For years, I’ve known how I wanted to mark my 50th birthday. I’m not a big partier, but I do love to travel, so I asked my closest friends to give me a birthday gift - of their precious time. A weekend or more, so that we could go on a fun trip and make some wonderful memories. Everyone was on board and quite enthusiastic, and in late 2024, I started planning those (multiple) trips in earnest.
Around the same time, I began to notice that my daily gratitude practice was evolving and deepening, and one of the things I was consistently thankful for was my relationships with family, friends, colleagues, and neighbors. The idea of writing a thank you letter to all the important people in my life as a way of honoring my journey and the people who have been an important part of it began germinating in my head.
The Universe has a way of responding to our thoughts and intentions, and it so happened that on my morning walk, one of my favorite podcasters was interviewing a woman called Nancy Davis, who had written a book called “The Thank You Project” which was about the exact same idea I’d just had! Nancy Davis wrote 50 thank-you letters to the important people, places, and things in her life, to mark her 50 years on earth. She wrote thank-you letters to cities she’d lived in and loved, musicians she admired, and even people who’d passed away.
That seemed like a bit too much work! 50 letters! I dismissed it out of hand. And then what would I do to mark my 60th birthday?!! Even before reading Nancy’s book, I had decided to use the following criteria to decide who would get a letter. It had to be someone I’d known at least for a couple of decades, someone who’d had a big impact on my life, someone whom I was very fond of. I used the AND operator instead of OR, as the latter would have created a fairly large list. I would have had to quit my job and write letters full-time! The names of some terrible bosses and toxic friends come to mind if we are talking about a lasting impact on my life:)
My final list consisted of 14 people. I decided that each of them would get a handwritten and heartfelt thank-you letter. Husband, kids, parents, and sibling got automatic spots (somewhat like US college legacy admissions!). Along the way, the handwritten part was discarded, and I settled for a calligraphy font, nice paper, and signing my name at the end. For my friends, I also included a couple of snapshots of us together.
The experience of crafting these letters was intensely therapeutic. Finding things to write about was not a problem. Broadly, I would mention how I had met this person, our shared experiences, and how this person had helped/shaped/inspired me. I ended each letter with a wish or positive affirmation and some hopes for our future time together.
The time I spent thinking of that person, funnily enough, became its own prayer of thanksgiving, an unexpected meditation of sorts that made this project a labor of love in the truest sense.
Letters to my parents and my kids were obviously the hardest to write. The material was too much, there was too much to say, and I was tearing up before I had written five lines. I gave myself 4 months to finish all the letters (giving ample buffer time for the emotional labour involved :)). As it happened, it took longer; I started in January and finished only in June.
Was it fun? Yes, it was fun, and funny, and sad. Lots of feelings and memories came up (good and bad, free therapy!) I was relieved, happy, and even more grateful when I finished. I will hand over the letters with no expectation other than that they will be read. I think of the project as a gift to myself rather than to the recipients of the letters.
I have a copy of all the letters, and it’ll be nice to read them over every now and then and savor my incredible good luck. I will have a longer list of people to write to if I make it past another decade!
