Friday 18 November 2011

Recent pet peeves

  1. Kids running upto the convenience store in our condos, halfway through playtime, and buying 1 large bag of Lays chips, each, everyday. No kidding. I see the same kids doing this everyday, and there are a lot of them!
  2. Aunties and uncles whom I don't know, commenting on Y's skinny appearance and glasses and dispensing free advice on how to correct both. 
  3. Kids not saying hello and not acknowledging my hellos. My kids do it too! I've been prodding Ads for 5 years to say please, thank you, and hello and even now he doesn't do it a lot of the time without some prompting. How long is it going to take???? 
  4. Lavish birthday parties and even lavish-er return gifts. Cakes are being cut in class and gifts to each of the 25 children distributed then and there. This is separate from the birthday party to which all the kids are invited and from where Ads returns with laden sacks of goodies. I'm going to have a chat with his class teacher as soon as I can. What happened to old-fashioned, simple birthday celebrations?
  5. Other kids calling my son Idiot, patla, buddhu. I'd go on but what's the point. They also call other children these same names but obviously it hurts when they say such things to your own child. My kids would never dream of calling anybody such names - it's a simple thing to teach your child not to, y' know. It's called manners. Sadly, meeting a well-mannered child has become, for me, a ca(u)se for hope. Or maybe I should say, a hopeless cause!
So these are my top reasons to crib this season. What's yours? I'm disappointed and appalled at parenting standards. Is it me, or is it Gurgaon, or what is it?


  1. point 1: gosh!! really? I hope the parents know? On second thoughts, it is even more appalling if the parents know and not do anything about it..
    point 2: I hear you! I wish we could say "mind your business" on their face!
    point 3: hmmm...maybe this part can be ignored as growing up problems..???
    point 4: am scared..I don't plan to host such parties every year and I hope am not a guest to such parties too!
    point 5: I totally feel your pain. Maybe i have mentioned this in my previous comment too. Bullying and getting bullied is a serious matter, though I don't exactly know when and at what level should the panic button be pressed. One part of me wants to hit back at the other kid on behalf of R and the other part wants me to let R learn to deal with it.
    I really don't know if and whether we are going wrong somewhere..sorry am not being helpful at all..

  2. kids are not all innocent and fun :(. sadly.don't if it just the kids or the parenting or gurgaon - but kids can be mean, can't they - they say the first thing that comes to their mind - having said that I have seen a lot of parents who make sure the kid is well behaved in front of certain people, and never mind behind their backs or others - so it's not just lack of teaching manners - but double standards in the lessons imparted!

  3. Goodness!

    Children eating junk food, I can only blame the parents :( I have seen parents giving Pepsi to 9 month olds - is it a surprise that the child grows up to demand it whenever he can?

    Aunties and Uncles giving advice need a dose of 'None of your business' to be given back to them!

    Thankyous and pleases - they learn from us. Daughter has been saying them since she was 1 - but then I have had people telling me that I am bringing up an 'Angrez'.

    Lavish parties - that is one thing we don't see too much here - it is quite normal - so far. But seeing pics on FB of the parties in India - I am sure I will have plenty of tales this time next year.

    Calling children names - I think parents are to blame here as well. Funnily I don't see it happening in daughter's school.. But I remember such name calling when I was in school - and it hurts when we are the victim(I speak from experience) :( It is a very simple thing to teach, but what can we do when some parents don't feel the need to teach basic manners?

  4. Aparna - I doubt the parents don't know that they eat so much chips - they are giving the kids money to buy it! How can they not know! Just put up an article on childhood obesity on some bboard at your complex! Seriously - help them!
    Goodness - I don't miss that part - when I was in India for a visit I got so much free advice on what/how to feed KB so he won't be so thin. Even what kind of spoon to use!
    Manners - even if parents say hello/thank you, sometimes I feel kids are so zoned out in their own world...not all of them mean to be ill mannered but they are just dreaming half the time.
    Bullying - good grief?! Where are the parents when their kids say such things?!!!
    Party - you know my feelings about this one. I would die if I were in India and had to host such lavish parties. I seriously have no clue about this new India - when I was there, no such things.

  5. @Uma: Point 1: I am sure they know, or they decide to turn a blind eye. I heard almost exactly the same story from a friend in Hyderabad.
    Point 2 : I wish too...but I won't...I am way too polite and I would feel rude if I told them to mind their own business....that's the way I am :((
    Point 3: Naah!! :)
    Point 4: Don't worry - its completely up to us - but just that our kids too get influenced by all the lavishness and may ask us for similar things, which we shall of course politely refuse to give them! But u may be forced to be a guest, can't avoid that :))
    Point 5: Yup so far it has not been bullying, just name-calling and as I mentioned they do it to other kids too, not just mine. Its not something new, even when we were growing up it used to happen, however I did do a double take when I heard a "Bloody B****d" floating up to the 6th floor!!!

  6. @Yuvika, that's true, such parents exist, and kids are MEAN!!!!! Gosh! But in general, teaching manners seems like a low priority. Maybe it was always so. Maybe I am noticing it only now because I am trying to teach my kids to be well-mannered.

  7. @Smitha: I can't give it back to people - it's very hard for me - I just bite back my anger and frustration and later rant on the blog :)
    Thankyous and pleases - yes they learn from us - but sometimes they take a long time to do it! I think my husband and I must be two of the politest people on the planet but Ads still has to be reminded to say the 'magic' words. I think, as noon said, sometimes they are in their own world. I know for sure that Ads is most of the time quite zoned out and thinking about his wild animals and superhero concoctions.

  8. @Noon: Agree that kids may be zoned out that they forget the basic niceties. Ads for sure is dreaming half the time.
    Parties - well as I commented earlier, its up to us. You know that Ads had no party this year. He was fine with it. I also know some parents who have simple parties/no parties. Its just that sometimes our child goes to some such event and comes back with loaded goody bags and then goes to another party and asks "why am I getting only 1 return gift?" - this actually happened last week with Ads.

  9. Manners and don't tell me about it. My 4.5 year old asks me why does anna (a neighbor boy) use idiot and Stupid and you tell me not to use it. Sometimes explaining them is such a huge deal.
    I swear eating chips day in and day out, what are we getting the kids upto. They have started childhood obesity awareness in my daughter's school and there are wellness checkups.
    Lavish parties are good may be like a 5th year or 10th year or some important milestone. I see this happening in our complex as well. This is especially with the single kid parents mainly.
    So true about your last para, a well mannered kid is so rare these days. Arrogance, stubborn kids are mostly what you get to see. I keep repeating the 3 magic words from Barney and ask the kids to use it and mainly mean it.

  10. Oh my comment could turn into longer than your post on this one ;).. let me try to make it short..

    Haven't come across 1 because of not staying in an apartment maybe, cannot understand this at all, and compare these to my poor kids whom I literally dole out items like chips to!
    2 - Who hasn't come across this? I wish a polite but pointed reply strikes me just then, but no such luck!
    3 - Same problem as yours, I could probably compete with you on politeness, and you would think examples would help, no!?!
    4 - Seem to be out of the party scene, apparently I should be thankful !
    5 - I have heard mild stuff like buddhuram even passing between D & S :O !! Blame it on TV, school .. i try my best to explain that it's hurtful :(.

    Nice peeve recap that was Aparna :)

  11. I see the pain points are similar everywhere. Just yesterday we had an argument (within the moms group) in the complex about some kid who had been using the "F" word. Some moms dismissed it saying kids would use it whether or not we tell them not to and the only thing to do is damage control - make sure they don't do it in mixed company, in front of elders etc etc. I felt this was wrong. Instead of telling them that using swear words is not necessarily cool and its not nice, we are just making sure they hide it from other people?

  12. Don't worry too much about the kids not saying hi, please and thank you. It seems to take a lot of effort - daughter, the nicest person I know only started saying an unprompted hi recently. She's 8.5. We have been prompting it like robots for several years now - 'D, say hi to aunty' in that 'talk to children' voice!

    Just keep at it, it does come....sometime. Ish. Son used to say 'sorry-please-thank-you' when he knew he had to say one but wasn't sure which one. It sticks at some time so long as we do it consistently at home.

    Our generation of parents is a class apart. And I mean that with complete sarcasm.

  13. Ouch! I know raising kids can be tough, and every post like this makes me realise all the little things that go into it.

    We don't have kids yet, and would love to have them. Fortunately the kids we know happen to be very obedient and well brought-up. I hope I am able to do the same with my kids. :)

  14. Agree, again, with all your points!


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