Thank God the 3s are finally over

We missed the terrible twos. Endured the terrible threes with great difficulty and hope the fours aren't Formidable, Frightening or Fearsome! I took Ads to Costco and bought him a police costume which he was very thrilled with. He wangled a post-lunch ice-cream sandwich from me saying that "How can this be my birthday if there is no cake?!!"

In the evening, we rounded off a quiet 4th birthday with dinner at his favourite restaurant, Sweet Tomatoes, a soup-and-salad bar.

A fun party is over

S and I had to pop a Tylenol before bed last night. What a day it was! Very tiring, very hectic but, in the end, a LOT of fun. I've always had some reservations about my ability to throw and manage a successful party. But all it took is some (ok, a lot!) of hard work and some intense organization over the last couple of weeks. Takeaway: Fun dos are not the perogative of the highly imaginative or the extremely creative (neither of which I am!); plodders like me can do just as well by adopting some party best practices and weaving them all together in an elegant manner (with a little help from Google of course). For example, although we hosted the party in a park (which might seem to preclude the need for organizing any party games and the like), we also sensed the need to keep 15+ kids occupied for 3 hours. Enter juice and fruit to snack on to stave off hunger pangs before lunch and cake; colouring pages to keep the quieter ones happy; individual bubblemakers (always a big hit); a tent for them to wander in and out of (though I would have done better to stock it with some toys); and two organized games which occupied almost half an hour.

The killer app, so to speak, was the venue itself. Agnew is a little-known park tucked away in the heart of Santa Clara, large enough not to feel crowded, but small enough to give the effect of a private space. The 5 picnic tables which we commandeered were in a very shady spot - an oasis of coolness on a hot summer day. The lunch arrived piping hot and delicious. The cake was suitably sickeningly sweet and thickly frosted and therefore a hit with the kids.

We had a ton of help in the form of willing volunteers who shepherded the kids to the games (and kept them there!), cut the cake, picked up and served lunch, clicked the pictures and generally allowed S and me to circulate and speak atleast a few sentences with each guest (quite a challenge considering the large number of people we had invited).

S and I got up bright and early and were at the park at 7.45 am. Santa Clara park tables are not reservable. They are available only on a first-come first-served basis which means that you need to land up early and make sure no one else is there before you. It took us about an hour to do the initial set-up - cleaning the tables, spreading the tablecloths, unpacking the snacks, cutlery, plates etc, and getting started on the decorations. At 8.45, S left to pick up the balloons and also his dad who would stand guard while we rushed back home to get ready and pick up my m-i-l and the kids. The party start time was 10 am and we were about 10 mins late in reaching the park, more than confident that our first guests would not arrive until 10.30 am but we were wrong! Bhavana (a school friend) and her husband and daughter were already there and were instantly at work putting finishing touches to the decorations. By 10.30 as expected, the crowd started to wander in and Ads was running all over the place in a frenzy of excitement. As people greeted him, I found him going straight for the gifts without even saying hello-thank you and I was trying to keep up with him and ensure he displayed some basic manners.

At 11.15 or so we started on the games. I played a bit role mostly on the sidelines while some friends and cousins took the leading roles and managed the unenviable task of keeping a bunch of excited 3-5 year olds in line and organized. The first game was a variation of pinning the tail on the donkey. In keeping with the party's firefighter theme, we tried pinning the badge on the fireman's helmet. Some of the kids were enthused enough to want multiple shots at sticking the badge in the correct place.

The next game was a simple one - we arranged a lot of small goodies on the ground and each kid had to throw a hoop over the goody that they wanted. Each kid was allowed 3 tries. It was hard because the hoop kept bouncing off the ground and anyway most the kiddos obviously had lousy aims. So we ended up asking each kid which gift they wanted, moving that item close to them so that it would be easy for them to throw the hoop over that item. It was hilarious watching my son, Mr. Easy-Way-Out, stand right over the toy car that he wanted, bend down and carefully place the hoop over it!

S was insistent that we get all the kids together with Ads on one side of the table as we cut the cake. He said it "looks very cute". I agreed, but it's a nightmare squeezing 15 or so kids all together on one side of a picnic table. I was actually planning to stay out of the cake-cutting and let my in-laws do the honours. Somehow in the chaotic moments leading up to the grand finale, I found myself right next to Ads and poor S was left out of the picture. He has been a little miffed with me for losing it and leaving him looking like a bystander. I wonder why the cake-cutting ceremony always becomes a little crazy. It's like people get into a sugar-deficient frenzy and start singing "Happy Birthday to you" before the birthday boy or girl is even ready to do their bit.

Anyway, these kind of parties are always a blast. But infinitely exhausting for the parents. Yesterday I thought -" Never again, it's too much work". But I can't deny that I enjoyed myself thoroughly. During one of the games, my camera suddenly died on me. Try as I might, I kept getting all sorts of error messages. Rather than fiddle futilely with it, I decided that I would look at the short cute excited people in front of me and no matter if we don't have pictures - I will imprint the happy memories of that sunny afternoon in my mind. Hopefully Ads will look back fondly at the memories we created yesterday.

And she finally looks like a girl!

Or so we hope. I am getting a little sick of everyone asking me "how old is he?" when talking about Y. We got her ears pierced today and she cried quite a bit, but cheered up pretty quickly once the ordeal was over. She is now wearing a pair of pink daisy-shaped 18k gold earrings.

Party planning

The food has been ordered - rotis, mutter paneer, chole, raita and veg pulao. The cake too, a massive concoction from Costco that is supposed to feed 48 people (white cake with chocolate mousse filling and white buttercream icing) has been ordered (at 18 bucks, it's the cheapest by a long shot and it actually tastes as yummy as anything ordered from another bakery/store). Balloons too have been organized (all we have to do is pick up a dozen or so inflated balloons on the morning of the party). Yesterday S picked up a large carton of water bottles from Costco, as also large bottles of juice and chips to feed the hungry hordes. I have a large suitcase packed with party favors, decorations, cutlery, utensils, party hats and the like. Two simple party games have been planned. Bubblemakers have been purchased. I spent most of Saturday morning wrapping the return gifts and affixing thank-you notes to each gift. I had bought a large carton of paper collage scraps from Michaels and used the beautiful printed sheets of paper to make the Thank you notes.

Now I can just kick back my heels and relax until Saturday - if I could just shake off that feeling that I have forgotten something major!

My movie buff

It's almost a relief when I am left alone in the house with Y. It turns out that those are the only times when I can truly DO NOTHING. Not that I have a choice. I would love to accomplish a few things on my mile-long to-do list but Y ensures that she monopolizes my attention. She has the knack of getting into trouble. Pieces of plastic, scraps of paper, bits of food dropped by Ads which have escaped my notice -- all of these find her way into her mouth. I need to keep an eagle eye on her to ensure that she doesn't choke or strangle herself. Multi-tasker that I am, I tried (and was foiled) at these activities that I tried to do with her around:

1. Reading. She starts clutching at, and tearing the pages of the book/magazine. She is really quick and really good at this. I seldom react quickly enough to prevent the page from being torn, though I have become adept at flicking the papers out of her hand before she swallows it.

2. Working on the laptop. If I sit down at the table, she pulls herself up to a standing position using my leg and wails inconsolably until I pick her up. Once she is within strking distance of the keyboard, all hell breaks loose.

3. Talking on the phone. She doesn't like this. Period.

4. Cooking. What a joke!

5. Laundry. This is actually no problemo, since it takes just a few minutes for an expert like me to throw stuff into the washer. I can definitely distract her for that length of time.

6. Folding clothes. And have her unfold them as rapidly as I fold? No way.

7. Eating. Do-able, as long as I am holding my plate or bowl over my head. No fun for me, as you can imagine.

Funnily enough, the one thing that my cinema-aficionado doesn't mind me doing, is watching a movie. Because she can then watch it with me (yeah yeah I know children under 2 shouldn't watch any TV --which jerk made that one up?). So, when we are alone together, we watch movies! What kind of a mother have I become?

Updates

It has been a crazy busy last couple of months. Between studying (or trying to), starting to hunt for a part-time nanny (no success there), working@ Benetech, managing home and the two kids and now getting started on the planning for Ads 4th birthday party, it appears that I have been running along on some buried reserves of adrenalin.

We celebrate Ads' birthday on the 22nd of August at a park in Santa Clara. We have invited 38 adults and 18 kids. 56 people in all! Since my in-laws leave the country on the 28th, this party is more of a social get-together where they bid goodbye to all the relatives living in the Bay Area. Then there are Ads' school friends, and our friends, all of whom have similarly-aged children whom Ads knows and likes. Two and a quarter years after moving to the Bay Area, we are building up quite a network.

Today Y had her 9-month checkup. The doctor has proclaimed her healthy and possessing very advanced motor skills for her age. But she is still tiny. She is way down the scale in terms of weight but the doctor didn't seem concerned. He claims it's a mix of various factors - racial (South Asians are leaner than Caucasians/Blacks), genetic (he says both parents and sibling are so slim, he doesn't expect Y to be chubby), and the fact that she is super-duper active. Always on the go and burns her calories at a blistering pace. I know I shouldn't be too concerned given that she is a healthy baby but she is in the 2nd percentile in terms of weight. That's ridiculous!!! She started off as a heavier-than average baby so I can't help beating myself over this aspect -- I'm sure that somehow it's all my fault. Mommy-guilt strikes again!!!

Y at 9 mos

Y turned the 3/4th of a year landmark a couple of days ago. She has two teeth and a third one coming in, and today she took her first independent steps -- two of them! It is as thrilling this time around as it was with Ads.

Is NASA worth it?

There is no shortage of sceptics questioning the raison d'etre for NASA. The latest addition to the list appears to be our own Ads. He asked us "If there's nothing in space, then why do rockets go there?"

Errr....

Sydney is a fish town

On a trip to San Diego in late 2007, Ads (then 2 years old) watched the beginning scenes of "Finding Nemo" in our hotel room. He got very agitated when the big bad shark polishes off the mama clown fish and all the eggs, save Nemo.

Fastforward 2 years. When S brought home a video cassette of "Finding Nemo", Ads threw a fit saying " I DON”T want to watch that fish movie!"

We finally convinced him to watch it and he loved it. He watched it a dozen times before we had to return it to the library.

Today he told S that "Sydney is a fish town" (Sydney plays a prominent role in the movie; its the city to which Nemo is taken from his home in the ocean deeps). S explained to him that Sydney is a city just like San Francisco or Bangalore but Ads is adamant that it is a city only for fish and birds!

The hazards of sleep-sharing

The sleeping arrangements at our house are always pretty elastic. Most days, Ads sleeps with his grandma in the guest bedroom but ocassionally, he will insist on sleeping with mommy and I will oblige. It would be nice if the four of us could squeeze into the bed we have but our Cal-King, the largest size there is, doesn't quite make the cut. So S ends up in a sleeping bag on the floor and I end up cozying up with Ads and Y, on the bed. I have to sleep in the middle because both want to be next to me (so flattering!) so I protect Y from tipping over by lining the her edge of the bed with two large cushions. This leaves even lesser sleeping space for the three of us; we are all bunched up together. Which starts off by being quite nice - I enjoy hugging Ads as we sleep, knowing that it's only a matter of time before he will find it mortifying to cuddle up to his mom. And Y is such a warm soft bundle to nuzzle upto. Pure unadulterated bliss. AAAH.

Unfortunately my tender maternal feelings only last for so long. Ads has the irritating habit of sliding up, stealthily and in stages, to my portion of the bed. I wake up every hour to find him almost on top of me, his hand thrown over my face, choking off a signficant portion of my air supply (another reason I keep myself as a buffer between him and Y). Ever so often, I
bodily
gently pick him up and deposit him to his end of the bed. Until the next time.

Sometimes, I simply give up these nocturnal activities, pray that Y can fend for herself and change my alignment so that I am perpendicular to both of them, sort of forming an inverted Pi. There's always the risk of a heel busting my eye, but hey, have kids, will live dangerously. Who says sleep deprivation is the exclusive domain of parents with small babies?

The ups and downs of parenting without help

My in-laws were in LA for the last week for a sightseeing jaunt and so S and I have had our second dose of managing two kids without our parents to help us out. It hasn't been too bad, all things considered. Fewer number of people in the house translates into less cooking, less cleaning, less laundry and less dishwashing. And, it turns out, fewer tantrums from Ads' end as well. With no grandma around to support him against the evil mommy and her inflexible rules, he has mellowed down and accepted me as the Ultimate Boss............YES!!! The few fits that he does throw to enliven up each day, never last for more than a few minutes when faced with parents who completely ignore him and pretend he is not having a meltdown.

On the other hand, with no one around to take the kids off our hands for even a few minutes, I have not managed to do any studying. I had refrained for even planning to study this week, knowing that it would only lead to disappointment. With Y experiencing intense separation and strange anxiety nowadays, she has been literally attached to my hip for most of the last week.

With Ads in summer school for the next one month and in-laws back again tonight, I'm hoping I will get some studying done at last.

Interlude

It was a hot day today, with temperatures in the 90s. Y and I dropped Ads at his gymastics class and then moved to the adjoining park for some fresh air. I placed our picnic blanket on the ground. This particular park has a lot of trees and is very shady. Lying there under a canopy of trees, the sweet-smelling grass soft underneath my feet, and one very cute baby playing alongside - it was a peaceful and relaxing interlude in the midst of the typical exhausting day.

Never mind that I never got around to reading the latest issue of the Economist that I had, in a fit of foolish optimism, brought along with me. Never mind that every third second, I was putting my fingers into Y's mouth and extracting blades of grass that she was solemnly chewing on.

Y didn't seem to mind the constant interruptions as she chewed the cud, and neither did I.

Good luck, girlie

A friend remarked to me recently that "Baby sisters have to be tough". She speaks from experience because, like me, her first-born is a boy and her second is a girl. Every day, I pray for Y's well-being as she spares space with her rambunctious and hyper older brother. She crawls underfoot as he dashes from one corner of the house to another with no regard for any tiny hands and feet that he might encounter. If he finds her examining any of his toys, he lets out a high-pitched shriek, catches her around the tummy and bodily flings her into another corner of the room. This happens atleast twice a day. For that one terrible instant when she is up in the air and I am transfixed and powerless to save her, I find myself holding my breath and praying for a relatively smooth landing. She falls with a thud, a mildly puzzled expression on her face -- and I exhale.

At that moment, what I would really like to do is shake Ads really hard and give him a good spanking. It takes every ounce of control not to do so and I vent by yelling at him. We have explained to him that hitting or shoving his sister is not warranted under any circumstances but he does it anyway. So we don't leave the two of them alone without one of us being close at hand to supervise.

It's easy to forget that Y is only 7 months old, given how enthusiastically she wants to join in with any horseplay that's happening around her. Last night, S and I and the 2 kids were in bed. Ads was in ice-cream-induced high spirits, jumping and kicking. S and I ducked every few seconds, trying to avoid major organ damage and shielding Y from the worst of the blows. She was unfazed, laughing, standing up and raring to be a part of the crazy game her brother was playing.

Yes indeed, baby sisters have to be very very tough.

Cast-aways

A few months ago, we were approached by a 'talent scout' at the mall who asked us whether we would be prepared for Ads to model. This was actually the second time that someone had asked us (the first time, Ads was only 2 and I promptly declined). This time, the lady first approached S who, as is his wont, promptly passed the baton to me. Thus ambushed, I didn't have a readymade reason to say No; and I thought, why not go and see what all the fuss is about? Psstt.....no mother can resist the tiniest chance that her cherub could appear on TV or in a billboard.

So anyway, Ads was asked to appear for an audition in San Jose yesterday afternoon at a well-known and reputed modeling agency. There were more than 30 people auditioning - mostly kids of various age-groups but also teenagers and grown-ups. We were asked to watch a short video touting the benefits of this agency and the stellar representation they could offer a wannabe model/actor, followed by an "interview" where we (the parents) were asked a few questions. Ads was plonked in front of the camera where he had to say his name, age and sing a song (the cameraman requested that he sing the ABC song which he did in a barely audible voice, while tightly holding onto my hand). We were pleasantly surprised at how quickly they shepherded everyone through the whole process and Ads' performance was in line with our expectations. He is a shy child and freezes in front of strange and new people. As we were going out of the building, we heard an Indian man say to his wife in Hindi: "Abhi iski awaaz nikal rahi hai" (Obviously he was sorely disappointed by his son's on-camera persona :))

During the interview, Y was sitting on S's lap. The lady asked us whether we had applied for both our kids and when I said we had applied just for Ads, she looked surprised and disappointed. She told me I had two beautiful kids (I bet she says that to everyone!) and that Y had a lot of "personality" and would we be interested in getting her to audition as well? Y had cooed, laughed and gurgled all through the video session and the interview and basically upstaged her brother while hogging all the attention :)

We got back home and they called us an hour later asking us to come back. Apparently Ads has a "lot of potential" and they would like to represent him. When I said that the financial commitment was too much for us (which was just a different way of saying that we had just attended the audition for a lark and were not serious about Ads modeling or acting), they offered us a scholarship which would cover two-thirds of the cost. It's nice to know my child is considered handsome enough to be a model but sorry Y and Ads - your modeling careers are stillborn!

Ads changes his name

Ads now goes by the name of Dindigul Sarathy Rumplestiltskin. It's his own concoction. It had to happen sometime - he asked me recently why I named him Advaith - apparently he doesn't like the name, instead preferring Jimmy or DSR as above.

And to think we took all that trouble trying to select the perfect name for our first-born.

Ads' brings home a gift for Dad

An inverted wooden flower-pot becomes a bell, and an aluminum bolt becomes the gong. A very clever idea and so cute. Ad's Father's Day offering has pride of place on top of our television set.

Jumping off into the deep end

I've started studying again. A distance learning course in Development Studies from the London School of Economics and Political Science. The diploma is supposed to be completed in 1 year as long as I manage to put in a minimum of 6 hours of study per week per unit. I have to take 4 units which translates into atleast 24 hours of study per week. Obviously, this is not do-able as long as my kids don't go to daycare, so I estimated that it would take 2 years for me to earn my credentials (a timeline that began to look wildly laughably optimistic as I started reading the subject guides and looked at the examination questions). And some masochistic streak in me also prompted me to write to a social venture fund called Benetech, volunteering my time with them. I've had a couple of initial meetings with them and they want me to act as a consultant, working on developing a CSR and volunteer engagement strategy.

I enjoy having a finger in several pies at once (even though this particular pie-and-finger scenario is guaranteed to raise my stress-levels big-time), so the next few months promise to be interesting as I try to balance the demands of being a mother and household-in-charge with studying and working.

Pottermania?

Ads has been requesting us for stories every afternoon, night, at mealtimes and milk-times. That's nothing new. He loves books and listening to stories. But now he demands a "new" and "dangerous" (don't ask me what that means - something with chills and thrills I suppose!) story at every sitting, it's much more difficult to come up with something that satisfies him. He has said a firm no to "Ummachi" (God- and lord- related) stories. I have exhausted my repertoire of Arabian nights, Panchatantra and Jataka tales (he wasn't very taken with those), fairy tales and stories from my own childhood - some real and some contrived. I read up on stories from the Ramayana and Mahabharata but apparently they come under the head of Ummachi stories and were summarily rejected.

So a few nights ago, in complete desperation, I started on Harry Potter, quite sure that he would not understand even my highly simplified version and would quickly lose interest. But as he listened, clearly mesmerised and wanting the narrative to continue long after his bedtime, I started spinning out the story, adding the details that I thought he could digest. We have been at it for 4 days now and I glossed over all the scary bits and ended it this afternoon.

Clearly a ringing endorsement of the gripping nature of JK Rowling's tale. This evening he wants to see the movie on Youtube!

Bereft of my beloved

Bereft of my beloved brand-new HP laptop for the past few days!

It was the lone casualty of a heated argument and scuffle involving me, Ads and a cup of Ovaltine. You get the picture.

S was livid. Especially since he had repeatedly warned me against this exact scenario, knowing my penchant of dawdling over the computer with a cup of tea on the table in front of me, surfacing now and then to brawl with my son. (Yeah Ads and I fight a LOT!)

The poor milk-soaked laptop has gone to be patched up and I should get it back in a few days. The $$$ damage is something like a third of the cost of the laptop.

Takeways:

1. Liquids and costly electronic equipment don't mix (well I should have known that already)

2. Kids and liquids should stay together (away from aforesaid equipment) and in an enclosed area covered in easy-to-wipe-down plastic.

3. Maturity and a cool temper are critical attributes for 30-something mom. Work on it.

An early birthday celebration

Ads' class held a joint birthday celebration for all the kids whose birthdays fell in the summer months (July and August). There are 13 kids all born in July/August of 2003/4/5/6. Parents could volunteer to prepare a dish and bring it to class to be served as part of the birthday celebration. I brought a fruit salad. M-i-l and Y and I landed up to observe the proceedings. Ads didn't seem too thrilled to see us, as I had suspected. Everytime I smiled at him, he would put a finger to his lips and mouth "Stop". After a few instances of this, I got thoroughly irritated with him and stopped looking in his direction. Notably, he was asked to "do the calendar" - read out the date, day, month and year and before he went up to do this, he looked at me and said "You don't look".
Our resident bully was quiet as a mouse in the classroom. I barely heard his voice. What a transformation!