centuries of advancement in political, social, and scientific thought and it lies in a pitiable state with plastic water bottles, polythene carry bags, dead leaves and plants, and general litter visible everywhere.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.003em; text-align: justify;">We step out of the college and start walking down Pycrofts Road, now renamed Bharathi Salai, the arterial road cutting through Triplicane (Thiruvallikeni). When I lived in India, I never gave a second thought to the hazards on the road and the need for all senses to be on high alert while navigating potholes, electricity pylons, cows, autos, buses, motorbikes, and people. How beautifully nimble all of us are — human, beast, and vehicle! I was glad that I could still easily transition to the old ways, being able to keenly observe life on the streets while deftly avoiding the generous helpings of cow dung on the ground!</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.003em; text-align: justify;">The Triplicane area is among the oldest settled parts of Chennai. With the 8th century Sri Parthasarathy Swami temple as its locus, the area is a multi-cultural neighbourhood with Vaishnavite Brahmin, Jain and Muslim influences. It is a hub of commerce, religion, and living breathing history and culture.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.003em; text-align: justify;">Our first stop in Triplicane is Raja Hanumantha Lala Street where my father lived for the first few years of his life (maybe till he was 5–6 years old). He hasn’t been able to locate the exact house but we saw the Siva temple which was a few doors away and the corporation school where he and his brother started their education in the adjoining street. In the early 50s, they moved to SMV (Sundaramoorthy Vinayagar) Koil Street to a bigger house with a verandah, large hall, 3–4 rooms, and a terrace. It needed to be that large to accommodate 4 adults and 7 children! Not to mention the relatives who kept coming and going. The house does not exist anymore but has been torn down to make way for a bigger more modern dwelling.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.003em; text-align: justify;">On Big Street (Veeraraghavan Street) off Pycrofts Road is the venerable Hindu High School where my father studied from Std 5-SSLC. He says when he was a student there, the school was already 100 years old, populated mostly by Brahmin boys with tuft and “panchakacham”-wearing male teachers. It was a 10-minute walk from the house. Interesting to imagine those days with few cars on the road, no autos, motorbikes but only hand-pulled and cycle rickshaws. Many more cows!!! People walked or cycled everywhere, or walked to the nearest public transport option (tonga, rickshaw, bus or tram). The women worked hard at cooking, cleaning, and caregiving. I recently read RK Narayan’s autobiography where he speaks of taking long walks along Beach Road. No wonder they were all able to digest those big meals and keep a trim figure!</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.003em; text-align: justify;">Our last stop in Triplicane is of course the Parthasarathy temple. Enroute, we stop to click a pic of the home and memorial of the great Tamil poet and activist, Subramania Bharathi. As we walk towards the temple, I realize I am going to visit it for the first time though S was taken here before the “Mapilla Azhappu” during our wedding in 2000. Partha is majestic and handsome and the sanctum sanctorum seemed to be airconditioned! A welcome respite from the heat outside. The area around the temple is full of name boards like Rangarajan (Chartered Accountant) and Srinivasan (Advocate). Not a single obviously Shaivite name in sight and bare-chested Iyengar mamas are much in evidence!</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.003em; text-align: justify;">There is more to see but it would require a longer walk. We have seen the “Chinna Kadai”, a shop owned by my grandfather where my dad used to be in charge during his school days but the “Periya Kadai” where my Periappa was in charge, was some distance away. I guess this is what we call an “internship” these days 😊 Hearing my dad talk about his days playing truant from school, walking merrily along these streets unsupervised, and spending entire days bouncing a ball inside the Parthasarathy temple, I certainly feel some regret for what I have never experienced- those tight bonds of community, the culture of sharing material things and responsibilities, the carefree days of childhood undiluted by any safety concerns. My childhood was vastly different from my father’s and my children’s bears no resemblance even to mine.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.003em; text-align: justify;">No one wants to turn back the clock but learning about our families’ histories can certainly help with identifying best practices for living and being. What can we learn from the experiences of our elders? To live in the moment and be more mindful? To make time for nurturing relationships? To give and share freely, as they did? Nostalgia is a pleasurable but useless exercise if it doesn’t help us reflect on our own journeys. And as much as we’d like to believe otherwise, our journeys are not just about us as individuals but of all those who came before.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.003em; text-align: justify;"><br /></span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB_rwDrczqpjam-YyvWwbYT8hh2X3xbEGbTgq30MkOb71u0z6UBbQGcN83MtYWpKVRsLKEaszbVjIx9H9PNi-tMj8iWkC5gLh05-VADlvCJa481BaKHG_A_dF9FuFfO5NaoJqfTC8Pj7QQgESTMMzQFttaQ7aFHAL-WCh6cbGN2tK0qg08UUGIBeeT/s4032/2A5C7B8B-8CE8-4161-A9A1-25C3AA36FEB5_1_201_a.heic" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB_rwDrczqpjam-YyvWwbYT8hh2X3xbEGbTgq30MkOb71u0z6UBbQGcN83MtYWpKVRsLKEaszbVjIx9H9PNi-tMj8iWkC5gLh05-VADlvCJa481BaKHG_A_dF9FuFfO5NaoJqfTC8Pj7QQgESTMMzQFttaQ7aFHAL-WCh6cbGN2tK0qg08UUGIBeeT/s320/2A5C7B8B-8CE8-4161-A9A1-25C3AA36FEB5_1_201_a.heic" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; 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font-family: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.003em; text-align: justify;"><br /></span><p></p>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-26353349574223368222022-07-19T19:14:00.000+05:302022-07-19T19:14:28.545+05:30Toddlers vs teens <p style="text-align: justify;">Now that I have 2 teenagers in the house and will be sending one half-baked adult out into the world in a year from now, it felt like time to address the rhetorical "Toddlers vs Teenagers - which would you rather have?" question. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Well, gotta have both, obviously (what's the option?!).</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Right. The answer as far as I am concerned is ......DRUM ROLL......</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I will take teenagers any day.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">With their smelly feet and armpits, acne and dandruff, moods and sullenness, hair and large hands and feet! Shall I go on drawing this generally unappealing picture? :) </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I just have these very sympathetic feelings for the underdogs you know. Toddlers are CUTE. Who doesn't like them? Certainly, even the kid-haters will good-humouredly set off the whining against the cuteness quotient.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">But teenagers. Boy, they can be a tough breed to like. Tall, sometimes huge, they look like an adult but have none of the usefulness or know-how of one. They are unpredictable and moody. They eat massive amounts of food. They demand your time and attention and love and yet look the other way when you provide all of it. Arrrggghhh...they are infuriating!</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Note: My kids were easy toddlers and are pretty easy teens as well; so not complaining here. These are general observations (my kids will call them sweeping generalizations!) based on all the kids I have encountered :)</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Moving on...</p><p style="text-align: justify;">These infuriating teens are also so vulnerable. Caught in the no-man's zone between childhood and adulthood, brains and cognition only partly developed (the brain is the last organ to mature; this happens in the early to mid-20s), misunderstood and misjudged even by the people who know them best, bodies growing in all sorts of uncomfortable ways, dealing with high pressure academic and social environments. One cannot but feel sorry for these poor souls. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Research has established that the level of stress varies very little whether you have toddlers or teenagers. I personally think the difference is in <i>what kind</i> of stress. Parenting toddlers or very young kids creates a huge physical workload while with teenagers the exhaustion is primarily mental. Second-guessing what they are feeling, reading between the lines, worrying about risky behaviour or social media exposure, etc takes a toll on the parent's mental wellness. On the other hand, they are very well able to clean and dress themselves, navigate their social calendars, and under duress make their own meals and get themselves from one place to another without my help!</p><p style="text-align: justify;">The old parenting wisdom is that you only have 18 summers with your kids. The thing is, when the kids are toddlers, 18 summers seems like light years away. It cannot come soon enough. Fast forward a few years and they are teenagers and that 18th summer is really really close and you'll do anything to have your sweaty stinky messy teenager lounging around your house for just one more summer. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I never in a million years thought I'd say this. But I can now empathize with all those wannabe grandparents who are dying for their kids to procreate. It's not just some ego trip and carrying-on-our-family's-amazing-genes stuff. It's just plain old-fashioned "I need to smell that baby smell and feel that delicious baby fat and remember that feeling of wanting to gobble them up" stuff.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Gasp! I am going to be insufferable as a 60-year-old aunty!</p>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-47210431507306290482022-07-18T04:25:00.002+05:302022-07-18T17:11:29.210+05:30Summer 2022 halfway point <p style="text-align: justify;">The summer vacation is half over! Amma-Appa left for India in early July. Their visit here, against all odds, felt like a gift while they were here and feels even more precious in the light of recent events. My mil fell down and broke her arm and hip and needed hip replacement surgery, all a few weeks before they were due to arrive here. So much drama and disappointments; upended plans and sudden expenses to fly to India. More than anything else, a sneak peek into our middle age and caregiving responsibilities!</p><p style="text-align: justify;">In consequence, I have been a single parent for the past few weeks. I haven't had to fly solo for quite some years now and well....it's really quite pleasant...The babies are all grown up and all they require is some light cooking. If I don't feel like cooking, we order out...it's all very simple with none of the earlier complexities and guilt associated with a heavier caregiving load. Ads is busy watching (not playing much this summer) cricket, writing his blog, working on his essays, and working at Old Navy. We try and get some driving practice every now and then. Y is having a blast doing nothing much but that's what summers are for, right? I am making sure Ads and I are on track with the college project plan. I wake up by 5 or 5.30 am and go for a 3-mile walk. Do some yoga or strength training after I get back. Work on the garden, cook, attend some calls. Have an afternoon nap. The days are beautifully serene and restful and I am enjoying the time with my kiddos. Y and I watch a movie (or half of a movie) almost every day! </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I start a new job in a couple of weeks and it feels like this period is the calm before the storm. Once school begins in late August, we will finally be in the college admissions frenzy. I know the fall and winter will fly by as we get the applications done and dusted. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">We are doing "nothing". No exotic vacations, not even weekend road trips. Why, I haven't even managed to go to nearby Shenandoah National Park for a picturesque hike! Sometimes I do wonder whether I should be more "productive" but almost immediately my heart and head both admonish me for my silliness. I am here now. Fully present for my kids and family. That is as "productive" as I need to be!</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I often wonder whether this newfound peace and acceptance is a result of the looming half-empty nest...perhaps I am learning to savour what's in front of me now rather than incessantly planning for the future. Or maybe it's just all those years of regular meditation FINALLY showing some results :) Whatever it is, I am grateful. </p>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-81271028259548312632022-05-26T20:40:00.007+05:302022-05-26T20:40:58.532+05:30First job!<p style="text-align: justify;">We spent a lot of time thinking about how Ads should spend his summer. Typically the summer before senior year is important. Kids are expected to either do a pre-college program, volunteer or find a job or internship. S and I felt quite strongly that working in the service industry would be very helpful to Ads in terms of learning some great life skills and also pushing him beyond his comfort zone. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">So I have been helping Ads apply to jobs. He was adamant about not wanting to work in food service so cafes and ice cream shops and restaurants were out of the question. We applied to the big retailers - Target, Whole Foods, Barnes & Noble, Michaels, Harris Teeter, Wegmans, Old Navy, etc. He got a call back from Old Navy, attended the interview for a "Brand Associate" and walked out with the job.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">As easy as that :) </p><p style="text-align: justify;">His orientation was last evening and he starts work next week, just after getting back from Atlanta where he is playing in a Minor League tournament (U17). We don't know his schedule yet but looks like he'll work 16 hours per week. This summer will be busy with work, cricket, and writing his college essay.</p>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-7132753589843929712022-05-19T20:10:00.001+05:302022-05-19T20:10:13.532+05:30Driving <p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #050505; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Another milestone...another opportunity for the progeny to look down on me :) </span></span></p><div class="kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">Armed with lots of theoretical and very little practical knowledge, Ads has evolved into an effective backseat driver/commentator.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">"Your hands are supposed to be at 9 and 3, you know that right?"</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">"Amma, can you stop driving with one hand?!!!"</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">"Did you check the speed limit?"</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">"I don't think you indicated for exactly 4 seconds before you switched lanes"....and so on and so forth.</span></div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">My funny remarks about other drivers on the road are funny only to my own ears, I guess. I am anticipating being canceled by my own kids, very soon! </span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu" style="display: inline-flex; height: 16px; margin: 0px 1px; vertical-align: middle; width: 16px;"></span></span><span style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;"> </span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">Ah, what's life without being patronized by our teenagers? </span></div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It's ridiculous to allow 16-year-olds to take the wheel, but that's a rant for another day!</span></div></div>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-1903744011207163302022-05-04T21:10:00.006+05:302022-05-05T01:46:28.061+05:30Some thoughts (before Mother's Day 2022)<p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Where did the years go? Almost 17 years as a parent, and I am still stumbling and fumbling. Amazed at other parents' confidence that they have it all figured out. NO. A hundred times no. This parenting thing is humbling and emaculating. </span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The days are long but the years are short. This cliche has never seemed more real than now when the days seem to be rushing by with indecent haste. He is driving. He is shaving. Soon he will start filling out college applications. </span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">In a little over a year from now, I will not know things that I have known with certainty every day for 17 years. When he woke up. When he left for school. When he had lunch (did he have lunch?!!). When he returned home. What he did in the evenings. What is his weekend schedule.</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This one thought terrifies me. Knowing that millions of parents face the same choices some time or the other is irrelevant. I read that sending your kids off to college is "bittersweet" and I think - "How is it sweet? There is nothing but bitterness."</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I take solace from these lines from Gibran.</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; margin-left: 32px; text-align: left; text-indent: -32px;">"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. </span><span class="long-line" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #343434; display: inline-block; margin-left: 32px; text-align: left; text-indent: -32px;">The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #343434; text-align: left; text-indent: -32px;">Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness; </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #343434; font-family: inherit; text-align: left; text-indent: -32px;">For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable."</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #343434; text-align: left; text-indent: -32px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">NOW they tell me I have to be a stable bow, whatever the hell that means?</span></span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #343434; text-align: left; text-indent: -32px;">I have, however, been an excellent potted plant. Some years ago there was an article in the New York Times citing research </span><span style="background-color: white; text-align: left;">showing the psychological benefits for teens of having at least one parent around in close proximity. “Importantly, the studies of parental presence indicate that sheer proximity confers a benefit over and above feelings of closeness or connectedness between parent and child.....</span><span style="background-color: white; text-align: left;">Quality parenting of a teenager may sometimes take the form of blending into the background like a potted plant."</span></span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; text-align: left;">I have loved that metaphor and unreservedly shared this pearl of wisdom with all and sundry. I can be a potted plant, no problem! </span><span style="background-color: white; text-align: left;">Our teens may act like they don’t really need us, and they often ask us to get out of their rooms, but they do need our simple and silent presence. I know it when Ads comes up to my bedroom every night and silently nuzzles me and I know we are communicating even though I'm not exactly sure what's being said :) Probably (I hope!) the things that have no words- I love you. I'm fine. Thank you?</span></span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: white; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Oh well. Thank goodness for potted plants and stable bows :)</span></span></p>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-10792132473597638962022-01-21T06:46:00.003+05:302022-07-18T17:11:41.357+05:30Happy love (poem)<p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A dire and fractured happiness, this -</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">that takes fright and flight with every </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">calamitous imagining, every </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">unspeakable thought and nightmare. </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">With slender threads of hope and yearning, </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I tether you to me; yet there are moments </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">when I feel you stretching and straining,</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">feebly venturing, weakly unyoking. </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Does the rope, taut and staunch,</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">ever waver in its purpose; or does it</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">spend its entire life trembling </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">with the fear of coming undone?</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes our anchor feels heavy with </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">my wanting and apprehension; yet it is adrift </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">in a waveless sea, that neither you nor I </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">know how to swim in yet.</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Love is a weightless word, it lands cursorily</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">and desultorily on our tongues. </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I don't know where to place my dread,</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">within the beautiful effervescence of our humanity. </span></span></p>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-25194988803118552372022-01-03T05:07:00.000+05:302022-01-03T05:07:07.729+05:30Goals for 2022 and 2021 report card<p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">Since 2019, our family has had a</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;"> </span><a href="http://advaithandyukta.blogspot.com/2019/03/goals-for-2019.html" style="background-color: white; color: #cc6611; font-family: inherit; text-align: justify; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">formal goal-setting exercise</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">every December, for the New Year. Since 2020 we expanded to doing a family meeting at the end of every month to review where we are on our goals, how the last month went, what's top of mind of us for the next month, etc. </span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">Last year had me set relatively modest goals. Here is the report card :)</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="font-weight: bold;">Report Card 2021 </i></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Learn swimming</span><i style="font-weight: bold;"> - </i>I was hoping to resume swimming lessons in 2021 but ever since our health club closed in the pandemic, none of us have been able to go swimming. Reluctantly, I struck this goal off my list when it was apparent it was redundant.</span></span></p><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; text-align: justify;"><span><b>Lose weight- </b>Wanted to lose 6-8 kgs, managed 4.5 kgs in the year. But walked almost every day, worked out (yoga/strength with free weights/mobility work) almost everyday and fitness levels are far higher. So I'm not going to quibble over weight loss :)</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; text-align: justify;"><span><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; text-align: justify;"><span><b>Meaningful work portfolio </b>(including my Board work) - Checkmark for this.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; text-align: justify;"><span><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>(Continue to) </b><span><b>paint, sing, write - </b>Painting was a washout. Wrote quite a bit, got published in a poetry anthology, and sang a LOT including several shareable songs and a series for Navarathri. Hope to continue this momentum in 2022.</span></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span><br /></span></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; text-align: justify;"><span><b>Ads' college research </b>- Okay-ish. S did all the initial research and my part of the research starts this year.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; text-align: justify;"><span><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; text-align: justify;"><span><b>Connect regularly with friends and family - </b>something we started doing more intentionally in 2020 when we couldn't travel. I reconnected with school and college buddies and with cousins and extended family a lot more in 2021. Hope to continue this good habit going forward as well.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;"><div style="color: #222222;"><div><span><b><i>Goals 2022</i></b></span></div><div><b>Continue to work on physical and mental aspects of well-being- </b>This year I want to focus on strength and agility/mobility work. I will continue with my breath work and meditation as well. </div><div><span><b>Meaningful work portfolio </b>(including my Board work)</span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>(Continue to)</b><span><b> sing, write - </b>have targets for each of these :) </span></span></div><div><span><b>Ads' college research and applications </b></span></div></div></div>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-32607436114870776582022-01-03T01:57:00.000+05:302022-01-03T01:57:15.534+05:302022 <p style="text-align: justify;">January 1st, 2022. An unseasonably warm day and I spent the first few minutes after waking up inhaling the cool fresh air, watching the soft raindrops soak the ground, and listening to the sweet sound of birdsong. What a positive, uplifting way to welcome the new year! I have been feeling very grateful for the gifts that 2021 has brought to us. The continued good health and good spirits of everyone in close family circles (no Covid cases!). The kids being able to attend school in-person, the freedom to go out to a restaurant and watch a movie without worrying (too much) about the after-effects. The freedom to travel, experience new places, and meet family and friends. Every one of these a precious blessing that I have cherished to the hilt. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">It feels to all of us that 2021 was such a disappointing year, and in many years it was- just without the novelty of 2020. Once again, the pandemic upended lives and families and created an unending saga of frustration and despair. Yet we all got vaccinated (boosted in some cases), accustomed to our different-looking lifestyles, and started limping back to a new normal. Omicron notwithstanding, I feel optimistic that 2022 will be better. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">We spent Thanksgiving in Seattle with my brother and his family, which was really nice. We had vague plans for heading to India for the winter break but that did not materialize and we instead headed to California/Nevada for a vacation in Vegas, Death Valley, and Los Angeles. The kids thoroughly enjoyed wandering through the casinos, playing golf, and visiting Universal Studios Hollywood. We came back home on Christmas Day, and have been spending the rest of the break doing various errands - opening bank accounts for the kids, getting Ads his Covid booster, and a couple of trips to the DMV for acquiring his learner's permit. In addition, I spent time connecting with various friends and cousins etc; something that is becoming an annual ritual and one that I very much enjoy. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">S & I had our annual physical a couple of months ago. All is well except my nemesis, low hemoglobin levels (something I have been struggling with for years), and slightly high triglycerides (a new development). Have been trying to reduce sugars and saturated fats from my diet with a small degree of success. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I hope to be more frequent with my blogging in 2022. I am proud of how many books I read in 2021 (59 was what I recorded in early December but I finished 2 more by year-end) and hope to continue that streak in 2022 as well. </p>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-65047928109640436272021-09-17T19:18:00.001+05:302021-09-17T19:18:16.900+05:3016th birthday<p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Ads turned 16 last month. I had dreamt that his grandparents would be there for his birthday but sadly, that was not to be. However, my uncle and aunt were down from Texas and a few days before his birthday, we had a family dinner with them and my cousin. Y and I baked a cake and I got him a cute coffee mug from Etsy and also splurged on a fancy cake topper, in addition to buying him a pair of bluetooth earphones.</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So all pretty low-key. The day stands out in my mind for being swelteringly hot. We have been dealing with AC issues on the ground (first) floor for weeks now so the frosting kept melting and I had to keep pushing it into the fridge to cool it down! Plus that was the day the whole snake drama happened. A very memorable birthday indeed! </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2AqEg8iSrut-YRzMnnFeGVktWzxoRxGqfZ8JtEQaWbBs2f1eOBW2P5MYcWaI9VmMeFBX-LLnIpPTCuEORVKz_Xh814MBHPRlCKLQLO4RBnK73AZ9pSNeicWzfmMI034q-DFN88ndL-es/s2048/3D3AA7AB-B5AB-4954-9973-85E5FCA936A2_1_201_a.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2AqEg8iSrut-YRzMnnFeGVktWzxoRxGqfZ8JtEQaWbBs2f1eOBW2P5MYcWaI9VmMeFBX-LLnIpPTCuEORVKz_Xh814MBHPRlCKLQLO4RBnK73AZ9pSNeicWzfmMI034q-DFN88ndL-es/s320/3D3AA7AB-B5AB-4954-9973-85E5FCA936A2_1_201_a.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbbGk6oTqWWeQ3isvZBT1slP9_JoECg82BSFhyphenhyphen6GwNtQlOSycr1vFyqGQzB6bVSIckGTrvvj8uAxI_GvQXG4Q7NXUessBWFVSC-p6Qzn-D4li2af7sTAezhvxx-OA5oC9T57PGoUXzxYU/s2048/7287819A-32E5-4C91-8A66-4EE61CB4DAFD_1_201_a.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbbGk6oTqWWeQ3isvZBT1slP9_JoECg82BSFhyphenhyphen6GwNtQlOSycr1vFyqGQzB6bVSIckGTrvvj8uAxI_GvQXG4Q7NXUessBWFVSC-p6Qzn-D4li2af7sTAezhvxx-OA5oC9T57PGoUXzxYU/s320/7287819A-32E5-4C91-8A66-4EE61CB4DAFD_1_201_a.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-9128667419321717272021-09-17T19:07:00.003+05:302021-09-17T19:07:28.742+05:30Hiss-trionics at home <p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> <span style="text-align: justify; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Ma……” Ads called as he quickly climbed up the stairs from the basement. </span></span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-0483418e-7fff-6324-306b-bb271153f684"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It was his 16th birthday, a sweltering evening in August. I was in the kitchen, having just popped the cake frosting into the fridge to cool it down before I worked on the cake again. </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Clutching his phone in one hand, he walked towards me, his expression unreadable as always. </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Don’t panic. But...….I think there is a snake in the basement.”</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“What! WHAT! A SNAKE!!!!! Oh no!!! Oh my god!!!!! And what do you mean you think! Don’t you know?”</span></span></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A picture of calm and poise I was not. So much for asking me not to panic. </span></span></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">As I started hyperventilating, Ads began to grin, unable to mask his amusement at my absolute terror. He pushed his phone towards me, on which (horror of horrors!) there was a photo of something large and black coiled up in a corner behind a couch. </span></span></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">My cries brought put the husband and daughter rushing from their respective rooms, convinced that at the very minimum the house was on fire or being burgled by a gang of robbers in broad daylight. </span></span></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Let me backtrack here. We live in a nice house with a large backyard and lawn. It’s a side lot so we have no neighbors on two sides, something I’ve always considered a huge advantage. The large tract of land to the back and one side is green and verdant, essentially shutting us off from the outside world and providing a safe haven for all sorts of wildlife - foxes, deer, beavers, squirrels, rabbits and more bird species that we can count.</span></span></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And apparently snakes too.</span></span></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This was not the first time we had encountered Mr (or was it Ms) snake? It (a rat snake, non-venomous) had found its way a few times earlier into the garage and slithered under a convenient hole in the wall. On that first occasion, I had displayed some finely-honed maternal instincts by insisting that the kids go out to the garage and get rid of the snake with a stick or broom handle. </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Y was shocked - “This is great, Amma. You’re asking to your kids to go out and handle the snake while you sit inside the house?!!”</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Yes”, I retorted. “If it bites you I know the number of the poison control center. And I can drive you to the hospital, which is more than you guys can do for me.”</span></span></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">(Let’s not dwell on that incident too long. As PG Wodehouse would say, it was the day the scales finally fell from my children’s eyes). </span></span></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So anyway, the damn thing (was it the same one?) was now actually INSIDE the house. Which was good, come to think of it, because the county animal control would only come out to help us if the animal was inside the living area (the garage doesn’t qualify). S and Y were dispatched to go down to the basement and keep an eye on the snake and make sure it didn’t run away somewhere while I feverishly hunted for the animal control number. To my relief, they promised to come out within 30 minutes. </span></span></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Soon enough, a police van rolled to a stop in front of the house and a very smart policewoman walked in. She was in and out the of the basement within a couple of minutes, and reappeared holding a large bag in which, presumably, the snake rested. </span></span></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And then she went out and let it out in my backyard :( </span></span></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“What if it comes back?” I asked her, biting back some choice expletives. </span></span></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Oh I think he just came in by accident...he shouldn’t bother you again. Just make sure you plug up any possible points of entry.” she smiled. </span></span></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I think she was the bravest person I’ve ever met. Y & S later told me it was a long snake (3 feet or so), black and thick. </span></span></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Since then, Amazon saw a sudden uptick in purchase of snake repellents from our zip code :) Apparently those things work only against venomous snake but who cares? At one point we had barricaded the exterior basement door with a couple of small tables so that the snake couldn’t get in. I discovered some suspicious looking poop near the patio and promptly started researching about how to identify animal poop (and of course there’s an app for that!) I am now a certified expert in snake poop and snake repellents...only not on how to stay calm when you spot a reptile. </span></span></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Who says city life is exciting? Come live in the suburbs!</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes it’s a family of squirrels making a home in your attic. Sometimes it’s your basement flooding after a heavy bout of rain. Sometimes it’s the burglar alarm going off when you are hundreds of miles away on vacation, waking you up at 4 in the morning. </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And sometimes it’s a rat snake making itself at home in your basement. </span></span></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Ads, I wish this stupid snake wouldn’t come into the house. Why can’t it just stay in the yard?” I complained.</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Ma,” he replied “ Unfortunately for you, snakes don’t respect property rights!”</span></span></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-59234632283930932622021-08-03T22:27:00.001+05:302022-07-18T17:11:58.999+05:30First job <p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Ads recently got his first paycheck. It’s always hard to tell from his inscrutable demeanor whether he found it exciting to have earned money through his own hard work, but he was definitely amused by what he would only think of as my ludicrous over-excitement :) He worked as a cricket coach for a summer camp that his cricket academy was running for 8–12-year-old kids. </span></p><p class="graf graf--p" name="c0fd" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The work started more than a month ago with designing and printing flyers and doing outreach. There were a lot of Zoom calls to discuss the revenues, expenses, and likely profits (how many lanes do we need, what is the daily rental we need to negotiate for, what should be the camp fees, etc). Ads solemnly biked over to the Indian grocery store nearby to stick the flyers in their window and asked me to socialize the camp in my desi WhatsApp group :) The boys made a list of likely prospects and called them to gauge interest for the camp and register those interested. They planned the daily and hourly schedule, including a “Friday Fun Day” that seemed to include playing everything other than cricket! On the days of the camp, they had to go to the academy early to sweep, mop, and sanitize the premises, and they stayed back after the kids had left to clean up again. </span></p><p class="graf graf--p" name="43ac" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The boys were doing this for the first time and they made plenty of mistakes, which hopefully they have learned from. They will be savvier and more organized the next time around. They started the planning process too late (the marketing effort should have started immediately after spring break, and not in June when most parents have already signed their kids up for various activities). They didn’t have a large enough “pipeline” and struggled to get registrations. They didn't harness social media to get the word out. Finally, they realized that planning something on paper (or a Google sheet!) is easy; on-the-ground execution is much harder! </span></p><p class="graf graf--p" name="0eee" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I was happy that Ads did things that were completely out of his comfort zone. Cold-calling people, trying to sell them something, doing the grunt work of follow-ups, dealing with younger kids for several hours a day, cleaning and organizing- each of these activities is tough in its own way, and especially so for our kids who are cocooned in a comfortable bubble most of the time.</span></p><p class="graf graf--p" name="6438" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I'm hoping that in the next few years he will work at other jobs that are not in the comfy white-collar zone, especially those that are customer-facing in service industries. Restaurants, retail stores, supermarkets….I want him to bag groceries, fold clothes, work at a cash counter. I really believe that these are tough jobs that will be a fertile learning ground for young adults, and part of me wishes I had had the opportunity to work at such places when I was younger. So maybe I am projecting all that onto him, but with the best of motherly intentions :)</span></p>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2081693116876201959.post-3346182107147717322021-08-03T21:14:00.001+05:302021-08-03T21:14:33.310+05:30Summer 2021- it's almost over!<p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This summer has been a lot busier than anticipated. We renewed the lease on our house, and we are here for another two years. </span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">In July, we drove to Cleveland, Ohio, for a short vacation. Met an old friend of S's from high school. On his suggestion, went to a place called Put -in-bay which is an island in the middle of Lake Erie. It was a 2-hour drive from Cleveland to the place from where we had to catch a 20-minute ferry to the island. From the dock, we took a bus to get to the downtown area. The town of Put-in-Bay is small and quaint and entirely dependent on tourist traffic. The kids were able to go parasailing for the very first time. Who would've thought that a cold dreary city like Cleveland would afford that opportunity?!!!! They had a blast that day - parasailing over the lake on a perfect-temperature sunny day, wading and swimming in the cool waters, playing ball near the beach.....Y pointed out that it was the first time she and her dad had been able to go swimming since March 2020.</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Overall, I was very impressed with Cleveland. It has a small but nice national park, a couple of good universities, a nice museum and arts district, and Lake Erie (one of the great lakes). We were blessed with very sunny bright weather most of the days so I guess we saw the city at its best. </span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Back home, one of my besties visited for the weekend, her family in tow, and the next weekend, we drove to North Carolina to meet her and tour UNC Chapel Hill and Duke University. In a few days, we are off to Columbus, Ohio where Ads is playing in a tournament and where I will meet yet another friend from high school whom I haven't seen in years. In between, we have middle school orientation for Y, and I have been prepping to make sure we have clothes and supplies for back-to-school. Before we know it, the summer vacation will be over. </span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Ads recently received his very first paycheck which was quite thrilling for me :) More on that, coming up soon!</span></p>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17348419737425889834noreply@blogger.com0