That's a reference to my husband, not to me. His magic touch is very very evident when it comes to Y, who can be, well, a little strong-willed and picky, to say the least. When she gets that way, she brings out the worst in me because if she is stubborn, then I am stubborn-er! I jump into a childish war of wills to prove that I can prevail, which does no one any good and ends with Y crying her heart out and me feeling like a fool of a bad mother. We have been making the long weary trip to Noida the last couple of weeks to meet with Y's opthamologist, who is going to take a final call on whether or not to patch her left eye. I have my third trip there tomorrow when her power is going to be tested. In order for the test to happen tomorrow, I have been dilating Y's eyes with this ointment for the last couple of days, twice a day. The first three times, she yelled and sobbed and kicked me. I steeled myself, pried open her eyes and slopped some ointment in. Most of it came out immediately because she was crying so much. The fourth time, S was around. All he did was take her on his lap and keep talking to her. She obligingly lay down and opened her eyes wide open for the ointment. Not a squeak out of her!! This morning, she was helpful enough to even ask me whether she should open her eyes even wider!!! What the %$^&*&&^&!!!!!!
S says all I need to do is STAY calm, NOT communicate my tension to her, and TALK to her. It all sounds very easy and I know how often I have tried to do exactly this in so many situations with both my children. It simply does NOT work for me. Being calm, steady, soothing - these qualities do come naturally to some people. They don't to others! I remember how when Y was young, S would be the only person who could put her down for her nap. He is still the one who can shampoo her hair without screams and bellows issuing from the bathroom :)
It's good that S is the soothing influence in our family, though I am insanely jealous that he always gets to be the good cop to my bad cop! I'm a details-oriented person and so I am good at the nuts-and-bolts of parenting - the nutrition, the schedules and routines, the organization, the skills-development, the blogging :) S is a big-picture guy, the Guru! Oh well. Whatever works.
He is off travelling all of next week. I am NOT, repeat NOT looking forward to it. Stress-eating, here I come!!
True!...though i manage the tug-of-wars with R, my tolerance level is quite low and am more prone to despairs and frustrations.....hubby is the cool dude but then- he is not with R all the time!
ReplyDeleteso Aparna, you are not alone...i hear you! and wish you luck and patience when S is not around...
What you said is very true, Uma...they are not around with the kids all the time, so their tolerance levels are higher!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the wishes :) Expect some cribbing posts next week!
I am with you totally on this Aparna. I am sure most of the hubbies fall in the same category as yours. I am not around my kid for the whole day but double the time that the hubby is around the kids. Oh so easily i get carpeted when their dad is around and i tell myself time will come one day. The 2nd one especially tells me call appa home when his friends are not around, so that he could play. He is just 4 and tells me appa plays better. Whatever...But i tell ya sometimes loyalties change so suddenly that you never even expect and you see that they regard you as their saviour. But you take care and all the best for next week when is S is not around.
ReplyDeleteI am with you totally on this Aparna. I am sure most of the hubbies fall in the same category as yours. I am not around my kid for the whole day but double the time that the hubby is around the kids. Oh so easily i get carpeted when their dad is around and i tell myself time will come one day. The 2nd one especially tells me call appa home when his friends are not around, so that he could play. He is just 4 and tells me appa plays better. Whatever...But i tell ya sometimes loyalties change so suddenly that you never even expect and you see that they regard you as their saviour. But you take care and all the best for next week when is S is not around.
ReplyDeleteOMG Aparna.. I just finished screaming my head off (felt like it literally) at both kids for various things before packing them off to bed. I wouldn't say hubby is very soothing on the kids, but he definitely is calming to me :(. Thankfully he's back tonight!
ReplyDeleteHugs to you and may the patience fairy bless all of us :).
Sumana: oh so true. Thanks for the wishes!
ReplyDeleteAparna: Thanks dear :) So ur bitter/better half has been travelling too? :)
ReplyDeleteVery short trip thankfully, back last night :). My dear D has also been sick the last week, so the combined stresses proved a little too much!
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ReplyDeleteOnly yesterday I started reading this. One chapter down, I'm already feeling a lot ... a LOT more enlightened.
ReplyDeleteI tried a few things with my daughter only yesterday and it works like a charm... a real one! I was literally jumping with joy (inside my mind) as I watched my daughter dutifully comply each and every one of my requests!!!!
http://goo.gl/F76ov
Oh the link is a shortened link. So please paste that in your browser. You should see a Flipkart.com page. for the book.
ReplyDeleteHow To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish (Paperback - 2009)
Life_refactored: yes another friend recommended this book (highly)...I'm thinking of getting a copy myself.
ReplyDeleteOne more recommendation from me too :). Bought it at one of those phases when I was feeling terribly low - and it really helped.
ReplyDeleteOne of those phases coming up again, when everything seems such a battle, feel like i've forgotten the tips :(.. time to re-read!