Tuesday 7 December 2010

Ads tantrum, and mine

I'd be a fab mother if I was more patient = less short-tempered.
Yeah, that's the ONLY reason I'm NOT a fab mother yet :(
Whom am I kidding?!!
That apart, being more patient, more zen, less liable to fly off the handle, has to be a good thing in itself. I know this. The constant struggle to get there, and the more-or-less constant failures, make me suspect that I'm simply not trying hard enough. My kids aren't angels, but they are pretty good kids; and I always feel I'm shortchanging them just a little bit by not being a little more angelic myself.
Last evening, I really lost it with Ads. The time between 6 and 7.30 pm is when a casual visitor sees my family at it's worst :) We are just back from the park, the kids are hungry, they have to have their baths, and mommy is just terribly tired and waiting for the day to end. Some days I just feel pretty pissed off because I know that after the kids are in bed, I can't kick back with a book or TV but have to sit down and slog at my books for a couple of hours, and THAT is my free time (yeah I dug my own grave with this diploma)
Anyway, so all three of us are whiny :) Ads is generally the whiniest of all. He has this thing nowadays where he has to come first in everything. So if I am talking about him and his sister to someone else, I cannot and should not say "Yukta and Advaith" - EVER. It has to be "Advaith and Yukta". Hugs - he has to be hugged first, before Y. Ditto for kisses. Mealtimes - he needs to be served before Y. I've gone along with this OCD-type behaviour, knowing it's just a phase that will peter our sooner rather than later. Yesterday, Y wanted to bathe first too, and given that she was filthy after having rolled around in the grass and mud at the park, I asked Ads for "permission" to bathe her first. He said no. I reasoned, saying that she never asks to be first and she's pretty dirty so can we please bathe her first. Predictably, he started whining even more and maybe if I'd handled it more calmly, we could have reached an amicable conclusion. As it was, I was too tired to argue with him. Irritated, I told him that since he cries and throws a huge tantrum at this time everyday anyway, could he please go into his room and cry and not bother us since I was going to bathe Y first. He threw a fit, started crying loudly, much to Y's mystification. At first I ignored him and when I could take the noise no longer, gave him a piece of my mind (which did not help, but it was good to vent!) He protested by removing all his clothes and staying stark naked for 10 minutes (it's cold nowadays!), consequently making me feel horribly guilty. He has had his TV privileges removed for the next few and doesn't seem too bothered about it.
I'm still feeling terrible about losing it for what, in the cold light of day seems like (and was in fact) a pretty trivial reason. I certainly wish I had handled his tantrum in a mature way instead of throwing one myself and setting a lousy example. But what are these incidents but steps to a purer, higher self? :) Thanks to yesterday, I have been a super-good mom today, but then it's not 6 pm yet :)


  1. OMG - that sounds just like me after:
    1. Getting kids ready for school
    2. Getting kids ready for bed
    3. Getting their meals down
    4. Getting ready to go anywhere..

    You get the idea :).. Don't worry you are not alone - I am sure there are dozens of brilliantly patient parents/moms out there, but there are sure quite a lot in our category too ;) - it does mean we need to work on our patience - it's so irritating to think of ways to have solved the problem amicably a few hours after the event :(.
    One suggestion for bathtime - you can try starting Ads on having his own bath - obviously not a thorough job but they enjoy doing it and gives us a break :).

  2. hi aparna, the idea is good, i generally do let him splash around by himself but don't want to do it during winter. he's going to take too long in the bathroom and its BRRRR right now.


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